Seriously struggling with decision to accept appointment

[Full Steam]

Hello everyone, I'd like to preface this by saying I would seriously appreciate anyone taking the time to give advice or a new perspective on my situation. This will be the biggest decision I've ever made and I'm hoping that some input will help me stop stressing out. It's going to be a really long post, but try to stick with me. Thank you in advance.

I received an appointment to USAFA about three weeks ago and was initially really excited. However, after countless hours of research, attending the appointee tour yesterday (4/8), and talking one-on-one with numerous grads and current cadets (firsties and doolies), I'm seriously questioning my motives for applying and whether it's the right place for me. A bit about where I'm at: I'm currently attending my second semester at local regional university with a full-ride after graduating high school a year early. I took full advantage of concurrent enrollment and will be finishing an associate's in aviation science this semester with 93 credits. This is the easy route for me; my parents work here so I'd get tuition waived regardless of my scholarship. I've really enjoyed it so far.

The only other school I applied to was USAFA. I did so because I liked the idea of a challenge, I wanted the personal growth and leadership that came with the experiences, and I really wanted to fly for the Air Force and participate in the airmanship programs. I started an application with USNA but decided I'd much rather go to USAFA for numerous reasons that I won't get into here. Prestige never really mattered to me; I've been totally satisfied with the education I've received at my relatively unknown university, and while I know that the opportunities for research and access to technology at the academy are unparalleled, I don't see how the actual quality of academics would change. Anyway, I think it's important to note that I didn't mention wanting to become an officer as a reason for applying, which brings me to my dilemma.

During the application process, I always mentioned ROTC as my backup plan, but I never ended up finishing my application for that. Honestly, it never really appealed to me; my education was already paid for, and it seemed much harder to get a pilot slot out of the program. But the fact that I'm not in/interested in ROTC seriously worries me. Everybody on here says that the academy should not be the goal, but rather a means of achieving something after. And that something is becoming an officer and serving. After a lot of reflecting, I feel like I'm much more interested in taking advantage of the opportunities at the academy rather than the idea of becoming an officer. I'm certainly not opposed to it, but given the choice between the exact same job in the military vs. as a civilian, I'd take doing it as a civilian.

Since finishing my application five months ago, I've reflected on my ethics and values and decided that I don't think flying on the front lines is for me. My family is the polar opposite of a military family, and both of my parents really value the ethics of their jobs as professors. While I have massive respect for our nation's veterans, I don't think I could live with having to drop bombs and intentionally killing other people, which limits my careers to non-combat roles. It sounds crazy to change goals like that, but I think my passion for military aviation and aviation in general has always overshadowed my values until the idea of going to pilot training became all too real. Anyway, I don't really know what I want to do long-term now. Since deciding on this, I've realized I no longer have an ultimate goal to achieve after the academy, or at least one that would be more difficult to achieve through other means (I originally wanted UPT or ENJJPT). In fact, I could now double major in physics and mechanical engineering at my current university (which would be my plan), and graduate nearly two years before I'd graduate from the academy because of all the credits I already have. If I wanted to become an officer, I could join ROTC while doing that and become the same second lieutenant I'd be if I graduated the academy, except two years earlier and without the service requirement because I wouldn't need a scholarship. Furthermore, my university has a fantastic flight training program and I'm lucky enough to have access to a college fund that could pay for it if I decided to do that as well. This perspective really makes me think that I should just keep doing what I'm already doing. After all, I know someone out there is praying for an appointment and might not have the alternative that I do.

However, both myself and my parents recognize the incredible opportunities the academy has to offer that I wouldn't be able to get anywhere else. My dad thinks I should take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and give it a shot. If I left, my tuition waiver would always be there for me back home. The amount of character improvement and personal development I'd go through would be unreal, and it sounds amazing to me. But the academy isn't a walk in the park. I know I'd need a whole lot more than just a "give it a shot" mindset to get through four years of life at the academy. And with no real goal that the academy would uniquely allow me to achieve, I'd just be there just for the sake of being there, for the experience, for the character building. I'm unsure whether or not I'd be able to get through it given the fact that I could leave and graduate way quicker while having much more fun and freedom at my current university. The military part of it just doesn't get me all that excited. When I look at the potential class schedule I'd have lined up if I stayed home, I get excited. But I also get excited thinking about the airmanship classes, study abroad opportunities, research programs, and camaraderie at the academy. I place a huge emphasis on the value of relationships in my life and if there's one place that will form lifelong bonds, it's the service academies.

