thank you for all who shared their experience and insight

Singapore, unfortunately sometimes those people will be so dense that they will never realize they offended you.

I still laugh at my MIL. Yrs ago when DS was 4, and Bullet was going to jump into Haiti, they decided that this was the perfect time to visit...arriving 8 hrs before he had to go into lockdown with the 82nd. There I am left with them and 3 children 4 and under (1 was 3 mos old); calm, cool, and collected. She had the gall to say to me I was a war monger because I supported her DS's choice.:eek:

I said no, I support your DS and my DH's desire to serve.

She tells me that's easy for you, if he dies you can always get another husband, I will never have another son.:eek: You have already made me a widow and the plane hasn't left the runway?

She went onto say, trust me when it's your DS you won't think like that anymore, you will think like me!

Welp, 17 yrs later it is my DS and I still think the same way!

She does too! Everytime she is in our home, she will say "it's not the right war". Bullet and I always respond: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A RIGHT WAR!" That always goes up and over her cranium!

Just wanted to let you know you can tattoo "No free speech" on your forehead and they will still say whatever flows out of their mind.

If you want to embroider something...I suggest this one, it's a more subtle way to tell them to mind their ps and qs.

Freedom is a word that those protected by it, truly never understand the meaning of it.

My MIL, couldn't get it until, I reminded her that her child is missing her grandchildren's life so you can say whatever you want with out being hauled off to prison, including this isn't the right war!
 
singaporemom said:
"I would rather they live their life happy, than miserable because of my fear."

Thank you for those words... I'm starting to come across well intentioned and not so well intentioned people for which these words would be perfect.

I've one more school year until DS commissions in the Army. Our house has become a NO FREE SPEECH zone. If a non supporter crosses my threshold they are expected to SHUT UP! Maybe I should just embroider your words on a pillow......:redface:
Click to expand...

The patentesq household hasn't entered the NO FREE SPEECH zone yet (although it is FAR from a true democracy). When we do, though, I was thinking that a more effective way to deal with "not so well intentioned people" than embroidering a pillow might be to install one of those hidden trap doors (with a very large lever) on the floor of the front porch.
 
patentesq said:
a more effective way to deal with "not so well intentioned people" than embroidering a pillow might be to install one of those hidden trap doors (with a very large lever) on the floor of the front porch.
Click to expand...

LOL! I actually laughed out loud!! :yllol:

Pima, regarding inconsiderate MIL, I have one of those too. And a SIL. My DH has informed them of their new NO FREE SPPECH ZONE...they don't like it and don't think it's fair. It has extended to a 100 ft radius around me.... They hate that. Because of that they have chosen to visit less often, if at all. amazing how my life is less stressful!! :biggrin:

It is my job to support my kids, and be able to get through everyday in happiness. I need to be strong when they graduate. Strong when they commission. Strong when they deploy. My strength will need to help a young wife, a young mother. I can worry and cry in private. I don't need any help in that department.

I am calling in the contractor to install strategically placed trapped doors throughout the house!!
 
Pima and singaporemon, our MILs are kindred spirits - different themes, but outspoken and hateful in their own ways. Sorry you've had to school her on manners. I ignore mine very well now, but it took the first 20 years of my marriage to figure it out.

Haven't run into any well intentioned or otherwise people questioning DS choice, other than why I'm letting my son attend the biggest party school in the country. Will remember a few of the suggested methods if I encounter any of these type people. However, I'm a little redneck compared to most of you - I'd just as likely tell them to "Shut the F*** UP, no one asked your opinion", saves me the cost of installing the trapdoors and the look on their face might be priceless:biggrin:
 
Ohio,

Bullet adores my Mom, and it ticks my MIL off to no end.

I hope to live by my Mom's creed when my kids get married.

"The best In-Law makes themselves an OUTLAW!"

She says all the time, I don't pay their bills, so I have no voice in the way they live their lives!

My Mom always visited when Bullet was deployed, but she always timed it to be @ 6-9 weeks in.

For people with no military experience. I can tell you that is the "hump" time, at least for me. The 1st month you are getting into the groove and living off of adrenaline. The 6 week point you are in the groove, and now it is just silent at night.

She also started a tradition that I plan to do with my grandchildren. After spending @1-2 weeks with me, she would "train" it with one child and keep them for @ 1 week. I would than go up an collect them a week later and stay for a week. She was fortunate to work for a small company, so they "worked" for her for a week, or in my terms was the Mascot of the office for the week! Believe it or not they did work...in charge of xeroxing anything and everything!

By the time all of that was done, I was at the 3 month marker and made it over the hump.

Just a thought to put out there for the parents in this forum. The best parent not only keeps their mouth shut, but they also recognize and understand there is an appropriate time to visit, and when you do visit, enter with the thought you are going to help, not to be entertained or fed at certain hours and especially, disrupt their schedule for your needs.

Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT, call and say "we want to come this weekend", understand they have a life. Call and say we want to come and visit, when is it good for you?

This is especially important as they enter their career and in "field" schools. This will be a make or break point for them, it is not like college where they are going to FB games or bars on the weekend, they actually use Sunday as a day of studying. Kids are kind, and will not want to say NO, but you as a parent need to remember you maybe putting them between a rock and a hard place.

23 yrs and I still get we are coming this date from 1 side, and I would like to come sometime next month, will be that okay from the other. I never turn down either said, never will, however, I do like the fact that I am given the option of when it is best for us.
 
I would probably get along fine with your Mom too. My family is of the same mind set. MIL(FIL now deceased) is not so easy going, but has been better the last 5 or so years, major life events mellowed her out a little even before she lost FIL, so I can tolerate her. Never wanted DH is take sides, but it was difficult to stay away from her and the backlash that started when her son married a non-Catholic. Yes, in some families Vatican II really didn't happen:wink: The best giggle was when she told me with a straight face, that nursing my DS past 3 months old was incest:eek:

Gotta love the inlaws:thumb:
 
Holy CR*P Ohio, that's hysterical!

At my husband's grandfather's funeral she asked why I came, since I'm not blood related.....

Then at her birthday party, she got mad at me because i flew out from Texas at the crack of dawn (to california), took a train to the party....helped set up....attended the party, cleaned up the party.....took a train to the airport and flew home all in the same day. Since I didn't stay the night, I shouldn't have bothered coming. Well, now that the rules have now been explained, I haven't shown up since! :biggrin:
 
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