PSA: Applicant may not be relaxed as they seem

[cbasalt1]

Just a note:

I have seen COUNTLESS times posts about parents being worried or extremely stressed about admissions. They then go on to say that DS or DD is doing great however and is completely calm and doing better than they are.

This is likely not true!

As an applicant, my parents said the same thing after I accepted: "How were you not worried?", "did you not lose sleep like we did?", "I am impressed that you stayed so calm" when in reality I was a nervous wreck for the few months of waiting and worked incredibly hard not to show it. After all, I am a teenager and teenagers are cool

I used to check my portal at least once a day (I got better about it later on) but when Mom would ask have you checked your portal I would either say "yeah a while ago" or get a little snappy over the fact that she was reminding me over something that I was absolutely obsessing about. Like I needed reminding! I know this is irrational, and I should have been better towards my parents offers of help or assistance. Instead my Testosterone often turned their trying to help into a personal attack on my ability to get things done.

In all seriousness, chances are, your applicant is incredibly worked up about the admissions process but wouldn't dare show it because at least for me doing so felt like a violation of self confidence somehow. They might not even admit their worry to themselves. I tried not to. Keep this in mind when speaking to them. I was really sensitive over something for the first time with the whole admissions process, and I should have just spoken to my folks about it.

Juniors, bear with your parents for the next little bit as they go overboard to try to help and support you for nominations, application, medical etc. Parents often know best. Let them help you as much as possible even if it means hearing "WE did it" after an appointment. Because in reality, it does need to be a group effort, not just the applicant pushing through and being "independent".

Just something to keep in mind as a parent. Bear with your applicant! No human can be calm about a Service Academy!

 

[Tea Baggins]

I used to check my portal at least once a day (I got better about it later on) but when Mom would ask have you checked your portal I would either say "yeah a while ago" or get a little snappy over the fact that she was reminding me over something that I was absolutely obsessing about. Like I needed reminding!

You are describing my family exactly.

 

[Gnarlygoat27]

! I know this is irrational, and I should have been better towards my parents offers of help or assistance. Instead my Testosterone often turned their trying to help into a personal attack on my ability to get things done.

this would explain so much! All sounds familiar as DS plays cool as a cucumber!

 

[Heatherg21]

Just a note:

I have seen COUNTLESS times posts about parents being worried or extremely stressed about admissions. They then go on to say that DS or DD is doing great however and is completely calm and doing better than they are.

This is likely not true!

As an applicant, my parents said the same thing after I accepted: "How were you not worried?", "did you not lose sleep like we did?", "I am impressed that you stayed so calm" when in reality I was a nervous wreck for the few months of waiting and worked incredibly hard not to show it. After all, I am a teenager and teenagers are cool

I used to check my portal at least once a day (I got better about it later on) but when Mom would ask have you checked your portal I would either say "yeah a while ago" or get a little snappy over the fact that she was reminding me over something that I was absolutely obsessing about. Like I needed reminding! I know this is irrational, and I should have been better towards my parents offers of help or assistance. Instead my Testosterone often turned their trying to help into a personal attack on my ability to get things done.

In all seriousness, chances are, your applicant is incredibly worked up about the admissions process but wouldn't dare show it because at least for me doing so felt like a violation of self confidence somehow. They might not even admit their worry to themselves. I tried not to. Keep this in mind when speaking to them. I was really sensitive over something for the first time with the whole admissions process, and I should have just spoken to my folks about it.

Juniors, bear with your parents for the next little bit as they go overboard to try to help and support you for nominations, application, medical etc. Parents often know best. Let them help you as much as possible even if it means hearing "WE did it" after an appointment. Because in reality, it does need to be a group effort, not just the applicant pushing through and being "independent".

Just something to keep in mind as a parent. Bear with your applicant! No human can be calm about a Service Academy!

This is an excellent and timely post. Thank you for sharing.

This process is so tough and everyone experiences it differently.

My DS was a pressure cooker of anxiety waiting to hear from admissions and I tip toed around him.

As a mom, tried to keep all of my own anxiety at bay. I didn’t really have a dog in the fight, he would succeed wherever he landed. But as a parent, watching your child experience disappointment or heartbreak is well….. heartbreaking.

I love your willingness to share your nervous moments and be open about your experience. Valuable stuff.

 

[Dragomir]

I wholeheartedly echo this statement! I too was nervous on the inside but very nonchalant on the outside whenever talking about my application. I tried to maintain a cool, confident exterior even though inside my head, I had a lot of worries swirling around. Personally, talking much about them would have stressed me out even more, so I preferred to keep them to myself.

