RIDE IS OVER

USN_CPO_DAD

USN_CPO_DAD

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Jan 22, 2015
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My DS is currently a youngster at USNA and yesterday the inevitable has happened and that my son's time at the Academy is over. He called me yesterday stating that he is quitting the Academy and that he is no longer happy being there. I asked if he was home sick or stressed out and he said neither. He said his heart is not in it anymore and feeling miserable and no longer have the motivation to continue. He said he felt this way ever since after Plebe year and tried to ride the wave to see if some feelings would change but apparently wasn't enjoying the ride any longer. He will finish the rest of this semester and not come back after the holiday break. We tried talking him out of it but his mind is already made up to leave. We're very, very disappointed to say the least but at the same token as parents we have to support his decision. We didn't want to push him to get through it and suck it up while feeling miserable in fear of him doing something stupid. Any thoughts to mend our broken hearts?
 
@USN_CPO_DAD - your son sounds like he knows what he wants - or at least what he doesn't want. Good for him! Not everyone comes to that realization in time to easily change course.

As parents, we all have hopes for our kids - that they're happy, healthy, successful, etc. I suggest you spend a bit of time "grieving" the loss of what you had obviously hoped for for your son- to be a USNA grad and officer. Then, let it go; it's not about you or what you wanted for him - it's about him. Be proud that he's strong enough and self-aware enough to adjust course, especially when so much is riding on it. Let him know you're with him, and back him 100% on whatever his new goals turn out to be.

Best of luck to you all.
 
Brave said:
I admire your son for having the courage to make such a tough decision. You have raised him to be true to himself, and for that you should be proud.

Best wishes to him as he begins a new chapter in his life.
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Thank you Brave.
 
Give credit to him that he persevered for almost 3 semesters and gave it a fair shot. With luck, he will have transferable course credits. If he has started work on his plan to continue his education or start working full-time, applaud his effort to prepare for the next phase.

This is exactly why a mid can attend for up to two years and walk away, to help those who thought they wanted this path but found they did not.

In terms of timing for reapplying to college, is it better to stay one more semester and gain some more credits, and start again fall 2017? Or is he just done and done?

When mids who were voluntarily resigning came to me in the course of normal departure counseling, I would always ask what their plans were for continuing their education, or seek employment, as well as reassuring their parents they were acting like young adults and preparing for the next phase. If they already had applications started and making other tangible plans, I knew their hearts and minds were set.

I am sure he has learned time management skills, leadership and matured while at USNA. He is young, undoubtedly smart, healthy and full of potential. He has the love of family.
I have no doubt you are going through the stages of grief as you listen to him and lose your own dream.

If you sense any transience in his current decision, there is something referred to as Youngster Slump. Plebe year is long over, youngsters don't have that many more privileges, still don't have cars and civvies. It's getting dark earlier, there is the grind of 5 more semesters of mid life, and at least 5 years after that of rules and limits and the unknown. There could be roommate drama, love life drama (or lack of), or the suck factor could be incessant and overwhelming. It's possible to lose sight of that shiny mental image of being a Navy or Marine officer doing very cool things when you're mired in homework and endless Stuff To Do.

No good advice except to stay balanced, be supportive and let him find his path. Ask questions designed to help him develop his plan.

And - he is talking to you about it. Very healthy.
 
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Jcc123 said:
@USN_CPO_DAD - your son sounds like he knows what he wants - or at least what he doesn't want. Good for him! Not everyone comes to that realization in time to easily change course.

As parents, we all have hopes for our kids - that they're happy, healthy, successful, etc. I suggest you spend a bit of time "grieving" the loss of what you had obviously hoped for for your son- to be a USNA grad and officer. Then, let it go; it's not about you or what you wanted for him - it's about him. Be proud that he's strong enough and self-aware enough to adjust course, especially when so much is riding on it. Let him know you're with him, and back him 100% on whatever his new goals turn out to be.

Best of luck to you all.
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Thank you JCC. You are absolutely right. It's not about us or what we wanted for him but it's about him. Thank you for the words of encouragement.
 
Capt MJ said:
Give credit to him that he persevered for almost 3 semesters and gave it a fair shot. With luck, he will have transferable course credits. If he has started work on his plan to continue his education or start working full-time, applaud his effort to prepare for the next phase.

This is exactly why a mid can attend for up to two years and walk away, to help those who thought they wanted this path but found they did not.

In terms of timing for reapplying to college, is it better to stay one more semester and gain some more credits, and start again fall 2017? Or is he just done and done?

When mids who were voluntarily resigning came to me in the course of normal departure counseling, I would always ask what their plans were for continuing their education, or seek employment, as well as reassuring their parents they were acting like young adults and preparing for the next phase. If they already had applications started and making other tangible plans, I knew their hearts and minds were set.

I am sure he has learned time management skills, leadership and matured while at USNA. He is young, undoubtedly smart, healthy and full of potential. He has the love of family.
I have no doubt you are going through the stages of grief as you listen to him and lose your own dream.

If you sense any transience in his current decision, there is something referred to as Youngster Slump. Plebe year is long over, youngsters don't have that many more privileges, still don't have cars and civvies. It's getting dark earlier, there is the grind of 5 more semesters of mid life, and at least 5 years after that of rules and limits and the unknown. There could be roommate drama, love life drama (or lack of), or the suck factor could be incessant and overwhelming. It's possible to lose sight of that shiny mental image of being a Navy or Marine officer doing very cool things when you're mired in homework and endless Stuff To Do.

