Parents...calm down

Capri120

Capri120

DH USAFA '79, DD USAFA '20
5-Year Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2016
Messages
1,344
Just received a message from a C1C at USAFA: "I'm hearing parents groups are panicking and telling everyone to contact their kids. I'm fine. Cannot release any information. Maybe tell the parents groups to calm down because they're robbing the family of their appropriate notification."

QUIT HELICOPTERING!!!!!!
 
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airforcebrat03 said:
Did a cadet pass away? I heard there were a lot of emergency vehicles at the cadet area earlier today.
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You will know when USAFA leadership makes the decision to release any information, if it is even necessary. There is no need to speculate or start rumors. It does no good.

With all due respect, please read @Capri120 ’s post again as there is an important point being made. No one is authorized to release any information.
 
FACTS TO STOP THE RUMORS:

1. It is publicly reported that a cadet has regrettably passed away at approximately 11 AM on Thurs. “The death was not related in any way to the ongoing COIVD19 pandemic. No foul play is suspected, the spokesman said.”

2. Seperately, the Academy confirms that a cadet has tested positive for COVID19 , with no underlying conditions and isn’t considered high-risk for serious complications. The cadet is in a single occupancy room taking on-line classes.

3. Rumors or part truths is unhelpful and disrespectful to the respective families.
 
There are always those certain people that have a need to be the first at everything. A mom posted about the death on a parent FB page almost immediately after the briefing. She mentioned the cause of death. At least what the thought was the cause of death. Whether she was correct or not is besides the point. The post was inappropriate. Fortunately the administrators took the entire post down.
 
What contributes to the parent posting info like that so soon is the cadet immediately passing on what they were briefed.
 
It’s one thing for a cadet to tell a parent to lean on them or discuss their feelings it’s an entirely different for said parent to go post that on Facebook group or anything of the sort. When their kids eventually get deployed they need to learn to keep their mouth shut anything their kid tells them could be detrimental to a mission or whole platoon etc.
 
Bigrod said:
When their kids eventually get deployed they need to learn to keep their mouth shut anything their kid tells them could be detrimental to a mission or whole platoon etc.
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Parents need to learn OPSEC (operational security). In WWII it was " loose lips sink ships". Therefore parents STFU!
 
I wish I could post a letter from a C1C that he just recently wrote to "USAFA". I believe intended for his classmates, parents, USAFA staff, as well as himself. Those on the 2020 Parents' Facebook group know to what I refer.
They are all struggling with unprecedented events and "new normals", as the media likes to call it.
The bottom line, I guess, is support your cadets, loved ones, family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and, yes, even strangers as best you can at this time. Similar to when our cadets were in BCT and we were told to LISTEN, let them talk, don't ask too many questions, and tell them of the GOOD things happening at home, without making them home sick.
They WILL come out of this as one of the strongest classes in recent years, but they need your help.
 
rjb said:
Parents need to learn OPSEC (operational security). In WWII it was " loose lips sink ships". Therefore parents STFU!
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So many parents have no military family background. Example, the USAFA class of 2023 came from families where 60%+ had no military background.
I realize these parents think it is easier for those of us who are military, veterans, have generations of military service, etc.
IT IS NOT! Yes, we have a better idea of to what our kids have committed. That is what makes it harder.
We have a very close Parents' club that is not "clickish" and support each other. My DH and I are one of the few that are veterans and have a family history of service. We do our best to reassure the parents that are "new to this". Everyone in our small group know they can contact and depend on one another to assist each other as well as their cadets.
If you are not part of a parents' club, maybe now is the time to reach out to them.
I apologize if I am rambling.
 
Near as I can tell, parents in this forum seem to be appropriate in their patience and discretion. OPSEC, as one person mentioned, starts with the military member. The Academy is as good a place as any to start learning that.

I was reading "The Admirals" (Halsey, Nimitz, Leahy and King) earlier this year and it struck me how involved military family can be in the amount and quality of the information available to parents, wives, etc. Even then there was a sense of discretion, though families of service members definitely formed social circles that were "in the know," so to speak. It's harder to keep a lid on information these days with so much communication being electronic, but we need to get used to it and make it part of the routine.

In this case, the info doesn't seem to be "secret" per se. I think Academy leadership was just trying to be respectful of what was inevitably going to be some devastating news for some cadet's family, but the basic principle is sound.
 
Bigrod said:
It’s one thing for a cadet to tell a parent to lean on them or discuss their feelings it’s an entirely different for said parent to go post that on Facebook group or anything of the sort.
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rjb said:
Parents need to learn OPSEC (operational security).
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With all due respect .....it is the Cadet's that need to learn OPSEC. Parent's (and later in the career, spouses) shouldn't be involved when it comes to sensitive information., Granted, this situation wasn't secret, and I understand a kids desire to reach out to parents for emotional support, but the wrong communication can make a bad situation worse. Consider the situation in a related scenario -- Unit is deployed, and someone gets killed (it can be a plane crash, combat, or even an automobile accident), and someone tells their family/spouse .... the word spreads like wild fire, and everyone sits in fear for the next 24 hours, waiting for the CACO to appear at their door. This can be avoided--- Loose lips sink ships and spread fear among families.
 
Unfortunately, we live in the world of instant info: Tweets, posts, updates, forums....incredibly challenging to keep anything private anymore. I'm not saying disclosing is right...just that this is the world we live in now. Knowledge is at the click of a button. It's up to the individuals to keep the integrity of information. Self-control, doing the 'right thing'. Unfortunately maybe one individual makes the honorable choice to not spread the info, but the next person doesn't.

