Last USNA rollercoaster: Place for Parents to talk about the end for c/o 2025

usna1985 said:
Agree with CAPT MJ's wise words. Best advice I have for a parent is to start "distancing" but be available. Once your newly commissioned ENS/2nd LT gets to his/her first duty station (being stashed at USNA doesn't count in my book), s/he will be responsible for everything. That means showing up to required evolutions (e.g., training, class, etc.) on time every time. Doing assigned coursework. Renting/buying a place -- and/or finding roommates. Paying bills. Getting insurance. Getting laundry/dry cleaning done on time. Having car serviced. Dating (and making time for it). IOW, being an adult.

You as a parent can't really help them through this. We all have to learn it at some point -- I guarantee you did and probably without nearly as much help from your parent(s) as you think your kid needs. You really can't make it easier for them and you definitely can't do it for them.

They will make mistakes. They will learn from those mistakes. You can't prevent that and, at a certain level, don't want to. It's painful to watch, but something that we all go through and, ultimately, makes us stronger, wiser and more resilient.

What is useful is to make occasional, sage suggestions that young people may not even have thought about (i.e., getting renter's insurance when your kid doesn't want to pay the $30 a month (or whatever it costs), getting professional financial advice early in life). And being available when they do have questions or do need your help (i.e., what to consider when buying a first home).

I would do take the same approach for 1/C year. Service assignment is really their first "adult" decision process (well, after deciding to attend USNA). Tell them, "We/I know you've got this. If you want to ping ideas off anyone, I/we are always here."
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So well said.
 
My 1stLT doesn't ask for advice anymore. Lately he has just been thanking me for being a good mentor and preparing him all those years ago for the leadership that is part of his everyday life now. Sometimes we compare notes, which is usually a hoot. Even though my experience was 40 years ago, things haven't changed all that much. That's sad and nostalgic for me, all at once. ;)
 
THParent said:
My 1stLT doesn't ask for advice anymore. Lately he has just been thanking me for being a good mentor and preparing him all those years ago for the leadership that is part of his everyday life now.
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This mirrors a conversation DW and I had at dinner tonight. We were being reflective, particularly about DD and DS -- both of them a few years removed from living under our roof. (Aside: We were celebrating our wedding anniversary by dining at a chain whose original outlet, pre-franchise days, was a short walk from my D.C. townhouse.)

We talked about how DS recently told us of his MOS preferences, but never asked our opinion beforehand or bounced ideas off us or even just thought out loud in our presence. DD was the same way when she told us of her service-selection submission. In fact, when she told me over the phone, I switched to "coaching mode" and started asking questions to help her contemplate further. After a couple of my queries, she kindly but firmly said, "Dad, I'm not asking for your help. I'm telling you what I decided."

So at dinner tonight, we talked about how our kids don't often ask for parental guidance. To which I replied, "Maybe they've already gotten it." By which I meant: Some mids/cadets get guidance from their parents right now. Perhaps our kids already got their parental guidance -- years ago, in drips and drabs, disguised as simple dinner-table conversation or modeled by the decisions DW and I made ourselves. Perhaps it's not that unusual, as @THParent might attest.

We're far from being perfect parents. But we wonder if that's what happened. And if so, we think we're OK with it.
 
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Our oldest and our third (24 year old and 18 year old) barely ever ask for guidance, usually only when they are in a bind and don't know something critical. The mid asks us all the time. Which is really weird, because the mid is on the ball and highly capable, and the other two are clueless and we've had to helicopter them through most of their life for them to be able to get things accomplished.
 
