Medical Exam Concern

[ThunderBird2000]

I have my DoDMERB physical exam scheduled. Because I am still 17, my provider said I have to bring a parent with me, and they'll be sitting in the room during the exam. Will the doctor discuss my entire medical history with my parent, including drug use? I experimented with marijuana two summers ago, but my parents do not know. I regret doing it and never plan to do it again, but it was still a mistake. I'm worried that my parents will find out what I did because of this exam. Does anyone have any insight into this? Thank you!

 

[Capt MJ]

I have my DoDMERB physical exam scheduled. Because I am still 17, my provider said I have to bring a parent with me, and they'll be sitting in the room during the exam. Will the doctor discuss my entire medical history with my parent, including drug use? I experimented with marijuana two summers ago, but my parents do not know. I regret doing it and never plan to do it again, but it was still a mistake. I'm worried that my parents will find out what I did because of this exam. Does anyone have any insight into this? Thank you!

You’re worried your parents will - what? Be disappointed? Yes, they will, and since you love them and they love you, you hate to be the cause of that. You are not perfect. They know that. They were not perfect. They may have done, and most likely did, things that they now regret when they were your age. If you all have a healthy, normal relationship, there will be upset, maybe some tears and angry words, but then they will still love you and you them.

Consider this approach. Since presumably you reported this in your online forms, get out ahead of this. Pick your time, tell your parents calmly and matter-of-factly, “Mom, Dad, I did a stupid kid thing. I need you to listen and hear me out, and I will answer any question you want to ask. I tried marijuana twice, about (time) ago, and never again since. It was wrong, I’ve regretted it, and made a promise to myself not to be influenced to do that kind of thing again. I was honest about experimental usage on my DoDMERB form, and I intend to be honest if it comes up at my physical, and all subsequent occasions when the question is asked. That is how you raised me, to be honest and own my actions. I apologize to you for having upset you.”

The military won’t be surprised by this at all. You will feel tremendously better, and won’t have to worry about the physical. Telling the truth in medical histories and security clearance questionnaires is important, as you will be asked again and again. You won’t have to remember what you told whom.

They will still love you.

Now, I will caveat this. If you are in a home where physical violence is a norm, you do what you have to to stay safe.

 

[jaglvr]

when my DS did his he was 17 and I was NOT in the room. my DD goes the 17th and i was not expecting to be in the room either.

 

[jaglvr]

I have my DoDMERB physical exam scheduled. Because I am still 17, my provider said I have to bring a parent with me, and they'll be sitting in the room during the exam. Will the doctor discuss my entire medical history with my parent, including drug use? I experimented with marijuana two summers ago, but my parents do not know. I regret doing it and never plan to do it again, but it was still a mistake. I'm worried that my parents will find out what I did because of this exam. Does anyone have any insight into this? Thank you!

maybe it will be like my kids’ well visit... they kick the folks out during a bit...

 

[OfficerToBe750]

Same. Our candidate is also under 18. I knew we'd need to be there to sign forms but I assumed I would not be in the room for the actual exam. I guess protocol varies depending on the practitioner.

 

[Capt MJ]

The age can vary by state, purpose of visit, and whether the young adult is emancipated.

Do some research on your state regulations.

 

[EEBTTF]

I agree with @Capt MJ - instead of worrying about if your parents will be in the room, use this as an opportunity to get it off your chest. I'm sure you disclosed this on your questionnaire so go ahead and start talking about it. You don't want the first discussion about this to be with a selection Board/Interview.

