Nomination Essay

[justin_112]

Hello,
I am looking for some pointers for my essay. The prompt was why do you want to be an officer? Can you please give me some advice?

The United States makes a great deal to show that everyone has the right to live the life they want. This means that people’s rights are at the heart of America’s identity. I made it my goal to become an officer in the United States Military because I want to be at the forefront of the fight for all people to be respected as the individuals they are. As a child, my parents wanted me to have an education in English so that I would be perfectly bilingual. They believed this would give me better opportunities for the future and they were right. However, laws in Quebec made that impossible for me. Defeated, we reasoned that the only way for me to be bilingual would be to attend school in America. We moved many hours away from our entire family just to give me a shot at an education that would benefit me in the future. Rather than going to school five minutes away from home, I had to drive almost an hour every day, back and forth, to get the education I wanted. I had to cross the border at 5 am every day just to get the same opportunity as everyone else to learn in a language they understand. That is why I went to school in the United States.

Being an officer would allow me to make sure that the basic rights of people all around the world are respected. All over the world, people’s rights are being trampled and I cannot watch this happen without doing anything. The rights to education, liberty, and democracy are sadly not universal for all, and I believe that we all need to do something about it. I see my role in this fight to be one of real action. To be in the field and actively helping out the people who truly are being put down because of who they are. May it be women in the Middle East, Christians and Jewish people in Africa, or anyone else who needs help, I want to help everyone be who they believe they are. The United States has adopted me as the beacon of hope that it is, and I feel it to be my duty to do to others what this great nation has done for me. Being an officer in the United States Military will allow me to do all of this. On the field, I will be able to enact real change that will actively change people’s lives forever. I will represent America as that beacon of hope it is, and I will make sure everyone knows that the United States supports their quest for the advancement of their quality of life the same way it did for me.

 

[Academician]

These are always difficult to evaluate without knowing more about your résumé. I think you should touch on the motivation, but also your 'confirmation' of your pursuit. In other words, what do you plan to pursue as an officer? How have you explored the career? Do you know the life of a cadet / midshipman? How have you pushed to fulfill the requirements to become a cadet in the areas of academics, athletics and leaderships? You don't necessarily need to cover all of these points, but some will help.

As noted by other previously in this forum, try to write the essay that no one else can write. One aspect of your unique story is crossing the border to attend US schools. I bet there is more to the story.

Best of luck with your writing!