Does my mid hate me?

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ProudDad2022

5-Year Member
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May 24, 2017
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270
That title is in jest.
We sent my mid back to Annapolis this past Thursday and he is currently en route to his fleet cruise as we speak. His ship is about a 6 hour drive away and I mentioned "oh wow...Maybe your mom and I will take the drive to see you". He said "Well....I was planning to just hang out with my friends and I don't know if I would have time to see you guys". While mom and I were a little bummed, we were both excited for what he is going to get to do and both of us were excited that he is fitting in with his crew. I guess we'll see him at Christmas.

For those of you who have "been there, done that", I'm assuming you didn't want your parents hanging around either. Please chime in and make me feel better.
 
ProudDad2022 said:
That title is in jest.
We sent my mid back to Annapolis this past Thursday and he is currently en route to his fleet cruise as we speak. His ship is about a 6 hour drive away and I mentioned "oh wow...Maybe your mom and I will take the drive to see you". He said "Well....I was planning to just hang out with my friends and I don't know if I would have time to see you guys". While mom and I were a little bummed, we were both excited for what he is going to get to do and both of us were excited that he is fitting in with his crew. I guess we'll see him at Christmas.

For those of you who have "been there, done that", I'm assuming you didn't want your parents hanging around either. Please chime in and make me feel better.
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It will get better in their later 20’s. 😬

In his mind, he just had a good visit at home with family, assuming that is the case. That block, for him, is checked for a while. He has places to go, things to do, people to meet, unexpected, unplanned, unfamiliar ground to cover, on his own and with peers. He is launched on his own life, and that is intoxicating. You must have raised him to be mature, independent, not clingy and forward-looking - rejoice in the well-equipped young adult you have raised.

There will be opportunities to join up later on. My parents visited me in Spain and Italy when I was stationed there, well-planned visits where I gave them my full attention. The rest of my leave periods, I spent traveling around the Med and North Africa, and did not go back to my family home. I had made my own home. Because I had places to go, people to meet…
 
This is totally normal. It means he is thriving and doing well. Mids slowly transition to USNA being their ‘home’. Yes, the house they grew up in will always be home, but eventually instead of coming home for spring break and summer leave for 4 weeks, they explore the world with buddies and come home for a week and the holidays. Or right after Christmas they take a ski trip with friends. It means they found their tribe, are comfortable and are at the right place.
 
When I was a mid, I would not have wanted my parents to show up while I was on 3/C cruise. Cruise was the first time that I had a chance to experience the REAL Navy and entertaining parents would not have been congruent with that. Also, my fellow cruise mids and I were doing a lot of "exploring" while on liberty. During 2/C year PROTRAMID was super busy with lots of after hours receptions and things to do. My 1/C cruise was overseas (!!!!!!!) and exploring Italy with some classmates and one teammate was great and very very busy. .
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When I was the parent of a mid, I guess that my mid felt similarly to what others have said as he travelled overseas on Space A air with buddies and had a great time BUT, when I was under cancer treatment, he came up often on weekends and leave periods to do yard work so that I didn't have to and even brought roommates a time or two for bigger jobs. I hadn't asked him to do this but when he thought that he was needed, he was there.
 
It’s time for them to live their own life and follow their dreams. It is hard for us parents but this is the way it’s supposed to be. Rediscovering our own dreams and path in life becomes our new task. Divesting in our children’s success is not easy but necessary for both them and their parents. They will be there in the future. I have 4 boys with the oldest almost 29. It will be a different relationship.
 
Prior to a summer training block, DD had a “free” block. She wanted to focus on preparing physically and asked if we’d be mad if she spent that time on the Yard rather than at home. She thought we’d be upset. On the contrary, we told her that being on the Yard would sharpen her focus, ensuring that she wouldn’t lounge in her bedroom at home, binging on Netflix and peanut butter. Now she still may have done that on the Yard, but having other like-minded mids around her surely minimized the “down time.”
 
So after Graduation and Commissioning we hear from DD2 a lot more. She has a TAD at the Yard that is rewarding and we get to hear about it more than when she was a MID. DD1 was the same way. We didn't hear much during college but after she moved out we got texts and a weekly FaceTime. College seems to be the time where they learn to be on their own. They come back afterwards.
 