People have told me that I got in for a reason, that the Air Force and my interviewers saw something in me. I got two congressional nominations, and I'm proud of it. But I have a 35 ACT, 3.99 HS GPA, and 93 college credits with a 4.0. Part of me feels like I got in because of my academics alone, and for a place like the academy, I'd much rather have the unwavering motivation to graduate and become an officer in the Air Force over a slight advantage in academics. But the other part of me knows that graduating from USAFA would be one of the greatest achievements in my life, and I'd be immensely proud of it. I certainly wouldn't be as proud if I graduated from my current university.

I could go on and on, but I'll spare you guys. If it isn't obvious yet, I'm a really indecisive person and my thoughts on this have ping-ponged back and forth way to many times, but I think I've done a decent job summarizing the never-ending river of thoughts that has been flowing through my head over the last three weeks. Honestly, I'm worried that if I decline, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I came here because I know most of you have been through it; you guys know who succeeds and who fails at the academy through experience. While none of you know me personally, I'm hoping that I've provided enough insight into my thoughts and motives. And seriously, thank you so much for reading this mess of a post. Any advice would mean the world to me.

I think it's important to remember that the purpose of USAFA and Air Force ROTC is to train and prepare Air Force officers. If you aren't as interested in becoming an Air Force officer as you were at the beginning of the process, that's ample reason to decline an appointment.

You will be able to express some preference in what you do after graduation, but it's a branch assignment process, where the final decision belongs to the Air Force, not to you. If a majority of the specialties you might do after graduation would be a problem for you, that is another reason to decline the offer.

The sense of doing something hard and meaningful are a big attraction at the academies (and ROTC). But you can do things that are hard and meaningful at your current college and through a host of careers and adult activities. Many people who never served have lives of significance and accomplishment.

Perhaps this is the moment for you to look around and find where you can dig in at your current institution. Does it have engineering competition teams that would give you a sense of teamwork and achievement?

 

[ehconde]

The mission of the U.S. service academies is to provide instruction and experience to all cadets so that they graduate with the knowledge and character essential to leadership and the motivation to become career officers in the U.S. military. There are no easy answers as the decision is yours and only yours. Whatever you do - follow your passion. If you are not passionate about USAFA and wanting to become an officer then it will be a hard road. The military is not for everyone. But I tell you this - it is a great experience for those that take the challenge and embrace it. I completed 20 years of active duty service in the greatest Navy in the world. I transitioned to a leadership position in healthcare and I can tell you that my experiences surpassed those of my counterparts.

 

[bopper]

Another factor not to go... you already have 93 credits... you would have to start completely over...you would have to take 4 years of college again. And you may place out of lower level classes but then have to take harder classes instead and keep your GPA up.

 

[nmabq]

I have recognized, though, that my family and home are not me. I am my own person with my own views on the ethics of war. Maybe you should reasses whether you're letting yourself be your own person?

This. And beyond the specific ethics of war - on everything in life. Being your own person is so important.

I’m the deadhead liberal parent and have two kids who found their own paths - one happy at USNA, one happy as a fed - neither would I have picked for them. But they are happy and as a dad that’s all that really matters.

I’ll buck the trend here and suspect that you might actually want to go, but regardless please make it your decision. Everyone here is offering fantastic advice and all know more than me. But as an old guy the things I regret most are those where I didn’t manifest my own agency. The SA thing applies huge pressure to what are essentially kids. I get that. I suspect whatever you decide will be the right choice. Just make sure it’s the right choice for you.

 

[Full Steam]

I'll add one other thought.

A couple years ago, an officer we know held a getting out of the Navy party to celebrate the end of their time as an active duty officer and the transition to the next phase in their life. They'd worked in a community they enjoyed and were successful in. I very much respect their professionalism and intelligence.

But they also talked about how hard it was for them to accept their offer of appointment as a high schooler, because it was such a big decision -- one they knew would significantly affect the course of their life.

I have no idea what is the right or wrong answer for you. But the doubts and second thoughts are not always a sign of being unfit for duty. It may be a sign that you are thinking deeply about what you would be signing up for.

 

[Wahoo Fan]

You don’t want to be a military officer.
You couldn’t live with yourself if you dropped bombs on other people and intentionally killed them.
You would prefer working in a civilian job versus the military if everything was equivalent.
To me, that sounds like you shouldn’t join the military.

 

[Luke Gs Dad]

You don’t want to be a military officer.
You couldn’t live with yourself if you dropped bombs on other people and intentionally killed them.
You would prefer working in a civilian job versus the military if everything was equivalent.
To me, that sounds like you shouldn’t join the military.

