How do you "life veterans" keep yourselves motivated and on track?

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PlebeNoMore27

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I was going to PM a handful of people who have been very generous with their time but I thought maybe I could get a wider perspective *and* maybe help shipmates who are wondering the same kind of things right now.

Six-week exams last week. For me they went fine: did much better than I expected on a couple, including physics, and not as well as I'd hoped on another (Nav). Not terrible it was a low B - honest feedback about how I've been focusing my time and what I can focus better on. Football's going well so the brigade is motivated. My plebes are awesome and WOW do people ever learn fast, I'm kind of in awe about how fast that happens. Passed alpha, 95. I'm saying all that because overall, things are going well early in youngster year.

Then why does it feel like an absolute slog?

Ten more weeks of this, UGH. It's going to get darker fast. It'll get cloudy and raw. I'm going to wear down. My mom took a slight turn, and then Helene gorked up the whole SE, so who knows when home life will get back to normal. My dad's stressing about all that again and I hate that he has to handle that alone. Most of the time I know to remind myself to control the things I can control and let go of the things I can't, but I'm 18.5, I have so little practice at that.

I don't need a pep talk, at least I don't think I do. I guess I need the wisdom of people who have done "this" a lot longer and better than I have. What do you life veterans do to keep yourselves from spiraling in overwhelm or getting resigned and beaten down? What do you do externally, like activities and being around people and stuff? How about internally, things you tell yourself or remind yourself?

TIA, PNM
 
While not a ‘veteran’, your post spoke to me BC your underlying feelings aren’t unique to a SA experience, but rather life in general. I guarantee your parents have both faced the same ‘darker days ahead’ feelings.

So, figuring out how to manage those thoughts is a life skill for everyone. You will get great specific advice/ideas pertinent to USNA, I’m sure. But in an overarching general ‘life’ management, I find focusing on nutrition, sleep, exercise (release those endorphins) and meditation are all good building blocks for getting through ‘rough patches’. Or dark days.

Give yourself grace, you will get through it!
 
PlebeNoMore27 said:
I was going to PM a handful of people who have been very generous with their time but I thought maybe I could get a wider perspective *and* maybe help shipmates who are wondering the same kind of things right now.

Six-week exams last week. For me they went fine: did much better than I expected on a couple, including physics, and not as well as I'd hoped on another (Nav). Not terrible it was a low B - honest feedback about how I've been focusing my time and what I can focus better on. Football's going well so the brigade is motivated. My plebes are awesome and WOW do people ever learn fast, I'm kind of in awe about how fast that happens. Passed alpha, 95. I'm saying all that because overall, things are going well early in youngster year.

Then why does it feel like an absolute slog?

Ten more weeks of this, UGH. It's going to get darker fast. It'll get cloudy and raw. I'm going to wear down. My mom took a slight turn, and then Helene gorked up the whole SE, so who knows when home life will get back to normal. My dad's stressing about all that again and I hate that he has to handle that alone. Most of the time I know to remind myself to control the things I can control and let go of the things I can't, but I'm 18.5, I have so little practice at that.

I don't need a pep talk, at least I don't think I do. I guess I need the wisdom of people who have done "this" a lot longer and better than I have. What do you life veterans do to keep yourselves from spiraling in overwhelm or getting resigned and beaten down? What do you do externally, like activities and being around people and stuff? How about internally, things you tell yourself or remind yourself?

TIA, PNM
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In times like this:
“Shoot the wolf closest to your sleigh. Ignore the ones howling in the forest.”

It’s absolutely normal to have slump periods. Accept it’s normal, figure out what it takes for you to coach yourself through it. Then do it. Observe yourself, see what works for you. Tell yourself, “There will be an end to this, it will get better.”

Know your personality type - do you need alone time to recharge or do better with a group to let off steam.

In the aftermath of 9/11 in the Pentagon on the Navy Staff and in the days, weeks and months that followed as we ramped up at a steep rate to wartime op tempo, I was mentally and physically exhausted, still eaten by unexpressed grief for lost shipmates. Little things help me. Once we were back in the Pentagon, once a day I would walk to the concourse where the drugstore was, and I would get a chocolate Peppermint Patty. A bit of sugar, the whiff of mint, getting away from the pressure cooker a few minutes, a small moment to take a breath. The other small thing I did was I would take a NY Times Sunday crossword puzzle book, a book of cryptogram puzzles or a book of logic puzzles and find an empty conference room, and immerse my brain in some other work, for 15-20 minutes. This also helped when I was stumped by a tasker. One of the funniest things that happened to me was I would often run into an admiral doing the same thing, who later went on to become a very high-ranking officer. We would nod and smile at each other, not say a word.

