Advice for Parents?

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navy27hopeful

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As IDay rolls closer, my mom is feeling what I would assume are common "mom-emotions." As a non-military family, she doesn't have any experiences that would reassure her about the Academy and the Navy as a whole, so she is worried about my quality of life in general.

Do any moms/parents here want to chime in with any advice or words of wisdom I could share with her? Trying to do my part to support her as much as she has supported me. Thanks!!
 
Has she contacted the nearest USNA Parents Club? These support groups often provide a welcoming, wise and supportive outlet for questions. Everyone has been a plebe parent! Some have been plebes themselves. Even if they are not close by, they may have a social medial site or email newsletter. Quite often Parents Clubs host a welcome aboard social for appointees and families of the incoming class.


Comb YouTube for USNA Alumni Association, USNA
Admissions, USNA Athletic Assn/Navy Sports features and videos, etc., that show Induction Day and various aspects of plebe and midshipman life. There are also videos made by mids which can be funny and informative - pre-screen those. Invite her to sit down with you and watch together. If she can see a bit of reality, that can take the place of what her imagination is filling in.

Find the fun videos - Ryan Tuohy’s YouTube channel includes some of the best Army-Navy spirit spots, as well as the well-known “Naptown Funk” video.

Remind her she raised you to be thoughtful and hardworking, and you have chosen a path of servant leadership, that you feel called to do this. Note your future classmates and upperclass mids have all chosen to do this - smart, high-performing, regular young men and women just like you. Thank her for all the wisdom she has shared with you. She has known everything about you since Day I, and she sees a yawning black hole of separation and lack of knowledge of what you’re doing on a daily basis looming ahead.

Ask her specifically about what she is most worried about. Come here to get the answers if you need to.

Show her this video and reassure her that 4000+ bright people whose lives are highly regulated and filled with hard work and “military stuff” still know how to have fun.
 
navy27hopeful said:
As IDay rolls closer, my mom is feeling what Ig would assume are common "mom-emotions." Asge aA non-military family, she doesn't have any experiences that would reassure her about the Academy and the Navy as a whole, so she is worried about my quality of life in general.

Do any moms/parents here want to chime in with any advice or words of wisdom I could share with her? Trying to do my part to support her as much as she has supported me. Thanks!!
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Are you within driving distance to USNA? It helps greatly if you visit the yard often... even during the Dark Ages.
 
I am a father and not a military family.

My son was recently quoted in the newspaper saying that he had great experiences at USNA, traveled to various countries and states, and loved attending USNA.

It provided him discipline, structure, and a normal college experience his last few years.

When you are having a bad day, laugh it off, and have a better day tomorrow. When you feel like you aren’t doing anything right and are getting yelled at, step out of the box and understand why they are doing it to you.

While my son was company commander during plebe summer, the plebes were afraid of him. After plebe summer, they liked him and respected him. And thanked him.

Be a good teammate - help others academically or with PRT or pro knowledge when you can. Allow others to help you when you need it.
 
Tell her to join the USNA Facebook groups. USNA Plebe/Youngster Parents, BLB USNA 2027 Parents (Blind leading Blind), USNA MID MOMS!! (AND DADS!). She'll find more, there are tons! They are great resources for what's happening and a great place to ask questions.
 
Tell her that there are thousands of parents who have and will experience the same thing she is right now, and they are generally there to help and commiserate with her. You have the entire weight on the US Navy backing you, with their only goal as your success. Remind her of that as well. They aren't there to break you, they are there to make you grow.
 
Ditto the parent club join up. That’s exactly what they do: provide info, experience in a ‘been there, done that’ way, advice, companionship. Seriously, a good connection to make. Finding a ’battle buddy’ to just talk to will do wonders for her. Be able to answer her questions from a parent standpoint, and provide support. Share in her pride. A great resource!

Her feelings are so very common. Tell her she will get more comfortable as time passes. To YOU, know that this is common for ANY parent, as they face their child ‘leaving the nest’. No matter attending a SA, or not. So don’t YOU worry about HER. And even during plebe summer, she will become accustomed to you being absent daily. She will find glimpses of you in pictures, and know you are OK. She will be proud and smile.

This is all normal. Finding a resource for her will be helpful. She can PM me, here. But don’t you worry about her. She will be ok. Normal, normal, normal and everyone gets through it. And it grows and changes.

Congrats. Time for you to fly!!
 
Graduation. I enjoyed as a parent that first graduation day. I actually relaxed

The rest of the 5 years, again as a parent, ( naps+USNA) I found stressful and full of worry.

Now going thru it a second time it’s no better.

Cant remember a day where I ever worried about my kids attending civilian college.
 
There are some great threads on I-Day and related topics on this forum -- all with lots of great advice from the parent, mid and grad perspectives. Just do some creative searching.
 
You are awesome to be aware of this and trying to find support for her! I 2nd the others comments about the parent group and facebook groups. There is also a great book by An Shine called A USNA Mom's Journal: Plebe Summer through Commissioning and Beyond: What You Need to Know that you could get her as a gift.

Best of luck heading into Plebe Summer!
 
navy27hopeful said:
As IDay rolls closer, my mom is feeling what I would assume are common "mom-emotions." As a non-military family, she doesn't have any experiences that would reassure her about the Academy and the Navy as a whole, so she is worried about my quality of life in general.

