Mistake on Personal Statement

J

jaydometer

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Sep 21, 2019
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Hello, I made a pretty bad mistake as I tried to get as much done in the summer as I could. I read the essay prompt and thought that I could tell of a personal experience OR write about why I wanted to join the USNA instead of both. I stupidly just wrote about my personal experience. I asked my admissions counselor if I could resubmit a new one but that's not possible. Will that mistake really make an impact on my application?
 
Absolutely no way in the world to gauge that. But you have your answer from USNA. So no sense in worrying about it as you cannot change anything. Continue to work your plans a,b,c. Did you apply NROTC? And if you do not receive an appointment, know you can always reapply!
 
The Personal Statement is actually three (3) prompts in disguise:
In a well-organized essay of 300 to 500 words, please discuss the following:
(1a) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service...
(1b) and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
( 2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
Like all aspects of the Academy application (and Nomination applications), attention to detail and following instructions to the letter are vital components of military life.
 
Norfolk63 said:
The Personal Statement is actually three (3) prompts in disguise:
In a well-organized essay of 300 to 500 words, please discuss the following:
(1a) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service...
(1b) and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
( 2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
Like all aspects of the Academy application (and Nomination applications), attention to detail and following instructions to the letter are vital components of military life.
Click to expand...

I have question on the prompts during the application process.

- do the question prompts change every year?

- do the candidates get chance to make a draft of their answers outside of the portal. And then come back at a later time/day and finish the essay on portal?

- are the above 2 questions true for all SAs?

Thank you
 
Not sure on whether they change year to year. Can only speak to this cycle. But our DS read prompts in portal then crafted, drafted, redrafted, edited and finalized in word before pasting into portal and submitting. And each SA had slightly different prompts. Different enough to warrant individual essays in each. Same with our State's nominations. Lots of writing.
 
jaydometer said:
Hello, I made a pretty bad mistake as I tried to get as much done in the summer as I could. I read the essay prompt and thought that I could tell of a personal experience OR write about why I wanted to join the USNA instead of both. I stupidly just wrote about my personal experience. I asked my admissions counselor if I could resubmit a new one but that's not possible. Will that mistake really make an impact on my application?
Click to expand...

I feel for you. My DD applied last year. She made an error in the essay too. I think she might have been in a hurry to submit it in the early summer to trigger the DODMERB exam.

The error was in content and not in grammar and such. I take some blame for it too because she asked me to proofread it.

She asked the LT who was her admissions counselor to pull back the essay and he said she couldn’t.

As someone said, no one here can tell you exactly how much it will (if at all) affect your packet.

Maybe one of the high-speed BGOs on this forum will provide their usual spot-on insights.

Good luck to you on this journey. Thank you for your willingness to serve our country in uniform.
 
Here is some insight:

1) pay attention to detail.
2) don’t rush.

Both are preached on the forums. Especially #2. DS is still crafting his essay....NROTC, Nom’s, DODMERB, everything else done but the final finish of his essay.

OP cannot change his personal statement. It’s not allowed. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is part of the ‘test’ of a potential candidate (follow instructions). Which BTW are stated very clearly in the essay prompt. And also is indeed the same prompt as my other DS had two cycles ago.

Slow down, check and double-triple check your stuff. Wait a day or two to think about stuff. Check again. Have someone else check it. Only when you have made sure its all as it should be, then submit.
 
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txfwindian said:
Norfolk63 said:
The Personal Statement is actually three (3) prompts in disguise:
In a well-organized essay of 300 to 500 words, please discuss the following:
(1a) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service...
(1b) and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
( 2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
Like all aspects of the Academy application (and Nomination applications), attention to detail and following instructions to the letter are vital components of military life.
Click to expand...

I have question on the prompts during the application process.

- do the question prompts change every year?

- do the candidates get chance to make a draft of their answers outside of the portal. And then come back at a later time/day and finish the essay on portal?

- are the above 2 questions true for all SAs?

Thank you
Click to expand...
Great questions!
1. The USNA prompt has remained the same for many years (going back to 2012 as far as I have seen);
2. YES! A strong college essay is never written. It is REwritten. This means every Candidate should ALWAYS draft their personal statement and other remarks/comments fields by creating a Word or Notepad document on their hard drive. These essays take time, thought, and many-many-many drafts to get just right. Then, after completing your rewrites, the Candidate should cut and paste the final draft into the form field on the CIS application portal. This goes for ALL college applications; not just USNA;
3. As a USNA BGO I know USNA. Just directing this question to offical liason officers for the other SAs.

Don't give up the ship!
 
OP - All is not lost. Talk with your BGO, tell him/her that you recognized that you missed something in the essay. The BGO can help you a couple ways. First, if you have not had your interview yet, he /she can address it in the BGO evaluation, and emphasize your Interest and Motivation in the write up. Alternatively, he/she could post a BGO Note in your file. That way the information requested is addressed in your Admissions file, although you may take a hit on following instructions on the Personal Statement.