Hello everyone, I'd like to preface this by saying I would seriously appreciate anyone taking the time to give advice or a new perspective on my situation. This will be the biggest decision I've ever made and I'm hoping that some input will help me stop stressing out. It's going to be a really long post, but try to stick with me. Thank you in advance.


Since finishing my application five months ago, I've reflected on my ethics and values and decided that I don't think flying on the front lines is for me. My family is the polar opposite of a military family, and both of my parents really value the ethics of their jobs as professors. While I have massive respect for our nation's veterans, I don't think I could live with having to drop bombs and intentionally killing other people, which limits my careers to non-combat roles. It sounds crazy to change goals like that, but I think my passion for military aviation and aviation in general has always overshadowed my values until the idea of going to pilot training became all too real. Anyway, I don't really know what I want to do long-term now. Since deciding on this, I've realized I no longer have an ultimate goal to achieve after the academy, or at least one that would be more difficult to achieve through other means (I originally wanted UPT or ENJJPT). In fact, I could now double major in physics and mechanical engineering at my current university (which would be my plan), and graduate nearly two years before I'd graduate from the academy because of all the credits I already have. If I wanted to become an officer, I could join ROTC while doing that and become the same second lieutenant I'd be if I graduated the academy, except two years earlier and without the service requirement because I wouldn't need a scholarship. Furthermore, my university has a fantastic flight training program and I'm lucky enough to have access to a college fund that could pay for it if I decided to do that as well. This perspective really makes me think that I should just keep doing what I'm already doing. After all, I know someone out there is praying for an appointment and might not have the alternative that I do.

DS was asked during his interview process by the Senators committee if he would kill someone if he had to and he said yes. I am suprised this question is not asked for every canidate.
If you cannot defend the constitution of the United States aginst enemies foreign and domestic, please stay home, the USAF is not for you.

Good luck.

 

[MidCakePa]

DS was asked during his interview process by the Senators committee if he would kill someone if he had to and he said yes. I am suprised this question is not asked for every canidate.
If you cannot defend the constitution of the United States aginst enemies foreign and domestic, please stay home, the USAF is not for you.

Or, if you answer this question cavalierly and are very quick to say "yes," you may not be military leadership material either.

I'm listening to "Call Sign Chaos," James Mattis's autobiography. First, it's one of the best books I've read/heard about leadership. Second, it's intriguing how often he refers to the moral aspects of war, all while advocating for ruthless destruction of the enemy. Throughout the book, it's clear that Gen. Mattis acted as much with his brain as he did with his weapon -- to paraphrase one of his guiding principles.

 

[raimius]

Imagine yourself in 10 years. What KIND of things would you be doing? (Not specifics, because those are often not what we imagine them to be.). Does your ideal future include things like leadership, tactical flying, combat, or lots of organizing for those things? If not, becoming an AF pilot might not be your dream. That's OK.
You are young and smart, which means you have lots of potential and opportunities. If you know exactly what you want, move towards that. If not, move towards the kinds of things you want, even if the specifics are fuzzy. Keep opportunities in those areas open, and work hard to go that general direction. Don't be afraid to take some chances, but don't charge down a path that leads to goals you don't want.

 

[JacoAZ]

It is apparent that those who know you personally see your abilities to be successful in whatever path you want to take. At the end of the day, people have given you options but only you can walk one. While it seems like you have a 'nothing to lose' situation by trying it out - that would come with tremendous personal capital at your own expense to test a path toward a destination you aren't totally bought into.

You've put a lot of time and energy into the year-long USAFA application process, took the expense to visit and went out of your way to meet others to learn more. That is a lot of investment, but it doesn't mean your choice is made. If after all this effort, Air Force doesn't excite you or made you more weary, then all that time and energy to consider USAFA was truly well spent. Knowing what you don't want is as important as knowing what you do want.

I sense you are a very bright young person with already great learn-to-fly and STEM study options at your fingertips at your current place. You have a civilian college graduation in two years that can come with many of the things you like about USAFA and be ahead of the career game by 9+ years if you stay the course.

 

[MidCakePa]

If after all this effort, Air Force doesn't excite you or made you more weary, then all that time and energy to consider USAFA was truly well spent. Knowing what you don't want is as important as knowing what you do want.

Outstanding perspective.

 

[mjlpearce]

M's husband here: Great advice from everyone.

