Any parents of rooks out there?
Rook week is over and classes began today. My DS is definitely struggling with rook life. I know this is totally normal but man, it's tough to hear how beaten down he feels. He's a tough kid, great student, disciplined, and was so excited to start this lifestyle. All of that is gone right now. He says the PT is easy and he's got a great roommate. It's the cadre that is relentless with all the yelling & lambasting that's wearing him down. He watched his roommate get yelled at for like 3 minutes for a small mistake. Yesterday my DS got yelled at for cracking a smile at something funny. I know this is all par for the course - I'm just trying to put it all in perspective.
Rook Arrival Day had a common theme throughout - don't quit! At the time, I didn't have the slightest concern that he would want to. Now I see him sliding down that slippery slope and I don't know what to say to encourage him. It'll end soon? The yelling doesn't mean anything? It'll get better? I don't even know if any of that is true.
I'm hoping (praying) as classes start up - and he's in the dorms less - that he'll get enough space to clear his head and find his spark again. The good news is, the campus chapel is a safe haven where no yelling is allowed. He said he'll be going there a lot
My wife and I had a very similar experience 3 years ago. Our son was described by his HS friends as the "toughest" kid in their group, and they all thought they were tough. He had his heart set on becoming an officer, had a scholarship in hand, and was looking forward to playing his sport at Norwich. Had the world by the handles. Then he arrived on campus and things changed. The reasons for his reactions may have been a bit different: a miserable ending of a long-distance relationship, athletic season cancelled, and covid lockdowns. The results were the same: Anxiety, questioning, even regretting his decisions. It hurt to hear it in his voice or read it in his letters.
For most, the Rook experience yields exactly what it's intended to--a feeling of accomplishment that you've just done something that few other young people would ever choose to do, much less make it through. The difficulty of it all promotes strong bonds among brother and sister Rooks, and leaves the Rooks feeling that they can easily face the rigors ahead, academic, personal, and military.
A few others aren't quite equipped for the rigor for whatever reason. They take the yelling a bit too seriously, homesickness becomes unbearable, the worry of tomorrow morning's wake-up clouds their view of the long-term gain and the long-term goals they set just a few months before.
Some quit before they get the chance to celebrate Rook Recognition. Others spend time in the chapel, seek counseling with the chaplain, pull together with friends, take it one day at a time, and go on to graduate and eventually say the same thing that most graduates of SA's and SMC's say "It was a tough place to be, but a great place to be from."
The trick as a parent is to know when the anxiety is perfectly normal and requires a tough-love approach, and when it may indicate a slide toward depression. That's always difficult, but especially from a distance. I wish I could provide more help with that. My wife and I weren't, and you likely aren't any better prepared to recognize the difference than our kids were prepared for the culture shock.
Our son's now a senior. He kicked butt at Advanced Camp this summer, is well-adjusted to Norwich, loves the local ski slopes, and seems well on his way to a solid degree and commission. He still occasionally wonders why he didn't take his scholarship to State Party U, but he can smile when he admits that.
Best wishes to you.
and would welcome any random memories or suggestions such as ...if I had rookdom to do all over again I would have would/wouldn't have wished/wished I hadn't...