AROTC Has Not Gone As Planned or Hoped

[Dckc88]

Thank you for sharing your story. I think it is good for all of us to know this path is long and sometimes it doesn't go as originally planned or imagined and that in the end, it will be okay, even if the outcome looks very different than when these kiddos filled out a national scholarship application as a senior in high school. My daughter is learning that sometimes "adulting" is harder than advertised. Good luck to your son and to you as well.

 

[Mere2033]

I was your Son many years ago. I had lived many of my high school classmates dream but I "threw it all away" according to my parents but at the time I just didn't have it in me to continue so I left school, came home, started a few other things and eventually finished my college education. Fast forward many years, everything turned out good. Occasionally I think about what could have been but I still remember clearly how I felt at the time. I just didn't want to do it anymore. I only wish I had felt different back then but I didn't. I work with high school kids now and I feel have a great story to teach these kids.
In the end, good things will come out of this disappointing life event.

 

[NorwichDad]

I want to wish you and your son the best! Cant give any advice but to remind you that we parents are only along for the ride. Our grownup children sometimes have to make their hard choices in life. Many young people overcome mistakes and do real well. Sometimes it gives them extra motivation as they move on to their next phase. What ever he decides I think he will succeed. Maybe he does need a new start.

Good luck

 

[Future2LtMom]

If your DS is offered the option and enlists, there will be opportunities to complete his degree while on AD:
http://myarmybenefits.us.army.mil/H...al_Benefits_Page/Tuition_Assistance_(TA).html

There will be post-separation benefits:
http://www.benefits.va.gov/gibill/docs/pamphlets/ch30_pamphlet.pdf

There are many enlisted commissioning programs, if he decides he wants to return to that path.

It sounds like he has sound leadership skills. It may be he will take a roundabout path to his career.

He could be Sergeant Major of the Army one day...

It's a great sign you have good two-way communications.

Capt MJ, thank you for your kind and supportive words. I looked at those links and will definitely let DS know. (By the way, I like the sounds of the Secretary of the Army!!)

 

[Future2LtMom]

@informe
The mantra in our home is "Never Quit". However, we've learned over the years in raising our son that we have to temper that saying so that changing direction doesn't necessarily mean a person is quitting.

When he came home after bombing (and I mean BOMBING) the first semester of his Freshman year, he said he wanted to drop out of college and enlist. We did not tell him he couldn't do that, but we tried to explain what the life ramifications would be like if he did drop out, and encouraged him to keep the long-term big picture in view. We felt we would be enabling him if we let him think it was OK to "quit" the first time things got tough or didn't go his way. He decided to stick it out and he did great his 2nd & 3rd semesters.

The fourth semester was another bomb. We suggested that he might want to consider other options. He hated school, but he said he wanted to stay in. But when he told us this semester was yet another bomb, we let him know that it was OK to change directions, and that he shouldn't continue to self-sabatoge just because he was afraid of letting us down by being a "college dropout" (his words, not ours). He said he was embarrassed and felt he was letting us down. He couldn't care less what other people think, but it was tearing him up thinking he was disappointing us.

Did we make a mistake in not taking his views more seriously back in his freshman year? Don't know & may not ever know. But, that's the conundrum we face as parents. I'm still looking for the instruction manual that was supposed to come home with him from the hospital after he was born. I've never been able to find it....

 

[Capt MJ]

Capt MJ, thank you for your kind and supportive words. I looked at those links and will definitely let DS know. (By the way, I like the sounds of the Secretary of the Army!!)

Another point to consider is that enlisted personnel attend plenty of schools too, for their technical, professional and leadership training. Classroom hours, tests, hands-on training. He should be aware that's part of all military life.

 

[QA1517]

He said he also doesn't like sitting in a classroom listening to a lecture that drones on & on.

DS has sat thru plenty of these in the military. He will probably have to endure plenty of this as enlisted also.

 

[EOD/SEALmom]

Future2LtMom, I looked at some of your older posts and caught that your DS was in the gifted program in high school. A few of my kids are also considered "gifted" and as you are well aware these kids are just different. They think differently and they learn differently.

My oldest gifted kid (my non-military kid), loves art and is majoring in fine art in college. All through high school she barely passed the other classes - wouldn't do any homework all semester so she'd be carrying a D or F - but then would ace the final exam and end up with a C or D for the class. If the subject didn't interest her, she simply didn't care. Nothing we could do to get her to buckle down. When she took the ACT she scored a 34 - which made her SA/ROTC-aiming sister scream with rage, LOL.

