Marriage before enlisting

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by NavyMom2b, Feb 1, 2018.

  1. NavyMom2b

    NavyMom2b Member

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    My DD and her boyfriend of over 3 years are both looking to join the Navy in Aug of this year. He will be enlisting and she is awaiting NROTC decisions to see if she will do college first or enlist. I am trying to help them lay out all of their options so that they don't do anything they will regret later. One of those decisions is deciding if they should marry before they sign any contracts to get the benefits of a married couple in the military as well as making it more likely that they can live near each other as soon as possible. They wouldn't do a big wedding right now, but the extra money could help them fly to see each other a few times a year. What are your thoughts on the matter?
     
  2. Capt MJ

    Capt MJ 10-Year Member

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    If he is enlisted, and she is in college NROTC, and they are not married, fraternization policies likely apply.

    http://www.nrotc.navy.mil/pdfs/APPENDIX C - Pre Cruise Brief.pdf


    http://www.netc.navy.mil/nstc/NSTC_...ns/NSTCINST 5370.1A - NSTC Fraternization.pdf

    Now, if they are married before both are in a military status, there is not much to be done, except it will create challenges for them socially and professionally. The Navy will not be punitive in cases of pre-existing marriage.

    The Navy does not guarantee co-location for dual military couples, but will make an effort. It could mean “only” 300 miles apart.

    If they both enlist, life is much smoother.

    If she goes ROTC and he goes enlisted their lives will diverge quite clearly in terms of experience, roles, assignments and compensation.

    Both should look after their own career interests and desires in balance with their relationship needs.
     
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  3. NavyMom2b

    NavyMom2b Member

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    Thank you, your response is a great help. I will read over the links you provided and sit down with them (and his parents, we're all pretty close) and lay out their options. I definitely don't support them making any quick decisions and it sounds like it would be best to at least wait until she knows her path for sure! I have done some reading on the Navy website and understand that there is no guarantee they would be stationed together, especially for their first assignment, but it would give them better odds than if they both just went in hoping :) But I agree, they need to focus on their careers first, not make silly sacrifices for a young relationship that might not end up working out.
     
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  4. THParent

    THParent Member

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    Also, if she decides that she may want to take a shot at a USNA application (next year), she cannot be married nor can she be pregnant or have any dependents before I-Day. Just throwing that out there, because occasionally NROTC students decide they want to try their luck at getting appointed to an SA after that first year.
     
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  5. raimius

    raimius 10-Year Member

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    I'd be hesitant to advise marriage in any "young relationship that might not end up working out."

    If they are going to get married either way, then before would probably be better, in most cases.
     
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  6. NavyMom2b

    NavyMom2b Member

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    Thanks you guys! I was one of those young relationships that no one would have thought would work out. I got married young and had children young, but somehow we made it! But I am very much an advocate for marriage counseling and planning before that ever takes place as well. This information will be very helpful and doing just that! Thank you all.
     
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  7. flieger83

    flieger83 Super Moderator 10-Year Member

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    The Navy does not guarantee co-location for dual military couples, but will make an effort. It could mean “only” 300 miles apart.

    For my wife and I in the Air Force...it was 675 miles.

    Fortunately we had some amazing senior leadership at the time that gave us some pretty amazing "limits" to "line of duty."

    Steve
    USAFA ALO
    USAFA '83
     
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  8. Day-Tripper

    Day-Tripper 5-Year Member

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    Yeah, my wife and I had Pre Cana counseling in the Catholic Church.

    It failed.

    Married (with children - 3) 24 years and counting.

    She stills give me a sharp elbow when, at parties and such, I introduce her as my "first wife".
     
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  9. NavyMom2b

    NavyMom2b Member

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    Alright, so as we have continued to discuss all of this, they are more confident that they definitely want to marry and he proposed officially yesterday on Valentine's Day (not at all cliché LOL), but here is the next question: He wants to sign enlistment papers in the next month, should they certify their marriage before then or is their time to wait as long as they do it before he leaves for basic (he is planning on DEP hoping to ship off in AUG)?
     
  10. Capt MJ

    Capt MJ 10-Year Member

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    He should discuss with his recruiter. I don’t know when new recruits fill out their Page 2s, which is the Service Record form to name a dependent (wife) as the beneficiary of SGLI (life insurance) and other benefits. There is also the post-marriage task of presenting the wedding license as proof of marriage to register your daughter as a military dependent in DEERS, which will establish the basis for a military ID. I don’t know the timing of all this, how much is done before reporting to boot camp.

    She will be a dependent if and until she chooses to enter the military herself.

    Some sites of interest, not official, but good resources:

    http://militaryoneclick.com/the-essential-military-premarital-checklist/

    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mi...s/checklist-for-new-military-spouses.html/amp

    There’s a lot of support and groups for mil spouses online.
     
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