ROTC second thoughts normal?

H

Heubaggins

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Oct 26, 2021
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DD has started AFROTC this year. She is not on scholarship. It is a couple of weeks in and she is having second thoughts, but can't decide if it's just a part of the process or a genuine red flag. She claims that some people just love drill and all the activities and that she can't figure out how it is fun and not stressful.

She seems to have put the entire AF on a pretty high pedestal, which is all well and good except that she finds it hard to see as attainable. Even with all evidence to the contrary (she has excelled in school and done well in athletics). Today was their first mock PT test. She has stressed over it for weeks and admits that she was more worried last night than before any academic test or athletic event she has ever done. Score today: 87.1. Not a 90, but a solid pass and within sight of the 90 with a little work. Yes, she was relieved to have it over, but now she will just worry about how bad it is not to have made 90. I am a pragmatist, and always my goal is to help find realistic perspective, but in this case, I know basically nothing useful. For example, I was pretty sure that when PT starts at 0600 but you heard that 30min early was on time in the AF, you would still be among the first ones there at 0530 (I was correct), but I have no idea how to help her set a reasonable bar for herself. Motivation to improve = good. Constant stress over failing = not good.

Also, she is mulling on several competing academic goals. She is interested in becoming a Physical Therapist, but she opted to start school as an international affairs major, maybe with an interest in intelligence or emergency management. Both still trackable together for now, but neither are engineering, and it is amazing to me how little info is available on progressing in the AF in a non-technical major.

Digest questions:
How is an 87.1 on the first PT, really?
How long does it take to know if AFROTC is the right fit if you are not sure after week 1?
How do you best navigate the program if you are not on a majority track?
 
I am out of my expertise lane since I am Navy, but does she have a Cadet mentor? All of our freshmen Mids have one, and those mentors are hand selected.

Does she know how other cadets are doing who are not on scholarship......better, worse, or the same?
 
First of all, an 87.1 is fine, especially for the first 2 weeks of Rotc. I think there are people who get in the high 80s even after being in for a year or so. Not the greatest, but i think it sill passing. So again, for the first score, its great.

Second of all, if she isn't on scholarship, she has 2 years before she had to commit. At least that is true for AFRotc so maybe its different for the other branches. I say this because she has time to decide. Its only been 2 weeks, i cant decide if i like my new shoes within the first two weeks. Give it time before she decides.

Also, and most importantly, stop stressing over scores, what time to show up and trying to be the best. She should enjoy what she is doing. Yes she should try her hardest at PT, but she doesnt have to kill herself to get a 97 on her PT scores. She needs to get to PT on time, but she doestn have to get there an hour earlier. See when the other cool cats are coming in. She should enjoy the experience even though there will be times it sucks. But if she is already stressed after 2 weeks, what is going to happen when they start moving quickly. All she needs to do is give her best and if it's not good enough then ask for help. But 4 years of stressing out isn't good for anyone.
 
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GWU PNS said:
I am out of my expertise lane since I am Navy, but does she have a Cadet mentor? All of our freshmen Mids have one, and those mentors are hand selected.

Does she know how other cadets are doing who are not on scholarship......better, worse, or the same?
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I'll ask about the mentors. I know she has some women uppers in her flight, but she may have to figure out who can best answer questions. Since her biggest worry seems to be the run, I think she is doing fine on stuff so far (early going), just feeling unsure.
 
Humey said:
First of all, an 87.1 is fine, especially for the first 2 weeks of Rotc. I think there are people who get in the high 80s even after being in for a year or so. Not the greatest, but i think it sill passing. So again, for the first score, its great.

Second of all, if she isn't on scholarship, she has 2 years before she had to commit. At least that is true for AFRotc so maybe its different for the other branches. I say this because she has time to decide. Its only been 2 weeks, i cant decide if i like my new shoes within the first two weeks. Give it time before she decides.

