High school buddy at plebe summer...questions on appropriateness in letters

[brady474747]

He has written our group of guys and said to send him letters with funny stuff and pictures of what we are doing. He also said that packages were all looked at but that letters are not inspected or read. Hate us if you want, but something we used to do is sit around and rate instagram girls. Would it get him in trouble to send a few printed pages of some instagram girls?

Also, he sounds like he is missing hanging out a lot and wants pics and stories of what we are doing. If we send pics of us partying, some which might include drinking(obviously we are all 17-19yo) will that get him into trouble?

Dirty jokes in a letter?

TIA

 

[Usnavy2019]

Here is a general rule of thumb: if you are asking the question of it is appropriate or not, then you know the answer. Especially in the military, it demands high professional standards for its officers (and cadets/midshipmen). Even if it isn't him in the picture, if he has possession of it, it can be construed as him endorsing underage drinking, which is obviously not good. Plus, his reputation would be severely damaged if people found out if he had stuff like a bunch of random girls' printed out instagrams with ratings in his locker. Imagine how his female co-workers/classmates would feel.

The military has a lot of ways to make someone's life harder as the result of their own or someone else's misconduct. The military also has a lot of latitude on what construes misconduct. The Uniform Code of Military Justice (the penal code that applies to the military in addition to the ones that apply to civilians) has some broad articles like "Conduct Unbecoming an Officer and a Gentleman" for example.

Your buddy is in the military now. Part of joining the military is giving up immature habits and acting like a professional.

 

[Rach3]

Here is a general rule of thumb: if you are asking the question of it is appropriate or not, then you know the answer. Especially in the military, it demands high professional standards for its officers (and cadets/midshipmen). Even if it isn't him in the picture, if he has possession of it, it can be construed as him endorsing underage drinking, which is obviously not good. Plus, his reputation would be severely damaged if people found out if he had stuff like a bunch of random girls' printed out instagrams with ratings in his locker. Imagine how his female co-workers/classmates would feel.

The military has a lot of ways to make someone's life harder as the result of their own or someone else's misconduct. The military also has a lot of latitude on what construes misconduct. The Uniform Code of Military Justice (the penal code that applies to the military in addition to the ones that apply to civilians) has some broad articles like "Conduct Unbecoming an Officer and a Gentleman" for example.

Your buddy is in the military now. Part of joining the military is giving up immature habits and acting like a professional.

@Brady 474747: If you decline his requests and he reacts negatively, he's no longer your buddy. Might seems like a tough decision on your part, but you need to keep your high military standards ... not lower yourself to his.

 

[MidCakePa]

Hate us if you want, but something we used to do is sit around and rate instagram girls. Would it get him in trouble to send a few printed pages of some instagram girls?

I don’t hate you. I do pity you. ‘Nuf said. I’m out.

 

[MidCakePa]

By the way, @brady474747, as this is your first post (at least under that name): Your troll is showing.

 

[Don't Give Up the Ship]

Don't bite.

 

[brady474747]

Lol, ok, y’all are funny. We live around a lot of bases. My sister is a bartender and the young military guys are the worst for harassing, lewdness, drunkenness, fighting, and messing around on their crotch rockets. It’s fine. Obviously I am not going to mess up his naval academy time.

 

[Huursoldaat]

@Brady 474747: If you decline his requests and he reacts negatively, he's no longer your buddy. Might seems like a tough decision on your part, but you need to keep your high military standards ... not lower yourself to his.

Brady may be a troll, not sure. But if this is for real (maybe it is), then he is not the one at USNA. His buddy is. And Brady is asking if he can send these things to his friend, somewhat at his friends request. Just clarifying that point.

 

[brady474747]

I’m not trolling, just trying to help my friend out to make it easier/happier/more comfortable for him. I’m going to a ‘normal’ college. I’ll probably see him home thanksgiving and see what his vibe is. If he doesn’t want to ogle girls and go out, that is fine, we’ll still be friends.

 

[Heatherg21]

I’m going to be the bad guy here and spell it out.

You and he are not attending the same type of college. He raised his hand and swore an oath to defend this country, against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

You wanting to help and support him is awesome.

