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On the theory that there are no "dumb" questions: Being from California and not having excessive time off from work, (nor an overflowing bank account) how do "most" parents handle I-Day v. Parents' weekend? I will be out of the country on I-Day and knew this going into it that this might be a possibility. I had thought I'd go to Parents' weekend only, but everyone keeps saying, "See you on I-Day". I realize the struggle will be like this for the next 4 years, but just looking for ideas from other long-distance parents. Thanks in advance. (If this should go on another thread, please feel free to re-route me).
Money is ----money, some times you just have to adjust around it if you can't go you can't go. With that said, I have this input addressing "The Possible"
I'm going to assume your DS/DD is a fairly normal 17-18-19 year old, leaving home for the first significant period of time.
The best analogy I can think of at the moment is a kid learning to swim. This kid is exceptional, he/she has chosen against the standard course of lessons at the community pool. No beginning in the warm shallow end and advancing over weeks to swimming the length of the pool. Nope, this kid has chosen to jump off a dock into dark cold water of a lake where he/she can't touch bottom. This swim course the kid picked doesn't allow them to reach back toward the dock after they jump in either. Instead, the kid has to swim alone 50 yards out into the water to a floating platform where (if they make it) you are allowed to await their arrival with congratulations.
So what do you and the kid get out of walking them to the end of the dock?
You don't get much time with your kid at I-Day, and my daughter had very little to offer by way of interaction in the short time we did have with her. That's OK, I think you are there at I-Day to bear witness to the jump off the dock. You're there to support the kid up to the instant before the jump; and to share that last moment of being Dad or Mom to a child, (the changes come real fast and at great distance---he/she will be less a child by PPW). Speaking just for myself, attendance at I-Day was meant to show my daughter that her Mom and I would follow her as far as we possibly could to support her; that we were proud of her and that we envied the journey she had in front of her. ITS A ROUGH DAY, but it is a unique day that will never happen again; I am more a "Dad" than a "Daddy" now.
PPW is more about success, celebration, and anticipation of the school year. I got to see my kid again, celebrate her successful swim through Plebe Summer to the floating platform. It’s a good weekend and you get to spend time together. In our case mostly spent in the hotel room watching movies and an impractical jokers marathon.
Great time, not to be missed, but for me the memories of I-Day are much stronger.
I-Day Waiting in line in the morning wasn't much and the kid is gone all day (you don't see them),--------- but just those 30mins on the lawn before marching into Bancroft are just burned into my memory. I can see her holding herself together until she was alone with Mom and then bursting into tears. She didn't feel sorry for herself, or regrets, she wasn't frightened, it was just the enormity of the 'step function' change in her life that overwhelmed her. I clearly remember her standing in ranks to march into Bancroft; she kept stealing glances back at her Mom and I, looking like she was getting on a flight to Mars and would never see us again.
I remember looking at her there in ranks with all her classmates "eyes forward" waiting to march into Bancroft worried about how she'd do over the next 6 weeks. A young woman behind her was doing a great job of looking stoic, but she was let go a barely audible whimper. With all those Plebes locked eyes forward around her nobody moved, silence waiting for the order to march, then----MY KID--- turns to look back and reaches out to touch this girl on the arm and smiles, ("I see you shipmate, we are in this together").
I was so proud of her, and I will have that memory forever. I don't know what other parents remember from I-Day, and its just a day or two of anticipation followed by those 30 short minutes-------but that son/daughter will never "jump off a dock" as that little kid again.
As crappy as parts of it are, I'd choose I-Day, not for what you get to do, but for what it means. That said, I wouldn't choose. If I absolutely couldn't go I Day, I'd spread the experience around. Send an older sibling, a grandparent, a favorite uncle, make your significant-other go solo, split up I-Day and PPW (one parent to each)---- whoever accompanies DD/DS to IDay gets to have the bond of being there to support and witness "the jump off the dock" for what will be a world class swimmer (hell, ask Me to go!!).
Other stuff:
- I found that I got to meet more plebe parents in the 1.5 days in Annapolis before I-Day than on PPW. Amazing kids usually have amazing parents. I-Day and meeting other plebe parents was the thing that finally got my wife fully on board with the USNA experience.
- If you can't swing a family escort to I Day for your kid. RIGHT NOW, find your local USNA Parents Association, attend their next meeting (there should be lots going on right about now) and let them know that your DD/DS will be going to I-Day solo. Ask that someone get your plebe a sandwich for those 30mins at the end of the day and a place for your DD/DS to sit, to be with someone, and hand her a cell phone to call you------you will be overwhelmed with volunteers, (BTW don't be too concerned about anything she says, It's not real life those first few days)