Advice for talking to a parent about West Point

Andor2024

Andor2024

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Jan 4, 2023
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Hi, I am a high school junior and I am going to SLE this summer. I do not come from a military family and my high school never had JROTC. So my family has virtually no experience with the military outside of a movie. I have been interested in West Point for about a year, ever since an older classmate of mine that I greatly respected got in and told me about his experience. My dad is all in on West Point, but my mom is entirely against the idea. They think I would be missing out on a very important part of my life (a regular college experience) and are very much unwilling to talk about the situation. It's not that they don't respect the army or west point, it's more that they don't see why I would want to "put myself through that." My mom is a college English and literature professor, so she strongly believes in the importance of a college education. I am very much planning on applying and going if I get in (I do have other schools that I am interested in) Does anyone have any advice on talking about West Point or articulating the reasons it is appealing? Any advice would really be appreciated. Thank you.
 
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Based on your brief description I can relate as mom of my DS2026, who's a thriving plebe in WP. He wants to branch Cyber and will be taking Computer Engineering. My son convinced me, while Dad was supportive from the beginning. But regardless of my opinions, he was decided on what he wanted to do.

You first need to be convinced this is what you want to do and you understand what's required of you (it's not just college, it's so much more). And that you have backup plans.

My DS and I reviewed this together and discussed:





My second son got inspired by older bro and will be doing Army ROTC Class 2027. I guess my family is an Army family now: we greet each other with Go Army, Beat Navy.

Best wishes to you and goodluck on SLE and applying to USMA.
 
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Hey,

My mom was pretty similar to yours. What I did was I kept her more in the loop. I told her my specific plans and incorporated her into them. For example, I practiced for my nomination interviews for hours with my mom. On top of that, while studying for the ACT, completing my Dodmerb, and finishing my application, I gave her updates, and other small things like that. I think by being more included in the process and seeing how passionate I was, my mom went from being against WP to completing supporting me.

Also, she was very adamant on me applying to a couple of civilian colleges. I ended up applying to 6-7 and it made her feel better.

I also never went to SLE, but I would recommend sending her pictures of you and West Point while you're there!
 
Andor2024 said:
Hi, I am a high school junior and I am going to SLE this summer. I do not come from a military family and my high school never had JROTC. So my family has virtually no experience with the military outside of a movie. I have been interested in West Point for about a year, ever since an older classmate of mine that I greatly respected got in and told me about his experience. My dad is all in on West Point, but my mom is entirely against the idea. They think I would be missing out on a very important part of my life (a regular college experience) and are very much unwilling to talk about the situation. It's not that they don't respect the army or west point, it's more that they don't see why I would want to "put myself through that." My mom is a college English and literature professor, so she strongly believes in the importance of a college education. I am very much planning on applying and going if I get in (I do have other schools that I am interested in) Does anyone have any advice on talking about West Point or articulating the reasons it is appealing? Any advice would really be appreciated. Thank you.
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I was in a similar situation - except I am applying to USAFA, not USMA. When I first discovered the service academies, my parents, especially my mom, were completely against them. I do not come from a military background, so my family heard the word 'military' and created an idea of what the school might be like based on stereotypes, movies (as you mentioned), etc. As much as I would talk to my mom about it, she was not on board, so I definitely relate. I tried showing her videos about USAFA, BCT (this one was probably a bad idea), and what the schools actually had to offer.

In my junior year, I convinced her to take a trip with me to Colorado Springs, and we were toured by a current cadet. This changed the way she viewed the school entirely. She saw the incredible people that attended the school, the quality of both the facilities and the academics, and that at the end of the day, the students are still 'normal' college students hoping to get a degree and do something good for their country. Seeing the students that went to the school and getting to talk to them really changed it all for her because it helped scrape away all those previous stereotypes she had believed. Hearing the cadets talk about their experiences and what they had been able to accomplish meant a lot more to her than seeing it on any websites or videos. After the visit, she agreed the school was 'meant for me' and understood why I had so much passion for it. She is now my #1 supporter.

