Feeling Guilty

J

jlevy129

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Feb 14, 2020
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Daughter has her heart set on school A, which I was all for except for the fact that she won a 3 year scholarship so the first year we will have to pay for. School B is offering to help pay for first year along with room and board. I was told we would be responsible for $18,000, for which I thought great, we can do that because she had received a letter in the mail from School B with the offer of a $17,500 scholarship. How perfect is that?! Or so I thought. I completely misunderstood the info I was given and turns out the $18,000 is what we are responsible for AFTER her $17,500 scholarship is applied. We cannot afford that.

Problem is, she has already submitted her Letter of Intent & Acknowledgement for School B. Can she request a change of school or is she stuck at School B? I feel so guilty for being happy that she had chosen School B when she really wanted School A. I was fighting for school B thinking we couldn't afford School A, boy was I wrong. I feel like such an idiot. I should have stayed out of it and let her handle it.
 
Have your DD call School B and explain the misunderstanding and request a retraction of her Letter of Intent.

Hopefully they will understand and release her from any obligation.

Paying for one year at school A is a pretty good deal if the Army picks up the other three years. Even if she takes on a student loan for that first year, it is a hefty 75% discount. (I presume that School A out of pocket expenses are less than School B's $18,000 price tag?)
 
You don’t have to pay for it. Your young adult can. Through student loans. We have 4 kids, no way we could afford to pay for 4 kids to go through college. My parents didn’t pay for me. DH comes from a family of 9 siblings. His parents didn’t pay for them to go to college.

Our kiddos have always known it’s on them. We help when and where we can, but they take loans for the rest. Personally I think they value their dollars and manage themselves better when it’s all on them.

After all is said and done, if they have done their best work and not wasted or partied their years away, we will assess and help pay off student debt if we can.

We do what we can as parents. It’s prudent to be financially responsible because someday we will have to have a way to live after retirement. I’ve personally never felt guilty for not paying beyond our means. I thinks it’s helped our kids be resourceful and responsible financially as well.
 
AROTC-dad said:
Have your DD call School B and explain the misunderstanding and request a retraction of her Letter of Intent.

Hopefully they will understand and release her from any obligation.

Paying for one year at school A is a pretty good deal if the Army picks up the other three years. Even if she takes on a student loan for that first year, it is a hefty 75% discount. (I presume that School A out of pocket expenses are less than School B's $18,000 price tag?)
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She hasn't yet committed to any of the schools, but only accepted the AROTC National scholarship to School B. Does that make a difference or is that the same thing?

You are correct, School A is a public school and B is private. She is looking at paying about $5,000 and change vs $18,000. I'm wondering if the "My Mom is a dummy and I can't afford this school" is a good enough reason for Cadet Command to approve a request to change schools.
 
jlevy129 said:
She hasn't yet committed to any of the schools, but only accepted the AROTC National scholarship to School B. Does that make a difference or is that the same thing?
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They are not the same thing, I believe your DD (her, not you) can contact Cadet Command and have them switch the scholarship from B to A. She can also reach out to the ROO at school A for guidance.

I misunderstood you, and thought you signed a commitment letter to the college admissions. Many of those are legally binding. Cadet Command will allow you more leeway for now. (Not after the freshman year, though).

Also, I sent you a Private Conversation message.
 
justdoit19 said:
You don’t have to pay for it. Your young adult can. Through student loans. We have 4 kids, no way we could afford to pay for 4 kids to go through college. My parents didn’t pay for me. DH comes from a family of 9 siblings. His parents didn’t pay for them to go to college.

Our kiddos have always known it’s on them. We help when and where we can, but they take loans for the rest. Personally I think they value their dollars and manage themselves better when it’s all on them.

After all is said and done, if they have done their best work and not wasted or partied their years away, we will assess and help pay off student debt if we can.

We do what we can as parents. It’s prudent to be financially responsible becau.se someday we will have to have a way to live after retirement. I’ve personally never felt guilty for not paying beyond our means. I thinks it’s helped our kids be resourceful and responsible financially as well.
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You're absolutely right! That's why I was pushing for School B, well crap School A is USF and School B is Embry-Riddle.