It's the world we are in nowadays! The younger crowd doesn't even know any differently.

The Golden Rule: Do Unto Others.
 
While I consider myself a techno-geek, been doing it way before Al Gore invented the internet, I sometimes miss the days before social media and the internet. One thing I think was great, was that parents didn’t consider their kids at the academy or enlisted as, “off to college”. Your children at the academy or enlisted basic training/tech school are legal adults. Even if they are 17 years old. You signed that paper allowing them to make all their own decisions. Want proof? When you do your taxes, you probably can’t claim them. Miss the time when parents would wait for that once a week or maybe once a month phone call. Usually “collect”. These cadets may still be your sons and daughters, but they are no longer your “kids”. Back off. They are in the military. Not “off to college”.

But some comments here about the cadets are also true. Grow the hell up. If any cadets are reading this, tell the rest of your squadron members to grow up. You’re adults now. Act like it. You don’t need to tell mommy and daddy everything. Tell them enough so they don’t worry and keep the rest “in house”. Your parents don’t need to know 90% of what goes on at the zoo. Just tell them classes are tough, but you’ll get through it. Normal relationship issues but you’ll get through it. Be responsible for your own life. You don’t need mommy and daddy. You want to be treated as adults, act like one. If the academy isn’t for you, then quit. It’s not for everyone.

Either way, parent, stop treating your sons and daughters as kids. And cadets, don’t act like kids.
 
Here’s how the conversation should go, so that nothing goes sideways, cadets/mids can keep their parents from worrying, and parents can rest assured. It won’t assuage helicopter parents, but few things do.

Cadet/Mid: “Mom and Dad, I want to let you know that there was an incident today. More details will come soon, but in case you hear about it, know that it didn’t involve me.”

Mom/Dad: “Thank you for letting us know. We’ll wait respectfully for more details. More importantly, we won’t jump on to Facebook or Instagram and blab to the whole world that such and such happened without having all the facts. We’ll refrain from this because we understand that there are protocols for informing the family of the person involved.”

Cadet/Mid: “Thank you, Mom and Dad. Now, can we talk about my allowance...”
 
MidCakePa said:
Here’s how the conversation should go, so that nothing goes sideways, cadets/mids can keep their parents from worrying, and parents can rest assured. It won’t assuage helicopter parents, but few things do.

Cadet/Mid: “Mom and Dad, I want to let you know that there was an incident today. More details will come soon, but in case you hear about it, know that it didn’t involve me.”

Mom/Dad: “Thank you for letting us know. We’ll wait respectfully for more details. More importantly, we won’t jump on to Facebook or Instagram and blab to the whole world that such and such happened without having all the facts. We’ll refrain from this because we understand that there are protocols for informing the family of the person involved.”

Cadet/Mid: “Thank you, Mom and Dad. Now, can we talk about my allowance...”
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LOL it went like this for me ... after I read about it on Facebook (my suggestion that it shouldn’t be discussed on Facebook was completely ignored):

Me: did you hear about the incident at USAFA.

Son: yes of course. People shouldn’t speculate.

Nothing about allowance!
 
Christcorp said:
While I consider myself a techno-geek, been doing it way before Al Gore invented the internet, I sometimes miss the days before social media and the internet. One thing I think was great, was that parents didn’t consider their kids at the academy or enlisted as, “off to college”. Your children at the academy or enlisted basic training/tech school are legal adults. Even if they are 17 years old. You signed that paper allowing them to make all their own decisions. Want proof? When you do your taxes, you probably can’t claim them. Miss the time when parents would wait for that once a week or maybe once a month phone call. Usually “collect”. These cadets may still be your sons and daughters, but they are no longer your “kids”. Back off. They are in the military. Not “off to college”.

But some comments here about the cadets are also true. Grow the hell up. If any cadets are reading this, tell the rest of your squadron members to grow up. You’re adults now. Act like it. You don’t need to tell mommy and daddy everything. Tell them enough so they don’t worry and keep the rest “in house”. Your parents don’t need to know 90% of what goes on at the zoo. Just tell them classes are tough, but you’ll get through it. Normal relationship issues but you’ll get through it. Be responsible for your own life. You don’t need mommy and daddy. You want to be treated as adults, act like one. If the academy isn’t for you, then quit. It’s not for everyone.

Either way, parent, stop treating your sons and daughters as kids. And cadets, don’t act like kids.
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Wow...that’s pretty harsh given what the cadets have been through the last few days. Of course, I agree about not sharing on social media.
 
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I'm late to this conversation, but I absolutely agree with many of the comments. I cannot believe how many parents were coming unglued and wanting their cadets to be sent home. I understand having fears, but calling congressmen and demanding that they be sent home is astounding to me. All the cadets are adults. One thing that struck me is that I felt sorry for the cadets whose parents are constantly calling their cadets and trying to fix every situation they may find themselves in. That just shows that they have no confidence in their own cadet's ability to figure things out and learn to cope with life. Parents don't need to "fix" everything that happens. Have some faith and give them time to evaluate and rely on their own judgement, otherwise they will never think they can do anything on their own. They can do it, and they are. Obviously, many of them want parents to back off and quit smothering them. I say, be there when they call, encourage them and tell them you believe in them. They CAN and WILL get through this.
 
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