Do any moms/parents here want to chime in with any advice or words of wisdom I could share with her? Trying to do my part to support her as much as she has supported me. Thanks!!
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Best thing you can do for her is to get her in touch with other parents who have been through it. Nobody else will really understand her emotions and how different going to USNA is from going to a civilian college/university. Parents clubs are ideal for this as are other parents from your own school district who have your similar experience. Fortunately, she will find a lot of supportive people in this community.
 
kchamp27 said:
There is also a great book by An Shine called A USNA Mom's Journal: Plebe Summer through Commissioning and Beyond: What You Need to Know that you could get her as a gift.
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Highly recommend AN Shine's font of USNA experiences and practical advice gleaned through her book and blog:

usnamidmomsandmore.org

USNA MidMoms and More

Empowering Fellow MidMoms and MidDads -Navigating the USNA Journey Together
usnamidmomsandmore.org usnamidmomsandmore.org

She also has a wonderful podcast series:

usnamidmomsandmore.podbean.com

USNA MidMoms and More Podcast | AN Shine

Join AN Shine, author of A USNA Mom‘s Journal, and her special guests, as she explores topics of interest to USNA parents at all stages of the journey. Special thanks to Bob Peterson for his beautiful images of the Naval Academy campus. Copyright 2021, M...
usnamidmomsandmore.podbean.com usnamidmomsandmore.podbean.com
 
And, a delicate question, does your mom tend to “catastrophize” at all? There are some people who cope with stress and anxiety by seeing the disastrous side of things and amping it up a bit. I bet every one of us has someone in the family who does this. “I did X and we were supposed to have lunch but all they gave us was a power bar and we were starving later that afternoon.” Now, we know they don’t mean actual food deprivation to the point of serious malnutrition and imminent death, but that’s how they cope with worry. You just ride that out and gently ask what, specifically, has got her worried. Intellectually, she knows USNA is not doing terrible things to you, but who will be doing things for you and taking care of you the way she has dedicated herself to doing for 17+ years? She also knows it’s time for you to go, but that doesn’t make it easy. Be kind and gentle and the “best kid” in these coming days.

Before I went off to Navy OCS, I had a dedicated thing I did with each parent. With my dad, I went to see the original “Star Wars” movie in a fancy theater and we went and ate at our favorite bbq joint after. My mom and I drove 80 miles to her favorite lunch place in Savannah, then just took a long walk together in the historic district. The “just us” time helped, and it’s one of my best memories with each of them.
 
Count me as one who wouldn’t pay too much attention to the facebook stuff.

A riled up parent was complaining about the food served for one particular lunch during plebe AY. And a mob of parents jumped in and were horrified.

I texted my son and asked what was going on with the food. He sent me a picture of the meal. We both agreed it looked ok and he said it tasted fine.

Even when he didn’t like a meal, there were alternatives that got him through just fine.

Sometimes those groups allow parents to feed off of each other.
 
A1Janitor said:
Count me as one who wouldn’t pay too much attention to the facebook stuff.

A riled up parent was complaining about the food served for one particular lunch during plebe AY. And a mob of parents jumped in and were horrified.

I texted my son and asked what was going on with the food. He sent me a picture of the meal. We both agreed it looked ok and he said it tasted fine.

Even when he didn’t like a meal, there were alternatives that got him through just fine.

Sometimes those groups allow parents to feed off of each other.
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Social media has allowed the Karens and Kens of the world their 15 mins of fame (infamy?).
 
The approach of Plebe Summer reminds me of an absolute thread classic from my friend @USMCGrunt :

THParent said:
USMCGrunt said:
I have been saving this to let this thread progress for awhile but figured it was time to share. What follows is not a letter from a Plebe but from a farm kid going through USMC boot camp in Parris Island. I thought some of you might enjoy reading it.

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope y’all are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps is easy and beats working for old man Minch by a country mile. They really ought to join up quick before all the places are filled.

I was restless at first because they make you stay in bed till nearly 5:00 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleepin in late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you has to do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine your boots and buckles. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, hay to lay… practically nothing. Men gots to shave but it is not so bad, they’ve even got warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on the pork chops, fried potatoes, salt cured ham, steak, sausage, gravy and biscuits and other regular breakfast foods, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by some city boys that live on coffee and doughnuts. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk far.

Speakin of walkin; we go on “route marches” which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to toughen us up. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. The countryside is nice but awfully flat. We don’t climb hills or nothin. Them city guys get sore feet and we all get to ride back in trucks. The Sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags us a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next part will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting! I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is purt-ear as big as a chipmunk’s head and it don’t move, and it ain’t shooting back at you like the Higgett boys do at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that guy Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds, and he’s 6’8″ and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Gail
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Definitely parent clubs and building relationships with your fellow company mates parents. Once you know your company, most parents who are on Facebook create a separate group that it specific for your graduating class and company. I’ll tell you, we have shared stories, asked questions, shared pictures and been there to support each other. I’m beyond grateful for that group. Feels like we have been friends for years! And if you want to have her reach out to me personally, I’d be happy to connect with her and be another support for her.
-mom of a ‘26
 
I would agree with both parent clubs and fb groups. DW made a remarkable transition to military mom role. She now easily tells folks she has learned that plans can change and just be grateful for what you get.

FB does have the idiots, but they can be useful idiots if you let them. At least you can laugh and see how not to be. But, they are also great at giving anecdotal info that relates. Especially the groups of the plebe year company, where there only 30 or so of you.

Regarding parent clubs, look around as well. Just because you live in X state, its possible there is a Y group that overlaps or might do things closer to your locale. We live where there are more chances to connect with a neighboring state's parents than our own. The face-to-face interaction is perhaps the best medicine for us clueless parents.



Good luck!
 
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