 

[TIME2GO]

Just a note:

I have seen COUNTLESS times posts about parents being worried or extremely stressed about admissions. They then go on to say that DS or DD is doing great however and is completely calm and doing better than they are.

This is likely not true!

As an applicant, my parents said the same thing after I accepted: "How were you not worried?", "did you not lose sleep like we did?", "I am impressed that you stayed so calm" when in reality I was a nervous wreck for the few months of waiting and worked incredibly hard not to show it. After all, I am a teenager and teenagers are cool

I used to check my portal at least once a day (I got better about it later on) but when Mom would ask have you checked your portal I would either say "yeah a while ago" or get a little snappy over the fact that she was reminding me over something that I was absolutely obsessing about. Like I needed reminding! I know this is irrational, and I should have been better towards my parents offers of help or assistance. Instead my Testosterone often turned their trying to help into a personal attack on my ability to get things done.

In all seriousness, chances are, your applicant is incredibly worked up about the admissions process but wouldn't dare show it because at least for me doing so felt like a violation of self confidence somehow. They might not even admit their worry to themselves. I tried not to. Keep this in mind when speaking to them. I was really sensitive over something for the first time with the whole admissions process, and I should have just spoken to my folks about it.

Juniors, bear with your parents for the next little bit as they go overboard to try to help and support you for nominations, application, medical etc. Parents often know best. Let them help you as much as possible even if it means hearing "WE did it" after an appointment. Because in reality, it does need to be a group effort, not just the applicant pushing through and being "independent".

Just something to keep in mind as a parent. Bear with your applicant! No human can be calm about a Service Academy!

I love this so much. It's great reminder for parents to give grace, offer support but be gentle. Our well meaning intentions might come across as a personal attack on our children's ability. Their quietness, confidence and composure on the outside might not match their mixture of emotions and self doubt on the inside. It's also a good message for those waiting for appointments or beginning the process, you are not alone.

 

[justdoit19]

This is a great discussion. This time of your life, is like no other. Regardless of the ‘appointment’, ‘kids’ are literally leaving the nest. Physically and emotionally.

The parent/child relationship, that’s been all that’s known for the last 17-ish years, is evolving for the first time. From subordinate child, to mature adult. A young adult, who will be making and responsible for all their choices and decisions going forward.

Whether or not a senior student is attending a SA, this time period of their life is stressful for both parent and child. Child is ready to be on their own, yet never has ben. Parent is wondering ‘did I teach them enough? Are they capable? Did I give them the proper toolbelt of skills? WILL I EVER SEE THEM AGAIN (kidding…but not really….it boils up occasionally )?’

The BEST advice I can offer, is to COMMUNICATE with each other. Have discussions. Be open with your feelings, and respectful of each others wishes. “Mom, I got this” has been communicated to me more than once. And that gives me confidence. That continues to grow. Your relationship 4 years later as a COLLEGE senior, WILL be different than as a high school senior. As a parent, seeing all of my children grow and mature over the 4 yrs, has me in awe of their capabilities as adults. It’s a different relationship. They are super cool people .

The part that is a challenge, I have found, is offering ‘advice’ to a young adult. A parent has years of experience…use them as a resource!! But don’t revert back to assuming they are ‘telling you what to do’. Ive often found that in many situations, my advice is similar to other adult mentors advice (ie: a professor). But hearing it from mom/dad is somehow different .

No one has you back more than your parents. Tell them how you feel. Have adult discussions. You will be surprised I suspect. Also know this is a traditional time for mom and dad.

Two way communication. Understanding. Respect. Grace

 

[Ihavenoidea]

The part that is a challenge, I have found, is offering ‘advice’ to a young adult. A parent has years of experience…use them as a resource!! But don’t revert back to assuming they are ‘telling you what to do’. Ive often found that in many situations, my advice is similar to other adult mentors advice (ie: a professor). But hearing it from mom/dad is somehow different .

This is the biggest obstacle I have found in dealing with my DS in these matters. Your "suggestions" are seen as "instructions" to your child sometimes. Even when you specifically say "Its just my opinion. You do what you want". The authority of our children's life choices is a difficult responsibility for both sides to swap. One day I think I'm doing right, and then the next day I think I am really screwing up.

It is good to see that my young adult is acting just like others that are going through the same thing. I think fondly of knowing that in a few years we can all look back at this time and laugh about who crazy (both parents and young adults) were acting right now.