Your ideas of how to do so not so much.

He can’t party and wear shorts and Hawaiian shirts to a bonfire and ‘check out and rate the chicks’ (gross).

You sharing your fun only isolates him from you and what he is experiencing. Find ways to support without calling out what he isn’t doing for fun. A good friend would research what his summer training is like. What he is looking at experiencing the next four years. And as an officer in the fleet after that.

He is currently subject to the rules and expected conduct of the Naval Academy and being a misogynist is definitely frowned upon. In fact it can get people dismissed. And or charged with crimes.

While we all were once college aged kids who made poor decisions, in hindsight I’m sure we wished we had made better ones.

You are at a crossroads.

If you love and want to support him, do so in a way that is meaningful to him. Not something that could get him dropped or separated.

Do you have a sister? A mom? A female friend? A future daughter? Sub their name into your rating game. How does that sit with you?

When you know better you do better.
Now is the time.

 

[brady474747]

I feel like all of y'all in here our parents. NM. As soon as your son gets his phone back and a little privacy, he is gonna be scrolling some instathots, lol. It is the modern day USO.

 

[Heatherg21]

I feel like all of y'all in here our parents. NM. As soon as your son gets his phone back and a little privacy, he is gonna be scrolling some instathots, lol. It is the modern day USO.

Yes you called it. I’m a parent. And he has had his phone back for two years.

He lives his life. I stay out of it. But I know how we raised him. And your nonchalant attitude regarding how others treat people is not attractive.

I took your OP for what it was worth. I’m out.

 

[brewmeist]

I feel like all of y'all in here our parents. NM. As soon as your son gets his phone back and a little privacy, he is gonna be scrolling some instathots, lol. It is the modern day USO.

What gave you that hint? The fact that none of us type "y'all," or the fact that all of us know the difference between "our" and "are?"

If you are legit, and I am guessing you are, keep in mind that any letters you write are for your friend's benefit. Not yours. He is going through something right now that you can't even comprehend. I can promise this is the hardest weeks of his life so far. Don't make it worse for him.

It's fine to have some fun. My Mid's kid brother wrote to him during his Plebe Summer that LeBron was arrested and banned from the NBA for life.

As a father of a 22 year old daughter, I can tell you right now that any ranking of a girl online is disgusting. And definitely not funny. That s#$t will just cause trouble for your friend.

 

[Rarely27]

I feel like all of y'all in here our parents. NM. As soon as your son gets his phone back and a little privacy, he is gonna be scrolling some instathots, lol. It is the modern day USO.

Hey. I hear you, my concern is that if you send him pictures of getties, beach trips and parties with the friends he knows and loves and misses, it will do no good and it will actually have the opposite effect of what you are trying to achieve, which I understand is to let him know he has your support and that the guys are missing him. Your friend is going thru a big time change and may feel discouraged. Send hi a few little bes encouraging. Good luck

 

[Heatherg21]

I feel like all of y'all in here our parents. NM. As soon as your son gets his phone back and a little privacy, he is gonna be scrolling some instathots, lol. It is the modern day USO.

You cannot possibly be referring to this USO https://www.uso.org/about.

Times change. I get that. But times don’t change to the extent that we take class out of everything. And we don’t undermine and condescend those we serve with. Ever.

 

[Herman_Snerd]

He has written our group of guys and said to send him letters with funny stuff and pictures of what we are doing. He also said that packages were all looked at but that letters are not inspected or read. Hate us if you want, but something we used to do is sit around and rate instagram girls. Would it get him in trouble to send a few printed pages of some instagram girls?

Also, he sounds like he is missing hanging out a lot and wants pics and stories of what we are doing. If we send pics of us partying, some which might include drinking(obviously we are all 17-19yo) will that get him into trouble?

Dirty jokes in a letter?