If you can tour USMA with your mom, I would definitely recommend it. If not, even just introducing her to the forums, or maybe corresponding with a current USMA student could change her perspective. Show her the more 'human' aspects of the school that tie into the military: the amazing degrees offered, the programs, and how the school really sets you up for success. If she values a college education, she should not be worried as the SA's are some of the best of the best educationally, recognized not only nationally - by Iveys and other great schools - but globally. Help her understand that although you will "have to put yourself through that", the unique challenges are a whole different education in themselves that only ultimately benefits you and helps you grow into your future career. USMA offers amazing graduate school scholarships, incomparable athletics from intercollegiate athletics to intramurals, summer academic internships, and development schools from diving to mountaineering - just help her understand why you are so passionate about attending. I hope you are able to change her perspective, as USMA is a great school.
 
Andor2024 said:
Hi, I am a high school junior and I am going to SLE this summer. I do not come from a military family and my high school never had JROTC. So my family has virtually no experience with the military outside of a movie. I have been interested in West Point for about a year, ever since an older classmate of mine that I greatly respected got in and told me about his experience. My dad is all in on West Point, but my mom is entirely against the idea. They think I would be missing out on a very important part of my life (a regular college experience) and are very much unwilling to talk about the situation. It's not that they don't respect the army or west point, it's more that they don't see why I would want to "put myself through that." My mom is a college English and literature professor, so she strongly believes in the importance of a college education. I am very much planning on applying and going if I get in (I do have other schools that I am interested in) Does anyone have any advice on talking about West Point or articulating the reasons it is appealing? Any advice would really be appreciated. Thank you.
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Maybe stress the academics of the place, the sports, and the leadership education. Great Americans have attended West Point. Tell them the reasons you want to go. Listen to their objections and address them. blueskies18 has dome great suggestions above, especially the point about touring the place with Mom.

Be sure to submit an AROTC scholarship application as well. This would lead to the same commission while still giving you a "normal" college experience. It's also a great backup plan if you are not admitted to West Point. It should show Mom how interested you are in serving in the Army, and might be a way to help her warm up to the idea of USMA as well.

DS did NROTC. He initially wanted to enlist in the Marine Corps with some friends. Mom was dead set against him going into the military. He kept bringing it up and she kept resisting. When DS wasn't around I reminded her that he would be 18 when he graduated high school and he would be able to do whatever he wanted, regardless of her feelings. Eventually she came around but told him he had to go to college first and had to become an officer.... thus NROTC. Today she's his biggest fan, and has been for years. Don't know if this story his helpful for you (other than encouragement) but thought I would share it with you.
 
Are there any local West Point parent groups in your area?
Or do you have any “Academy Day” events for high school students in your area?
If so, those may provide opportunities to introduce your mom to cadets or to parents of cadets or to people who graduated from an academy.
 
I think you just need to address her concerns. Yes, USMA is not the normal college experience (good and bad things about this), but for you, the pros outweigh the cons and it's something you are passionate about. I don't know your mom, but I am sure she just wants to see you happy.

If she is unwilling to hear you out, then honestly, that's on her.
 
Education is key. And I’m not talking about your future college classes.

If you mom is concerned that a SA won’t be stellar academically, then she is just not informed. Most of America isn’t. Wander over to the “your son or daughter is going where?” thread for pages of anecdotal evidence.

I totally agree with enlisting her in this process. Sharing success stories and experiences others have had attending SA’s. And I 💯 % agree with the suggestion to tour USMA with her and encourage her to meet with cadets and instructors.

Good luck to you.
 
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I'm a mom of a cadet candidate 2027. We are not from a military family, there are no military in our area, so I had no experience. My DD told me when she was 15 and I was surprised. Part of the surprise is that as a parent, you watch your kid develop and sort of think you, the parent with many more years experience, can figure out what will make that particular unique kid of yours happy. For me, based on many years of my DD's Bear Grylls-like activities, I thought my DD was very suited to being a forest ranger, wildlife biologist, or NOLS instructor, and was concerned that in the military she wouldn't get all the outdoor experiences that she craves.