PT will always be critical in my life, whether it’s a full-on workout or doing some stretching, wall planks, leg lifts, ankle rolls, desk push-ups, etc., just to get a few endorphins going. A ten-minute walk - without a phone or earbuds. Look around, notice things, appreciate the breeze and blue sky or a cool light rain. A starry night or beautiful moon over the Bay!

Breathing. If I feel myself getting wound up in “gotta, shoulda, woulda” and feeling physically tense, I practice SEAL box breathing, 20 reps. I can feel my shoulders drop, tension release and brain settle.

Finally, you are on a journey, not at your destination. Life is going to unroll like this for years to come. But - shoot the wolf closest to the sleigh. Do not borrow troubles and worries from others if you have no control over it. Some days you have to take a day at a time - some in minutes. Just say “stop” to your brain when it leaps ahead in catastrophize gear.
 
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PlebeNoMore27 said:
Then why does it feel like an absolute slog?
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It feels like a slog, because it is... USNA is a marathon, not a sprint...and a lot of things are outside your control. There will be times that it absolutely sucks... but you tend to forget those with time.

Another hint...its not any better anywhere else...in college, the Fleet or the working world. There are times when you are going to feel overwhelmed or even helpless...all you can do is face each challenge as they come (ie. Shoot the closest wolf, then go on to the next one..)

That said...its not all hard work and toiling in the dungeon. USNA has a lot of opportunities and most important, Classmates who are feeling the same way you do. (That guy that is always gungy, happy and cheerful is just better at hiding it). Take time for yourself, go out with classmates, get involved in something that you can look forward too. You will remember the good times a lot longer than the bad.

Good luck... .you've got this !
 
I'm going to sound cliche, BUT, everyday brings new possibilities. Everyday is unique. Take care of today and generally tomorrow starts to take care of itself. That being said, try not to get too far out in front of yourself. Plan, but don't stress about stuff "downrange", it will overwhelm you. Take a breath and as justdoit said, give yourself some grace. I told DS, if you pay attention to the little things, the bigger things become manageable.
 
I have a lot of boxes in my head. I file stuff there. Sometimes I never look in a box again, but it's still there.
To keep things safely tucked away in those boxes, I communicate with my family and a very small circle of friends and tell them what they mean to me. I do this in case I die tomorrow and start thinking in the end that I didn't tell someone what they meant to me.

When you're not physically close (in proximity) with family, having that small circle of friends is really important. That circle changes over the years, so take advantage of it no matter what it is comprised of. Your shipmates can get you through the suck right now, and you can help them with it to. Every time you help someone else through something - even what seems like a small task - it helps you too. You don't think so at the time, but you feel it later.

Also, when you get older like me, you don't stress about most stuff anymore. Life gets pretty easy, albeit with aches and pains from all those years thinking you were all that and a bag of chips. ;)
 
Old Navy BGO said:
Another hint...its not any better anywhere else.
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I can't agree with this more. DS is doing well, but he was feeling overwhelmed last week, and it sounded like he was a little envious of his friends who were at State U. partying and loving life. I reminded him that there are struggles for his friends at those places as well...maybe not now, but certainly later.

The academy is stripping down all of the adjustments to adulthood. There is no easing into this new way of life. You just got thrown into the deep end. It's a lonely feeling when you are trying to adjust to the stress and chaos that gets thrown at you there. If you had gone somewhere else, you would merely be delaying the onset of that stress and chaos for years down the road. That is why that place will make you so sought-after. You will have handled more in these nine-plus years than many of your peers will face in a lifetime.

Just keep reminding yourself that you're playing the long game here. You're not looking for instant gratification but a life of fulfillment and service. You're just built different. Get help when you need it and take care of yourself at all times...but know you are on the right road.

One other thing that helped DS...find ways to help others. I can tell from your previous posts that you have a huge heart. Use your selflessness to help you through the tough times there.

Hope this helps.
 
an654 said:
I am a collector of quotes, and I share them with my team. Have not heard this one. It has been added to the list. Thank you.
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There’s a close relation, both of which I heard from wise Navy mentors.

“Shoot the gator snapping at your belt buckle, not the one in the pond.”
 