Hello all - I have been lurking on this board since last summer when my daugther did a sports camp at USNA and loved it. She attended Summer Seminar this summer and despite her short text reporting on the first day she arrived, she had a very good experience. Neither my wife or I served in the military, none of our siblings have served, and no family member has attended a service academy. I am a first generation American. I have enjoyed reading many posts on this board and thank so many who have served or serve, who whose children may now be serving. My daugther taken the DOD physical and eye exam, she needs to schedule the BGO interview, and she is almost finished with her application. She is flying to Notre Dame this weekend for an official visit as a sports recruit. She is familar with ND and comfortable there (I went there). I honestly don't have a dog in the race so speak as I tell her she needs to pursue what fits her best. However, I do beleive USNA would strengthen her weaknesses and not just polish her strengths, and I beleive she got a sense of that at Summer Seminar. My wife and I are excited to play a supporting role to her through the process as she continues to learn more and consider her next steps. Either way I hope to be wearing blue & gold where ever she decides to go. I am already looking forward to the ND v. Navy game this season in NJ. Thank you all for providing such an informative forum and for the service of many. I will continue to read this forum regularly over the next 8 months.
 
DDblueandgolddad said:
Hello all - I have been lurking on this board since last summer when my daugther did a sports camp at USNA and loved it. She attended Summer Seminar this summer and despite her short text reporting on the first day she arrived, she had a very good experience. Neither my wife or I served in the military, none of our siblings have served, and no family member has attended a service academy. I am a first generation American. I have enjoyed reading many posts on this board and thank so many who have served or serve, who whose children may now be serving. My daugther taken the DOD physical and eye exam, she needs to schedule the BGO interview, and she is almost finished with her application. She is flying to Notre Dame this weekend for an official visit as a sports recruit. She is familar with ND and comfortable there (I went there). I honestly don't have a dog in the race so speak as I tell her she needs to pursue what fits her best. However, I do beleive USNA would strengthen her weaknesses and not just polish her strengths, and I beleive she got a sense of that at Summer Seminar. My wife and I are excited to play a supporting role to her through the process as she continues to learn more and consider her next steps. Either way I hope to be wearing blue & gold where ever she decides to go. I am already looking forward to the ND v. Navy game this season in NJ. Thank you all for providing such an informative forum and for the service of many. I will continue to read this forum regularly over the next 8 months.
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I wish your daughter the very best during the process!!!
 
When our then 1/C shared his service selection we knew it was out of our hands. Really had been for two years. They have been exposed to all of the options available to them. They have made educated choices. They have had mentors and guidance on the Yard. Trust. That is what we do now as the parents.
 
DD submitted her service selections!!! she FaceTimed the family group text to let us watch - kind of funny, her older siblings were like, "ok that is it, what now?" she replied with off to dinner, blood draw at 6 am, class etc etc.....cant wait for November 21 when they find out what they got!!!
 
USNAhopeful2025 said:
DD submitted her service selections!!! she FaceTimed the family group text to let us watch - kind of funny, her older siblings were like, "ok that is it, what now?" she replied with off to dinner, blood draw at 6 am, class etc etc.....cant wait for November 21 when they find out what they got!!!
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I’m here for the service selection results!!!
 
USNAhopeful2025 said:
DD submitted her service selections!!! she FaceTimed the family group text to let us watch - kind of funny, her older siblings were like, "ok that is it, what now?" she replied with off to dinner, blood draw at 6 am, class etc etc.....cant wait for November 21 when they find out what they got!!!
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November 21st for everyone?
 
USNAhopeful2025 said:
DD submitted her service selections!!! she FaceTimed the family group text to let us watch - kind of funny, her older siblings were like, "ok that is it, what now?" she replied with off to dinner, blood draw at 6 am, class etc etc.....cant wait for November 21 when they find out what they got!!!
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When visiting the Yard this past weekend, DS told us he had submitted his selections. When I asked what order he again reminded me that since he put SWO #1 there is a very LOW chance he would end up elsewhere. Plus he noted he is not eligible for some of the selections anyways (like aviation). He is very much looking forward to official selection/assignment and already has a list of 16 ships for Ship selection in Feb timeframe.

Speaking of this weekend, we again queried on his plans post commissioning. As service selection and hopefully ship selection are TBD, he spoke in generalities and I took opportunity to switch to coach mode . Instead of directing, I chose to ask questions along the lines of "have you contemplated X" and "if A happens, how does that impact Z." As expected, he generally did not have answers but it drove him to think about choices/plans/etc.
 
