I-Day Question

On a side note, there does still seem to be a difference in perception of the military between parents of a 17 year old cadet and a 17 year old enlisted airman. Even with the modern age of Facebook and other social media, there's a different attitude. I see it so often. While in my day, when I was 17 and "joined" the military, my parents saw me off at the airport. Told me not to get killed, and we will see you when we see you. I'd call every couple months and come home maybe once every year or two. Same with most of the others in my flight and squadron. I had a new job. It was in the military. And I moved away from home.

Not saying that there aren't some parent's groups and such that are more active with their 17-18 year old airman basic. Just saying that it's not anything like the mentality of parents of cadets, and even the cadets themselves. Maybe because the academy has so many similarities to a civilian university. Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, spring break, summer break, etc. for the enlists 17-18 year old, their first year is also mainly school, but if they want to go any place for Christmas, they better have saved up their leave time. And chances are, if they are working and not in school any longer, they will be working the holiday schedule because those higher in rank will get dibs to be on vacation.

Just saying, there's a totally different mindset with cadet parents of 17-18 year olds and the parents of 17-18 year old enlisted airmen. The real shocker will come after your cadet graduates from the academy. Depending on their job and base, you might get a phone call once a month or two. You might get to see them at Christmas or if they are on their way to someplace else. But unlike a civilian university student, little Johnny or Jane isn't coming home after graduation to start looking for a job and staying at home. While I've helped a lot of young men and women get into and through the academy over the years; I've also had to help quite a few parents accept what happens after graduation. Even so, most parents still live those four years pretty much the same way that most parents who's son or daughter is "Off to college" does.
 
As always...I find Christcorp's advice to be invaluable! If you are new to the forum, you should go and read all of his posts, and I promise that you will learn more from him than anyone else that I know! My son (now a C3C) is (thankfully) still so grateful to be a cadet at USAFA and still states that he could not have found a more perfect fit than USAFA has been for him... Our older son attended a University of California (and he is now a medical student) but I can assure everyone that his life at a U.C. has been profoundly different than my son's life at USAFA. I did not know much about the service academies, when our son made the decision that USAFA was his "dream school." We learned so much during the application process (thanks greatly to the information provided by Christcorp) and even more during the reality of BCT. It has now been three years of this "ride" as parents of cadets. We (as all of you) are honored to be the parents of these outstanding and remarkable young men and women, but our "experience" is very different than the experience of students attending non-service academies. While our older son had "Welcome to the Univ. of Calif. parties, barbecues, dances, trips to the Boardwalk etc. our younger son (Basic Cadet) was doing pull-ups, push-ups, running, and enduring the "delightful corrections" of the various cadre. Our experiences as parents of cadets will "always" be unique, and it is still a challenge to explain to other parents of "college students" that our cadets don't "quite experience" the same "typical college experience" as other students attending college. However, I would not trade our experiences (as parents of cadets) nor my son's experience as a cadet for anything. He (like most of our sons and daughters) is a remarkable person, and one who has grown, matured, and learned so many invaluable life lessons during his nearly three years at USAFA. This outstanding school should be very proud of their role in preparing our sons/daughters as future officers in the Air Force. Our lives (and theirs as cadets) will never be quite "normal" and their "obligations and commitments" will never be quite the same as students that graduate from non-military colleges. I know that we (as parents) are collectively so PROUD of our sons and daughters, PROUD of our nation, and learning to be accepting of the huge "COMMITMENT" that our sons and daughters made when they became proud cadets who will one day graduate as full-fledged members of the "LONG BLUE LINE." They "have and will" sacrifice much, so we as parents need to learn to sacrifice our time with them... We are PROUD to be parents of cadets and future Second Lieutenants in the United States Air Force!
 
My DS missed graduation, but his school presented him his diploma at senior awards night.
 
RogersCO'19 said:
but that is why it is a tough decision for the cadet
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Again, there is no decision to be made. If he is going to USAFA, he will be there on I-Day like everyone else. Weddings, funerals, and the birth of a child are other things that may be missed during a military career. Just start getting used to it now!
 
