Taking a lot of heat for choosing USNA over Stanford.

basalt7728 said:
Hello, I also find myself in the exact same situation. A downside to Stanford NROTC is the commute (~2.5 hours round trip) to UC Berkeley's campus.
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its nice (might be the wrong choice of words) to hear someone else is in the same situation. For me, it's the commute AND the fact that there are only a few midshipmen at a time on the Stanford campus. Wheras at USNA there are over 4000! Plus, the 24/7 immersive environment will certainly better prepare midshipmen to be officers than a couple mornings a week, even if marginally.
 
Herman_Snerd said:
Congrats on your acceptance to Stanford - as you can see others are envious.

I imagine what may come next if it hasn't already is your senior year goes like that of my children so far, is pressure from those around you who are wait-listed or deferred to regular decision (still awaiting decision) to urge you to decline your acceptances to Stanford and other competitive schools and to pull your applications (that you likely paid for BTW) so that in their minds they would have a slight percent increase that they will be able to, how does your generation put it, slide in to that school. The HS basketball coach was so relentless in trying to help his star player get into one school that he hounded my kid to please decline until I went into the school and had a formal meeting with the AD, house principal and the coach, to put an end to the drama.

Look, that's in a way a compliment, but you have zero obligation to pull your applications to SAs/ ROTC programs, or universities and as others noted you are welcome to put in a back-up plan deposit at Stanford or other to protect your future options until you report. You may end up in a position where you can recover/ be well by August but not by the time you would need to report to USNA - keep your options open would be my recommendation, and perhaps others will provide their ideas as well.

* OK, no cap, I know that's not really the way y'all use slide in, I just enjoy misusing this generation's slang with a straight face, Ali G style, to get a rise out of my kids and others by being this fire albeit sans rizz Dad they like to SMH cringe over ;)

I will add that at some point in adulting you have to get to a point where you are compassionate/ empathetic and yet you need to let some flack roll off, in the way that water rolls off a duck's *ss. Waterproofing is what we call it. Listening is a good skill - great for leaders but at some point you drive your own ship here and make the decisions. When others get the memo that you're firm on this, the noise eventually will fade.
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I think that's what I'll do. Keep Stanford as a backup plan (feels weird to say this) until I report and resist pressure to go one way or another from people I probably won't see for a long time.
 
Capt MJ said:
I wrote a reply last night, but your post disappeared for awhile (which happens sometimes), and part of my draft response with it. It included many of the points above by thoughtful posters, and I am glad to see the “Going where?” thread linked.

Well done on earning two nice opportunities AND having the clarity of mind to be reasonably certain of your choice.

Your friends might be feeling a bit stung, jealous, worried about their own paths or other uh-oh-high-school-is-wrapping-up-and-real-life-is-happening-soon feelings. Ideally, true friends say things like, “I am not sure I understand your choice, but if it makes you happy, I am happy for you and wish you the best.”

Navigating major change can cause people to not be at their best and most generous with others. If you need to set boundaries or want to address anything a bit passive-aggressive, try dealing with it head-on, but kindly: “I know you don’t understand my choice, but it is the right path for me to serve my country, which is my dream. Can I at least count on you for support as I embark on something that is going to be really hard?”

Be sure to be supportive and kind about their plans, choices and worries. Model the behavior you want from others. If someone is being particularly abrasive or mean-spirited, note in a quiet 1:1 moment, “This is not like you to be so critical or sharp about a choice I am happy with. Is there something going on I can help with? Are you worried about something, and it’s getting to you?”

There is also a saying about friendships, that there are “friends of an age, friends of a stage and friends the rest of your life.” There is a natural and inevitable close-out of the friendships of people you have been around in your HS years, close as you may have been. Life paths diverge. You are about to set foot on a path that can conceivably take you all over the world and expose you to experiences (to be fair, good and bad) and events your current friends may never see.

I went home at Christmas time for the first time after several years on AD in Spain and Italy, and met up with former HS friends visiting family. It was eye-opening, and I realized I had to carefully edit what I shared, because of the nature of my experiences I had been fortunate to have. I was in the best shape of my life and had fully embraced that part of the military culture. My friends, not so much. I had traveled on official business all over the Med to various ports, plus Alexandria, Egypt and Djibouti, and traveled on my own and with new friends all over Spain, Portugal, Morocco, southern France, Italy, Monaco, Malta, Corfu. Learned new languages. Found myself at age 20 with 65 people working for me in the Navy tugboat crews at Naval Station Rota, Spain. Already had 1 M.S. within 2 years using Navy Tuition Aid taking after-hours courses at the college detachments on base. My friends’ experiences to date had not been so global and wide-ranging in nature, and I realized how much our paths had diverged from HS. I respectfully listened to their updates, and heavily curated my own. One of those friends I am still close with today, she went to work for Delta Airlines, and came to spend time with me overseas. She was astonished at the responsibility I had, enjoyed meeting my Navy friends, and was 100% supportive, noting she knew this was right for me. That’s a friend for life.

