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Please help me with a response

Discussion in 'Service Academy Parents' started by mintyicedtea, Sep 25, 2016.

  1. fencersmother

    fencersmother 5-Year Member Founding Member

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    Our OP ran into an "acquaintance," not necessarily his/her best buddy in all the universe.

    It's an anonymous forum.
     
  2. landlock

    landlock Member

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    Love your answer Navyhoops!
     
  3. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    I always like "Yeah, Kinda Cool, he gets paid to go to college" ........Yeah Yeah, I know don't bother with the Flag waving, lighten up!

    It sets them back to realize that my kid is getting paid to do what they are paying Dearly for theirs to do!

    Oh yeah, did I mention he has a guaranteed job after college, with On the Job training, and pays for his masters? :rolleyes:
     
  4. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    I don't tell them about the yacht sailing, cruises, first class jet seating :tomcat: and world travel. No sense rubbing salt in the wound!
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2016
  5. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    Oh silly me, I left out the personal Trainers! :director:
     
  6. AuxNoob

    AuxNoob CGA Admissions Partner 5-Year Member

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    Please bear in mind there is a whole generation of people who were negatively influenced by Vietnam. My mother-in-law is one. This influenced my wife. We now have both sons in the service, and she sees the other side, and positively. So if you're talking to someone middle-aged or older, this may be part of their background. A lot of that negative attitude about the military is thankfully gone. That doesn't mean "ill-informed" people aren't out there. You can still treat them nicely and perhaps inform them. Some will never change.
     
  7. No1Fanof2

    No1Fanof2 Member

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    I swear people always come up with the WTH comments. Often my WTH facial expression pretty much says it all even with the nicest response I can up with.

    Ok so before the sport season ended the past year a parent of a player who plays the same position as my kid was speaking to me. The father is promilitary but has problems with the social skills. He was a pretty stand up parent until about a year ago, once recruitment and competition went full speed. Anyhoo Niceties were exchanged at first and I congratulated this father on his kid getting a verbal to a top 50 D1 program. This guy made a smug sort of apologetic response that mine didn't get into the SA. I had to correct him that the kid did get Prep School will be going to SA (God willing). I had to continue with Kiddo has a fully paid back up plan including room and board, is still a recruited athlete, getting paid for an equivalent to redshirting their first year. Kiddo is still living the dream just like his, just my kiddo has a nicer recruitment package. At this point he realized what he said and the conversation went to yeah I could have went the Service Academy Route, my kiddo could have gone the SA route. My nice Texas response..."but ya'll didn't." Insert facial expression. He hasn't spoke to me since. C'est la vie!
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2016
  8. caymandriver07

    caymandriver07 Member

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    I would probably say something like "he/she is exploring their options about what would be the best fit for them." If the person pushes I might say something like "My son/daughter is a pretty private person and I respect their privacy by not talking about their personal life and it would be better to ask them directly the next time you see them". That tends to get the point across for all sorts of questions friends, relatives, strangers ask about your adult children.
     
  9. mintyicedtea

    mintyicedtea Member

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    Thank you all for the responses!
     
  10. GrilledCheese94

    GrilledCheese94 Member

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    Be proud of raising children who aspire to serve the Nation.

    A son or daughter who aspires to become a leader in the profession of arms should be a source of pride for any parent...I sincerely hope that my now 10-year old son carries on the family tradition of warrior service to our country.

    Father-in-Law is a rightfully proud Army Vietnam veteran (draftee Grunt, too!), but still want Mini-Me to live, breathe, eat, and sleep BEAT ARMY!

    Your son/daughter is already head and shoulders above their peers by virtue of their seeking to serve Country above self!

    S/F,
    Grilled Cheese
     
  11. Just Dad

    Just Dad Member

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    Honestly the "He might be killed" is a pretty sound observation IMO. My sister-in-law teaches 'Radical Communist Feminism'---or something like that at Duke; she is my favorite relative. I expected an ear full when DD pulled the trigger on her appointment. My sister inlaw didn't try to make it an argument about the military, she just sad, "But she could be killed" that should give any parent pause to think.

    The people I have a problem with are those that view the service and service academies with "generally ignorant contempt". "Why in the world would you send her there", (as if college choice were dictates of mom and dad). "She won't learn to think for herself"; She won't be able to explore and "invent herself". "She will be part of the Defense Industry". I give these folks a quick response, but there is so-much uniformed liberalism here in Seattle that there just isn't time to stop and make the case over and over and over and over.

