Quitting USMMA

[zamber]

Is she A or B split, if she's B it's pretty obvious why she wants to quit.

B Split. She's afraid of going to sea.

B Split. She's afraid of going to sea.

Sorry to hear that. It's not for everyone, whether merchant or Navy. Hard on you as parents, but it happens to some number of mids and cadets across all SAs, that "oh no, this is not AT ALL what I thought it would be." Just love them and calmly ask what their plan is.

Not for us to pry into the source of her concern, but I hope she can muster the courage to figure out exactly what it is that is stopping her, and if she can't overcome it this time, be prepared to push herself next time when faced with a life challenge.

A quote from someone I was fortunate to have a seminar class with in college, and with whom I talked about my decision to go into the Navy, and my fears:

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a *itch. You’ve got to go out and kick a**."
- Dr. Maya Angelou

(I edited for SAF.)

How is a woman going to raise her kids if she is out at sea?
If she says she is afraid to go out to sea, she does not belong out at sea.

 

[BTCS/USN]

How is a woman going to raise her kids if she is out at sea?
If she says she is afraid to go out to sea, she does not belong out at sea.

These are the two statements you really want to go with?

 

[Dadx4]

Is she A or B split, if she's B it's pretty obvious why she wants to quit.

B Split. She's afraid of going to sea.

B Split. She's afraid of going to sea.

Sorry to hear that. It's not for everyone, whether merchant or Navy. Hard on you as parents, but it happens to some number of mids and cadets across all SAs, that "oh no, this is not AT ALL what I thought it would be." Just love them and calmly ask what their plan is.

Not for us to pry into the source of her concern, but I hope she can muster the courage to figure out exactly what it is that is stopping her, and if she can't overcome it this time, be prepared to push herself next time when faced with a life challenge.

A quote from someone I was fortunate to have a seminar class with in college, and with whom I talked about my decision to go into the Navy, and my fears:

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a *itch. You’ve got to go out and kick a**."
- Dr. Maya Angelou

(I edited for SAF.)

How is a woman going to raise her kids if she is out at sea?
If she says she is afraid to go out to sea, she does not belong out at sea.

She decided not to quit and is much more comfortable now that the uncertainty about the process is fading. She leaves for sea in a few weeks.

 

[KP Eng]

I think nervous and excited are physiologically the same thing. The difference is how your conscious mind perceives the feeling. Anyone who says they didn't feel that way the first time they went to sea is lying to you. Best of luck to her!

 

[Dadx4]

Thanks KP. Any insider suggestions on "must have" items for her sea bag? I believe it's a commercial ship. Finishing up shopping in the next few days.

 

[KP Eng]

I would just suggest following the list they gave her. The school has this pretty well figured out. She should be prepared to work hard, learn a lot, be respectful to everyone, and hopefully have an amazing experience.

 

[beyond]

Thanks KP. Any insider suggestions on "must have" items for her sea bag? I believe it's a commercial ship. Finishing up shopping in the next few days.

Don't buy cheap ****.

You're going to use this stuff every single day. I know it adds up to a lot of cash, but below are things that I use every day, usually I carry most of this on my person, spend the money on this stuff and buy quality, it is worth it.

-Knife: Spyerco H1 with serrated blade
-Light: Streamlight 1L (...I use it with CR123s, but it'll take AAs), most people use bigger lights, but I like the small streamlight, it is plenty bright. I'm also a huge advocate for a headlamp with a red lense for the bridge, at the very least a flash light with a red lense.
-Light (Tankers): Princeton Tech EOS II Head Lamp and a handheld light, I like the streamlight haz-lo series
-Pens: Zebra F103 Pens, everyone has there favorite, these are mine.
-Write In the Rain Note Pads! I like the spiral bound ones much better than the books.
-A good stiff belt, I alternate between a Bison Designs Last Ditch Belt, and a Blue Alpha Gear EDC Belt (...make sure to get the EDC model or the cobra buckle won't fit though belt loops).

As for work clothes, again quality:
-I usually work in Keen low cut safety toe shoes, but as a cadet you should probably have real boots, different ships/trades will have different footwear requirements. Either way, good boots, and a pair of comfortable shoes for the bridge.
-In general I like carhartt stuff, 3 pairs of pants is plenty.
-Cold weather stuff depending on the trade. Something that covers your face, gloves, long johns, base layer, and jacket. Sitting on the bow for three hours as you transit the locks in northern Europe when it's -10 outside can be pretty miserable if you don't have the right gear.


I could go on, but that covers the bulk of the stuff I use most. I can't tell you how many knifes, lights, or clothes that I've bought in the last 5 years because stuff didn't last. The things above are tough, take a beating, work well, and are always there for me.

 

[beyond]

Thanks KP. Any insider suggestions on "must have" items for her sea bag? I believe it's a commercial ship. Finishing up shopping in the next few days.

Also stuff to do drawings, good pencils, good erasers, and STENCILS with lots of shapes and curves will make life 100x easier. A light board isn't a terrible idea, usually you can share one with your sea partner. I never used a store bought light board, but I've fashioned them on the bridge windows or with a sheet of plexiglass.