Also, and most importantly, stop stressing over scores, what time to show up and trying to be the best. She should enjoy what she is doing. Yes she should try her hardest at PT, but she doesnt have to kill herself to get a 97 on her PT scores. She needs to get to PT on time, but she doestn have to get there an hour earlier. See whent the other cool cats are coming in. She should enjoy the experience even though there will be times it sucks. But if she is already stressed after 2 weeks, what is going to happen when they start moving quickly. All she needs to do is give her best and if it's not good enough then ask for help. But 4 years of stressing out isn't good for anyone.
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Thanks. It's exactly what I've told her, but I'm just mom, so hearing it from someone with some military credibility might make her hear. She hates the idea of quitting (anything). I just think she would do better, with less stress, if she could get a better perspective on expectations for a first year.
 
Good advice already. It’s early. She will find her groove. Or she won’t. And she isn’t committed to the path for life, at this point. Thats the beauty of being able to walk away. But imo, it’s too early at this point to give up!

What is her ‘why’? Meaning, why did she apply? Why is she doing this? What is her end goal? No need to answer, but keeping that in perspective can help in the short term.

3 points here, in general, based upon 4 of mine through ‘college’, and a few additional non-bio’s sprinkled in the mix:

1) freshman year is sooooooo transitional. In soooooo many ways. My oldest DD changed her major (IE from interior design to kinesiology - NOTHING in common, there!) 3 or 4 times before finding her niche. They have a lot to figure out. And *most* 17/18 yr olds have no real idea what they want to do, as freshman.

2) your post reads to me, that getting some good general coping/mind management skills in her tool belt could be helpful. Which is also normal! Making sure to not fixate/stress about one element. This also is normal for freshmen trying to manage/balance being on their own, all at once. Learning to fly now that they are out of the nest.

3) curse of being mom. Meaning that maybe you are her safe venting space, and are hearing all the ‘negative’ stuff. The worrisome stuff. Not saying you are, but maybe what you are receiving from her isn’t a true picture of everything overall. I have one that gives me enough stuff to ‘worry’ about, for the entire family. But after figuring that out about them…I know they are venting, and their comments will be old news, tomorrow (if not sooner 😂). And aren’t necessarily ’reality’.

Someone with more understanding of AFROTC may chime in, but in general, overall, the initial transitionary period that is freshman year, is as different for people, as can be. Throw in a military element of managing all of that and it probably can be overwhelming! But she will figure it out, and grow in confidence, as well as skill set, from figuring it out. It’s fascinating to watch. Good luck to her, and to you!! Hang in there. Things will all look very different this time next year. With so
Much in the rear view mirror!!

But don’t give up, or set expectations, this early in the game.
 
GWU PNS said:
I am out of my expertise lane since I am Navy, but does she have a Cadet mentor? All of our freshmen Mids have one, and those mentors are hand selected.

Does she know how other cadets are doing who are not on scholarship......better, worse, or the same?
Click to expand...
Do Mids at every school have a mentor?
 
botello said:
Do Mids at every school have a mentor?
Click to expand...
My school did it; incredibly valuable. I went on a cross country road trip with my mentor who was two years older than me, and am living with my mentee in flight school; our entire mentor/mentee group is very close, and has provided amazing advice and help over the past 5 years.
 
To answer the overall questionof the post; those thoughts are totally normal. I in fact completely hated the drill and somewhat disliked the group PT part of NROTC, but loved the people and the military overall.

I would encourage her to stick with it, at least for the first full year (at minimum first semester). I'd say a good 1/3 of my entire unit only came to fully appreciate the ROTC program after year 1.
 
botello said:
Do Mids at every school have a mentor?
Click to expand...
I don't want to say every school.....but most.

For us, it is a formalized program. If someone is struggling somewhere, I ask how involved the mentor has been. Of course, some Mids resist telling their mentors anything and don't ask for help. That tends to come up during the PRB, as in "Why didn't you ask for help if you thought you needed it?"

I also think that 2 year gap when people were doing school through zoom didn't do anyone any favors.
 
justdoit19 said:
3) curse of being mom. Meaning that maybe you are her safe venting space, and are hearing all the ‘negative’ stuff. The worrisome stuff. Not saying you are, but maybe what you are receiving from her isn’t a true picture of everything overall. I have one that gives me enough stuff to ‘worry’ about, for the entire family. But after figuring that out about them…I know they are venting, and their comments will be old news, tomorrow (if not sooner 😂). And aren’t necessarily ’reality’.
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DW calls this "dial a whine" when DD calls to vent about problems. It often also involves DW pouring a glass of wine to consume while she listens. It took a while to realize DD often isn't asking for or wanting advice; she just wants to complain to someone who will listen. I've had a harder time making that transition. I'm a "fixer" and have trouble not imparting my sage guidance.
 