Be confident in your path. If your friends continue to give you a hard time, smile and change the subject and answer the question you wish they had asked (like a politician), “Thanks for mentioning that, I am particularly excited by the various opportunities for a professional officer career specialty after graduation and commissioning, so many interesting paths, and the prospect of having a real job, my B.S. degree and no student loans. I understand there are several service academy grads and other veterans and active duty officers at Stanford’s B school, so I still have that as a goal.”

All of you are realizing the comfortable pattern of the past few years will break up in a few months. Do your best to navigate it. You’ll soon be busy with your USNA Permit To Report checklist. Class of 2027’s info can still be seen at the link below, and will be updated with your class info in the spring. Go have some fun and check it out.

www.usna.edu

Plebe Summer Home

Plebe Summer Home page for Plebe Summer at USNA.edu. Updated Fri Jun 16 11:08:37 EDT 2023.
www.usna.edu
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Thank you Capt MJ for the well-researched and detailed response as usual :).
 
UnDon0 said:
thanks for the kinds words. I guess this is just a form of growing pains and I'll take a look at that thread.
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It could also be some jealousy on their part….

but whatever is going on, i promise it wont be a “thing” long term.
 
This works for some of my classmates... ask them what they'd rather do in college, take required boxing classes (among other fun things) and have super cool trainings, or go to some average college experience. This juxtaposition clears it up imo.
 
UnDon0 said:
thanks for the kinds words. I guess this is just a form of growing pains and I'll take a look at that thread.
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Oh wait - if the mood is right, show them these videos and let them know you’re not going to a place where 4000+ (smart, athletic, well-liked) people like you don’t know how to have fun:

Music Video Shot By Mids in DTA (Downtown Annapolis)

“Snowmageddon”

Spirit Spot Created by Mids about USMA
 
Also, remember that at 17 years of age it is likely that the ego thinks that whatever ones dream is must be the best dream for others. Growing up and life helps reshape that sentiment. Having kids reshapes it even further. Yours is a much more deep version of "Wait, you haven't seen ____ movie? I can't believe you haven't seen _____ movie." People try to color you as odd for not having the same experiences as them and tell themselves something must be off. It's probably not intentionally a jab at you but more a thought about their own insecurities. There is FOMO and then there is the opposite, when someone wants something and then another person doesn't want it, it makes them question their own existence. That's why the movie Mean Girls is so popular, it rings true for a ton of people. The alternative may be true as well and the person or people who said it are just d***ks.
 
As someone that used to coach and had several athletes go to Stanford, I can tell you most of them were not super happy there. For the most part, they stayed because of the prestige, not because they really liked it. The quarter system sucks, and the constant feedback I received was it was not the greatest "college" experience unless you had the money to partake in what that part of California offered. Is it a great school? I am sure it is. But if were to choose another option over a SA because I wanted more of a traditional college experience, it wouldn't be in Palo Alto.
 
OP, you've had lots of excellent advice. DS only keeps in touch with two HS classmates, and even those chats are infrequent. They might grab lunch when he's home on leave but that is the extent of it.

The first summer he was home, he realized, as others have said, the delta that had opened up between him and his HS peers. He had survived COVID plebe summer and year, spoken to an astronaut while said astronaut was in space (great Teams Forrestal), had another Forrestal with Matthew McConaughey, a Forrestal with a USNA alumnus who survived six years in a Vietnam POW camp, Charlie Plumb. He then had the good fortune to meet Mr. Plumb in person at our All Academy Ball (great picture). He had spent 10 days overseas on a USNA LREC to the land of fire and ice, been in a sub, been on a destroyer, been with the Marines for a week, flown in a fixed wing and an Osprey. He did voluntary summer courses and his sister flew out and they made awesome memories of being tourists in DTA and DC. And all of that was just his plebe year and rising Youngster summer. He's had more adventures since.

He also had responsibilities, standing watches, being accountable, mentoring others, being mentored, being in the right place in the proper uniform on time. How many college freshmen are consistently on time? There is major growth that comes from these tasks and obligations.

I think your comment about this being growing pains is very true. Be true to yourself and your goals, and be kind to your friends as they navigate the big world changes that are coming to all of you.

And I second the suggestion to become 'waterproof', I mean you are going to be a Sailor!!

Good job having great options, I would say USNA all day and consider an Ivey for a post-graduate degree down the road.
 
When my DS was a HS Junior, we had a discussion about colleges. DS: "I dont want to go to college...I want to be a Charter Boat Captain." Me: "you can be a Charter Boat Captain, after you get a solid degree from a decent school." Never thought at that time he would attend and graduate from USNA.

We visited Annapolis that winter, after walking around during a snow fall: DS: "I'm going to go here." Me: "Ok, make is so." This kid could have gone almost anywhere, but decided on the Yard. Today he is a proud young Naval Officer. Go Navy.
 
People are uneducated about service academies and how it suits people better than just going to a prestigious college. The intestinal fortitude required to stick to what you truly believe in is going to be required of you at the academy and beyond, especially in the military. I suggest you develop that now by not letting other people's opinions shake your resolve.
 
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