This is one of those situations that a BGO can help you, if you approach the situation properly. Be upfront, humble, and don't make excuses. If you come to me cocky and full of excuses, my comments will be a lot different than the person who comes to me and acknowledges he/she messed up and asks how "we" can fix the problem.

Good luck.
 
Going back to the OP, suggest bringing this topic to your BGO's attention. This can be addressed in his/her writeup. Also, recommend rewriting your personal statement -- perhaps even addressing what you learned from this experience in the essay itself -- in order to submit to your BGO. Better to take positive direct action than offer lip service.
 
There is a classic line in the Navy, which, forgive me, has a salty element:

ATFQ.
Answer the ___ question.

Not only write, but re-write multiple times, check for redundancy, errors not catchable by Word tools. Read it aloud for tone. Ask a parent or English teacher to read it, for a fresh set of eyes. Are fancy words chosen when a clearer, shorter word would do?

The biggest check of all, though, is reading the original question/prompt slowly and thoroughly, and checking the draft answer for:
- Did I answer every element of the question correctly and thoroughly?
- Did I assume or misunderstand any part of the question?
- Did I organize my draft so answers to the question flowed in a readable, logical manner?
- Did I miss anything?


When I was in graduate school in the Navy, taking a lot of essay exams, I would write ATFQ on a piece of scratch paper and do a quick bulleted outline of the major points I needed to hit to fully answer the Q. Kept me centered on the task at hand. One time I forgot to scratch out the ATFQ I had written lightly in the margin of my answer sheets, and the prof got a real kick out of it. He was a Harvard Business School prof on sabbatical teaching at the Naval Postgraduate School, and he commented he appreciated the organization of my answers, kept saying “ATFQ” and laughing.

The OP’s DD can’t do anything about this now, so it will have to be a valuable lesson for the future, though there may be some mitigation through the BGO-related suggestions in other posts. Her error will serve as a good guide for others who have not yet submitted arguably the one piece of the application that is most reflective of the individual applicant.
 
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txfwindian said:
Norfolk63 said:
The Personal Statement is actually three (3) prompts in disguise:
In a well-organized essay of 300 to 500 words, please discuss the following:
(1a) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service...
(1b) and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
( 2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
Like all aspects of the Academy application (and Nomination applications), attention to detail and following instructions to the letter are vital components of military life.
Click to expand...

I have question on the prompts during the application process.

- do the question prompts change every year?

- do the candidates get chance to make a draft of their answers outside of the portal. And then come back at a later time/day and finish the essay on portal?

- are the above 2 questions true for all SAs?

Thank you
Click to expand...

USNA prompt was the same for both of my DS's, two years apart. No, you do not draft and change (make sure and read instructions to candidates...I believe this is discussed in the instructions). A suggestion is to do your essay on a word document, and then copy/paste it over to your essay. And no the prompts are not the same for each academy. They are all separate, despite being military.
 
Old Navy BGO said:
That's only part of the old Navy adage -- RTFQ comes first, as in RTFQ/ATFQ.
Read (or listen) to the full question first !
(Oh come on, what did you think the blank was :))
Click to expand...

This is awesome guys and gals.. you all are amazing in the sense that with all the serious career defining discussions, you all come up with ways to inject some humor.

[emoji122] [emoji122] [emoji122]
 
Old Navy BGO said:
That's only part of the old Navy adage -- RTFQ comes first, as in RTFQ/ATFQ.
Read (or listen) to the full question first !
(Oh come on, what did you think the blank was :))
Click to expand...

I knew there was a better way to say it! BZ!
 
Another thing to look out for when submitting your personal statement is punctuation. I drafted and edited mine in google docs and then pasted it into the portal to submit and I almost didn't catch the bug in the system.. (which would not have been good.) . For whatever reason, it changed all of my periods to question marks...

Not sure if this has happened to anyone else... maybe just because I was using docs. I had to go back and change every single ? back to a .. haha
 
Capt MJ said:
I knew there was a better way to say it! BZ!
Click to expand...
It's understandable, you spent to much time with those neanderthal black shoe types, while I served with polished, articulate and suave aviators !:rolleyes:

kinnem said:
I don't know. I don't think it has the same punch as the fill-in-the-blank.
Click to expand...
. Of course, I am a firm believer in the theory that a properly utilized expletive is a very effective communication tool. (Of course, DW thinks that it is too common !)
 
BTW, I used those abbreviations in a statement last night with my high school senior. He looked at me like he didn’t know what to say. Or do. Mom doesn’t cuss. I innocently restated with the words...enunciating the ‘FULL’.

It was a fun, priceless moment.
 
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