I don't want to be in the academy anymore, but I also cant leave

You said what you are doing is pointless. The majority of what you are doing at USNA is taking college classes, so it is not pointless. You are working on earning a college degree which is helping to accomplish one of your goals. So there is a good point in you being there, for the short term at least.

USNA and the other academies factor into their equations that a certain percentage of people will decide to leave if the military is not the right fit for them for whatever reason. If you decide to transfer to a civilian college, that is not unexpected or unusual, and you should not feel guilty about leaving if it is not right for you. USNA will support your decision to leave in this case. You don’t need to feel like you don’t deserve being at USNA. You are just one of the people who has realized that the military is not for them. That is totally okay.

I don’t think you need anyone to save you from this battle. You just need someone to help you make a plan. If you can put a good plan in place, you will feel much more at peace with the situation. If you have a good plan, then you will be able to talk to your family (when the time is appropriate).

Other people on this thread have suggested people to talk to to help you with this. As they said, use wisdom.

I agree with others’ thoughts about college scholarships. I would guess there are options available to you that would make college more affordable, so you should not rule out that possibility.
 
Don’t make your decisions based on Plebe year or worse yet first semester of Plebe year. Even if you no longer wish to serve my recommendation is to wait til after Youngster year. You will get 2 free years of college credits that will transfer AND you will have 2 years of basically poverty wages and no longer a “dependent” opening your options for low income scholarships.

Getting into USNA is really a win win win scenario. It does suck to be there but even if you leave early it has huge benefits.

Don’t leave without a plan. It is ok to disappoint others with your decision but that is part of being and adult and being responsible for your own life.

Edited to add: My roommate was the son of an admiral and still quit after youngster year. He’s doing quite well as a lawyer now…
 
You've had lots of great advice, if there's anyway you find it in yourself to give yourself until the end of this school year you may find a completely different perspective next semester. I know so many college students that want to change their situation after first semester, but if they can find the grit to stick it out, come January, things seem to begin to shift and they find they really are in the right place by the end of Freshman year. Either way you should reach out as guided above for support. You may be closer than you realize to a breakthrough in your future. Best wishes and much success to you.
 
Sometimes the question to ask yourself is, "What else should I be doing?" If you have a clear response to that, then go ahead and listen to yourself. However, if your answer is uncertain, then stay the course for now. Both of my kids experienced enormous anxiety and doubt in their first semesters. But they ploughed on because they didn't have a clear alternative path. Don't run away from what is in front of you unless you have a clear concept of what you want to run toward instead
Make your decision based on your desires moving forward and then commit to that path. Sometimes you may find that the hardest path in the beginning becomes the optimal path in the end
I hope you find your optimal path.
 
@lost crayon first, my heart is with you. I was out son’s person during the goal and application process. Then through Covid and plebe summer and year I was also his person. I am invested.

My support and enthusiasm for him and USNA even makes my attempts at anonymity on the forum pointless. I’m too enthusiastic and transparent for that.

If he called me tomorrow and told me it want his dream anymore, I would love him the same. Support him the same.
I 100% agree with the advice to seek chaplain support.
I’m also going to say that most plebes who say they are loving plebe life are pulling the wool over your eyes.

My heart hurts when I hear you speak about being alone and feeling isolated in your feelings. I don’t think that is true but I think it is true because our nation has a culture of not talking about things we struggle with.

Seek help. We all need it. Don’t carry this by yourself. You have so much support here and in real life. You just may not know it yet.
 
As a parent I am very focused on helping my DS achieve his goal of attending the Academy. I'll admit that helping him has now made this a team goal and we have invested a lot of time and energy thus far and he is only a sophomore in HS. With that said, the reason we are putting so much energy into this is because at the end of the day it is what he feels will make him happy. The bottom line for us as parents is to have our children live fulfilling happy lives. A military career is one way to do that for some people, definitely not for everyone. As a parent, I want my child to try new things and put his best effort forward so he can make informed decisions when the time comes to change course. Your decision, whatever you decide may take some people by surprise, but that's just because they are under the impression that it's what you have wanted for so long. They will probably push you to make sure it's truly what you want to do before leaving. It's their job to do so, we would all probably do the same for our kids before making a big change like that, it doesn't mean we wouldn't support their decision, just that we would want them to be as sure as possible before doing so. I wish you the best in approaching your decision and am glad you reached out here. I definitely would advise you to talk to a chaplain asap and do yourself a favor and finish the next few weeks strong so that if you leave you go out in a way that you are happy with. You made it through much harder circumstances just a few short months ago. Happy Holidays, I'm sure a bright path is just around the corner for you, no matter which way that path goes.
Good luck
 
Lots of great advice.
Please seek support and guidance from your Chaplain and speak to family Your welfare is most important first and foremost.
You are experiencing normal feelings that nearly all of your peers and predecessors have felt or are feeling.
Past SAF guidance:
Breath
Don’t quit on a “bad” day.
Don’t run from something, run to something. (Ie have a plan )

Your first year at an SA is a big adjustment. It’s not what life in the big military will be like. Enjoy your winter break with family and friends. Having guidance and a plan from your CoC, Chaplain and family , Recharge, regroup, and reengage second semester.
Wishing you all the best!
 
