Unsupportive Parents and Worried Self

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maefitz2100@gmail

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So I have been interested in USMA for a while now, but my parents are not supportive. I know that many other people have this issue too, but I have been reading a lot of books about the academic and physical aspect - I feel that I can handle the physical aspect with training, but from what I've heard the academic standpoint is miserable, busy, stressful, and just really terrible. I really haven't heard any good things about it. My parents don't believe I have what it takes to go in any capacity, but now I'm starting to worry that I won't be able to make it 4 years - and if I get a nomination and decide to go for myself, what if I'm having a hard day? What if I need to call them but they try to turn every situation into reasons why I shouldn't have gone and why I'm not strong enough to survive there!? I'm so stressed!! Sorry for the long message but ANY advice would be helpful thank you so so much!
 
There are other parents, cadets, friends, counselors, sponsors - a lot of resources to help while there.

If you can do well in high school - you have no problems doing well there.

It doesn’t matter if someone else doesn’t believe in you. Believe in yourself.
 
My daughter is a junior and just starting the process of applying to USMA and USAFA. When we visited West Point, they talked about sponsor families that are on or close to campus. These families help out students who are struggling...the sponsor mom who talked to us said that the cadets loved her dogs and toddlers! So there is a support system.
 
It is impossible to fail here academically if you use all your resources. Instructors will sacrifice life and limb to help you outside of class. The Center for Enhanced Performance will help you write a schedule to complete assignments in a timely manner. CPD and Chaplains will talk to you in odd hours of the night. Cadet tutors will help you for little in return. People will be there for you to support you--I've had instances where I was upset about something I don't even remember and was texting a friend down the hall late at night and she came and sat with me until she was sure I was alright. Hard days are inevitable however your support system here is far better than that at any civilian school.

Everyone here fails at something but there's always someone to help you in your shortcomings. I'm often stressed, overworked, and exhausted, but I've never doubted how much I love it here. I buy into the system and it gives its dividends. I have never not had someone to turn to for help.
 
maefitz2100@gmail said:
So I have been interested in USMA for a while now, but my parents are not supportive. I know that many other people have this issue too, but I have been reading a lot of books about the academic and physical aspect - I feel that I can handle the physical aspect with training, but from what I've heard the academic standpoint is miserable, busy, stressful, and just really terrible. I really haven't heard any good things about it. My parents don't believe I have what it takes to go in any capacity, but now I'm starting to worry that I won't be able to make it 4 years - and if I get a nomination and decide to go for myself, what if I'm having a hard day? What if I need to call them but they try to turn every situation into reasons why I shouldn't have gone and why I'm not strong enough to survive there!? I'm so stressed!! Sorry for the long message but ANY advice would be helpful thank you so so much!
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You’ll find the support you need. WP is tough but when/if your parents say what you fear, you will hang up and get the support you need from your classmates, teammates, members of your company, roommates, chain of command, and countless other sources of support. These same people at WP will challenge you at times, even often, but do not fear a lack of support. Just tell them what your parents said and they will rally to your support.

And another thing, your parents may surprise you in a positive way. Just because they are afraid for you doesn’t mean they won’t be supportive. They might surprise you and rise to the occasion, especially when they see you rise to the occasion sufficiently to gain a nomination and offer of appointment.
 
maefitz2100@gmail said:
So I have been interested in USMA for a while now, but my parents are not supportive. I know that many other people have this issue too, but I have been reading a lot of books about the academic and physical aspect - I feel that I can handle the physical aspect with training, but from what I've heard the academic standpoint is miserable, busy, stressful, and just really terrible. I really haven't heard any good things about it. My parents don't believe I have what it takes to go in any capacity, but now I'm starting to worry that I won't be able to make it 4 years - and if I get a nomination and decide to go for myself, what if I'm having a hard day? What if I need to call them but they try to turn every situation into reasons why I shouldn't have gone and why I'm not strong enough to survive there!? I'm so stressed!! Sorry for the long message but ANY advice would be helpful thank you so so much!
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If you're not worried about how'll you would do at West Point I'd say you shouldn't apply. Anyone normal would be worried. Makes you human. If you can't handle the stress of being a student on the Hudson River, how about leading a platoon (with their lives depending on YOUR decisions) in Ramadi, Iraq, or outside of Khandahar, Afghanistan, or Hue City, Vietnam. You get the picture.

