Please Don't Be That Parent

This seems to be where all the cool kids are hanging out, so I thought I’d join in…

I wholeheartedly agree with the advice from many of you who have stated it is the responsibility of the youngster to get things done. As parents we are to support and cheer lead, but at the end of the day it is their decision and their responsibility. As a parents we have to be careful that we don’t blur the lines. When we start acting like their agents and promoters then we’ve probably gone too far. We are each very proud of our children. That’s the easy part. The hard part is letting them go, but things will work out.

With that said, those of you who are quick to judge us new parents to this board…y’all need to take a chill pill. This is a forum for parents as much as it is for candidates, and other experts. We are here because we have questions about what’s going on, what we can do, what we should do to support our kids. That’s not a bad thing at all. When we get quickly criticized for being too involved when we ask questions about our kids and the process they’re going through, it sends a very unwelcoming message. If you really don’t want to answer parent questions, then make it clear this forum is NOT for parents. Otherwise, welcome us all and tolerate our questions.

I dare say we are all here for the same reasons. We all may have different views, but that’s the strength of this forum. I as a parent want to hear from other parents. I want to hear from experts. I’ve been lurking for a few months now, but recently decided to post. I’m choosing to participate because I, and my DD have specific questions, and we feel that in some small way that if we ask, there are others out there who will benefit from reading the responses. We are all here trying to figure things out together. We can do this!
 
+1 Brave.

There is no universal answer for this. Extremes exist in both directions. An extreme case for example, is General Douglas MacArthur's Mother deeming it necessary to move next to WP to make sure he kept his nose clean. On the other hand countless young folks got through SA's with no support or even opposition from their parents.

The right answer is unique to each individual and his or her family dynamics. If the parents meddle too much the result is natural selection. If the candidate does it all on his or her own and makes a blunder on DoDMERB it is also self selecting.

The sweet spot is really somewhere in the middle but closer toward a confident independent young person. Less is more.....like LITS and his passenger seat analogy....but it helps to have a brake pedal on that side too. ;)
 
Agree completely. My DD makes it very clear to me when I get to involved. She shuts me down real fast so there is no way I can overstep my bounds. However, there are areas I see well in advance she's not going to be able to navigate on her own and they are areas she's not really suppose to know at 17. There is a happy medium.
 
Letsdothis2 said:
Sadly, I have been told by many people, in various SA capacities to stay off of these forums due to misinformation and mean spiritedness. So, I learned to take it all with a grain of salt and pick and choose my information. I certainly have received some wisdom gems, and I've also felt the sting, many times.
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+1, Letsdothis2, during DS BGO interview I asked any questions I had and mentioned some of the information received. He said this forum represents about 5-10% of the TOTAL applicants to SA's, and to guide DS in his process and not worry about others. It made me feel tons better as son doesn't play football, he's an amazing student, loves theater, is more introvert in most situations. The BGO helped to alleviate that by saying "don't worry about the site!"
We ALL want our kids to succeed in their dreams and like someone said, whether I'm 40 or 90, I'm a mom willing to help.
 
Tap…… Tap …..is the microphone still on? Squeeeeeeeeeech


When my boys were younger, my whole family was heavily involved with Boy Scouts. I enjoyed the time with my sons and it kept me young. The troop asked me to be the scoutmaster for our large troop. But before I accepted, I asked my sons for their permission. It was important for me to have their support. Why? It would take time away from them. Their response, “If you can help others, go for it, there are scouts here who don’t have a father and we are happy to share you!” The tidal wave hit me, I held my pride back not to show my sons, under this hard candy coating is a soft chewy center.


I had two huge camps of families, on one side, to get your Eagle Scout Award as soon as possible and others who enjoyed the whole experience of the journey.


I had parents who would force themselves on me to propel their sons in their advancements as fast as they could. They would always tell me what their plans were for their kids and there was nothing that would stand in the way of “success”. (more on that later)


The other camp, the scouts would talk with me directly and as they grew, they learned how to talk with adults. And their maturity was beyond measure.


