Short story bottom line is I was mentally burned out, my heart wasn't in it anymore, and I really did not see my career being in the military.
Longer story (for those who care, or want a good story, or just have time to kill) ..... I grew up a Navy officer brat. Loved the moving around, going onto my dad's ships, and all the ideas of being an officer. My entire life goal was to be an officer like my dad, but going the flight or SEAL route instead of SWO. School came super easy to me, I was placed in advanced classes since elementary school, and I didn't have to work hard to do well. In high school I did my first year and a half in SC while my dad was stationed in Charleston for his XO tour. The schools there were a joke and I was taking AP physics and trig./analyt. in 10th grade with all the seniors, and they had an AFJROTC unit I joined, and made LT in my sophomore year (only one of two "officers.". We moved back to Annapolis, and I was thrown back into the classes with my peers from middle school, and I actually had to do some work to succeed. But I didn't give a sh-t, and wanted to party with my friends, meet girls, and just get through. So when I applied to the USNA and USCGA during high school, my GPA was average at best (3.3). I didn't get into the USNA, and was an alternate at the USCGA.
So I went plan B and flew to Hawaii to attend UH at Manoa and study architecture. Unfortunately, I didn't have housing, and all the rooms/apartments I could find were over $800/month (and we're talking 1989 dollars here). I flew home, screwed around with odd jobs, and said f--k it and joined the Army. I wanted to fly, and the best chance of that without a degree was to go the flight warrant route through the Army, and I figured the best way to get an in with the pilots and possible recommendations was to go in as an aircraft mechanic. But I also still dreamed of the USNA, so I continued to apply for another cycle (after skipping one). Iraq invaded Kuwait, my unit got sent over to Saudi in December of '90, and I gave up on the idea of the Academy since I was not going to be released from an active theater! Of course, this one in the desert didn't last long, and we were back in Germany by May of '91.
The day after we got back from Saudi, I met with the spec ops (Green Beret) recruiter since I had gotten my E-4 while in Saudi, and would be eligible to apply. We talked about scheduling the pre-qual. stuff to try to get me to Q school (at the time, a 3-week shakedown to see if you would be a good candidate for the field), and I was super excited. Literally the next day, I got a letter from USNA offering me a NAPS slot. Jumped all over that! They had to get me released from my 6-year contract (of which I was only 19 months in). Flew back home to Annapolis for a week of rest, then reported to NAPS a week late. Back then, it was a 3-week boot camp scenario, and I was given a pass on the first week due to my situation. Reported, enlisted in the Navy (and they wouldn't transfer my rank, so I was dropped back down to an E-1
- strike one for the Navy), and started the shenanigans. Detailers were all my age, or younger, and had never seen the real world of the military, so I began to get a little tainted by getting fussed at by people still wet behind their ears - strike two.
They made me one of midshipman candidate company commanders right off the bat, and served that for the first trimester. Took classes a little more seriously, but still slacked. I was not impressed by a lot of the kids they had picked for the program, and I questioned further my motivation to continue. But I figured I was already there, and basically guaranteed my appointment, so f--k it, and keep going. Got my appointment for c/o '96, left NAPS and went home for leave for a few weeks. I almost declined then, but figured that would not end well. So I reported for I-day a day early, like all the priors, and got ready for the next round of shenanigans.
Plebe summer was super easy for me, had zero issues with any of the stuff. Tested into a high level "experimental" calc class, and tested out of English, but my head was long gone at that point. Ended up putting in my drop request later in the summer. I didn't want to start classes and waste my or others time.
I could have overcome my negativity. There are a lot of "guidance" issues that were heavily lacking during my youth, and I rarely was given course corrections. It made me make a lot of my own decisions, good, bad, or indifferent. In retrospect, I would really have benefited from parents who were involved in my decisions, and helped me on my path instead of leaving it all up to me. And I have learned that I was quite the arrogant pr-ck. I know now I am not better than anyone else, and looking for attention by bragging about accomplishments and strutting knowledge is a stupid thing.
As always, you try to make up for the mistakes of the parenting you received with your own kids, sometimes it is difficult to not go overboard with that aspect .......