Sponsor families come in all flavors, from the frat house no rules approach (sure, wear civvies, drink beer) to homes where heavy chores and baby-sitting are expected and there are plenty of rules.
Sponsor families are vetted for basic background (rule out sex offenders, etc.) and given annual training on the program, what's expected of them, general guidelines on what plebes can or cannot do.
The program is completely voluntary on both sides, and is unofficial after plebe year. Plebes are welcome to switch sponsors by going to the sponsor coordinator. Many simply drift away and are adopted where they have a better fit. Many do. If mids continue to go to a sponsor's house, regardless of how structured, they must have found a fit they like and want to continue.
We have sponsored since 1996, with a USNA grad captain and a former BattO captain in the house. We have some basic household guidelines - bring up your used sheets and towels, no devices at the dinner table because we are going to have a wardroom atmosphere, etc. We tell them we know MidRegs and respect USNA guidelines, and at our house, they will always be safe from misconduct issues. We won't enforce them, just expect they will respect them in our home. If they want to do things out of regs, they can push the envelope elsewhere, and we are always happy to see them. They do, and come back. Many times they tell us what they have done, and how they scared themselves silly. It would be professionally embarrassing for us to be mentioned in a misconduct case where we knowingly allowed something to occur in our home. They know they can talk about absolutely anything with us in confidence. We are not their parents, but among their first Navy mentors. We often sit at the dinner table for 3 hours, in gales of laughter, at sea stories or "Tales from the Hall." Upperclass help plebes and offer insights (gouge) on everything from profs to dealing with plebe life.
We welcome them anytime, and tell them we trust them to be managing their priorities at school and on liberty. We have a room set up as a quiet room, where they can go to study if they need to. We have seen them learn some painful lessons in time management, recover and excel.
We have had our share of mids drift away from us, for various reasons. Sometimes they make a best friend and just attach themselves to that sponsor. Sometimes they are not compatible with our sponsor approach. We had a 3/c, in civilian clothes, drive over to the house with 3 classmates (3/c don't rate civvies or cars). My husband met them at the door and said with other mids in the house, he couldn't appear to be endorsing their choice, though he would be glad to pick them up in uniform and bring them to the house. We never saw him again, but heard he was separated for misconduct as 2/c.
We have been to 5 weddings, 3 christenings, and one change of command this year, for the extended alumni family. We get phone calls, texts, emails, FB updates, as well as visits for reunions and weddings. Four have returned for duty at USNA. Several have rotated through DC, and come over to Naptown to take us out or join in at the dinner table. Now, that is great to watch, a SWO destroyer XO sponsor daughter talking with sponsor mid sisters and brothers. My brother-in-law, also a retired Navy captain and a very funny man, is popular with the mids too, and those dinner tables are raucous. Parents who occasionally join us are amazed at the conversation, the lack of devices and the organized bedlam in the kitchen as all the mids join in dinner clean-up.
FYI, plebes can wear reg PE gear at sponsor home. We have a collection dating back to the class of 2000, left behind by generations of mids, all stenciled with their mid number. Plebes come over in uniform, and have fun rooting out vintage blue rims, some with names still on the front from when they used to do that. Youngsters (3/c) head for the Navy-related drawer, delighting in detailer tees from years past, Army-Navy shirts or old company t-shirts.
There are also times of near silence, as mids nap with dogs, work quietly on laptops, do problems at the kitchen bar, do group study in the dining room.
My DH even filled in as a date at 2/c Ring Dance, when sponsor daughter's date found himself on restriction for a conduct offense. He even got to dip his class ring again in the waters of the Seven Seas.
The mids - and alumni - know we aren't fazed by anything they can tell us, no matter how bad or their role in it. We ask questions designed to lead them to working through the problem on their own.
It is one of the most rewarding things we do, and we have been repaid a hundred thousand fold for those airport trips, huge food outlays and listening ears. It's a priceless part of our lives.
All that said, sponsors as a whole give generously of their time and resources to mids, in a variety of styles. The mids are absolutely free to walk away from a sponsor where the fit doesn't feel right for them.