One comment from Babamort stands out, the "I don't think I could live with having to drop bombs and intentionally killing other people." If you are in the AF, you are part of the process that ends with dropping bombs and intentionally killing other people a lot of the time. You may also, however, be part of the process preventing those incidents from ever having to happen. You may be part of the process of trying to prevent that from happening only to have to switch to being part of the process of the bombs having to be dropped. Being an AF or Space Force Officer is not just about dropping bombs and killing people. It is also about preventing others that would do so to us from even thinking about it. There are a lot of AF careers that focus on this latter idea. In any case, though, if you pick a profession that presents a risk of harming others, even if for a righteous cause and you cannot picture yourself being able to live with having to commit that violence, then you need to avoid that career or accept the risk of not living with yourself. Also, if you were to be in that career and were to face the dilemma and hesitate, your hesitation could not just get you killed, but also your comrades, in which case you would have an entirely different reason to not want to live with yourself. In both situations, most people find a way to live with themselves over time.

The majority of my veteran patients loved the camaraderie of military life and felt every day they were in uniform they were doing something important. Your thought process shows you are intelligent and have many of the elements of being a fine future officer. My son is thriving in the AFROTC. He was not so sure he wanted to do the ROTC thing but it was the only way for him to afford college. Now he feels blessed to be part of the AF and has applied to be a SF officer. You may not have the same reaction if you are nagged by the regret of being part of the violence that keeps the US safe at home.

There are many other walks of life that can give you leadership training and abilities and can also be very fulfilling. Some even involve flying such as civilian rescue pilots, forest fire pilots. Some involve danger such as paramedic, firefighter. Also, in civilian life there a is a lot of opportunity to do those sorts of things on a part time basis. All of them would test, and in that testing, build your character. From my perspective, the real question for you is the moral dilemma you post. Only you can decide now what side of that question you must stand on. And yes, as you grow older, and look back on your life, you'll have an opportunity to look back on that decision and evaluate for yourself the decision you made. It is what we all do and what makes us, hopefully, wiser. What ever you decide, the fact that you decide it, is what makes it the right decision when you decide it.

 

[Ouzel]

I posted a similar question right after I got my appointment. I struggled a lot with whether or not USAFA was what I wanted because of how big the commitment is. I was in a different situation as I am a direct, but I was also really struggling with if the decade of commitment I was making was worth it.

The piece of advice that helped me the most was to think about yourself now. Think about what you want to do with your life. Now think about yourself in 5 years. 5 years from now what do you want to be doing? What do you want to be doing in 10 years? Now think about yourself in 20 years. You won't have to be in the AF in 20 years if you went to USAFA. You could be doing any number of things. What would you regret not doing? I realized that I would regret not coming here, not trying it.

I also come from a very liberal area. One of my best friends from high school is a pacifist. I had a couple of conversations with her after I accepted my appointment because obviously our world views and decisions were at a bit of an impass. I realized that I was ok with being a part of the military kill chain because no matter what job you have in the AF you need to accept and be ok that you will be a part of the kill chain, not because I agreed with war. In a perfect world, I am against war. But I think in the reality that we live in war is necessary. I know that being a part of the kill chain and the AF in general is protecting people. I believe that if the US did not have a military the world would be much worse off.

I think that you have a pretty good motivation for being at USAFA if you want to be a part of the community. People come here for all sorts of reasons. The best part of basic was getting to hear our cadre's reasons for coming, and how they have changed since they showed up on I-Day. Everyone says that they stay for the people. We have a pretty weird collection of people here, but we really do get to know each other very well. I've met plenty of people who are here for the wrong reasons, and usually, they get kicked out or leave.

I think that you could come here or not and either option would result in a good life. That was the scariest thing to me making my decision. If I had gone to another college I would probably be happy and I would probably get a pretty good job out of there. But I made the decision to come here. So at the end of the day the problem is that there isn't a bad decision, just a decision to be made.

The only thing I will add is that echoing what others said in the thread, you will have to accept and be ok being a part of the kill chain. I personally don't like it, but I also am not planning on going rated for multiple reasons (mostly I don't think I would qualify because of my vision), but I think it is a necessary evil of our world. I think we need a military full of people with differing opinions to make sure that our military is representative of the people we serve.

 

[Falconiform-mom]

When my DS was in HS he withdrew his application because he didn’t think he was ready for the commitment. He didn’t know if he wanted the military job. He didn’t know if he could do everything asked of him. He had about 60 college credits in high school from AP and DE and he didn’t want 4 more years. He happily jumped into his plan B where he excelled. He was accepted into a competitive mechanical engineering major after one semester.

At the end of that year they sent all students home due to COVID. He had already decided to take a two year gap and serve a mission for our church. While he was in Germany he decided to apply again and is now part of the class of 26. He had to work twice as hard on that application to get it all done, but it was his choice and what he wanted.

The time might not be right now. You might not be ready now. Make the decision that is best for you.