I was thinking her freshman year would be mostly covered compared to her freshman year at USF. When she reached out to USF and asked if the ROTC program offered any help with that first year they basically said no, apply for more scholarships. Later, her JROTC instructor told her the opposite. He reached out to the same ROTC person at USF and they told him they would offer help even with room and board for the other 3 years. I was frustrated because the way I understood it USF was not going to help but Embry-Riddle was. It wasn't until she called Embry-Riddle just yesterday that she got clarification on how much she would be responsible for.

I was all for "helping" a bit when I was thinking I would only have to pay less than $1k. But, that's where the mom guilt comes in because I'm an idiot and got it wrong. lol
 
Ultimately it’s your kid that should read and understand their financial aid award. So don’t sell yourself short! But yes they can be confusing.
 
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justdoit19 said:
Ultimately it’s your kid that should read and understand their financial aid award.

They are now adults!
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Absolutely! I'm gonna take the blame because she just took my word for it. She did pick up the phone all by herself and decided she needed clarification so lesson learned from me. Backing off, slowly but surely. I'm still a Mom I can't help myself.
 
She should be able to transfer the scholarship to school A. IMO she should borrow whatever is needed for the first year. I'm a firm believer in making the kids have some skin in the game. DS had to borrow funds for 3 semesters (until he won a scholarship) to cover the out of state tuition vs in state tuition. He was happy to do it (even though we could afford it without the loans) and had him more invested in his education. Just 1 man's 2 cents.
 
All good on above. Additionally IDK if it will help but:
1. if are you from Florida you may additionally qualify for the bright futures scholarship that may offset the moneys owed at both schools.
2. Also is this a 3 year AROTC, or a converted 3 year from a type 7 for AFROTC (from other posts I think AROTC). Fyi, the AFROTC unit at ERAU may offer additional moneys to assist with the 1st year.
3. I think you mentioned being still competing for the navy national scholarship? -you may not hear on that until late April but if you get that you can still accept AROTC initially, and turn down the AROTC to accept NROTC if you wish. That if awarded would be a 4 year and could solve all issues - both ERAU and USF have NROTC units.
3. If you/ your daughter haven't spoken with the ROOs for the branches you are interested in, recommend doing that and see if they have any guidance. Hope that helps - examples: ERAU AROTC: armyrotc@erau.edu. or USF AROTC Suncoast Battalion: (813) 974-4065.
4. Is your daughter interested in flight? If so there are a LOT of scholarships for female aviators that again could offset costs. Just be aware ROTC scholarships don't cover flight costs but for females I thin k scholarships are covering quite a lot now due to a shortage of female pilots.

Hope that helps/ good luck.
 
kinnem said:
She should be able to transfer the scholarship to school A. IMO she should borrow whatever is needed for the first year. I'm a firm believer in making the kids have some skin in the game. DS had to borrow funds for 3 semesters (until he won a scholarship) to cover the out of state tuition vs in state tuition. He was happy to do it (even though we could afford it without the loans) and had him more invested in his education. Just 1 man's 2 cents.
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She submitted a Request to Change Schools along with the University acceptance letter yesterday. Checked the portal today and both documents were approved so that seems like a good sign even though it still shows School A (ERAU) on the Selection Status tab. This is for the AROTC scholarship btw. Hopefully the approval means she will be able to go to her desired school.

You bring up a great point. I have 4 children and as each one gets old enough to earn their own money, they begin to appreciate how much they have to work for it. It's all fun and games when Mom & Dad can pay for things but once they have to they choose to save it instead. If she were to pay for her own studies then it just might give her that extra boost to "get her money's worth".
 
Herman_Snerd said:
All good on above. Additionally IDK if it will help but:
1. if are you from Florida you may additionally qualify for the bright futures scholarship that may offset the moneys owed at both schools.
2. Also is this a 3 year AROTC, or a converted 3 year from a type 7 for AFROTC (from other posts I think AROTC). Fyi, the AFROTC unit at ERAU may offer additional moneys to assist with the 1st year.
3. I think you mentioned being still competing for the navy national scholarship? -you may not hear on that until late April but if you get that you can still accept AROTC initially, and turn down the AROTC to accept NROTC if you wish. That if awarded would be a 4 year and could solve all issues - both ERAU and USF have NROTC units.
3. If you/ your daughter haven't spoken with the ROOs for the branches you are interested in, recommend doing that and see if they have any guidance. Hope that helps - examples: ERAU AROTC: armyrotc@erau.edu. or USF AROTC Suncoast Battalion: (813) 974-4065.
4. Is your daughter interested in flight? If so there are a LOT of scholarships for female aviators that again could offset costs. Just be aware ROTC scholarships don't cover flight costs but for females I thin k scholarships are covering quite a lot now due to a shortage of female pilots.