Accept the challenge, or don't. Up to you. Everyone has "hard days", be it officer candidates or car wash employees or accountants or landscapers or attorneys or car salesmen or roofers or Uber drivers or Marine Corps recruits at Parris Island or meter maids in New York City. Part of life. Plow past it.

Also, parental permission is not a required for admission to West Point. Or enlisting in the US armed forces in any capacity (provided you are 18 years of age). Of course it would be easier if your parents supported you aspiration to serve your country, but if not you certainly wouldn't be the first to take the oath against his or her parent's wishes. Be respectful, but put the parent's in the rear view mirror if you want to an officer in the US Army & lead troops. Look in the mirror & tell yourself you CAN do this, if you want to. Hoo-ah, as the Army people say. Get and stay motivated.

"Sometimes guts is enough!" Senior Drill Instructor Hartman, "Full Metal Jacket". 1986.

Lastly, believe or not, four years goes by faster than you can believe.
 
OP, I think you may be getting a bit ahead of of yourself. While I know these are stressful questions, it is important to focus on the present and how you can best prepare yourself to rise to whatever challenges life gives you.

Step 1: Apply to WP (if you haven't already). At this point, it won't do you any good to be stressing over these factors.

Step 2: Apply to your plan B, C etc.

Step 3: Wait

Step 4 (appointment hopefully!): At this point you should have a number of options in front of you. This is the time to weigh all of your mentioned factors and what other posters have said in making your decision. Have this conversation with your parents about what decision you are making, and why (remember, this is YOUR life, not theirs).

Basically, what I am trying to say is that it is a bad idea, maybe even harmful to start exploring the downsides of a decision you are not even able to make yet. If you are appointed, it means that WP believes that you have what it takes to succeed there, trust them and trust yourself.

Good luck!
 
maefitz2100@gmail said:
So I have been interested in USMA for a while now, but my parents are not supportive. I know that many other people have this issue too, but I have been reading a lot of books about the academic and physical aspect - I feel that I can handle the physical aspect with training, but from what I've heard the academic standpoint is miserable, busy, stressful, and just really terrible. I really haven't heard any good things about it. My parents don't believe I have what it takes to go in any capacity, but now I'm starting to worry that I won't be able to make it 4 years - and if I get a nomination and decide to go for myself, what if I'm having a hard day? What if I need to call them but they try to turn every situation into reasons why I shouldn't have gone and why I'm not strong enough to survive there!? I'm so stressed!! Sorry for the long message but ANY advice would be helpful thank you so so much!
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I know exactly where you are coming from. Ever since I brought up West Point my sophomore year, my parents have attempted everything possible to steer me away from it. They have told me I will be miserable, unable to handle the pressure, and would be better off going to a civilian college. I am currently waiting to hear back on my admissions decision and understand that pressure as well. What I would tell you is to make sure you know what you are getting yourself into. Show your parents that you understand what life is like there as best you can. Someone on this forum said, "It is better to ask for forgiveness than permission". I could not agree more. If you are admitted, you have what it takes. Just try and inform yourself and your parents as best you can. Good luck!
 
I'm sorry to hear that your parents are not supportive of your goals. If you are resourceful and determined, I think you can make it anywhere you go. Lots of great advice from others on this post. My two cents as a mom is that most importantly, BElieve in YOUrself and go after what YOU are called to do in YOUR life. Pray for strength, courage and help along the way and ask for help from others often, when you need it.
 
IMHO, you need to really think things over! Family is not to be dismissed, if this would cause you to be miserable and regret your decision then you need to consider that..:) If you feel strongly enough about a military lifestyle then you need to make the right decision for YOU, not your parents. But remember, if you decide (and over 50% of graduates do) to leave the service after your obligated service, you are back in the civilian realm. While you will have your military family to help you always, you may need the support of your family at some point (marriage, divorce, unemployment) and I would hope that even if they disagree with your choice of career at first, that by the time you graduate and complete your service they would have realized you did what was right for you and would supportive.