RogersCO'19 said:
I'm flying there alone. This will be my first test of being a grown woman and I recommend parents talk to the cadets about doing the same. You will have Acceptance day and Parents weekend, I believe I day is something we have to do alone. Our first task in becoming adults. My parents agreed, my mum knows how she is and didn't want to add pressure to me. This is my advice.
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I mean it's cool to share what you're doing, but since you haven't gone through it, it doesn't make too much sense to offer a recommendation...if there's no need to choose between going out for I-Day, Acceptance Day, and/or Parents Weekend, I wouldn't necessarily recommend going alone unless that's 100% what you want.

Also, be careful referring to your future classmates as cadets...you're not there yet.
 
BlahuKahuna said:
I mean it's cool to share what you're doing, but since you haven't gone through it, it doesn't make too much sense to offer a recommendation...if there's no need to choose between going out for I-Day, Acceptance Day, and/or Parents Weekend, I wouldn't necessarily recommend going alone unless that's 100% what you want.

Also, be careful referring to your future classmates as cadets...you're not there yet.
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Dooly noted, I apologize, I just figured it might be helpful to have the perspective of someone who is at the same step he is. No means to offend parents at all, the going alone thing is what my ALO suggested and I just thought I'd pass it on.
 
Yea, I think we've established that there is "NO CHOICE" here. If you want to accept your appointment to one of the military academies, you WILL be there on I-Day. If you aren't there, then you've TURNED DOWN your appointment. You can't have both if your high school graduation is after I-Day.

As for parents going with their kid to I-Day, that is an individual decision that each appointee and their family has to make. Some parents don't go because they can't afford numerous trips and they have to choose. Some parents don't go because their son/daughter don't want them too. I spent more than 20 years in the Air Force. My son was born overseas. He and my daughter were use to being brats. Because we moved every 3-4 years, we (as a family) had to be each other's "Best Friends". We are an extremely close family. Fortunately for us, we only live about 2 hours from the academy. There was nothing going to stop us from taking my son to the academy on I-Day. And while my son would have survived just fine had he come down on his own, it didn't negatively affect him having me, mom, and sister there too. But again, each family is different. Ours is extremely close. Me and mom attended ALL of our son's and daughter's events. Football, Baseball, Soccer, Basketball, Choir, Orchestra, etc. We never missed anything. almost 7 years later, with my son graduated from the academy 3 years ago, he and his sister still chat, text, facebook, etc. on a regular basis. Same with our calls to and from him and 2-3 times a year visits. We're a very close family. "Close.... But VERY INDEPENDENT".

My son and daughter never did the scouts, JrROTC, or CAP. They didn't need that environment. They had all the "Military Style" life needed. They were more into school. Both were in the Internation Baccalaureate program (IB). They were both into sports and music. They had mostly civilian friends. And we lived in a large Military town. But they had their goals and dreams for the future.

So again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with parents and family members going to I-day if that's what they want and the appointee wants. There's also nothing wrong with not going if the appointee doesn't want you to go. Just that there's no one right/wrong answer or choice. It's an individual decision that no one else can make.
 
I believe that my post came across the wrong way and I do apologize. I believe partents should do what ever they like and is best for the appointee, I just know being a daughter, it would make it harder on me if my parents came. And with different lifestyles, I just meant that some people, from what ive seen through my peers, don't understand the difference in military and civilian lifestyle at our age. Again I truely do apologize, I just wanted to offer another thought process.
 
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Choosing to fly out on I-day alone was the best decision I made. My parents were of course disappointed, but understand and encouraged me to make my own choice. Like MedB wrote, you are beginning your new life once you step on that plane. That was something I felt I had to do on my own. Many cadets chose to bring their families, and that's totally fine as well. The point is that it is the future military service member's OWN choice to be made by themselves. I can only imagine how hard it is as a parent to let your child go, especially into the military, but for some like myself it's a leap that has to be made on their own.

If you chose to fly to Colorado alone, the bed and breakfast program they offer is fantastic. The Academy places you with a host family that picks you up from the airport, feeds you, lets you stay in their home, and brings you to the Academy in the morning. My bed and breakfast family is now my sponsor family, as we hit it off and requested each other.

