guydelarosa
Member
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2019
- Messages
- 74
Would you guy's consider this Essay good enough to stand a chance during selection boards? In addition to this I have a 31 ACT and a 4.1 GPA along with being a high level athlete.
Also my where it stands is past the character limit. Where would you suggest I take out from the essay?
Prompt: Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Naval Officer. Specifically comment on leadership positions you've held, the challenges you have faced and the lessons you have leaned.
Essay:
As the sun beat down on each tombstone, I zig-zagged my way through the seemingly endless rows of the cemetery. Stopping at each stone revealed the same letters and numbers, June 6, 1944. At the stopping of each tombstone, my path in life became more evident; the military would be my calling in life.
All 9,388 men interred at this cemetery sacrificed their lives for the same reason, protecting freedom. As the old saying goes, “freedom isn’t free.” For 18 years I have had the privilege to enjoy freedoms such as having a safe home, food on the table, and receiving an education, but what most people don’t notice is that for every one of these freedoms, a price was paid; the price was paid by the blood of men and women across the military. The harsh reality is that sacrifice from others is required for the simplicities of everyday life. It is the men and women of the US Navy that are the first to answer the call when freedom is threatened. It is unjust that children must grow up without a parent or mothers must bury their child while I do nothing on my part. My dream is to serve with men and women who all feel the same sense of necessity to give back to a country that gave us everything.
As I continued through the maze of tombstones, my mind kept going back to the countless times I watched Saving Private Ryan as a child, specifically the initial beach landings. As the men stood in the Higgins Boats, contemplating what was to come, their leader, Captain James Miller, was right next to them. When the doors of the boat opened, and the hail of gunfire began, Captain Miller was charging forward side by side with his men. Rather than wavering in the face of danger, Captain Miller led by example. As the Navy Ethos states, “Decisive leadership is crucial to our success.” It was this decisive leadership that was exemplified in the actions of Captain Miller that was critical in competing the mission goal.
Although I have never been faced with a situation where my decision would mean life or death for those around me, I can recall many instances where my decisions led to my teammates changing their actions. The most notable of these occurrences was during the last couple of months of my senior year. All the underclassmen received an email, from the director of hockey at my school, saying that there would be mandatory conditioning sessions three times a week in preparation for the upcoming season. What these sessions entailed was running, running, and even more running. With it being spring term (our offseason) and the end of the school year, my teammates’ logical response was to dismiss this email as just another obligation that would be forgotten about. When I saw only a handful of kids showed up to the first session, I decided I would start going myself with the hope that more people follow me. When I began to attend, my friends started as well, and with my school having a minute number of students, a domino effect was started where large groups showed up just because their friends were there. Just recently, a friend of mine who was moved to the school’s best team for this season thanked me for “forcing” him to go running, because he thought that is what made the difference for him in tryouts. Like Captain Miller, it was my actions that were crucial in helping to achieve collective success or this case, my teammate’s success. It is this sense of gratification that stems from being a leader and contributing to a greater cause, that I wish to achieve as an officer in the US Navy.
All too often, we contemplate the “what ifs.” Sure, life in the military may not be the most orthodox, but later on in life, I don’t want to theorize what could have been of my life if only I had followed my dream.
Also my where it stands is past the character limit. Where would you suggest I take out from the essay?
Prompt: Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Naval Officer. Specifically comment on leadership positions you've held, the challenges you have faced and the lessons you have leaned.
Essay:
As the sun beat down on each tombstone, I zig-zagged my way through the seemingly endless rows of the cemetery. Stopping at each stone revealed the same letters and numbers, June 6, 1944. At the stopping of each tombstone, my path in life became more evident; the military would be my calling in life.
All 9,388 men interred at this cemetery sacrificed their lives for the same reason, protecting freedom. As the old saying goes, “freedom isn’t free.” For 18 years I have had the privilege to enjoy freedoms such as having a safe home, food on the table, and receiving an education, but what most people don’t notice is that for every one of these freedoms, a price was paid; the price was paid by the blood of men and women across the military. The harsh reality is that sacrifice from others is required for the simplicities of everyday life. It is the men and women of the US Navy that are the first to answer the call when freedom is threatened. It is unjust that children must grow up without a parent or mothers must bury their child while I do nothing on my part. My dream is to serve with men and women who all feel the same sense of necessity to give back to a country that gave us everything.
As I continued through the maze of tombstones, my mind kept going back to the countless times I watched Saving Private Ryan as a child, specifically the initial beach landings. As the men stood in the Higgins Boats, contemplating what was to come, their leader, Captain James Miller, was right next to them. When the doors of the boat opened, and the hail of gunfire began, Captain Miller was charging forward side by side with his men. Rather than wavering in the face of danger, Captain Miller led by example. As the Navy Ethos states, “Decisive leadership is crucial to our success.” It was this decisive leadership that was exemplified in the actions of Captain Miller that was critical in competing the mission goal.
Although I have never been faced with a situation where my decision would mean life or death for those around me, I can recall many instances where my decisions led to my teammates changing their actions. The most notable of these occurrences was during the last couple of months of my senior year. All the underclassmen received an email, from the director of hockey at my school, saying that there would be mandatory conditioning sessions three times a week in preparation for the upcoming season. What these sessions entailed was running, running, and even more running. With it being spring term (our offseason) and the end of the school year, my teammates’ logical response was to dismiss this email as just another obligation that would be forgotten about. When I saw only a handful of kids showed up to the first session, I decided I would start going myself with the hope that more people follow me. When I began to attend, my friends started as well, and with my school having a minute number of students, a domino effect was started where large groups showed up just because their friends were there. Just recently, a friend of mine who was moved to the school’s best team for this season thanked me for “forcing” him to go running, because he thought that is what made the difference for him in tryouts. Like Captain Miller, it was my actions that were crucial in helping to achieve collective success or this case, my teammate’s success. It is this sense of gratification that stems from being a leader and contributing to a greater cause, that I wish to achieve as an officer in the US Navy.
All too often, we contemplate the “what ifs.” Sure, life in the military may not be the most orthodox, but later on in life, I don’t want to theorize what could have been of my life if only I had followed my dream.