But don't just throw your family ties to the wind. Take the time to try and convince them, and short of that make sure they understand your choice and why you are making it. I don't think (actually I hope) parents that try and convince you of one career at least accept the career you choose. A wise man once said "Time heals all wounds" and hopefully this is true in your case if your parents refuse to come to grips with your choice. Bottom line is YOU have be content and happy with your choices in life, your parents cannot be making decisions for you when you are an adult..:)
 
They likely will come around if they see you are determined. DS wanted to enlist in the Corps. Mom was dead set against it. I kept reminding her, privately, that he would be 18 and could do whatever he wanted. She came around but insisted college first and go in as an officer, and thus began his journey in NROTC. It's your life to live.
 
Impulsive said:
IMHO, you need to really think things over! Family is not to be dismissed, if this would cause you to be miserable and regret your decision then you need to consider that..:) If you feel strongly enough about a military lifestyle then you need to make the right decision for YOU, not your parents. But remember, if you decide (and over 50% of graduates do) to leave the service after your obligated service, you are back in the civilian realm. While you will have your military family to help you always, you may need the support of your family at some point (marriage, divorce, unemployment) and I would hope that even if the disagree with your choice of career at first, that by the time you graduate and complete your service they would realized you did what was right for you and would supportive.

But don't just throw your family ties to the wind. Take the time to try and convince them, and short of that make sure they understand your choice and why you are making it. I don't think (actually I hope) parents that try and convince you of one career at least accept the career you chose. A wise man once said "Time heals all wounds" and hopefully this is true in your case if your parents refuse to come to grips with your choice. Bottom line is YOU have be content and happy with your choices in life, your parents cannot be making decisions for you when you are an adult..:)
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I would reiterate what Impulsive has stated. While I think it is important for you to make the decision that is right for you, I would caution you to not be hasty. Our DS made a college choice that we did not think was a good choice for him, but we supported him and let him make that decision. One year into that major/college, he learned that it was not a good choice for him.

My advice to you would be to have a heart to heart discussion with them. Go in open minded and ask them why they don't think it is a good choice for you? Listen to what they have to say and thoughtfully consider their concerns. If they are typically very supportive of you, perhaps they are seeing something that you are not and you need to consider their advice. Ultimately they should have your best interests at heart and maybe they have some very genuine concerns that you should consider.

After doing that, if you still think WP is the answer, then go for it! Thank them for their input and then go with your heart but let them know that you still hope they can support you and be there for you. If they have some concerns that maybe you have too, maybe you need to search your heart for the right decision. Either way, I am sure you will succeed. You have given this a lot of thought and you are looking for advice so you want to go in with your eyes open. I wish you good luck and hope that you and your parents can come to a place of better understanding of each other's driving factors.
 
The biggest thing is to go to a SA for the RIGHT reasons...YOUR reasons. Don't go for someone elses reasons. Also, keep in mind that this is a new chapter in your life...adulting....so you nor your parents have tread these waters before. There will be challenges at any school on this next part of your journey. Your parents haven't seen you actually 'adult' yet. The difference between my son as a plebe, and at the end of plebe year was UNBELIEVABLE. My point is that who you are NOW is not who you will become. But a SA has all the supports in place for you to succeed. If you want it. They are hugely invested in you...they won't let you fail if you want it. They won't offer to you if they don't think that you have what it takes to succeed. They have done this a VERY long time, and are pretty good at it!

Your feelings are normal. You have lived your entire life at home and under your parents/teachers/coaches watchful eye. This new phase is scary no matter where you are going! It's an unknown. If you go through the process and receive an appointment, you can still say no. You cannot say yes if you dont try.

Good luck, and what you are feeling is normal...all of my (4) kiddos doubted themselves at one point or another! And they are all tuning into fantastic adults.
 
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