    For those friends who genuinely want to know rather than voice an opinion via a "question” ask, my favorite/strongest message is this:

    I am a lawyer, my wife is a doctor. We both pretty much decided on our professions when we were 19-20 years old and spent the next 8-12 years chasing that choice down. Undergrad --LSAT--MEDCAT--Grad School--Bar Exam, Residency -Med Boards. Then the hustle to find that first job (which often determined where you'd live). We both came up for air as young adults in our late 20s-early 30s with our futures pretty much set on a path. We have a great life,----But I do wish that I'd given myself a little more time to "know myself" and "explore" before following the decisions of a 19year old. My DD is getting a premier education; she is learning things/skills/life lessons that go vastly beyond the classroom. She will have the opportunity to do things in her "first job" that her peers can't begin to imagine. We all know this stuff.

    What tickles me most, what makes me really happy about her decision to attend the USAN is this. Whether she leaves or stays after her 5yrs, she will be 26. She will know what leadership looks like. She will know the world much better than I did at 19. MOST IMPORTANT, still young enough to run any "trap-line" she wants in life, she will know herself and what she wants from life much much better than her mother or I did at 19. Then she can make those decisions!------------BTW, this is the same thing I told DD when she was struggling with her college options -----crap, I'm such a great Dad!!!............ ;).


    Now, what to do with that $280k that Yale wanted me to turn over for a @#$%*i^%,-- lame @&$ ---bachelors degree!!!?
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2016
  12. MittenMan

    MittenMan Member

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    Dude -what to do with the $$?? All the meritorious weekends the Mids are getting from the football team winning... go out to Annapolis and see her!!!
     
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  13. Just Dad

    Just Dad Member

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    What!? travel from Seattle to Annapolis FOR A WEEKEND! U-r kidding Right?-------- Wife and I were out there for a long weekend over Columbus Day, we went to the Huston game. I saw the Bear Shark in person!
     
  14. Pima

    Pima 5-Year Member

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    A family member one time looked at me and said aren't you afraid Bullet (DH) will die? I was pregnant with out 1st child (DS is now an O3 pilot ADAF)

    My response: Are you afraid that your DH will die driving on the NJTPKE everyday to work, because there is a much higher chance that will happen.
    ~ That realization shocked her to the core.

    I finished it up with my belief in fate. I believe the day you are born, God already knows the day you will leave this earth. I can lock any of my loved ones in a closet with nothing to injure them, but they will still die. Knowing that if Bullet was to die than he died doing what he loved.

    I still get that question to this day, but now it is about my DS. I still give the same answer. If that is his fate, than that is his fate and I can be happy knowing as a parent that I supported him to live his dream without him ever having known my own fears and concerns about the what ifs that his future may or may not hold.

    If that does not work and they go down the rabbit hole of what if it was for a useless war? Than my response is always the same...freedom is not free and I can be happy knowing that my child died so that my other children could live in this great nation doing what they dreamed of for the future. His sister is a teacher, his brother is a bio-chemist. His siblings, being AF brats understand that more than anyone.

    On AF bases you will see many cars with license plate holders that have the words...jet noise is the sound of freedom.

    OBTW, you could always answer, we are looking at the upside of this in 4 yrs from now... with him in the military we will be able to see more of the world when we visit him wherever he is stationed at.
    ~ My Mom probably would never have golfed at St. Andrews if we were not stationed in the UK. Or go to Bath or Belgium. She probably would have never seen Denali (Mt. McKinley) or gone to the Cherry Blossom festival in DC with her grandkids. Nor would she ever seen the US Golf Open at Pinehurst. Our family probably would not have taken a family vacation to the Outer Banks.
    ~~ Yes, I am sure that she also never thought she would go to places like Boise or Leavenworth KS, but she did and she embraced them all because through our military life she saw new places and things just because we were stationed in those areas. Just like Bullet and I never thought we would ever go to Abilene TX for a vacation, but I have to say they have the best steaks in the world!