My point is that it sounds like your son shares the same kind of mindset as my oldest. Things that interest him he excels at, and he simply cannot force himself to do well in things he doesn't enjoy.

There is no shame at all in enlisting. He will be happier doing what he loves. And at the end of the day that's what every parent wants - for our kids to end up happy in life.

Well, happy - and not living in our basements [emoji12]

 

[Jcleppe]

Did we make a mistake in not taking his views more seriously back in his freshman year?

I wouldn't beat yourself up over this one at all. Many kids have a tough time adjusting to college and getting them to work through it the first time they start to struggle is common. Sounds like he did much better the next two semesters so for a while it seemed to be working. We had the same situation with our older son, first two semesters were not bad but not stellar either, first semester of his sophomore year had him at about a 1.9 GPA at midterms. We had a nice heart to heart and laid out some of his options, he ended up back on track and finished that semester with a 3.4.

The difference here is that your son seems unhappy with being at college and it doesn't look like that will be changing soon. The fact that he wants to enlist and is still looking to fulfill his goals is so much better then if he just wanted to come home and "Find himself" for a while.

I know what you mean about the instruction manual, never found ours either. The best we can do is to support them and help guide them when we can. Your son doesn't seem like the type that wants to simply check out, but rather he has goals and drive that has just changed direction. The only advice I would give is to make sure you have a talk with him that enlistment will not always be action and adventure. Even in enlistment there will be classwork, studying and tasks that will seem extremely mundane.

Best of luck to him in the future.

 

[Future2LtMom]

Future2LtMom, I looked at some of your older posts and caught that your DS was in the gifted program in high school. A few of my kids are also considered "gifted" and as you are well aware these kids are just different. They think differently and they learn differently.

My oldest gifted kid (my non-military kid), loves art and is majoring in fine art in college. All through high school she barely passed the other classes - wouldn't do any homework all semester so she'd be carrying a D or F - but then would ace the final exam and end up with a C or D for the class. If the subject didn't interest her, she simply didn't care. Nothing we could do to get her to buckle down. When she took the ACT she scored a 34 - which made her SA/ROTC-aiming sister scream with rage, LOL.

My point is that it sounds like your son shares the same kind of mindset as my oldest. Things that interest him he excels at, and he simply cannot force himself to do well in things he doesn't enjoy.

There is no shame at all in enlisting. He will be happier doing what he loves. And at the end of the day that's what every parent wants - for our kids to end up happy in life.

Well, happy - and not living in our basements [emoji12]

Everything in your post hits the nail on the head with my kid! If he's interested in something, it's more like a passion (and sometimes borderline obsession). That's why I'm not really too worried about the classwork he's going to have to do in the military. He eats it up! (And, by the way, living on my couch would be "No bueno"!)

 

[AROTC-dad]

But, that's the conundrum we face as parents. I'm still looking for the instruction manual that was supposed to come home with him from the hospital after he was born. I've never been able to find it....

Even if they did supply a manual, the standardization is pretty lacking! (No MIL-SPEC).

I have four kids and every one is way different. The rule book changes for each kid. One is motivated by fear, the other by competition, the other just does what she is interested in! There is no telling what is in that box of chocolates!

Just getting all four into adulthood, let alone productive members of society is a major accomplishment.

College degrees are just a piece of paper. A happy and productive young adult who likes him or herself is the ultimate goal.

 

[ENwifeArmyMom]

Perhaps going in as an enlisted soldier will help him grow up and figure out what he needs in his life. There are still other opportunities to be an officer in his future after his is enlisted. My Dad retired after 30 years as a Warrent Officer, started enlisted, promoted to officer. There are many roads that can take your son where he wants to go. Good luck!

 

[SPM]

I share the pain in this post. DS is very close to graduating but for the past year seems to have fallen apart. We don't know why. He's only got 3 courses to go and GPA is still above a 2.5 but last spring was horrible and this fall is looking risky although not all grades are in yet. Summer courses were fine and he had seemed back on track this fall. He's already on extended time because of a change in major (approved) and on probation because of the spring. To be honest if it weren't for the ROTC commitment I would have had him take some time off after the spring fiasco. If ROTC tosses him then we probably will tell him to go work for a while. We already did the "take a loan" and we'll pay for what you pass option this fall. I wonder if he has really decided that the Army isn't for him and is unconsciously (or consciously?) self-sabotaging or if something else is going on. He was always my hard-working, conscientious one. I hate the thought of him starting life with $70K+ of debt but that seems the direction he's heading. I know that he's an adult and I need to walk that line of tough love. I just pray he finds his way.

