How to not sound Cliche

Discussion in 'Nominations' started by cc.cg, Jun 10, 2018.

  1. cc.cg

    cc.cg Member

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    I'm currently working on my nomination essay and I personally really just want to attend any academy possible but I don't want to sound so cliche which I'm sure they read the same thing on everyone's application "I want to serve my country" which I do but I'm having trouble making it sound unique and sound like me and not something they hear all the time any insight will be greatly appreciated and I hope I can help others through this post as well!
     
  2. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator 5-Year Member

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    Not that you don't want to serve your country, but I'm sure there are other things that are really driving you. Prestige? I always wanted to be an officer? My xxx served and that inspired me? I want to be a leader? I think I can bring X, Y and Z to my role as an officer?

    If you want to make it sound like you, look inside and write what you truly feel.... and it's probably not that you want to serve your country.
     
  3. cc.cg

    cc.cg Member

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    Thank you so much, this helps a tremendous amount I will keep this in mind when writing!
     
  4. MidCakePa

    MidCakePa Member

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    There’s nothing wrong in saying you want to serve your country. That’s true of >95% of applicants, I’d think. The way to set yourself apart is to explain WHY you want to serve your country. DD used a couple of very personal anecdotes that are distinctive to her — one about family history, the other about an overseas trip — that gave strong rationale for wanting to serve her country. The key was that the stories were authentic and deeply felt. I’m guessing you can do the same if you take some time to peel back the layers.
     
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  5. davejean90

    davejean90 Member

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    From my experience on a senate nomination committee, essays will not get you in, but they can end up removing you from consideration. It is perfectly OK to write about serving the country and wanting to be an officer. DON'T write about getting a free education. DON'T write a long list of excuses of why your file was not better. DON'T belittle ROTC or other commissioning sources. DON'T blame a teacher for a low grade or a coach for not playing enough. In summary, I think it is better to play it safe and put an emphasis on wanting to serve.
     
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  6. THParent

    THParent Member

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    As others have said, just say how you feel and leave out the phrase "I am here to fight for truth, justice, and the American Way!".
     
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  7. Capt MJ

    Capt MJ 5-Year Member

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    Avoid hyperbole. I confess, anything including “all my life, I have wanted to do/be/attend...” gets the eye-roll muscle quivering.

    Trade in “all my life” for, “after I read/observed/learned about X, I started thinking about...”
     
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  8. cc.cg

    cc.cg Member

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    Thank you so much I will definitley make it come from the heart! Where did your daughter apply to and where is she now?
     
  9. cc.cg

    cc.cg Member

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    got it! Thank you!
     
  10. cc.cg

    cc.cg Member

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    Thats exactly what I pictured theywould do if they see mine looking exactly what you said but I'm definitely going to avoid that!
     
  11. cc.cg

    cc.cg Member

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    This is good to know, thanks!
     
  12. Humey

    Humey Member

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    And what is wrong with I am her to fight for truth, justic and the American Way?

    Of course I would go with I want to be in the military because "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick a*s - and I'm all out of bubblegum"
     
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