Years ago my SIL asked how I could deal with the thought that Bullet may die and leave me alone with our young children.
I simply stated to her that I believed in FATE. I said if it was his day it was his day, and I could lock him in a closet, but he would still die. You must accept this as fact. You must realize like wdisneynut said people die crossing the street. Don't wrap yourself around the pole in fear when they go to the badlands, instead, hug and kiss them and believe you will see them soon. Most military members do not worry about themselves, they worry about those they have left behind.
As a parent, spouse or child, you need to come to terms with the fact that they love what they are doing and no matter what, if it is time, it is time. You will only find peace knowing that they enjoyed every second of their military life.
As far as ROTC. I was a wife of an AFROTC grad and now a Mom of an AFROTC cadet. Bullet did not apply for the AFA, but here's the deal...the further they are out of college the less it matters. When he was selected for PME (O-4) SISTER SCHOOL, not one out of his base had an SA degree. The SA's went to Maxwell and truth be known Sister School is seen as more prestigious.
When he went to FTU for the F-111 he was the DG, not the AFA grads. DG and number 1 are 2 different things....only 10% of grads will get DG, not every class has a DG, every class has a #1.
Bullet also was DG at SOS...yep, that lowly ROTC grad was ranked as the top 10% of officers.
You will always be asked the question "of how do you feel", regardless if your child is ROTC or SA.
The true misconception regarding ROTC and SA is that they weren't good enough to get into the SA. People don't realize that some purposely opt for traditional universities, and parents need to understand that this route is not a career killer.