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On one of the first days of PS, we had a group meeting with the Chaplains -- introducing us to them, their services, etc. The head Chaplain (whose name I've now sadly forgotten) passed along some advice that worked for PS, worked for USNA, and has worked for life:

Focus on getting through the next hour. Not this evolution. Not the entire day. Not the week. Not all of PS. Not plebe year. Just the next 60 minutes.

When that hour is done, focus on the next hour.

Before you know it, four years is over.

------

It's a version of what CAPT MJ said, and I tried to do that. Get through this class (one hour). Get through the march-on, the P-rade, watch inspection, the first hour of study hall, the first quarter of the football game, the first hour of WE liberty. Most things can be broken into small increments, and accomplishing these is a lot easier than being overwhelmed by how you'll get through the next 4 months (or 2.5 years!).

The other thing I can promise you -- it speeds up. Every mid I've ever know will lament on how SLOWLY plebe year (and maybe even youngster year) goes by. They can't believe how FAST 2/C and, especially, 1/C years fly by.

One hour at a time.
 
Here are some truths we learned through a military career and working with cadets:
1. Sleep deprivation makes everything seem harder and/or impossible. Get sleep when you can.
2. Get outside and move… even if it is just walking… it can help destress.
3. People make the assignment… ALWAYS!
If the circumstances, location, job assignment, etc. are tough…. The people you surround yourself with can still make it great. Make sure you are not being a recluse. (Coming from a family of introverts)
4. Find something to look forward to!
5. Don’t ruminate on the negatives, it doesn’t help.
6. Find a way to help/serve other people. It can help your perspective and do your heart some good.
7. Don’t neglect your faith & prayer life.
8. There is truth in the saying “life is what happens when you are busy making plans.” You are living life right now and there will be slow periods, hard periods, and impossible ones. I tell my plebe to “zoom out” all the time. Look at the big picture. This season is short, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Also one thing that we learned as a military family is to really take advantage of the cool opportunities before you. Travel, clubs, retreats, lectures, meet & greets, etc. You just might find something you love to do that wasn’t on your radar.
 
No long term advice to give here other than I can tell you that DS Plebe is a twin to DS Freshman, who is attending a university with a 5% acceptance rate. (I only mention this because both schools are "pressure cookers" in their own ways.) It's remarkable to hear how similar their feelings are about their situations. Both boys are very active physically and have very similar study habits. Both are living in triples.

Their number one complaint...Sleep! Or, I really should say the sleep habits (or lack thereof) of their roommates. Both boys have bemoaned the fact that their roommate's habits of starting their homework very late in the evening has had a negative impact on their quality of life, even after each of them has spoken to the roommates about how they feel. Unbeknownst to each other, they have each ordered a sleeping mask to block out the light for when they are trying to sleep and the roommates still have hours to go on their work.

-Are you getting enough sleep? I would start with answering that question. I know sleep is a challenge as a midshipmen, but the chronic lack of sleep makes everything else seem like such a slog or chore to overcome, impairs your immune system and inhibits recovery.

-Do you feel you could benefit from speaking to a Chaplain to express some of your concerns pertaining to your family? Or, perhaps think about attending religious services if you are not already doing that. Sometimes just the gathering of peers in fellowship and song can raise your spirits.

-When you can, try to spend time outdoors just enjoying nature and soaking up a bit of sunshine. Perhaps a walk along the Severn or a jog to Hospital Point if time a permits. Being out in nature with your own thoughts gives time to prioritize the challenges you need to deal with and can oftentimes put things in perspective.

I wish I had more sage advice to offer, but know that you are not alone in feeling the way you feel and we're all rooting for you not to just survive USNA but to thrive.
 
I'm so glad I asked this group. So much great thinking here. TBH I'm not sure sometimes whether I need to be alone or around others sometimes. I'm definitely extroverted but I also really like my solo runs (Hospital Point is great). I love being around my squad and my plebes and my roomies, but I feel like I need time to just think about stuff like "what just happened there, what do I need to learn from that, how could I do that better next time" etc. Not overthink it, I don't have that tendency, generally.

Something I take from what many of you have said is, have your own little rituals and escapes: puzzles, undistracted walks and runs, clubs, York peppermint patties ;), that sort of thing. I am going to let my brain turn that stuff over when I go for a run here in a few minutes. And to the person or people who mentioned the chaplains, DOH why didn't I think of that, my favorite one is still here! Appointment made.

Thank you everyone. I read them all and I'm grateful and I'll keep reading and heeding.
 