    There will always be the ignorant people and the questions/comments just get harder.
    ~ Oh, I don't know how you do it, it would just kill me if all of my kids are not home for Thanksgiving/Xmas/Hannukah, etc.
    ~~ Our answer: It is a season, not just a day.
    ~ It would just kill me not to be there for the birth of our grandbaby. (Our 1st is due Nov 19th)
    ~~ Our answer: The military is family. The squadron will deliver meals for the first weeks, no need for me to be there to cook. He will be home with her for the 1st 2 weeks, no need for me to be there to clean or do laundry. Baby V will not know that Nonna and Grandpa were not there. Instead, we will be there when it matters...6 weeks later when they are now exhausted from sleep deprivation and willingly wanting someone they trust to be there so they can just go out as a couple for 2 hrs. and if she cries due to a dirty diaper, I can do it while my DIL can nap.
    ~ Aren't you afraid you will be a stranger to the baby because you won't see her alot?
    ~~ Our answer: Facetime, Skype and mail exists. Plus, I throw this at them. My kid lives 1000 of miles away, when we visit them, we are together non-stop for that entire time. Baby V may only see Bullet and I for a couple of weeks every yr., but when you start calculating the amt of hrs we are together compared to those that live around the corner from their grandparents and see each other weekly for a Sunday dinner, we will have more quality and quantity hrs. over the course of the yr. Trust me, I know this from ADAF life with my Mom. She would force Bullet and I to go out so she could babysit them. She would take them out for ice cream without us or to the park, never plopped them in front of a tv. My kids saw her 3x a yr for a week each time. Do the math...let's say 12 hrs a day x 20, one on one =240 hrs. For bonding purposes, that means basically your friends would have to spend 5 hrs every week with just the grandbabies. Doubtful that will happen, more likely they will come for Sunday dinner, spend 2-3 hrs and go back home. They will never have that grandbaby jump on their bed every a.m. for 21 days a year to wake you up with excitement to start the day.

    Sorry for the novella, but I want you to also see the positives when somebody gives you the negative. Do I have regrets in my life? Heck yes! What are they? I can't turn back time and relive it all over again!
     
  15. HopefulDad3210

    HopefulDad3210 Member

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    I usually just tell people "that's what he wanted to do and he was very thoughtful and thorough in his process of deciding". I then follow up with my belief that if my kids are going make mistakes (and they obviously will), the mistakes are going to be "theirs" and not mine. I would much rather they come to me in a few years and say "I screwed this up" and then support them in figuring it out than have them say "you made me, or kept me from ... and now my life is screwed up". Seems obvious, but you'd be surprised how many people disagree with that approach and think my wife and I are being irresponsible parents. At least where we live. Sigh.
     
  16. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    Just Curious, does anyone get the impression that people are asking to actually get informed? Or are they just trying to be snarky?

    I appreciate all the Patriotic answers, but they kinda wear me out, thinking...why go to all the trouble....they really don't give a D^&# anyway..,.Just want to point out how Stupid I/We/My kid is.

    Nobody has asked me, but I guess I am feeling a little snarky back tonight, Like "Cause his parents are too cheap to pay for a Real College" or "because the Navy has gotta send em somewhere so they can learn to peal those spuds! "
     
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  17. Capt MJ

    Capt MJ 5-Year Member

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    An eternal human pastime! The ancient Greeks probably had a word for snarkiness... And its close relative, the passive-aggressive comment...and their cousin snobbery. And disdain.

    And aren't I having fun being all four about "them."

    A long time ago, when people asked my father why "you let your daughter go into the NAVY," colored with a tinge of "aghast" and a dash of pity, my father confessed to me he wanted to say, "well, the judge said it was either the Navy or jail."
     
  18. Capt MJ

    Capt MJ 5-Year Member

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    Ok, you didn't ask, but going to the Sea Story Locker, Inane Comments Compartment (@NavyHoops and @Hurricane12 have them too), I cannot count the number of times I heard, early in my career:

    - "Why is a nice girl like you in the Navy?" (From civilians, from my first CO [he deserves his own sea story locker], from peer junior officers, from spouses...)
    - "If my Lieutenant had looked like you, I would have stayed in the Navy." (usually from elderly male vets in the Commissary, bless their hearts)
    - "Are you a nurse?"
    - "You aren't paid the same as a man, are you?"
    - "How are you going to find a husband?"
    - "I'd like you to order me around..." (?!)

    And there's more!!! But not tonight. I am looking at my phone, because I am having a hard time watching Navy get thrashed at USF tonight on TV.
     
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  19. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    :yllol:

    I think I would like your Dad!
     
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  20. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    Which leads to another Misconception, the general public still thinks the military is where you send people who get in trouble. The last ditch effort at salvation. Adults and kids just don't seem to understand, they don't want your rejects! If you mess up, and get in trouble you Ain't gonna get in the military!
     

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