My son's girlfriend

karlabsl

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May 11, 2017
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She wants to come to Parent's weekend. How does everyone else handle this? We would like to take our son to the hotel for however many nights he is able to go. Also, perhaps we would visit relatives. Should she come with us, join us at the football game, get a room, etc?

I think what I'm asking is . . . is there a better weekend she could go :)

Thanks in advance for any insight.
 

Stealth_81

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I think the fact that you are asking if there is a better weekend for her to visit tells me you know your answer. Honestly the decision has to be yours.

There are a lot of things that would influence the decision for me. Have they been dating three months or three years? Is she a normal part of your family's routine? Is she going to be willing to give him the space he needs to decompress? Will she be willing to share time with all of you?

Unfortunately, other than PW there are not a lot of good times to visit during Doolie year. She may have to just wait until Thanksgiving to see him.

Stealth_81
 

Wishful

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This weekend is for members of the immediate family to re-connect with their cadet, hence it's name. Don't be surprised if all your cadet wants to do is catch up on sleep & eat restaurant/fast food. They have to wear their uniform in public while in the Springs area & have been urged to be low-profile. Probably easier for women to 'cheat' by wearing civilian clothes but that male cadet haircut is much harder to disguise, & either way, I would strongly advise against this. Are there some cadets that can't wait to go on an 18 hour family hike, I'm sure there are, but our experience was as above. A search of Parent's Weekend will have threads with a girlfriend theme (can't recall a boyfriend though). Good luck!
 

USAFA10s

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I agree with LITS, this should be up to your son. I would err on the side of no, unless it is a serious relationship because your son is undergoing a life changing summer, and may not be the same kid/feel the same way as when he went off to BCT. That being said, many of my squad mates had SOs come to parents weekend and were glad they were there.
 

AROTC-dad

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If the presence of the GF will cause friction between mom and dad and the GF, then it will also cause distraction and stress for the cadet.

If the cadet looks forward to seeing everyone together, then she should come. If the cadet will see a great deal of stress and tension, that is the LAST thing the cadet needs.
 
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Blackbird

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Each year there are many girlfriends at PW including those of Doolies. However, I am with LITS and USAFA10s. I'd go with no, unless you are sure that your Basic wants her there. The reality is that very few pre-USAFA relationships will survive the 4 years and a majority will not survive the first year. However, they could be part of the 1% that do. . . Your call.
 

Hodge

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As a current cadet that's been presented with this situation I would say no. Mine came out a month or two after between parents weekend and thanksgiving
 

karlabsl

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Thank you all so much! Good advice. Now I feel stronger. (by the way, my son was neutral on the idea of her coming. His specific response was, "I don't care.")

I think I will, umm, discourage her accompaniment. I like the idea of the freshman ball! Thank you again all! As I've discovered yesterday (sniff), this is one big family :)
 

fencersmother

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Unless GF has been part of your family life for years now, including times of stress, I would gently suggest she stay home. Of course, they want to see each other but you will find the young man you sent away in June to be much, very much, changed when you see him in September. And GF may not even know or understand him! Better to leave that stress until... later.
 

Daretodream

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I like the advice of asking your DS. I would add that I would ask them via a letter at least a week or two into BCT. The thoughts now could change as BCT weighs on your DS.

Our DS was both tired and excited during PW last year. We picked him up on Friday and went to dinner. He really slept a lot the first day and night (we later found out he could have stayed with us on Thursday so keep that in mind). After the ballgame on Saturday he was pretty beat, but we went rafting and hiking on Sunday and Monday before getting him back to USAFA. We spent the first few days in Colorado Springs, but after the game headed for the mountains for a couple of days to get him away from the immediate area. Again, we asked him ahead of time what he was up for and wanted to do. BCT affects people differently.

However, in the first year it probably presents the best time for the girlfriend to spend some time with your DS in Colorado Springs. Otherwise, it will be Thanksgiving when your DS comes home for the first time. At least this way they see each other under a controlled environment:)
 

wondermom

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Just a Mom answer, I will said NO. Is Parent's weekend and he should enjoy to be with his family relax, no drama, no nothing, just hugs and kisses from the ones who loves him most. I personally don't believe any relationship at this age will survive 4 years in the distance (very few), but regardless of this, is your time as parents with your kid, enjoy it!!
 

MN-Dad-2016

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Unless GF has been part of your family life for years now, including times of stress, I would gently suggest she stay home. Of course, they want to see each other but you will find the young man you sent away in June to be much, very much, changed when you see him in September. And GF may not even know or understand him! Better to leave that stress until... later.

I hear this often. Actually, I didn't see any change from June to September worth noting. Even over the 4 years, I mostly saw it as a normal maturing from age 18 to 22. Of course living at the academy 24-7 changes you. But not as profound as I would have anticipated.

To the topic at hand. Our son was dating his GF from the 8th grade. She came out to CO several times during the USAFA including a couple times a year with us parents. But not parents weekend. Not that we minded, but the timing wasn't ideal for her to travel.

Re: 1% club. They lasted as a couple until the 2nd semester of his senior year. The change in both of them just by growing up and figuring out what they both wanted, was the cause for the break up. I thought for sure they were going to make it. But in the end, they grew apart and it became obvious that it was the right decision. I though social media and other technology like Facetime would make the 1% club be the 10% club.
 

HuskyPilot

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Their is a reason cadets must be unmarried without children. Family time is intended to encourage, support and motivate, not stress, divide attention and worry. Leave the GF at home.
 
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