 

[hopefulmominva]

Just a note:

I have seen COUNTLESS times posts about parents being worried or extremely stressed about admissions. They then go on to say that DS or DD is doing great however and is completely calm and doing better than they are.

This is likely not true!

As an applicant, my parents said the same thing after I accepted: "How were you not worried?", "did you not lose sleep like we did?", "I am impressed that you stayed so calm" when in reality I was a nervous wreck for the few months of waiting and worked incredibly hard not to show it. After all, I am a teenager and teenagers are cool

I used to check my portal at least once a day (I got better about it later on) but when Mom would ask have you checked your portal I would either say "yeah a while ago" or get a little snappy over the fact that she was reminding me over something that I was absolutely obsessing about. Like I needed reminding! I know this is irrational, and I should have been better towards my parents offers of help or assistance. Instead my Testosterone often turned their trying to help into a personal attack on my ability to get things done.

In all seriousness, chances are, your applicant is incredibly worked up about the admissions process but wouldn't dare show it because at least for me doing so felt like a violation of self confidence somehow. They might not even admit their worry to themselves. I tried not to. Keep this in mind when speaking to them. I was really sensitive over something for the first time with the whole admissions process, and I should have just spoken to my folks about it.

Juniors, bear with your parents for the next little bit as they go overboard to try to help and support you for nominations, application, medical etc. Parents often know best. Let them help you as much as possible even if it means hearing "WE did it" after an appointment. Because in reality, it does need to be a group effort, not just the applicant pushing through and being "independent".

Just something to keep in mind as a parent. Bear with your applicant! No human can be calm about a Service Academy!

Thank you so much for sharing! I have to remind myself often that my DD is super stressed with the process and her out-of-character snappiness is likely due to how stressed she is, not necessarily because she's sick of me asking "have you checked your email or have you checked your portals"! I applaud each and every applicant! Regardless of the end results, you guys all deserve medals for going through this process!

 

[Rach3]

Just a note:

I have seen COUNTLESS times posts about parents being worried or extremely stressed about admissions. They then go on to say that DS or DD is doing great however and is completely calm and doing better than they are.

This is likely not true!

As an applicant, my parents said the same thing after I accepted: "How were you not worried?", "did you not lose sleep like we did?", "I am impressed that you stayed so calm" when in reality I was a nervous wreck for the few months of waiting and worked incredibly hard not to show it. After all, I am a teenager and teenagers are cool

I used to check my portal at least once a day (I got better about it later on) but when Mom would ask have you checked your portal I would either say "yeah a while ago" or get a little snappy over the fact that she was reminding me over something that I was absolutely obsessing about. Like I needed reminding! I know this is irrational, and I should have been better towards my parents offers of help or assistance. Instead my Testosterone often turned their trying to help into a personal attack on my ability to get things done.

In all seriousness, chances are, your applicant is incredibly worked up about the admissions process but wouldn't dare show it because at least for me doing so felt like a violation of self confidence somehow. They might not even admit their worry to themselves. I tried not to. Keep this in mind when speaking to them. I was really sensitive over something for the first time with the whole admissions process, and I should have just spoken to my folks about it.

Juniors, bear with your parents for the next little bit as they go overboard to try to help and support you for nominations, application, medical etc. Parents often know best. Let them help you as much as possible even if it means hearing "WE did it" after an appointment. Because in reality, it does need to be a group effort, not just the applicant pushing through and being "independent".

Just something to keep in mind as a parent. Bear with your applicant! No human can be calm about a Service Academy!

Just a note:

I have seen COUNTLESS times posts about parents being worried or extremely stressed about admissions. They then go on to say that DS or DD is doing great however and is completely calm and doing better than they are.

This is likely not true!

As an applicant, my parents said the same thing after I accepted: "How were you not worried?", "did you not lose sleep like we did?", "I am impressed that you stayed so calm" when in reality I was a nervous wreck for the few months of waiting and worked incredibly hard not to show it. After all, I am a teenager and teenagers are cool

I used to check my portal at least once a day (I got better about it later on) but when Mom would ask have you checked your portal I would either say "yeah a while ago" or get a little snappy over the fact that she was reminding me over something that I was absolutely obsessing about. Like I needed reminding! I know this is irrational, and I should have been better towards my parents offers of help or assistance. Instead my Testosterone often turned their trying to help into a personal attack on my ability to get things done.

In all seriousness, chances are, your applicant is incredibly worked up about the admissions process but wouldn't dare show it because at least for me doing so felt like a violation of self confidence somehow. They might not even admit their worry to themselves. I tried not to. Keep this in mind when speaking to them. I was really sensitive over something for the first time with the whole admissions process, and I should have just spoken to my folks about it.