As the Scoutmaster, I had the privilege to interview the Scouts when they would advance in rank. When they advanced from Life to Eagle, I would always turn them back; nobody would pass their first time. This was a huge lesson learned; they dealt with a “set back” in their young lives for the first time in many cases! Up until now they always heard “yes”! I would ask them again to reach down and find why they wanted to be an Eagle Scout. When they returned for their second interview, the scout would have a deeper appreciation, a sense of pride of the work to reach this point.


Inevitably, parents would storm over to me and question my wisdom and approach. The other camp would witness the transformation of a child to a young man.


The families who quickly went through the program would never return to help and mentor new members of our troop, but the other camp knew the meaning and welcomed new members and mentored them through stewardship. And these Scouts were learning “servitude leadership.”


When you step in to be your child’s mouthpiece you steal from them the opportunity to succeed, fail, negotiate, communicate and learn how to be an adult! Success is not the same for everyone and has a different meaning, tempo and learning point.


I would always allow my sons to represent themselves. I would talk with them about their options and the pros-cons and consequences. However, their idea of success was far different than my idea of success for them. I never compared my sons to each other.


My success:

God

Country

Family

Always in that order


I’ve always been true to my wife during our whole marriage. If I can’t keep the most sacred promise in my life to my wife, how can I be honest with others? How could I teach my sons the value of honoring their mother? One day, they will have to teach their sons this same core value. I've always shown respect to my wife in front of them and treated her like the princess she is. They to will find a princess and will always need to respect her. My wife and I would conduct our disagreements in front of our kids, to teach them how to negotiate and come to an ending with love and respect for one another. Just because we need to have an emotional discussion doesn't mean its the end of our relationship, marriage, family and the world.

Push Hard, Press Forward


Let your kids fail to succeed! Its ok! They’ll survive and so will you.
 
My two favorite merit badges......Cooking and Personal Finance.

Cooking, a Scout learned how to provide sustenance for himself with out relying on going through the drive through. Personal Finance should have an age requirement. Money has a different meaning from a weekly allowance to mowing lawns to earn money and see a movie. Big life lessons that I think adults should read. How to stay out of debt!

Push House, Press Forward

Mic Drop.......Bonk squeeeeeeeeech
 
Padre101 said:
Last week, my DS's good friend, who is applying to the Naval Academy, went to visit the Admissions Office to resolve an issue with her transcripts (she went to several high schools overseas as an Air Force brat). While she was in the waiting area which is next to the receptionist's desk, she could overhear the phone calls to the Admissions Office receptionist.

This is some of what she heard.
----
First Caller: My son just got his congressional nomination. When will he receive his appointment in the mail?

Receptionist: Receiving his nomination is one step in the process. His application will be reviewed by an Admissions Board once it is complete.

First Caller: You mean an appointment isn't automatic?!?

------

Second Caller: My daughter just finished first place in a regional cross country meet and is the number one runner in our county. Can I speak to the women's cross country coach.

Receptionist: [Gives the number for the coach.] Please have your daughter contact the coach.

-----

In both cases, the receptionist asked for the name of the candidate, which she punched into a computer, and annotated some notes. The friend believes (can't be certain) that the receptionist was writing "Parent called in."

The friend could not believe parents would have the audacity to call the Admissions Office directly on behalf of their child. It's the candidates' job to contact Admissions. Talk about Helicopter Parents.
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I read this post awhile back and got to thinking about it....what if these parents (like me) live on the West Coast and the students are in school until 3:00 pm every day of the week and do not have the time during classes to call the Admissions office??? By the time the students are out of school the admissions office would be closed, is it not ok for a parent to call on their son or daughters behalf? The reason I ask is that my DS has been trying to get in touch with our Area Coordinator for our city/state and he has yet to return a call or email. He needs to know who his Blue and Gold Officer is and the area coordinator (that they have listed on the USNA web site) won't respond. Should I have him take time out of one of his classes to make the call or can I call and ask the question myself (not trying to be sarcastic, seriously need to know)...
 