TIA

Better to let people think you are ____ than to put it in writing and remove all doubt. Your locker room /barracks banter is one thing - it’s not a good look. Documenting your buffoonery is idiotic. Leave your buddy out of this.
And you’re entering adulthood now so be careful talking about “girls” in a sexualized context. It implies you’re discussing the attractiveness of children which would make you pedofiles and destroy the futures of anyone involved. “I’m Chris Hanson of NBC, and we’re doing a story about adults who sexually rate the attractiveness of children and document the evidence. There are twelve officers outside to arrest each of you”

Op hold yourself to a higher standard. And try not to ruin your or your buddies future by documenting the cringe moments you seem to share.

 

[Kierkegaard]

Lemme give you a practical answer. Detailers will not open letters, and if your buddy receives such pictures he *might* be able to get away with hiding them and only looking at them at night. That being said, should you do this? Well…

Your friend is going through military indoctrination training. It’s an environment that’s meant to be completely serious and professional 24/7. Materials intended to “titilate the senses” are not welcome, nor are pictures of other hedonistic pleasures like drinking. This is because they fail to appreciate the focused nature of the training. One of the many things your friend is learning is professionalism, and knowing that there’s a time and place for certain things. Pictures of half-naked models and the bros chugging Natural Lights (How does anyone drink those by the way?) do not belong. And that goes for the entirety of the 8 weeks.

Just to check an official source, I pulled up the Plebe Summer standard operating procedures, which I still have on my PC from when I was a detailer, and it says:

“Items that offend the sensibility of naval service and are prejudicial to good order and discipline are considered contraband.”

There you go.

 

[PV35]

PS - clue - many of the officers in charge at USNA are parents also.


In addition to the excellent points above, you might consider, the detailers (men and women) will not have it. Ask yourself whether they get graded on their plebes or have a sense of pride in plebe transformation.

Once the detailers find a target that needs some extra attention, training and tender loving care, your friend's summer, plebe year and reputation will all mutate - not for the better. The detailers talk and trade notes (que Col. Jessup "[w]e are going to train the lad.") He does not want extra training or instruction. It will be game on.

Remember, the women at USNA did not get there by being timid. The women are addressed as "ma'am." In closed circles, some may be referred to as A "ma'am" or A "boss" - both terms of respect that come with a healthy sense of fear.

If you really want to help your friend, thank him for being different and choosing the more difficult path. Remind him that the sacrifices he makes now will give him opportunities to do things in the future that most (90%) of the population only dream about. His first year will include instruction (and tutoring) from some of the best minds in the world. If he makes it through plebe year, next summer he will be getting to fly (perhaps in F18 jets) and training on a fast attack sub(s) for a week. All under the supervision of qualified competent officers, many of them women - none if which will put up with that. His college buddies will be struggling to find internships if they do not have to work (or just putting off growing up and partying).

Right now, your friend is growing up fast. Support that. Words of encouragement from his company are things like "embrace the suck." USNA is not college. It is a four-year course in leadership that also provides a degree. But other programs help people to grow up also:.

For you, it may not seem like it, but if you are not making an effort to grow and move forward, you are moving backwards. There is no neutral.

 

[DSANN]

Just when you thought you saw it all along came this question. I really hope the Plebe outgrows these "friends". He would be better off!

 

[Capt MJ]

Lemme give you a practical answer. Detailers will not open letters, and if your buddy receives such pictures he *might* be able to get away with hiding them and only looking at them at night. That being said, should you do this? Well…

Your friend is going through military indoctrination training. It’s an environment that’s meant to be completely serious and professional 24/7. Materials intended to “titilate the senses” are not welcome, nor are pictures of other hedonistic pleasures like drinking. This is because they fail to appreciate the focused nature of the training. One of the many things your friend is learning is professionalism, and knowing that there’s a time and place for certain things. Pictures of half-naked models and the bros chugging Natural Lights (How does anyone drink those by the way?) do not belong. And that goes for the entirety of the 8 weeks.

Just to check an official source, I pulled up the Plebe Summer standard operating procedures, which I still have on my PC from when I was a detailer, and it says:

“Items that offend the sensibility of naval service and are prejudicial to good order and discipline are considered contraband.”

There you go.

Thank you, well said! Remind us, you just graduated, presumably enjoyed some basket leave and are headed out as a shiny new butter bar wearer?

“A time and place for everything” is one of the keys here.