Lots of really great advice already.

One thing that’s for sure, is that making a decision from an emotional perspective doesn’t always lend itself to the best choice.

Getting through life’s ‘hards ’ is difficult, draining, and challenging. But once we get through the dark days, and look backwards on the ‘hard’, we can see it all through a different perspective. We learn a lot about grit, inner strength, and resolve within ourselves going though life’s challenges. Its an important life skill!

My advice would be to not quit now. With whatever support you need, get through the year. And summer trainings. Then revisit leaving. There is no shame in recognizing this isn’t the path for you, if it’s not. But you may not adequately recognize this logical decision, in an emotional state. There is a reason there is a ‘24 hr rule’ for speaking to your Coach after a sporting disappointment….to let emotions settle.

Your inner circle parents, friends and family will support you no matter what. They love you and want what’s best for you. Those on your outer circles will eventually not even care about what you are doing, and where you are at.

Anyone can do sucky stuff for a while. It’s not the end of the world. Go over, under, or crash right through your huddles in life, but get to the other side. And make a sensible, logical, non-emotional decision, later.

I know a plebe who struggled with your exact story. They almost didn’t get on the plane to go back during semester break. They have been through some stuff. But come time to sign their 2/7, they were all in. Their vision was much more clear than plebe year Christmas break.

Hang in there. Decompress over semester break. Even if you decided to leave today, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to return. It takes a long minute to out process. So finish the semester, get some help if you need it (another vote for Chaplains…and I guarantee you aren’t the only one having some thoughts!), and hang in there! You don’t have to have “life” figured out, today.
 
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Echoing what so many parents have already said… but from a dad’s perspective. I’ve been my DD’s person through the candidate process. And, while I’m invested, it’s because this is what she has expressed an interest in. If she came to me after going through a semester or a year and said it wasn’t for her, I would be nothing short of proud/inspired by her bravery. It’s a brave thing to go after what you think your dream is; it’s a braver thing to admit that it wasn’t for you after all. It’s even braver to share that vulnerability with the people whose opinion you value most. You trusted your family to help get through the application process - trust them to give you support when you need it most.

That said, it sounds like there’s also more going on. Speak to the chaplain asap. No matter where you go or what you do, you’re awesome and worthy of those opportunities. I’ve been through rough patches, and a lot of the feelings you mentioned, I went through as an undergrad (albeit not military-affiliated). Trust yourself and your family. We’re cheering for you from across the internet.
 
OP... I feel for you ..there is nothing worse than being at USNA (or any Service Academy) if you don't want to be there. (That is part of every BGO interview I do). I haven't read all the comments above, and apologize for repeats, but a few comments and suggestions:

1) No one should attend a Service Academy for the "free education." Trust me, it ain't free, and you pay it back in the long run.
2) Similarly, don't stay because of others expectations or because siblings are there.
3) Don't ever run from something...pick a path and run toward it.
4) I see others have pointed out -- you have two years to try it out -- and frankly, you may turn around and realize that you love it.
Bottom line, finish the Semester strong, and make the decision with a clear mind.

Out of curiosity, has this been a long lingering issue, or a revelation after the Army Navy weekend ? My recollection is that the week before A-N is one of the best at USNA , there is a certain unity between upperclass and Plebes leading into the game. On the other hand, I recognize that this year had to absolutely suck for the Midshipman. Essentially a 24 hour day with a bad outcome, and perhaps realization that there are times that your personal comfort and desires are second to the mission. I can't sugar coat it...its true, and you will encounter things worse than the A-N game , but I can also ensure you that positives of working with some great people and the sense of accomplishment when you complete your mission (in whatever community you serve) will overcome all of the suck that you have to put up with.
 
Last thought: having a goal makes moving through life a lot easier. In high school the goal of the academy probably aided in staying on top of your game and pushing hard to get top grades, earn leadership roles and stay out of trouble. Focus isn't easy at 16 and a difficult goal to light the path is quite a blessing.

But as you grow and mature and gain experiences you need to keep reviewing your goals to be certain they reflect who you are and what you want. You can't be fiddling with them constantly or they aren't goals, but every year or two you need to make sure the path is leading where you want to go. My non-SA DD was headed to medical school until late in college, and now she wants something else. She did finish the undergrad work but she's doing something completely different (church ministry work? really? well good for you!) and has set new goals. Her brother chose his own path out of high school and after five years is finding that plan tumbled by a girlfriend (that wasn't supposed to happen for years!) He can't keep traveling or he'll lose things, so it's time for a choice.