GWU PNS said:
I don't want to say every school.....but most.

For us, it is a formalized program. If someone is struggling somewhere, I ask how involved the mentor has been. Of course, some Mids resist telling their mentors anything and don't ask for help. That tends to come up during the PRB, as in "Why didn't you ask for help if you thought you needed it?"

I also think that 2 year gap when people were doing school through zoom didn't do anyone any favors.
Click to expand...
I would think that would be extremely helpful! I'll have to check with my DS. His school does seem to be very good at operations; they are a large unit.
 
ProudDad17 said:
DW calls this "dial a whine" when DD calls to vent about problems. It often also involves DW pouring a glass of wine to consume while she listens. It took a while to realize DD often isn't asking for or wanting advice; she just wants to complain to someone who will listen. I've had a harder time making that transition. I'm a "fixer" and have trouble not imparting my sage guidance.
Click to expand...
My sons call me to vent. I don't pick up venting or fixing, so I asked them last year, please start the call with FYI. Then I am in listening only mode.
 
Okay, I can answer a few of these questions. I'm a third year in the program and have gone through many of the same things it sounds like your DD is going through.

1. An 87.1 on your first PT test is by all means not a bad score. My first PT test in AFROTC I scored around an 88. Doing the PT test for the first time is fairly stressful; many people don't know quite how to prepare the night before and a lot of people lose sleep the night before due to stress. She will be doing PT with her det for the rest of the semester and as long as she works out a little outside of training it is not hard to improve.

2. Regarding how long until she realizes that it is or is not the right fit for her, one of the things we preach at my det is that even if you don't like it right off the bat, stick with it for the semester. Towards the middle of the semester is when friendships start to really form and the class starts to get some camaraderie which will make the program much more endurable. Even if she doesn't like it at the end of the semester, then she can say that she gave it her all for a full semester and truly found that it was not for her, and not have any regrets about dropping too early.

3. I am also a non-tech international studies major, coincidentally. It is definitely a bit tough when there is nobody around to discuss your major with because it feels like everyone and their brother is an engineer, but it really doesn't change too much. Not being an engineer doesn't place her on a track separate from everyone else; she might not be able to apply for a few AFSCs that require engineering, but many many jobs in the Air Force don't require an engineering whatsoever, including pilot, intel, etc etc.
 
Thought I might update now that we are 2 months into the semester. AFROTC is now the best thing ever :), including extra mornings at PT and running club, and she has figured out that people that show up for optional drill practice have it easier (doh). Today was the second practice PFA. Score: 92.1 (to save scrolling, first time was an 87.1. She attended the ball held for the 75th anniversary of AF, and has been

She is still pursuing both her International Affairs major and completing all the PT school requirements and is going to advising for both programs to make sure she keeps them on track.

Next hurdle will be the physical; she had hip surgery 2 years ago. She is fully cleared for all activities and her surgeon said he has done the same surgery on people already on active duty that returned to duty, but we are prepared for it to be an issue.

For other moms out there, seems like things can turn around a lot in a month and, as expected, giving things at least a semester is certainly a good idea.
 
ProudDad17 said:
DW calls this "dial a whine" when DD calls to vent about problems. It often also involves DW pouring a glass of wine to consume while she listens. It took a while to realize DD often isn't asking for or wanting advice; she just wants to complain to someone who will listen. I've had a harder time making that transition. I'm a "fixer" and have trouble not imparting my sage guidance.
Click to expand...
Just one glass? When my son calls, I make sure I have a bottle handy.
 
Here is the truth about, Rotc, at least for AFRotc. Your life in during AFROTC has no bearing to your life in the Air Force. I have to imagine that when the academy guys wind up commissioning in the Air Force, they must be happy and or disappointed. Because compared to what they went through in the academy, the AF is a breeze. Of course that is job-dependent and who you are working with
 
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