Slog. Life is one big slog with some beautiful and memorable times in between. It comes packaged in different ways as you get older. Professional issues, health issues, family and kid issues, aging parent issues and on and on. This is good training for you. Some might sum up the slog like this:

Life is hard and then you die.
Life is rough and then you die.
Life’s a b**** and then you die (military version)

Strive for good balance in your professional, personal, and spiritual life. Stay close to your navy (trusted classmates) and immediate family. I don’t expect you to be Pollyanna but try and avoid complainers wherever you are in life. They'll drain you quickly. Be an ambivert when you need to be. There are good reasons to be alone in order to decompress. The bottom line is life is going to be what you make of it. Youngster year or the ensuing years should be no different. Good luck to you. Stay well.
 
As a plebe and youngster, I used to walk by myself to a little Mexican restaurant in the strip mall near Graul's Market (the restaurant is now a bagel place, I think). I enjoyed the long walk and time to be alone.

Second talking to chaplains, whether religious or not. I can say with confidence there is nothing that one of them hasn't seen or heard. I remember there were two chaplains in my day who regularly roamed Bancroft Hall, especially during the evening hours (think 2100). Kept a lot of us sane. Kept a lot of us at USNA (when attrition was >28%). True gems. I don't know how those relatively young men (based on my age now) were so very wise.
 
X2 on speaking with a chaplain regardless if you are religious or not. I'm not even Catholic, but I spoke to a priest a few times when I was active duty simply because he always seemed to be around. My religion (or potential lack thereof) was not even mentioned.
 
Know that everyone is different. I'm sure you've experienced the endless "It'll get better after X" or I'm looking forward to Semester Break. . . to PROTRAMID. . . to Columbus Day Weekend. . . to Herndon. . . etc. Well, that is how I think even after I've been through deployments, major job events, etc. When you have a child who is the epitome of the "Terrible Twos", you might look forward to them starting preschool or heck, even to toilet training. Bottom Line, YOUR outlook can be the misery of changing diapers or standing endless watches on a deployment that seems to stretch into oblivion but there is always an end goal to focus on and that has helped me mentally through some challenging times like my "year-o-12 surgeries" which was kind of a challenge as were a bunch of other things in life. Capt MJ's quote about the wolf is also key - prioritizion!
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I've said it here in the past, I was a really (REALLY) terrible plebe and things were very bad for me but one thing that I did just about every day was practice with my team out on the Severn and for me, getting my competitive "fix" was a good thing.
 
Agree with all the comments made thus far. Particularly agree with @WT Door that ‘life is hard’ - it is hard. Anything in life worth doing and achieving, for the most part, is going to be hard. Getting a college degree and making your mark in your career is going to be hard. It’s not going to be handed to you. There’s too much competition. This is regardless whether you’re at USNA or somewhere else.

The key is, are you doing the right thing with your life? If so, then your sacrifices will feel like a worthy endeavor. If not, you’ll get that gut feeling of regret. It’s not a good feeling. But because you’re younger you need to beware of the ‘grass is greener’ or fear of missing out syndrome. Don’t be impulsive walking away from opportunities. Mull them over as they may not come around again.

Another pearl - if you find yourself in a good situation, try and recognize it and appreciate it. Unfortunately, the good times never last - things happen, and people move on. Organizations decide to put investment elsewhere, you name it. But if you’re lucky, you’ll have your share of good times, both professional and personal.

Be careful of pride. There’s a reason it’s one of the 7 deadly sins. Don’t hold grudges against people who weren’t kind to you. But I will say pride has gotten me through some tough situations - I simply refused to give my detractors any opportunity to say ‘I told you so’.

Take care of your health and also work hard to build up your finances now to let compound interest work for you. Open up an account at Fidelity or Vanguard and start putting a few bucks each month into an S&P Index fund. By the time your 40-50 you’ll appreciate the options having a few million invested gives you.
 
Y'all don't have to hit me over the head about the chaplains, I was the one telling the new 28 rents to suggest it to their plebes during PS! And I am not religious at all! One of them talked me down during PS last year and he is still here. I made an appointment for tomorrow after my last class. Honestly during my run I realized I'm a little down about my mom, and my dad having to adjust again, and if I could breathe a little about that I think I could get my head back in the game. I'm glad football is away this weekend. Gonna see Chaplain tomorrow, try to work ahead this week a little and give myself some time this weekend to regroup.

Still thinking about the little rituals and enjoyments too. Thanks so much, everyone!
 
This is a great thread. Complete with @Capt MJ's metaphors. She has one for every occasion and they all are pithy.
 
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