Again, no matter if you chose to travel alone or with family, make the choice that is best for you. Good luck 2019! :)
 
I think the deal with me, is that I've seen this issue from both sides. When I decided the Air Force would be my future, I told my parents that I simply wanted a ride to the train station and that was it. I'm originally from New Jersey and yes we have trains. That would take me to the airport and I would fly off to basic training. From that moment on, i noticed a slight difference between my mom and I. A difference that took quite a few years to heal. My mom was hurt. She felt that I wanted out and that included away from her. It didn't matter how many times I told her that it wasn't personal and that I needed to do it. Fortunately time heals.

But as I got older and had kids of my own, I never forgot that day. While I gave my kids their space, I reminded them how family is the only thing there is that you can truly rely on. Especially in a military family like ours. I talked to my son before leaving for bct at the academy and told him all about my decision to leave and how it affected his grandma. I didn't want to see his mom go through something similar. So while it was ultimately his decision, we discussed how there is no way he would have turned out the way he had, succeeded as well as he had, or been in the position to have the opportunities and choices he had, had it not been for his mom, sister, and me. Not that he owed us anything. Family only owes unconditional love and support. But he needed to realize that as a family, we are intertwined in each other's lives. It wasn't just him that was starting a new life, it was also mom and I who would be starting a new life as empty nesters. His sister starting a new life without her baby brother to be there to confide in. His choice to attend the Air Force academy and serve affected all of us. And we were all part of his opportunity to apply and accept this opportunity.

He realized that it wasn't just him going away to start a new life. A piece of us was leaving too and we needed closure and to feel ok with it. This is not to say you must have your parents take you to I-day. Each individual and family is unique. Simply trying to say that it's not just "All about you". Your family is who got you to this point. Good or bad. Any other scenario and it's possible that you wouldn't be on this board now discussing it. So keep your parents and family in mind when you make that final decision. Think about what they want and need. You'll have the rest of your life to think of yourself. I wish I could go back and allow my mom to send me off the way she wanted to. She deserved that much. But some families are ok with different decisions. Each are different and unique. Simply saying not to make the decision based solely on what "You Want". It's not all about you. You didn't get to this point in your life by yourself. Just keep your parents and family in mind too when you make this decision. Mike.n
 
I have never been prouder than on R-Day at USCGA. Seeing my son hold up his hand and take the oath....an unbelievably emotional moment. I anticipate a replay on June 26 for youngest son. I wouldn't miss this hallmark moment for anything. Thankfully my sons encouraged us to attend, as missing probably the most important moment in their young lives would have been hard.
 
There are as many family dynamics as there are families. So certainly there can't be a single right answer.

For us having our children leave for the military was the first true solo step into their adult lives. As such, it needed to be about them first and we were good with that... or at least Dad was. :) Would DW love to have gone to I-days anyways? Yup. But even she recognized that for our children they needed to take that step alone as their own person.

Now after that first step, do we give them significant amounts of s%#t if they don't call or Ovoo often enough in the week? Lol, damn right we do! And most nights she still gets texted a simple good night. So yes we are a pretty close family I would say.

The point? Have the conversation and talk it through. That much you DO owe each other for sure. Candidates don't just make the call to go alone without explaining, and parents don't just assume you will escort them without considering.
 
I love reading all of the contributions from the parents on this particular thread-and I just want to give a HUGE thank you to all of the parents here who have sent sons and daughters off to the military! You guys are amazing, and the obvious love you all have for your kids will definitely have a positive impact on their careers and leadership capabilities. I know you all have sacrificed so much to raise such outstanding children, and I think you all deserve a HUGE kudos!
 
My DS is currently a C4C. He flew out last year on his own per his wishes and was taken care of by his sponsor family. He knows my DW well and just didn't want the tears and emotion just before he walked in to the Academy to begin his journey. We were fine with that and my wife got to say her goodbyes at the airport. I personally was very proud that he wanted to do this on his own. It said a lot to me about his character and that he was ready for this. We spent 18 years trying to prepare him for his journey and it was great to see him spread his wings with confidence and fly on.

Almost a year later and we have seen great changes in him. While growing up he was a quiet, talk only when you need to say something kid. Getting him to converse was like pulling teeth. Since he left we get a call every weekend and at times talk for hours. My wife and I both have commented that we have gotten to know him so much more since he left. I'm sure we will have a long conversation in a few weeks after he completes Recognition!
 