 

[MullenLE]

All valid comments.
Protocols vary state by state and physician by physician or corporation.
THIS entire PROCESS is a time of transition. You are ready to commit and dedicate your life towards selfless service. Though easier said than done, given what you, Thunderbird 2000 have said, both YOU and your PARENTS need to accept that fact. Hence, paragraph 4 of my reference document. I get flak and praise every single day for it. BUT, while I am not THE or YOUR parent, I have 28 years of experience in watching the commotion and gratefulness of parents across the spectrum. Not scientific, but approximately 90% satisfaction/10% dissatisfaction. The latter is more a reflection of the parental failure to "let go" by being behind the bike if you fall, but allowing you to fall after they have taught you well enough how to ride the bike:

Google "DoDMERB." Hit the "Questions on the process" link. Paragraph 4 =

J= Smile

4. While this is an Applicant Reference Guide, the operative word is “applicant.” We’ll help youJ APPLICANTS ONLY (If your parents read this part, you’ll know why I wrote it this wayJ) – This is YOUR future, YOUR application, and it needs to be YOUR decision. Parents are very useful in providing YOU sage advice and counsel…in the background…say again, IN THE BACKGROUND. YOU should take all actions regarding YOUR application. If YOU are offered an appointment to one/more Service Academy and/or are awarded a scholarship to an ROTC Program(s), guess what? Your parents do NOT get to attend with YOUJ While the Service Academies and ROTC programs have bunk beds--- those are for your roommates, not your parents! Therefore, this process begins that transition of YOUR independence. Again, they can assist YOU, but YOU should be the lead on all application actions. They should be like the military guidon bearer --- YOU are the Commander and they should be one step to the right and one step behind YOU. They can discuss anything and everything with YOU, just not DODMERB. Go easy on them. This will NOT be an easy thing for them to do…to start to let go.J

PARENTS: While I’ve emphasized the above to a fault, I can only share with you my vast experience in this area. Your wisdom will be deeply appreciated by your son or daughter, but the “action” part of this exercise is best for all, when the applicant takes direct ownership of THEIR process, with Admissions, Congressional Nominations, DoDMERB, etc.J

 

[Cayenne-Ann Mom]

Anyone in Texas know if parent has to be present? My son has his exam scheduled but didn’t mention we had to be there.

 

[MullenLE]

When your son called to schedule his appointment and/or in the instructions on DoDMETS, it will stipulate if a parent is required to accompany a minor...so ask your son

 

[ArmySon-NavyFan]

4. While this is an Applicant Reference Guide, the operative word is “applicant.” We’ll help youJ APPLICANTS ONLY (If your parents read this part, you’ll know why I wrote it this wayJ) – This is YOUR future, YOUR application, and it needs to be YOUR decision. Parents are very useful in providing YOU sage advice and counsel…in the background…say again, IN THE BACKGROUND. YOU should take all actions regarding YOUR application. If YOU are offered an appointment to one/more Service Academy and/or are awarded a scholarship to an ROTC Program(s), guess what? Your parents do NOT get to attend with YOUJ While the Service Academies and ROTC programs have bunk beds--- those are for your roommates, not your parents! Therefore, this process begins that transition of YOUR independence. Again, they can assist YOU, but YOU should be the lead on all application actions. They should be like the military guidon bearer --- YOU are the Commander and they should be one step to the right and one step behind YOU. They can discuss anything and everything with YOU, just not DODMERB. Go easy on them. This will NOT be an easy thing for them to do…to start to let go.J

PARENTS: While I’ve emphasized the above to a fault, I can only share with you my vast experience in this area. Your wisdom will be deeply appreciated by your son or daughter, but the “action” part of this exercise is best for all, when the applicant takes direct ownership of THEIR process, with Admissions, Congressional Nominations, DoDMERB, etc.J

The information from Mr. Mullen (apologize if it is Dr.) is something that I have learned from the SAF and has really helped me through the process. I have seen DS pick up his efforts with less "advice and counsel" from us. He has really taken ownership of this process and gotten excited about the prospects. His DODMERB is up next and other than helping him with his medical history (which we keep the records), the plan is to stay out of it. However, we would want to know that he has done anything like the above. As parents, we don't expect perfection! There are many good candidates in here and I'm sure on the Yard, that have made mistakes in their young lives (much like we did).
Based on the great decision that you are making and the positive direction in your life that this indicates, the wise Captain MJ is correct that the best thing would be to come clean and admit that you made a mistake; however, every situation is different and this is another challenge that you will have to navigate. There have been situations with our boys that have required difficult conversations and everybody felt better to get them out on the table.
Good luck on your path.

 

[MullenLE]

Concur. Our honor and privilege to serve