DaGrubs said:
I read this post awhile back and got to thinking about it....what if these parents (like me) live on the West Coast and the students are in school until 3:00 pm every day of the week and do not have the time during classes to call the Admissions office??? By the time the students are out of school the admissions office would be closed, is it not ok for a parent to call on their son or daughters behalf? The reason I ask is that my DS has been trying to get in touch with our Area Coordinator for our city/state and he has yet to return a call or email. He needs to know who his Blue and Gold Officer is and the area coordinator (that they have listed on the USNA web site) won't respond. Should I have him take time out of one of his classes to make the call or can I call and ask the question myself (not trying to be sarcastic, seriously need to know)...
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My DS made calls and sent emails between classes and asked permission to step out of study halls. My DS not only did this for the SAs but to civilian colleges too.

Regarding the time-difference, I would recommend that your DS wake up earlier to call the Admissions office in the morning before he goes to school. (It will be good practice because as a plebe he'll be waking up at 5 am.)

Isn't your DS's BGO and the BGO's email address listed on the candidtate portal????
 
Padre101 said:
My DS made calls and sent emails between classes and asked permission to step out of study halls. My DS not only did this for the SAs but to civilian colleges too.

Regarding the time-difference, I would recommend that your DS wake up earlier to call the Admissions office in the morning before he goes to school. (It will be good practice because as a plebe he'll be waking up at 5 am.)

Isn't your DS's BGO and the BGO's email address listed on the candidtate portal????
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Thank you for the advice, that is exactly what I will have him do. He is only 16, so he hasn't officially "applied" yet so I am not sure what the candidate portal is, but....their is a list of Area Coordinators for each state (who are supposed to put you in touch with your BGO for your respective area), but he won't reply to my DS.
 
DaGrubs -- 1) The Area Coordinator is in your state. 2) Until your son is an official candidate, he does not have a BGO. There may be BGO's assigned to his school, or living in your area , but the AC may or may not assign or designate a BGO for your son at this point, or may simply contact and talk to him himself (or herself). By all means, have your son reach out to the AC , by email or phone -- its alot more meaningful coming from the candidate than the parent, and I am sure if he wants it bad enough, he will figure a way to make a call during school.
 
Old Navy BGO said:
DaGrubs -- 1) The Area Coordinator is in your state. 2) Until your son is an official candidate, he does not have a BGO. There may be BGO's assigned to his school, or living in your area , but the AC may or may not assign or designate a BGO for your son at this point, or may simply contact and talk to him himself (or herself). By all means, have your son reach out to the AC , by email or phone -- its alot more meaningful coming from the candidate than the parent, and I am sure if he wants it bad enough, he will figure a way to make a call during school.
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Thank you for the information. Once he has applied, will he then be assigned a BGO (and contact information for that BGO will also be provided)?
 
Da Grubs -- Absolutely. Once he is an Official Candidate (applied and prelim screen) , as BGO will be assigned. That being said, its not uncommon for a high school student (or parent) to reach out to the AC or a local BGO (if they know who it is), let them know they are interested and ask what they can do to improve their record. I look upon this favorably, as it shows interest and motivation early . I prefer the outreach come from the student themselve (see long thread above), but often see it come from the parent.
 
DaGrubs said:
Thank you for the information. Once he has applied, will he then be assigned a BGO (and contact information for that BGO will also be provided)?
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Often times your local congresspersons or senators will hold Academy Info sessions. Attend them, because that's a great way to meet your BGO or meet a BGO who knows who your BGO is.
 
tug_boat said:
My two favorite merit badges......Cooking and Personal Finance.

Cooking, a Scout learned how to provide sustenance for himself with out relying on going through the drive through. Personal Finance should have an age requirement. Money has a different meaning from a weekly allowance to mowing lawns to earn money and see a movie. Big life lessons that I think adults should read. How to stay out of debt!

Push House, Press Forward

Mic Drop.......Bonk squeeeeeeeeech
Click to expand...

I agree that personal finance is very important. At our public high school, the kids take a one semester Personal Finance class based upon Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Program. I love that my kids have an opportunity to take this class. It has opened discussion about how we handle our own finances. They ask us questions that they would not have known to ask if they weren't taking the class. My daughter is a Senior and is currently in the class. She has started looking more closely into the costs of the various colleges she is considering. Not that she was considering expensive schools to begin with. It's just now, a few thousand dollars difference means more to her than it used to. She's trying to figure out a way to come out of college debt free.
 
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