Personal statement

T

thecda

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Jun 29, 2023
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Hey everyone, im new to the form and will applying to the C/O 2028. I was wondering if anyone had any tips/things to include for the personal statement?
 
Write a statement from your heart, the way you think and feel. The one only you can write.

Don't try to make it sound like T.S. Elliot wrote it, would be the best advice I could give you. They want to know a little about you and what makes you tick.
 
And if you’re applying to to multiple SAs, make sure you read the nuance of the question. For example, the USNA personal statement seems like a combination of statements 1 and 2 for USMA. But there are a couple of subtle differences.

Echo THParent… write from your heart, and make sure you answer all parts of the question
 
Don't try to write what you think the Admissions Board wants to hear. BGOs do not actually see the Personal Statement, but I've seen enough drafts on SAF to know that would be my biggest factor.

Also, get rid of the superfluous, flowery prose. Get to the point quickly, be clear and concise. My personal pet peeve is writing that tries to sound intelligent by adding irrelevant BS.
 
THParent said:
Write a statement from your heart, the way you think and feel. The one only you can write.

Don't try to make it sound like T.S. Elliot wrote it, would be the best advice I could give you. They want to know a little about you and what makes you tick.
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Agreed.

I had my best friend, my favorite English teacher, and my JROTC Instructors read my essay, just to make sure it sounded like me (academic papers are my strong suit, personal statements aren't). Something that might help as well (idk I did this for some of my nomination prompts) might be putting it in a text-to-speech software and listening to how the essay flows.
 
Agree with above. Drop all the ‘extra’ fluff. I’ve read some of those and it’s not good.

Write about YOU. It’ll take several drafts to get through. It should be obvious, but don’t be tempted to use AI programs. The SA is needing to see what YOU are about. They aren’t wanting to read another general work of art essay.

Don’t rush this, write from the heart. Let it lie for awhile. Come back and tweak it. Have it proofread several times. Have people who KNOW you read it over. And answer the question.

And don’t post it here for input.
 
thecda said:
Hey everyone, im new to the form and will applying to the C/O 2028. I was wondering if anyone had any tips/things to include for the personal statement?
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My advice would be to include that you want to be a career Naval Officer. USNA is basically “investing” thousands of dollars in you. They want it to be a “good investment”
 
NeptunePride said:
My advice would be to include that you want to be a career Naval Officer. USNA is basically “investing” thousands of dollars in you. They want it to be a “good investment”
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While you should certainly emphasize your desire to serve as an Officer in the Navy or Marine Corps, it is not necessary to pledge your life to the Navy.... When I hear that, I can't help thinking that candidate is either saying what he/she thinks I want to hear (see comment above), or is very naive. I was the latter 40+ years ago --I had my whole life planned at 18; I wasn't going to get married or have kids until LCDR and was going to be a lifer. That lasted until I met my now wife when I was at NAPS. On the other hand, I had classmates that were pretty open about being five and out and went on to long , successful careers.

Yes, the Navy is investing in you...but they don't expect (or even want) everyone to stay for 20 years. If you commit to being the best Officer you can be, whether it be 5 and out, or 38 years (CNO is a classmate), that should suffice.
 
None of us on this forum know you, so I don't recommend posting your personal statement here for us to 'review'. Have an English teacher reivew it for composition and other adults who know you well to make sure you have successfully conveyed what is unique about you. Agree with what others have said above and don't waste time telling USNA what they already know. Others have posted their statements on here and waste a lot of time telling USNA what their purpose is or what a challenging school it is. They already know that and those things apply to every applicant, not just you.

Make sure to answer the specific question(s) associated with this year's pesonal statement. Those may be different from the past so always make sure you have read and understood ALL of the application instructions for this year's applicants. Each SA also has their own application instructions so make sure to read all of those where you intend to apply.
 
thecda said:
Hey everyone, im new to the form and will applying to the C/O 2028. I was wondering if anyone had any tips/things to include for the personal statement?
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When writing your personal statement, put yourself in the shoes of the person who is tasked with reading them. It's likely a very boring job where they read many of the same things, over and over and over again. I'm cynical enough to believe some are never read or, at best, skimmed over. You need to find a way to stand out. The best way to do that is to say something interesting in the first paragraph. Stay away from clichés like "I want to be part of something bigger than myself." Find a more interesting way to say that.

BOTTOM LINE: The key is not so much to say something fantastic - just don't say something stupid. (e.g. "I want a free education.")
 
You are so limited by words on that aspect, just be clear and concise and all you. I don’t think anyone can tell you what “they” are looking for….and if they can they sure as hell won’t tell you.
 
NeptunePride said:
My advice would be to include that you want to be a career Naval Officer. USNA is basically “investing” thousands of dollars in you. They want it to be a “good investment”
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I think saying that you want to be a career Naval Officer might be a little too heavy - especially coming from a 17-yr-old. It comes across a bit disingenuous and trying-too-hard to impress. Even midshipmen don't know if they are going to make the military a career. Many commissioned officers are uncertain if they are going to make it a career. The individual reading the personal statement may not be sure that he/she is going to make it a career. I think it is best to simply say that you have the goal of becoming a Naval Officer and leave "career" out of it.
 
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