For those keeping score I think I completed bingo card this past weekend:
  • Breakfast Friday morning with DS sitting in Dahlgren (pretzel logs from Dutch market of course)
  • First NMF (of course we got shooed away a vantage point to see DS so we could not see him in formation but then pivoted to another spot and caught him leading his Platoon off T-Court)
  • First parade of the season (SecNav present so lots of cannon salutes)
  • Pregame tailgate complete with Naval Bagels and sweets from Dutch market
  • NAVY WIN!
  • Post game tailgate with DS company (we quickly decided we did not need to hang around long)
  • Church at the USNA Chapel with inspiring message from Chaplain Buford
  • Trip to Baltimore to visit Fort McHenry (this should be on all bucket list) and Walters Art museum (not my choice)
  • Dinner at Mike's Crab House in Riva (disappointing mainly due long wait to get seated and then get a server)
  • Brunch at Double T diner before dropping DS back at the Yard
Note on Ft McHenry: It is a well maintained National Park. Getting to it is odd as it it located amongst the industrial ports of Baltimore. The highlight is watching the short movie that ends with the USNA Men's Glee club singing the National Anthem.
 
LT360 said:
For those keeping score I think I completed bingo card this past weekend:
  • Breakfast Friday morning with DS sitting in Dahlgren (pretzel logs from Dutch market of course)
  • First NMF (of course we got shooed away a vantage point to see DS so we could not see him in formation but then pivoted to another spot and caught him leading his Platoon off T-Court)
  • First parade of the season (SecNav present so lots of cannon salutes)
  • Pregame tailgate complete with Naval Bagels and sweets from Dutch market
  • NAVY WIN!
  • Post game tailgate with DS company (we quickly decided we did not need to hang around long)
  • Church at the USNA Chapel with inspiring message from Chaplain Buford
  • Trip to Baltimore to visit Fort McHenry (this should be on all bucket list) and Walters Art museum (not my choice)
  • Dinner at Mike's Crab House in Riva (disappointing mainly due long wait to get seated and then get a server)
  • Brunch at Double T diner before dropping DS back at the Yard
Note on Ft McHenry: It is a well maintained National Park. Getting to it is odd as it it located amongst the industrial ports of Baltimore. The highlight is watching the short movie that ends with the USNA Men's Glee club singing the National Anthem.
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You did well, young grasshopper
 
With the Navy game in the afternoon (smacking Temple around right now), you can play 2 Naptown bingo cards on the same day.

AM: Bagels And on West St., Walgreen’s with the Secret Package Store in the Back, ho-hum stops at library on West St. and Admiral Cleaners on Taylor Ave. and Sam’s Club for gas, then a swing by the Amish Market for a few things and the requisite pretzel log and a donut for DH and a *fat pill half-cake to take home. Walk dogs. Change into gameday attire. Hit informal class tailgater, visit with friends, high five with Bill the Goat… We ate with DH baseball teammate and wife at Arturo’s (extra credit square) on Friday night, so got a nice check there.

*fat pill. Navy slang for any high-and-empty calorie pastry, dessert, sweet, etc., that delivers a fat and sugar payload directly to hips, stomach or butt. Extra points if it comes from a roach coach (food truck selling grease bomb food on the pier at oh-dark-thirty and at lunch). Usage: “I picked up some fat pills for the morning meeting.” “I don’t need a fat pill after that meal.”

Arturo’s. IYKYK. @WT Door find it in Glen Burnie and read the menu. You can’t see the specials, which are phenomenal. You’ll approve. Italian. Run by two guys from Rome. Not Italian-American, which is fine in its own way, but different. Tucked away in a strip mall.
 
Guess what. We were in town and hit many of our favs ONE LAST TIME before moving the boy to Charleston.

Walgreens special back store section (post packing libations)

Federal House cream of crab soup (x 3….seriously the best!!)

Fed House crab dip (although theirs isn’t my fav, but in the name of efficiency, got it there with the soup)

And Navy Bagels for the road trip to Charleston (our guy needed another driver and we are retired and happy to help).

BTW, what’s going on in front of Miss Shirley’s? Nighttime construction 🚧 looked intense

Sure am going to miss Annapolis. But fell in love with Charleston ♥️
 
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