The point is, you're supposed to grow and change. The folks who love you should expect and celebrate it, just as you should support and celebrate milestones in the lives of your family and friends. The review of life goals and subsequent changes can take courage sometimes, but it's a smart thing to do throughout your life. This will happen again if you choose another school, if you change your major, if you have to choose to stay or leave a job, an apartment or even a relationship. Am working towards something I don't believe in or want? Am I not living a life that reflects my beliefs? Can I take a short sojourn to do something important to me?

You're doing something important and healthy here, so don't be afraid to embrace it as a process worthy of its own effort. Invest in this decision like you did when you came to USNA. Leaving is just as big a choice, and picking something new can be a joyous journey. Get someone to talk with as you undertake this work and try to keep a positive attitude. Good luck, we're all pulling for you.
 
lost crayon said:
My mom was also my biggest supporter. She was always there for me through everything that I did and every dream that I had
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Maybe some of this weight could be lifted if you discuss your feelings with your mom? You don’t have to have a plan before you discuss it with her, and if you have this kind of relationship, just letting all your feelings out may give you clarity. Knowing someone is on your side no matter what makes all the difference.
 
My advice to taking on all big goals, projects, life events, marathons, etc., is always the same: Take it in bite size chunks. Get through the next day, the next week, the next evolution.

You mention an emptiness that keeps coming back. That screams to me of the need to speak to others and to really open up. You may be weighed down by the other's expectations of you. I'm sure it's overwhelming. As repeated above in the advice from experienced posters above, a chaplain could be a phenomenal sounding board.

It's not the end of the world if you leave USNA or even if you don't go to another college. Don't let others drive your decisions. There are many paths to happiness and being a contributor to society. Good luck to you. Prayers being sent your way.
 
OP, just know that no matter who we are, BGOs, candidates, current mids, past mids, parents, we are all rooting for you. I know the academy isn't easy, and some parts get really rough, but I am glad to see you hanging in there. Take all the great advice above, talk to people you can trust. We are all here for you bro <3.
 
lost crayon, I am thinking and praying for you! I hope you have read all this amazing advice and gotten some help from a chaplain. I know plebe year is hard and I am very proud of you for sharing your feelings and trying to get some advice. I am a mom to a 2C and I promise your mom will support any decision you make. hang in there and please know we are all here to support you and rooting for you!! good luck!
 
Full Steam said:
As far as practicalities concerning your next steps, I would not let that stand between you and seeking help. There are options, such as doing a few terms at a community college, or applying for federal loans (which are available to all US students, regardless of financial need). Your academic year is split into two distinct semesters, so you could transfer credits from the fall semester, even if you don't finish stay for the spring.

Also, you may be considered a veteran for federal financial aid, which would make you an independent student. Your parents' income would not be considered in determining how much need- based financial aid you would be eligible for. But that is all a bit down the road.

Your first concern should be reaching out for help about the feelings you are having. You may find with some assistance you decide to stay. But even if you don't you are still a worthy person.
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I don't seem to be able to edit the above, but have more info regarding financial aid.

This is an info sheet from studentaid.gov, which is the official site for FAFSA. https://studentaid.gov/sites/default/files/fafsa-dependency.pdf

In the footnotes it has more specifics about how to mark the question about being on active duty or being a veteran. The explanation includes a discussion of status for midshipmen and former midshipmen.
 
Another mom here. We had 1 son who applied to both USAFA and USNA. He wanted to study Civil Engineering and fly really fast planes, hehe. When he couldn't get a medical waiver for USAFA, he decided to also decline USNA and go to our state university instead. In a family of veterinarians, he has always been the "odd man out," having decided to pursue engineering, not medicine! We all still like and love him, he is very happy with his choices, and weirdly enough, he just accepted an internship at PSNS/IMF in Bremerton, WA where he gets to work for the Navy!! Follow the thing that lights your fire, but like others have said, don't run FROM something just because it is hard or discouraging. Your chaplain can help with that.
 
Son did AFrotc and is in the Air Force. I can only go by what he says regarding AF life. Here is the deal, Rotc isn't the military. The academy isn't the military either. YOu are Navy if i remember correctly, so they have their own way of doing things in the military. Your life in the military is way different than what you experience at school. Obviously, you can't plan your life on the idea that Active Duty is different from the academy as you wont know what AD is until you actually experience it. At least in the AF, you are treated like professionals. No one is on your ass telling you what to do all the time. Of course its job dependent and since my son is a pilot, different rules apply to him. I don't know. I agree with everyone about talking to someone. Everyone says first year is tough and you wont be the first one to think about leaving. On the other hand, life is too short to be miserable. Finish your first year or even the second, but if you don't like it, quit. No shame in it. As for going to college, i would presume you did well in HS so i would expect getting scholarships won't be that hard. However, there are loans and community college. No reason to spend 20K-40K or more for the first two years of college so that you can take weather classes and freshman English.
 
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