No good advice except to stay balanced, be supportive and let him find his path. Ask questions designed to help him develop his plan.

And - he is talking to you about it. Very healthy.
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Thank you Capt MJ. His mind is definitely made up to leave as he discussed his plans with us. Thank you for you insights and wisdom.
 
Don't be surprised if he remains close with classmates. Bonds have been forged there.
 
It takes a great deal of strength to leave an academy. We watched many cadets make the very mature decision to leave WP over the years for various reasons. And guess what? They are all still really smart, really interesting people, who have gone on to do some really amazing things in life! Given that your son has what it takes to gain admission to and attend an SA, he will be just fine. A bit of adjusting for all involved at the moment while he plots his new course, but y’all will come out just fine. Best of luck to him in his future endeavors.
 
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I have a friend whose DS did not make it out of his USNA plebe year. I know my friend was greatly disappointed but he still supported his son's decision. This same son is now a a physician.

This is a time to explore and know what you don't want is as important as finding what you do.

Best of luck to your son, CPO.
 
I'll echo a couple of comments above. I know from personal experience that staying is often the easy decision. For most kids (and it sounds like your DS is in this group), it is much harder to leave than just suck it up and carry-on. You're proud of him for many reasons, having the courage to leave is another.

If, by chance, he changes his mind, he'll be happier having addressed this issue in a mature and thoughtful way.
 
That's tough on everyone. Best of luck to all of you.
 
I walked in your shoes four years ago. DS was AFROTC at U of Portland. After two semesters, my wife and I sensed something went wrong. We chatted with him and he told us that his heart isn't in it anymore. He was afraid that he would disappoint us, but I told him that he has to live his own life. He left the program but remained at the university. Today, he is a very happy senior and preparing to graduate in May. Some of his best friends are still the cadets from his former detachment. Was I a bit disappointed? Yes, but that smile he has on his face is priceless. Best wishes to your son. Sounds like he'll be just fine.
 
My DD is also a Youngster. She has had some ups and downs and serious 2nd thoughts along the way. DW and I were OK with her not staying, but really wanted her to stay long enough to make an informed decision. Your DS has been there long enough that he is making an informed decision, and he is wise to complete the semester. As Capt MJ mentioned, it may be good if he could finish next semester unless he already has something set up at another college.

I'm sure it's tough for you as a parent, but imagine how difficult it must have been for him to make the decision. Best of luck to your DS in whatever path he chooses. I'm sure the time he spent at USNA has given him skills that will be valuable in his future endeavors, whatever they may be.
 
USN_CPO_DAD said:
My DS is currently a youngster at USNA and yesterday the inevitable has happened and that my son's time at the Academy is over. He called me yesterday stating that he is quitting the Academy and that he is no longer happy being there. I asked if he was home sick or stressed out and he said neither. He said his heart is not in it anymore and feeling miserable and no longer have the motivation to continue. He said he felt this way ever since after Plebe year and tried to ride the wave to see if some feelings would change but apparently wasn't enjoying the ride any longer. He will finish the rest of this semester and not come back after the holiday break. We tried talking him out of it but his mind is already made up to leave. We're very, very disappointed to say the least but at the same token as parents we have to support his decision. We didn't want to push him to get through it and suck it up while feeling miserable in fear of him doing something stupid. Any thoughts to mend our broken hearts?
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Thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like he gave it his best and made a thoughtful decision, but I can only imagine how difficult this is for all involved.

As many have noted, he clearly has the stuff to succeed elsewhere.

Best of luck.
 
In the FWIW department, try to ensure your son is running TO something rather than running AWAY from something. This applies to those who later leave the military as officers (or enlisted). It's one thing to say: "I really want to do X instead of what I'm doing." Those people typically are happier and more successful than those who say, "Anything/anyplace has go to be better than this." Might be true, but figuring out the parameters of "anything else" can be needlessly long and painful.

As others have said, if he's started to plan his new future -- new school, different career, etc., that's a really good sign. If he is merely convinced USNA isn't right for him . . . well, it very well may not be. But in that case, it may make sense to tough it out for another semester if that's at all palatable. That way, he has time to plan his future and also get credit for the full year of classes he is taking.

USNA isn't for everyone. There are many other paths to success in life.
 
Chief,

I hope your son opts to finish the academic year. It sounds easy to say, but it'll benefit him in the long run.

I almost quit after Plebe year and again halfway through Youngster year. For me, it meant going back to the Fleet. I was itchy to go to war; the unit I was assigned to as an enlisted Sailor was one the first to hit the sandbox during Desert Shield. I was memorizing Plebe rates while by brothers were dodging Scud misspelled attacks.

My roommates now father-in-law encouraged me to tough it out; I did and it worked out for the best. I left as a Marine Captain and my roommate just pinned on Marine Colonel.

I also had a neighbor at NAPS who left for academic reasons, he's now a Lieutenant Colonel with a great combat reputation who will also soon be wearing silver eagles.

I wish your son the best and hope that he has a solid plan in place. There is lofe after Canoe U and he will definitely walk away as a better man because of his experiences.

S/F,
Grilled Cheese
 
Damn, I HATE auto correct spelling...should read "missle" vice "misspelled"; also "life" vice "lofe"...
 
Has he had a taste of life and a career in the Navy and he doesn't want that? Or is only being at USNA that he doesn't like? USNA time is limited and worth the struggle if he would still like a career in the Navy. If he doesn't, then it's important to heed the wisdom from USNA1985 and be running to something before running from something.
 
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