Superninja1
New Member
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2019
- Messages
- 9
Hello,
I was wondering if could get some feedback on my admissions essay. Anything is appreciated. Thank you!
Essay Questions:
1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
My Essay:
Ever since I was young, I have felt an immense urge to serve. I come from a family devoted to serving our Nation; my great grandfathers, grandfather, father, aunt, uncles, and multiple cousins have served in our United States Military. Their passion, dedication, and determination to serve has continually inspired me.
As I got older, I started looking for career choices, and the U.S. Armed Forces consistently piqued my interest. As long as I can remember, I have had a special love for the water. That meant either the Coast Guard, Marines, or the Navy. When I researched more about the Navy, I was intrigued. Needing to get a better idea of the Navy, I continued my research and came across the U.S. Naval Academy.
My interest in Naval Service is inspired by my wanting to make a difference in my community, country, and the world. My interest in Naval Service was also inspired by a sense of a one-of-a-kind community, teamwork, and tremendous passion that a felt from attending the Naval Academy's Summer Seminar. The unique atmosphere that I experienced is one that I want my future children to grow up in and experience. Having attended the U.S. Naval Academy Summer Seminar (June 8-13, 2019), my desire to attend the United States Naval Academy as a Midshipman was confirmed.
When accepted into the Naval Academy, I would like to pursue a major in Political Science and a minor in a foreign language. With a Bachelor of Science degree in Political Science, I plan to be an Intelligence Officer or a Judge Advocate General (JAG).
The Naval Academy will help me achieve my long-range goals by providing me with a top-level education and a guaranteed job as a Naval or Marine Corps Officer upon graduation. The Academy will also help me achieve my long-range goals by providing me with an opportunity to be a part of something bigger than myself and providing the necessary instruments/tools I need to accomplish my goals even exceeding the Academy.
Upon my family's move from Pennsylvania to Maryland, we moved in with my grandmother, to take care of her, having Dementia. My grandmother's Dementia gradually turned into Alzheimer's, which brought about new challenges. Watching my grandmother suddenly lose her memory and abilities was a challenge for me. Although my grandmother has passed, she has taught me something precious. She taught me whatever situation, God loves you, and you will come out stronger because of His love. With this in mind, I strengthened my relationship with God.
The excitement that I feel from the thought of entering the U.S. Navy is one that I do not perceive from any other branch of the U.S. Military. The service to my country in the Navy is the purpose that I want to represent and be. It would be a tremendous honor to serve my country and attend the U.S. Naval Academy.
I was wondering if could get some feedback on my admissions essay. Anything is appreciated. Thank you!
Essay Questions:
1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
My Essay:
Ever since I was young, I have felt an immense urge to serve. I come from a family devoted to serving our Nation; my great grandfathers, grandfather, father, aunt, uncles, and multiple cousins have served in our United States Military. Their passion, dedication, and determination to serve has continually inspired me.
As I got older, I started looking for career choices, and the U.S. Armed Forces consistently piqued my interest. As long as I can remember, I have had a special love for the water. That meant either the Coast Guard, Marines, or the Navy. When I researched more about the Navy, I was intrigued. Needing to get a better idea of the Navy, I continued my research and came across the U.S. Naval Academy.
My interest in Naval Service is inspired by my wanting to make a difference in my community, country, and the world. My interest in Naval Service was also inspired by a sense of a one-of-a-kind community, teamwork, and tremendous passion that a felt from attending the Naval Academy's Summer Seminar. The unique atmosphere that I experienced is one that I want my future children to grow up in and experience. Having attended the U.S. Naval Academy Summer Seminar (June 8-13, 2019), my desire to attend the United States Naval Academy as a Midshipman was confirmed.
When accepted into the Naval Academy, I would like to pursue a major in Political Science and a minor in a foreign language. With a Bachelor of Science degree in Political Science, I plan to be an Intelligence Officer or a Judge Advocate General (JAG).
The Naval Academy will help me achieve my long-range goals by providing me with a top-level education and a guaranteed job as a Naval or Marine Corps Officer upon graduation. The Academy will also help me achieve my long-range goals by providing me with an opportunity to be a part of something bigger than myself and providing the necessary instruments/tools I need to accomplish my goals even exceeding the Academy.
Upon my family's move from Pennsylvania to Maryland, we moved in with my grandmother, to take care of her, having Dementia. My grandmother's Dementia gradually turned into Alzheimer's, which brought about new challenges. Watching my grandmother suddenly lose her memory and abilities was a challenge for me. Although my grandmother has passed, she has taught me something precious. She taught me whatever situation, God loves you, and you will come out stronger because of His love. With this in mind, I strengthened my relationship with God.
The excitement that I feel from the thought of entering the U.S. Navy is one that I do not perceive from any other branch of the U.S. Military. The service to my country in the Navy is the purpose that I want to represent and be. It would be a tremendous honor to serve my country and attend the U.S. Naval Academy.