USAFA wirting sample

KLCman

KLCman

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Dec 5, 2016
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Describe a setback or ethical dilemma that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? Most importantly, what did you learn about yourself and how would you handle a similar situation in the future?

This is the first question asked in the application essay section.

My response to this deals with a setback and dilemma I had in the 10th grade, I was given an opportunity to instruct taekwondo (leadership experience) or continue playing on the rugby team (working in a team). The two clashed however and the taekwondo was more time consuming.
I chose to instruct taekwondo, and my TKD coach., whom I was close to, fell ill with cancer. He was determined not to be defeated and so continued to teach, so I volunteered to help instruct extra classes with him and eventually some on my own. The fact a friend was dying, and the time management of instructing, school, study, homework and other obligations was a challenge I overcame. I leaned that I am determined to help others, that I have excellent time management and I won't let anything drag me down. I also gained valuable leadership experience while I instructed TKD until he unfortunately passed away.
This of course is just a condensed version of the actual essay.

Is this relevant to the question asked about a setback or ethical dilemma.
I would appreciate any feedback!
Thanks
 
I personally do not think that this falls into the category they are looking for, to me it falls into you made a choice to do TKD over Rugby. How did it set you back? Where is the ethical dilemma? Yes, it was a dilemma give up one for another, but nothing ethical.

Ethical to me would be something like you go to a party with your BFFs and they are drinking alcohol, do you get back in the car with them or call the folks to pick you up knowing that you would have to tell them your friends, whose parents are their friends, were drinking underage. Basically do you rat them out or do something dangerous like getting into a care with someone that was under the influence?

Setback would be to me you played Rugby and TKD. For TKD you were up for your 2nd degree blackbelt next week, but the Thursday prior to your testing at Rugby you break your leg requiring a pin to be in and 6 months of therapy. You not only can not play Rugby, but also cannot test for your belt. During those 6 months your therapy is swimming, a sport you never did. You found that you were really good at the breast stroke and because swim season did not interfere with Rugby or TKD, you now are the state champion. Had you never had that setback by breaking your leg, than you probably would have never become the state champion and still being able to get back on track for the other 2 sports.
 
I was a bit too cheeky - sorry about that. However, it is a good reminder that spellcheck is your friend.

I honestly don't see how that situation was a setback or dilemma for you. In your own words it was an "opportunity", and it was your friend who persevered during treatment - not you.

A setback is a problem, disappointment or some type of just plain bad luck that prevents you from achieving your goals. A dilemma could be a moral or ethical challenge that you faced, or a decision you must make that has no real "good" choice.

My opinion is that your teaching the class would fall more into a leadership category, and it sounds as though it was temporary too - did you continue to teach after he died or did they find a permanent replacement? That could actually reflect poorly if the TKD replaced you after his death.

I am sorry about your coach and friend.
 
EOD/SEALmom said:
I was a bit too cheeky - sorry about that. However, it is a good reminder that spellcheck is your friend.

I honestly don't see how that situation was a setback or dilemma for you. In your own words it was an "opportunity", and it was your friend who persevered during treatment - not you.

A setback is a problem, disappointment or some type of just plain bad luck that prevents you from achieving your goals. A dilemma could be a moral or ethical challenge that you faced, or a decision you must make that has no real "good" choice.

My opinion is that your teaching the class would fall more into a leadership category, and it sounds as though it was temporary too - did you continue to teach after he died or did they find a permanent replacement? That could actually reflect poorly if the TKD replaced you after his death.

I am sorry about your coach and friend.
Click to expand...

Thank you EOD/SEALmom.

I'm not sure if it is acceptable or not to write about an ethical dilemma I faced with my father who suffers from mental illness.
It was an ethical dilemma in my opinion because, due to his illness he was severely mistreating me and my four younger siblings when we saw him. To make a long story short my dilemma was whether or not I should say nothing so as not to enrage him and possibly make things worse, and cause him to dislike me, or to speak my mind and be truthful. This initial fear arose from his unpredictability , being the eldest I felt it was my responsibility so I decided to respectfully speak my mind. He ended up at first disliking me and giving me a hard time, treating me worse, but over time eventually treating the other kids better including me. It was also a setback because he caused a lot of stress in my home and the worst of it lasted about two years, and dealing with that was difficult on top of keeping my grades up in school and other activities. In the end I came through, and managed not to let my grades fall, although one or two subjects suffered a little. My mother and I were also able to convince him to get help and therapy. I would deal with a similar situation the same because even though speaking the truth can be difficult or have unpredictable results, it's always best to do so, as it does more good than lying.

I'm not sure if this makes others uncomfortable or is it more relative to the question being asked about a setback or ethical dilemma. Would this be worth writing about?

Thank you for the feedback
 
That kind of story does answer how you faced a dilemma (no "good" choice), as well as a setback in your life. It also gives you an opportunity to speak of how it impacted your leadership, given that you were "leading" your younger siblings.

Write your essay explaining what you learned from your situation and how it will make you a better leader in the future.

Good luck!
 
EOD/SEALmom said:
That kind of story does answer how you faced a dilemma (no "good" choice), as well as a setback in your life. It also gives you an opportunity to speak of how it impacted your leadership, given that you were "leading" your younger siblings.

Write your essay explaining what you learned from your situation and how it will make you a better leader in the future.

Good luck!
Click to expand...

Thanks for the feedback!
 
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