I am a 2% club member who would not recommend it (and my wife agrees)... I realize there is a lot to unpack there and it is difficult to explain. If we were to keep it to the high level points we communicated to our own DS, I would summarize the top 5 in no particular order:
1) BF/GF will be a distraction - there is no escaping this. Relationships are give and take. Any normal person will take into account the feelings and needs of their partner. This is a time in your life when it should be ok to be selfish and triple down on your own development and growth.
2) A civilian BF/GF can try to understand the world of a SA student, but it is truly impossible to fully grasp the demands on your time unless you are living it. Dating a fellow cadet/mid would at least eliminate this hurdle. Your HS friends who can come home on any given weekend set an expectation with the BF/GF that you too should be able to just be spontaneous and fly home for PROM or BIRTHDAY. Your course load is crushing and all consuming. Outsiders do not understand how even the quick text or FaceTime is taking away from MISSION GRADUATION.
3) It is unlikely there will be another 4 year period in your life that is this transformational. You are getting a degree from one of the top schools in the world. Your performance at this institution will drive your class order of merit which ultimately decides your career field and then finally your duty station. Without a laser focus on the goal, you could end up in a job role that is not your passion or in an area of interest. Your first role and assignment will play a significant role in whether you elect to stay or 5 and dive. Do you think it would be exciting to go to free fall school but the partner doesn't? Do you think it would be amazing to make Alaska your first duty station, but your partner doesn't? There are so many decisions happening in this short span of time that could have many different outcomes based on who you are trying to serve in that moment.
4) Your 20's should be a time of growth - personally in your career knowledge and through growing the network that will aid you in the rest of life's journey. Going from student, to graduate, to spouse, and potentially to parent in a very short period of time puts many other dominoes into play that begin to shape your next moves based on the new reality. Understand that the vast majority of your peers will not be getting married two weeks after graduation. What do those engagements look like as you start your journey in life as you try to establish those personal and professional relationships? There is the singles crowd, the dating crowd, and the married crowd. In many cases, those circles do not always mix and it may be limiting for you as a young couple in a foreign place as you seek to find community.
5) As a HS student from an average town, you may have exposure to 300 people you kinda know because you have occasional contact through sports or extracurriculars or class. There are millions of people on this planet and you have a ridiculously small sample size worth of exposure. You owe it to yourself to enter into this journey unencumbered. If you remain in contact with High School friends, and that relationship is still there over time, then that was likely meant to be. You should live a life on your own to experience that. Your partner should too. If the relationship is strong enough, it will be there once you figure out who you are when it is just you. 2% go from living with Mom and Dad, to living with a SA roommate, to living with their new spouse. You never have that opportunity to experience life with just yourself when the majority or the rest of the world did have that moment in time to learn who they were and what they wanted without the voices of others impacting those decisions.
How do you make it work? Both parties need to understand the longer range vision. The SA cadet/mid needs to understand that their individual goals need to remain #1 and you cannot be derailed. The partner needs to recognize this, but more importantly, they must accept this. It is in the best interest of the couple to have the cadet/mid graduate. Your future could potentially be radically different depending on the outcome of the mission. MISSION GRADUATION must be a mutual goal or everything else will fall apart because all decisions should be based on completing MISSION GRADUATION. The partner is either supporting or detracting from that mission. All to often, they are detracting and that is why there is a roughly 2% success rate. If it happens and you can make it work.... great - welcome to the club.
It can be done and if it is meant to last, it will, but to other's points here, it is best that you have that talk now. Best of luck.