 

[Future2LtMom]

I share the pain in this post. DS is very close to graduating but for the past year seems to have fallen apart. We don't know why. He's only got 3 courses to go and GPA is still above a 2.5 but last spring was horrible and this fall is looking risky although not all grades are in yet. Summer courses were fine and he had seemed back on track this fall. He's already on extended time because of a change in major (approved) and on probation because of the spring. To be honest if it weren't for the ROTC commitment I would have had him take some time off after the spring fiasco. If ROTC tosses him then we probably will tell him to go work for a while. We already did the "take a loan" and we'll pay for what you pass option this fall. I wonder if he has really decided that the Army isn't for him and is unconsciously (or consciously?) self-sabotaging or if something else is going on. He was always my hard-working, conscientious one. I hate the thought of him starting life with $70K+ of debt but that seems the direction he's heading. I know that he's an adult and I need to walk that line of tough love. I just pray he finds his way.

Hang in there, SPM. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[Future2LtMom]

Thru hard experience I can tell you that this is going to have to get resolved by your son. Among other things he needs to talk with the Professor of Military Science about relieving his obligation thru enlistment rather than paying the Army. And it definitely can be done thru enlisted service as opposed to payment, but it is something that the Army will decide. I personally know a young man who went thru this about 4 -1/2 years ago when he left school one month before what should have been his Graduation. The PMS recommended service in lieu of payment but it took 5 months for that to be approved and it was kind of nerve racking for him while he waited to find out if he owed the Army enlisted time or almost $120k. (And enlisting without getting it approved is a bad plan- it would take virtually all of his available income as a junior enlisted soldier for a very long time to pay back those kind of dollars).

Bruno, I have a follow-up question for you (don't know if you can help or not). You mentioned in your post that it took the young man 5 mos. to be approved to pay back $120K through service. My son found out he owes just under $17K. His battalion sent in his disenrollment packet to Cadet Command back in February (I believe it was around the 15th of the month). The PMS recommended service in lieu of payment, and they checked a box on the paperwork to indicate that DS was requesting an immediate order to active duty (rather than request deferred enlistment). The paperwork says that if you request an immediate order to active duty, Cadet Command is supposed to respond within 30 days of submission. Well, 30 days later on the dot, it got kicked back for a "clerical error" and instructed the battalion to correct the error and re-submit the packet. The packet was resubmitted the same day. So, assuming it started the 30-day clock over again, DS should have heard something right around Easter. However, DS has not heard a peep. He's contacted the HR person at his battalion a few times and is just repeatedly told that they haven't heard anything. The Army recruiter is now getting aggravated (to put it mildly), because everything is at a standstill until something comes through from Cadet Command. The recruiter called the HR person at the battalion to try and get a phone number where they can contact CC directly about this. The HR person told the recruiter that they didn't have a phone number (REALLY?! -- you've got to be kidding me). So, DS doesn't know if things have been received and are in process, or if his paperwork went into a black hole, never to be looked at by the "powers that be".

Do you happen to know if the person you talked about in your post ever had to contact CC about their disenrollment, or did they just sit and wait until they heard something? Thanks in advance for your input.

 

[bruno]

Im not sure how relevant that case would be to yours as it was quite a while ago, but I do know that the unit was pretty helpful and pushed it with a reasonable amount of vigor. They did tell him right up front that little would happen at Cadet Command till the end of the summer just because of the workload associated with Cadets graduating and scholarships being processed before start of the school year. I know that the young man didn't get confirmation of approval till he received orders calling him to AD until the end of November.

 

[Future2LtMom]

Im not sure how relevant that case would be to yours as it was quite a while ago, but I do know that the unit was pretty helpful and pushed it with a reasonable amount of vigor. They did tell him right up front that little would happen at Cadet Command till the end of the summer just because of the workload associated with Cadets graduating and scholarships being processed before start of the school year. I know that the young man didn't get confirmation of approval till he received orders calling him to AD until the end of November.

@bruno -- Thank you so much for getting back with me. I guess the old military adage of "hurry up and wait" is still alive and kicking.