 

[KP Eng]

@beyond This made me smile at the different perspectives. I deliberate only carry cheap knives, and lights (albeit multiple cheap lights for tank internals inspections) because they are so easily dropped in a bilge, lost, or otherwise damaged. If I dropped a $100+ Spyderco in a relatively inaccessible bilge or chain locker, I'd be pissed. I look at those things as consumables. Occasionally they find their way out of your checked bags at the airport as well, which is another basis for my approach.

 

[beyond]

@beyond This made me smile at the different perspectives. I deliberate only carry cheap knives, and lights (albeit multiple cheap lights for tank internals inspections) because they are so easily dropped in a bilge, lost, or otherwise damaged. If I dropped a $100+ Spyderco in a relatively inaccessible bilge or chain locker, I'd be pissed. I look at those things as consumables. Occasionally they find their way out of your checked bags at the airport as well, which is another basis for my approach.

I got fed up with spending money on a knife every time I went to work. Buy once. Cry once. The stuff I listed has been with me for a while now and is still running strong.

 

[KPEngineer]

If DD is a deckie, she doesn't need anything more than suntan lotion and a good pair of sunglasses.

Since Engineers, unlike deckies, actually work at sea I'm with KPEng on this one.

Seriously though, as an upperclassman told me before my first sea year ... lay out everything you think you need, put half of it away and you will still have too much.

I would shop for sea year at goodwill/salvation army. Buy used and cheap clothes that I didn't care if I never used again. Throw them away at the end of sea year and don't worry about having to pack it home. As a cadet, I wouldn't spend much money on tools or gloves or the like since any ship will have most anything really necessary.

A decent knife is a must but I wouldn't spend a lot of money on a high end knife. Even a $10 knife can be kept in serviceable condition for six months.

 

[azmilmom]

Thanks KP. Any insider suggestions on "must have" items for her sea bag? I believe it's a commercial ship. Finishing up shopping in the next few days.

Don't buy cheap ****.

You're going to use this stuff every single day. I know it adds up to a lot of cash, but below are things that I use every day, usually I carry most of this on my person, spend the money on this stuff and buy quality, it is worth it.

-Knife: Spyerco H1 with serrated blade
-Light: Streamlight 1L (...I use it with CR123s, but it'll take AAs), most people use bigger lights, but I like the small streamlight, it is plenty bright. I'm also a huge advocate for a headlamp with a red lense for the bridge, at the very least a flash light with a red lense.
-Light (Tankers): Princeton Tech EOS II Head Lamp and a handheld light, I like the streamlight haz-lo series
-Pens: Zebra F103 Pens, everyone has there favorite, these are mine.
-Write In the Rain Note Pads! I like the spiral bound ones much better than the books.
-A good stiff belt, I alternate between a Bison Designs Last Ditch Belt, and a Blue Alpha Gear EDC Belt (...make sure to get the EDC model or the cobra buckle won't fit though belt loops).

As for work clothes, again quality:
-I usually work in Keen low cut safety toe shoes, but as a cadet you should probably have real boots, different ships/trades will have different footwear requirements. Either way, good boots, and a pair of comfortable shoes for the bridge.
-In general I like carhartt stuff, 3 pairs of pants is plenty.
-Cold weather stuff depending on the trade. Something that covers your face, gloves, long johns, base layer, and jacket. Sitting on the bow for three hours as you transit the locks in northern Europe when it's -10 outside can be pretty miserable if you don't have the right gear.


I could go on, but that covers the bulk of the stuff I use most. I can't tell you how many knifes, lights, or clothes that I've bought in the last 5 years because stuff didn't last. The things above are tough, take a beating, work well, and are always there for me.

Same for Deckies and Engineers?

 

[beyond]

Same for Deckies and Engineers?

I'm a deckie. That stuff will work in the Engine Room, but it is more geared for deckies.

 

[luv2fly]

My DD has decided to leave USMMA after completing her first year. I've tried everything I can to convince her to stay. Any advice from other parents who have gone through this? Heartbreaking. Thanks.

Dadx4, sorry this is late. I posted this a few years ago. I know your DD made it through Plebe Summer but some of it does still apply.


It might be time for a little tough love.

This story comes from a very dear friend. A few years ago he was at USNA. After about four weeks of plebe summer he had enough. Called dad and said I made a mistake and I want to come home. This place is not for me. Not enough food. Not enough sleep. It's just to hard to deal with. Dad says I'll be down this evening to pick to you up. Older brother calls USNA to see where to pick him up at. Older brother talks to younger brother to see why he wants to come home. Older brother tells younger brother that you have the opportunity of a life time. Why don't you stick it out for a couple more weeks and see what happens. If at that time you want to quit, call and I'll come get you.(I'm giving you the nice version of what was said.) Dear friend never called his brother or his father to come home. He thanks his older brother every day for that talk. Today dear friend has the word Captain in front of his name USN. I can't tell you what he does today, because you'll figure out who he is. Dear friend offered to play bad cop for my DS last year if he needed it.

Good Luck, with the talk.

Luv2fly.