Normal. As time goes on...MIDS (and Cadets) grow and develop thier own life and path. It's a little difficult for us parents - but normal. Support, encourage, guide and watch them grow!
 
Following on the above post, fly or drive six hours on a getaway for yourselves, doing or seeing something not centered on your child, but on you both. Relish it. Text him photos of your sunset view or fabulous meal and tell him you’re thinking of him.
 
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NJROTC-CC said:
My DS starting telling us to drop him off a block away from school freshman year of high school because he was embarrassed of us. That’s normal. Let him breathe.
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Ours did that the second day of kindergarten! LOL I don't think he was embarrassed of us - at least that's what I tell myself - I think he just wanted to be independent and didn't want to be walked into school by his mom and dad. He hopped out of the car in the drop-off lane and I've been watching him walk away ever since, chasing after his dreams. Good thing is he always comes home.
 
Best feeling ever. When they want to live their own, new life.

I had one that delayed coming home for his block, after not being home for 6 months, in order to hang with his guys.

Mom and Dad did their job ✅
 
helmsdown said:
They come back afterwards.
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Wait hold on they come back.....I thought the whole idea was to send them off and never look back 🤣. I have to remind myself and DW that this is the ultimate goal-raise them up right and send them into the world. The band aid ripping of I-day and subsequent PS is just a little jarring and takes time to adjust.
 
I have written this before - one of our sponsor mids’ parents decreed she had moved on to “consulting parent” from “active parent.” This as she returned to her love of nature photography, taking classes, upgrading her camera, and building a nice little business creating stunning nature shots and turning them into note cards sold in local tourist stores out West.
 
ProudDad2022 said:
That title is in jest.
We sent my mid back to Annapolis this past Thursday and he is currently en route to his fleet cruise as we speak. His ship is about a 6 hour drive away and I mentioned "oh wow...Maybe your mom and I will take the drive to see you". He said "Well....I was planning to just hang out with my friends and I don't know if I would have time to see you guys". While mom and I were a little bummed, we were both excited for what he is going to get to do and both of us were excited that he is fitting in with his crew. I guess we'll see him at Christmas.

For those of you who have "been there, done that", I'm assuming you didn't want your parents hanging around either. Please chime in and make me feel better.
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My DD couldn’t wait to get back to see everyone. She spent more time at home communicating with them then us! 21 now and graduated but is still that way. Can’t wait for the day they appreciate us again!
 
LT360 said:
Wait hold on they come back.....I thought the whole idea was to send them off and never look back 🤣. I have to remind myself and DW that this is the ultimate goal-raise them up right and send them into the world. The band aid ripping of I-day and subsequent PS is just a little jarring and takes time to adjust.
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That didn't come out right. I meant to say they seemed to want us in their lives more than when they were in school or at the Yard. I seem to recall doing the same when I was away at school.
 
To give you something to look forward to - a USNA ‘00 alumni sponsor daughter, now a Captain herself, came with her mom to have dinner with us in Annapolis. They were setting out the next day on a classic PCS XC (permanent change of station cross-country) driving trip, destination San Diego, but planning to visit Presidential libraries, Frank Lloyd Wright properties, Oklahoma City memorial, art museums in Chicago, etc., over the course of three weeks. They truly enjoy and appreciate each other’s company. Mom is still teaching school and did all the right things 20 and more years ago to launch her daughter. It was a pleasure to watch them. Oh yes - a little stop at the David Yurman jewelry outlet in Las Vegas was also planned. The Captain had of course used her executive planning and navigation skills to create a detailed op order for the trip.
 
There is nothing more satisfying, fun, enjoyable than hanging out with your adult children. I have 4 myself, my two Mids are my youngest. And countless others through 4 year exchange students programs in our home. I actually also became a grandma. Which is FANTASTIC. Life is very good…and mom and dad really can sit back and say “ahhhhh”. We did good. They are ALL successful, happy, contributing adults, serving others and giving back to their communities. In different ways.

No, your Mid doesn’t hate you. They love you. And are happy inside and out. It’s really amazing to witness them grow their wings and fly. Whether birth or borrowed kiddos.

LOVE that ‘consulting parent’. Totally stealing that.
 
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