Varied responses here indicate that there really is no one right way.

My sons' character is not tied to the need/desire to go it alone. He/They would be just fine, but I am eternally grateful that they saw how very much this experience meant to the family unit. I'm proud that they were able to think about us, even in the midst of this process. Had they not been able to do so, we would have been completely ok with saying goodbye at the airport. Sad, but ok. And we would have hidden the sadness as best we could, because looking outside your own needs is what family does for one another.

Getting stocked up on allergy meds, Kleenex and dark sunglasses. June is supposed to be "allergy" season around USAFA, affecting mostly moms and dads.
 
Just want to offer my two cents. I love my parents and would be nothing without them so please don't take this post as ungrateful; they have done more for me in my life than I deserved. But my parents wanted to take a family road trip to CO from CA to go to I-Day. I had no interest in doing this. I wanted to stay at home as long as possible, fly out there a day or two before, and then drag myself to BCT. I wish they would have listened to how I wanted to get there and gone along with it. I was furious for them making me leave home 7 days early and being cooped up in a car for 3 days with my (adorable) younger sister while I went through a panic attack/identity crisis (is this really what I want? What the heck am I doing? Can I quit now, before it starts? I want to puke). I would have much rather endured that time at home, in my bed, watching tv, working out, and seeing my friends; but that's just me.

If you're a parent, please let your future cadet decide how to get here and who to take on their trip here, within your financial boundaries. Give them your advice, but listen to their wants; it will make them happier in their final days of "freedom" and give them pleasant final memories during BCT.
 
USAFA:2016! makes very valid points. My DD wanted to go out early to get acclimated to the altitude. A couple of days before I-day, Dad and little brother flew out. I don't think, for her, it would have been easier to go it alone.
 
I'll throw in a personal story. My brother completed his sophomore through senior year homeschooled and chose not to walk with a lot of people he didn't know just to have a ceremony in receiving his high school diploma. Although he was already working and starting his life, there are certain highlights that parents look forward to and desperately want to witness. My mother and Granny were upset that they couldn't go to see him walk in a graduation gown accepting his diploma. They spent 18 (now more) years on him at that point and one achievement that they played a major role in was unable to have the celebration they wanted. At one point, I thought of my SrA promotion that it made no sense for my parents to be at due to the distance and financial situation that my family has been in, but I thought more about it and realized that it's not really only my life. I then informed them on what it meant and how it would be, but mentioned that it isn't something everyone attends unless they want to. Coming to USAFA is a huge deal and again I left it with my mom to decide if she wanted/could afford to come many times or to tell her which I would have more time with her. She could only afford one so instead of I day, A day, or swearing in, she came to Parent's weekend. I imagine that having kids you look forward to events such as starting school, finishing, accepted to college that the kid wants to go to or if they join the military. I've seen MSgt's and higher being promoted that have their parents come and for sure retirements. I most definitely want my family here for graduation because I will feel accomplished and I know they will feel proud as well. What I am getting at is that parents might want to be here on the beginning day of BCT because they are proud of your decision to come already and want to share that day with you. My mom went with me to the recruiter's office the day I was taken to MEPS to be taken to BMT even though I had been at her work that morning just talking with her and her mom and said she didn't have to take off to be with me a few hours. I had to leave eventually anyway. She then enjoyed me giving her a tour of Lackland AFB and telling her what training was like. She also came to tech school once and came to my first duty station and had a tour of the base. Parents never cease to want to see their kids' lives and understand it more. In a USO I heard a60 or 70-something year old talking to all the other volunteers about her son's career, house, and entire life and then saw her 40-something year old son walk in and hug her just as if he were coming home on vacation. It was weird to see and hear that story of someone much older than me with the same enthusiasm in the voice that I hear my mom use, but it kinda makes sense too.
 
Excellent story. i appreciate hearing it. One thing I forgot to mention in mine and how my mom didn't get to see me off to basic training like she wanted to........ 20+ years later I still remembered that day, and flew her out to Wyoming so she could be at my military retirement ceremony. It might not have made up for when I left, but it did help.
 
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