However, my DD was constant and unwaivering. For a while she was quiet about it, but it would pop up here and there, and it was always the same. "West Point." or, "I want to serve. If I don't get in, I'll do ROTC" There was just this calm consistency, over time, that this was what she wanted to do.

Then came SLE much, and I got some photos back. She looked completely in her element in camouflage face paint with new friends, and shooting a rifle. She also came back from SLE with an idea of what major she was thinking about, and what branch. She also did USNA's Summer Session, so she had a sense about what the Army/Navy job differences were and what was the best fit for her.

I think especially after SLE, I came around. I felt like she had seen what she was getting into, and liked it. And now that she's been offered an appointment, I've become totally on board.

So I'd just say, go about your business and with respect to your mom, give her time to let it sink in.
 
Dad of a '22 USMA grad. Tough spot you are in. There is a great Army-Navy pregame spot from about 4 or 5 years ago called "The More Things Change." There's a part in there where a mom says "It's the unselfish thing" and another "Sometimes, you just gotta let em go." It's on YouTube - watch to get a sense -- and a spark. An observation that perhaps you can put into your own words for your mom. Over the four years at USMA I met some of the finest men and women that a person could ever come to know. Bright, articulate, motivated, completely squared away, humorous, fun -- and beyond any question, future success stories -- to a tee. More importantly, my son's core friend group from USMA is as absolutely tight as blood brothers and sisters --- and yes, the females in his company were like blood sisters, all platonic but with a deep bond. No exaggeration - like blood brothers. The forge of USMA creates steel and that steel is bonded stronger than any university experience I have ever come across (and I have three degrees so know a bit about this - and your mom's academia background). Maybe explain that the brotherhood and sisterhood that is created will become a friend group for life; something that Frankel refers to in Man's Search for Meaning - a platonic love that is the entire meaning of life -- you can doubly impress her with your literature reference -- and read the book if you have not already!
 
I’ll speak to another thing, that could be a piece of this: that your parents have been your decision makers, for the most point, for the last 17-18 yrs. Whether outwardly, or subconsciously. You live with them. You are their dependent. They make healthcare decisions. Provide your nutrition. Influence your friend groups and activities. Not saying this is a bad thing at all. It’s the parent/child relationship.

That changes drastically over the next 4 yrs. Naturally. I didn’t necessarily trust the same adult decision making in my then newly appointed adult child, as I do now. After 4 yrs. Now, I 1000pct know they are capable.

So part of it could be just that: you are leaving the nest. Making important decisions. perhaps this is part of it. But I’m 100 pct confident that fast-forward 4 yrs, your mom will be your biggest cheerleader, that you made the right choice. Perhaps she just isn’t confident that you are able to make the right choice, at this stage of your life. But she will get there!! We also grow as parents, beside you!!

I have know many parents not comfortable at the beginning of the process, that their child was making the right choice. Every single one of them is 100 pct sure that they did, 4 yrs later. I don’t know of a single parent that still believes their child chose poorly. Not saying there aren’t any, but I don’t know them.

In the end, it’s 100 pct your choice. Even if they don’t approve.
 
usma2027 said:
Hey,

My mom was pretty similar to yours. What I did was I kept her more in the loop. I told her my specific plans and incorporated her into them. For example, I practiced for my nomination interviews for hours with my mom. On top of that, while studying for the ACT, completing my Dodmerb, and finishing my application, I gave her updates, and other small things like that. I think by being more included in the process and seeing how passionate I was, my mom went from being against WP to completing supporting me.

Also, she was very adamant on me applying to a couple of civilian colleges. I ended up applying to 6-7 and it made her feel better.

I also never went to SLE, but I would recommend sending her pictures of you and West Point while you're there!
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Thank you, that is very helpful
 
Thank you everyone for all of the super helpful responses. I greatly appreciate the advice and will be putting it into action.
 
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