Juniors, bear with your parents for the next little bit as they go overboard to try to help and support you for nominations, application, medical etc. Parents often know best. Let them help you as much as possible even if it means hearing "WE did it" after an appointment. Because in reality, it does need to be a group effort, not just the applicant pushing through and being "independent".

Just something to keep in mind as a parent. Bear with your applicant! No human can be calm about a Service Academy!

Thanks for the very honest post. Best wishing you (and everyone)!

 

[Gnarlygoat27]

Before this year I always felt like the mom excited for him to spread his wings, have the adventures, not emotional about him "leaving." Now I find myself wanting to stop time and bottle up every little bit left with him around full time. It's been such a stressful year and I don't know if I'll look back and only remember the deadlines and the essay writing and watching the late night studying and the constant worrying if he's doing everything he needs to. Maybe like those early days with an infant when you're tired beyond recognition, our minds will play tricks on us and we'll remember the highlight reel of senior year. Equal parts wishing time away so we had answers and plans, right along side wanting it all to freeze for a minute so I can just remember how much I like him!

 

[Banshee Mom]

Before this year I always felt like the mom excited for him to spread his wings, have the adventures, not emotional about him "leaving." Now I find myself wanting to stop time and bottle up every little bit left with him around full time. It's been such a stressful year and I don't know if I'll look back and only remember the deadlines and the essay writing and watching the late night studying and the constant worrying if he's doing everything he needs to. Maybe like those early days with an infant when you're tired beyond recognition, our minds will play tricks on us and we'll remember the highlight reel of senior year. Equal parts wishing time away so we had answers and plans, right along side wanting it all to freeze for a minute so I can just remember how much I like him!

This was me last year . It was incredibly stressful and we didn’t get an answer until May 19 that DD was off waitlist . She completely broke down crying when that phone call from USNA came in and I couldn’t understand why because she is not a crier at all and it was good news, but the pressure and not knowing definitively had really taken a toll on her that she hid pretty well . I actually was off this forum in late April last year and made the decision to plan a vacation and really treasure all the “lasts”. Last track meet , last concert, last school liturgy , prom and all the other events . DD has been at Naval Foundation school since September and is doing well and I have been getting a bit weepy about the path ahead . Also doesn’t help that her eldest sister is simultaneously moving 1500 miles away . I keep trying to convince myself that this is what I wanted and how I raised them ; to accept challenges , be adventurous and pursue their dreams . Just really hard for mom now that it is happening . I just want to share that you will remember all the special memories of his senior year, I promise you will. I thought I had PTSD last year between the nomination panel interviews , essays , CFA , DODMERb and honestly looking back , it’s not my primary memory of her senior year at all . I remember how beautiful she looked in her prom dress , her last sleepover with her BFFs from high school , getting awarded Student Athlete at her school and all the other special moments and you will too! Sending you a virtual hug !

 

[Gnarlygoat27]

I just want to share that you will remember all the special memories of his senior year, I promise you will. I thought I had PTSD last year between the nomination panel interviews , essays , CFA , DODMERb and honestly looking back , it’s not my primary memory of her senior year at all . I remember how beautiful she looked in her prom dress , her last sleepover with her BFFs from high school , getting awarded Student Athlete at her school and all the other special moments and you will too! Sending you a virtual hug !

Aww, thank you! I needed that! Time is really flying this spring despite not having a set plan and I need to soak it in. High school in general has been a blur. DH was deployed his entire freshman year, then covid hit and everything was weird for everyone. We were suddenly all on top of each other all the time with most of a year of virtual school. Then one "normal" semester before DH left again halfway through junior year to work out of state (go navy) and I stayed put to keep the kids settled. So he's only home every other weekend and it's hit me that never again will they live together full time, most likely. Plus every weekend DH has been home has been a barrage of "did you finish this essay? this application? is your scholarship form done? have you done physical therapy?" rushing to fix stuff around the house, deal with paperwork, and doing his laundry before rushing to catch the train again, so not exactly enjoyable. Add to that a very stressful car accident, recovery and subsequent lawsuit this year for DS. And now we're prepping to move 7000 miles away while he stays here to start his path. I know he'll be absolutely fine and has plenty of family and stand in family to watch out for him but despite going to every Navy home game for the last, I dunno 5 seasons, we'll miss everything and only see him at Christmas and the summers for the next little while. Its all just so much But somehow it's nice to hear that we're by far not alone in this stressful process and all the positive stuff will prevail! Where did 17.5 years ago...