My daughter is accepting her USNA offer, she just told her mother. Mom is very much against her going and this is really bothering my daughter.
We are not a family with career military history and our daughter is an only child so I do sympathize. There are many news articles describing a number of negative recent events, sexual misconduct, hazing,ect.
I choose to support my daughter completely, have any of you had a spouse who felt like my wife and how did it progress? I can do a balancing act but worry about their future relationship.
Several close family members were very much opposed to my daughter's desire to go to USNA (also an only child), for some of the same reasons your mentioned.
Certainly, sexual misconduct can happen, but I have asked my daughter, her roommates, several of her friends, and her "sponsor sisters" about their experiences. Though it is a small sample, their comments exactly mirror what Hurricane12 said. Alcohol use has been a contributing factor in the few instances that they know have happened.
The support system for Mids who have troubles of any kind is outstanding. In each company there is a whole chain of command of Firstie Mids who can help to resolve most problems. There are Senior Enlisted leaders (Navy Chief or Marine Gunnery Sergeant) and Company Officers in each company area as well. There are chaplains of virtually every possible faith background who will open their doors to Mids just about any time of day. Specifically w/r/t abuse/misconduct, their are Mids in each company who have volunteered to receive special training about sexual abuse prevention. They make it known who they are, they give briefings to remind their company mates about what is or is not abuse, and they generally try to raise awareness of limits.
This is not to say that abuse doesn't happen. However, I would be willing to bet that a lot more care and attention is given to prevention at USNA than at virtually any other college in the US. My grad school had a place to phone for rides and annual "take back the night" walks, because it was too dangerous for a woman to walk around at night alone. That's just not an issue on the Yard.
w/r/t the relationship between your wife and daughter, I would suggest that they have an adult to adult conversation to really listen to and show acceptance and respect for each other's position. However, it may be that the best they can do is to respectfully agree to disagree, at least for now. It is clearly your daughter's right to choose her career path; it is also completely understandable that a parent can have doubts and fears about their son or daughter's choices. So long as they are respectful to each other, airing differences could actually bring them closer together.
Best of luck to your daughter!