Hope that helps/ good luck.
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1. The past few days she has been filling out one application after another and gathering all her volunteer hour signatures to submit for the bright futures scholarship. Hopefully something will come out of that.
2. This is a 3 year AROTC scholarship. Sorry about that, I should have mentioned it.
3. Yes!! She is waiting to hear the results of the NROTC MO scholarship.
4. Thank you for the info on the schools. We tried reaching out to one particular person at USF, I'm thinking it was the Army ROTC scholarship and enrollment officer and he didn't seem too keen on providing any info. Will try again though!
5. If she is successful with the NROTC MO scholarship she is very interested in Aviation. Her MCJROTC instructor has mentioned just as you have that they are in need of female aviators so of course she is all about it. But then that makes me wonder, would ERAU be a better option? I'm gonna leave it alone. LOL

Thanks for all the awesome input!
 
jlevy129 said:
Her MCJROTC instructor has mentioned just as you have that they are in need of female aviators so of course she is all about it. But then that makes me wonder, would ERAU be a better option? I'm gonna leave it alone. LOL
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1. They are in need of Aviators Period. . . Full Stop. There is not a specific requirement for Female Aviators so the instructor is giving some bad info.
2. Either school would be fine in the eyes of the Navy no matter what people at ERAU tell you.
 
OldRetSWO said:
1. They are in need of Aviators Period. . . Full Stop. There is not a specific requirement for Female Aviators so the instructor is giving some bad info.
2. Either school would be fine in the eyes of the Navy no matter what people at ERAU tell you.
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Thank you!
 
jlevy129 said:
1. The past few days she has been filling out one application after another and gathering all her volunteer hour signatures to submit for the bright futures scholarship. Hopefully something will come out of that.
2. This is a 3 year AROTC scholarship. Sorry about that, I should have mentioned it.
3. Yes!! She is waiting to hear the results of the NROTC MO scholarship.
4. Thank you for the info on the schools. We tried reaching out to one particular person at USF, I'm thinking it was the Army ROTC scholarship and enrollment officer and he didn't seem too keen on providing any info. Will try again though!
5. If she is successful with the NROTC MO scholarship she is very interested in Aviation. Her MCJROTC instructor has mentioned just as you have that they are in need of female aviators so of course she is all about it. But then that makes me wonder, would ERAU be a better option? I'm gonna leave it alone. LOL

Thanks for all the awesome input!
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Getting a pilot slot has nothing to do with one's major or where they went to college.
 
kinnem said:
Getting a pilot slot has nothing to do with one's major or where they went to college.
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Maybe I am not making my thoughts clear when I post something. What I meant was that maybe ERAU would be a good choice since it is an Aeronautical University. I say that mostly because my initial post was about her choosing USF over ERAU, but I digress.
 
jlevy129 said:
Absolutely! I'm gonna take the blame because she just took my word for it. She did pick up the phone all by herself and decided she needed clarification so lesson learned from me. Backing off, slowly but surely. I'm still a Mom I can't help myself.
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I hear you. Still paying my 25 year old US Army captain's cell phone bill. He also uses my Netflix too. Sigh........
 
jlevy129 said:
Maybe I am not making my thoughts clear when I post something. What I meant was that maybe ERAU would be a good choice since it is an Aeronautical University. I say that mostly because my initial post was about her choosing USF over ERAU, but I digress.
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@jlevy129 -My understanding is that ERAU will cover R&B with a 4-Year scholarship. Is that not the case?
 
jlevy129 said:
Maybe I am not making my thoughts clear when I post something. What I meant was that maybe ERAU would be a good choice since it is an Aeronautical University. I say that mostly because my initial post was about her choosing USF over ERAU, but I digress.
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No. Your thoughts were quite clear to me when I made my comment.
 
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