Sending your MIDN back to The Yard...

Reading this thread is satisfying that I am not alone feeling the anxiety and emptiness...DS is my 2nd. When the 1st son was leaving home for college, it was all about the excitement and freshness of new starting for him, I did not even go to drop him off to college, but he was well travelled and we all sort of know what will happen (he was with NROTC unit), all good. However, the 2nd, going to USMA, it was hard. Part of it was the DS wants to have the grow-up treatment but we the parents are not ready for it yet and still thinks him as the younger kids in the house esp when his brother left home. So there was a bit of tension going on between us. R-day dropping off was very quiet in the car, hugging at the Buffalo Soldier Field was tough for me, eyes wetted. The BCT was a black hole, receiving his letter made my day that I memorized what he wrote. A-day and family weekend was very satisfying and pleasant with all of us together at WP including his old brother. Coming home for holiday break was great, but he still does not talk too much to us which makes me very sad. Family vacation at Hawaii was nice with golfing, surfing etc. But wished he was that little boy that I could grab and go to things without hesitation. Now I sensed his mind is more with friends from high school, sports teams, buddies at USMA...talking about not having spring break with us, but going skiing or surfing with friends from USMA. I am happy he is growing and building his own circle, but sad that the good old time is gone, I will not have that jump hug anymore. Feel like I have a lot to say to him, to ask him, but time is too short, or he does not talk much, which makes me very sad.
 
WT Door said:
I’ kept print material that resonated with me while on active duty and came across this 1980’s WSJ ad while cleaning out my garage last fall. Parents, it may be tough seeing your Mid head back this week but stay engaged and maybe add something new to your routine.

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aa-ttention said:
Reading this thread is satisfying that I am not alone feeling the anxiety and emptiness...DS is my 2nd. When the 1st son was leaving home for college, it was all about the excitement and freshness of new starting for him, I did not even go to drop him off to college, but he was well travelled and we all sort of know what will happen (he was with NROTC unit), all good. However, the 2nd, going to USMA, it was hard. Part of it was the DS wants to have the grow-up treatment but we the parents are not ready for it yet and still thinks him as the younger kids in the house esp when his brother left home. So there was a bit of tension going on between us. R-day dropping off was very quiet in the car, hugging at the Buffalo Soldier Field was tough for me, eyes wetted. The BCT was a black hole, receiving his letter made my day that I memorized what he wrote. A-day and family weekend was very satisfying and pleasant with all of us together at WP including his old brother. Coming home for holiday break was great, but he still does not talk too much to us which makes me very sad. Family vacation at Hawaii was nice with golfing, surfing etc. But wished he was that little boy that I could grab and go to things without hesitation. Now I sensed his mind is more with friends from high school, sports teams, buddies at USMA...talking about not having spring break with us, but going skiing or surfing with friends from USMA. I am happy he is growing and building his own circle, but sad that the good old time is gone, I will not have that jump hug anymore. Feel like I have a lot to say to him, to ask him, but time is too short, or he does not talk much, which makes me very sad.
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Hugs. I can understand. It was like that early on. Now he comes home and really enjoys stay in! I had to push him to go do things out, but he wanted to stay home abd enjoy the pool. I can certainly say that “they come back” just wait
 
DD had a great trip back for break, enjoyed her time visiting with some friends, relaxing and taking in some family time. I dropped her off BWI on the 26th and had a little feeling of emptiness. It was a surprising, but familiar feeling for me. I was finally able to put my finger on it, it was the same feeling I felt after dropping my spouse off for a patrol. Just a much as I know DH loves being at sea, DD loves being at USAFA, so it makes it a little easier to acknowledge the feeling, but then move on and focus on the positive. DH did not like being on the flip side, being the one left behind, it was definitely a role change for him. I reminded him to buckle up, as there will be many more of these to come, as DD is only a doolie at USAFA and she has a long career ahead of her.
 
Heatherg21 said:
It's all great practice. Our DS did 2 elective summer classes last summer, and an international USNA sponsored trip and PROTRAMID, so we saw him for 5 days at home. But, it was a great opportunity for his MIDSIB to head to Annapolis and visit him and tour DC for the first time. There are positives to all of this, that is for sure.
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mine wants to do elective summer school too!! and then all the other summer stuff....I know that she will be gone most of the summer but she is ok with that. She realized how much she has grown since she left for plebe summer! we will be visiting a ton this spring bc of her sport so we will get to see her a bunch and I am grateful for that! She is sad to leave her doggies but is getting excited about going back. I have had all 3 kids home for 3 weeks and it has been amazing but one leaves tomorrow and the other 2 on Friday - I will be sad and feel empty too but they are all thriving so I cant be sad for long!!!
 
A1Janitor said:
Mine as well. And mine talks like a drunken sailor now. Or thinks he is my commanding officer. ;)
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Haha, same "drunken sailor", esp over the phone...as for the "commanding officer" part, I said it explicitly to him: the only role you have in the house is son and brother, nothing more and nothing less. Funny that when I picked him up at airport, he throws F bomb on the conversation, later told his mom that the it was just like so on the post, everyone curses. We then asked him to change it along with uniform change. Getting better but still some tensions, and more growing up to go.
 
Tonight mine helped me make jaeger schnitzel and coconut pineapple fritters. While we were cooking, he kept up a running banter about his instructors. Even read me some of their resumes which, are incredible.

At one point he said he felt like a guest and not a son or brother since he was here so infrequently.

I told him to clean up the dishes and collect all of the dog crap in the yard. It’s a big yard for two dogs and I told him I saved the chore for him. Ego check. He’s still wearing the son hat. And I can out curse him which is impressive considering the sailor’s vocabulary he now has. 😉. Mom for the win.

Also, hugs to all of the moms and dads and siblings going through yet another departure. The gamut of emotions is vast and sometimes the tears just show up. And the lump in the throat appears at the most random times.

I am substitute teaching almost daily. And I cannot tell you the number of times I find myself unable to recite the Pledge of Allegiance out loud with my high schoolers due to the lump in my throat.
 
DS just got emails about ROM extending to 18th with classes being remote from room in Mother B. He is a little stressed about being ready for PRT if ROM results in PT being curtailed for several weeks.

I told him to not stress about things out of his control. Use this a practice in flexibility and resiliency.
 
LT360 said:
DS just got emails about ROM extending to 18th with classes being remote from room in Mother B. He is a little stressed about being ready for PRT if ROM results in PT being curtailed for several weeks.

I told him to not stress about things out of his control. Use this a practice in flexibility and resiliency.
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Great advice to your MIDN. Mine just changed his flight to Thursday vs Friday to avoid weather and possible delays. Also to give more time for check in and unforeseeable things.

Reading the email may cause angst but having survived the plebe year and plebe summer they survived this seems doable and nowhere near as negative or restrictive as they have had in the past. Short term ROM isn’t fun but is a walk in the park in comparison.

Hang in there!!!! Semper Gumby to all and spring will be here before we know it.
 
WolfPackGrunt said:
Three days and a wake up until my DS heads back to The Yard (DS is a plebe). Over the last few days, I have had a lot more anxiety about this sendoff than I anticipated. As a crusty old Papa, I generally shoulder through most emotional challenges, but this one has been a doozy. I feel blessed and am grateful for the last two weeks, but nonetheless I am not looking forward to saying goodbye (which I realize is normal, but...). We are fortunate, and will see him again fairly soon in February or March, COVID19 permitting. I feel like DS is doing great overall at USNA, his outlook for the next semester is fine and as expected (nervous but excited). My anxiety is my own and I am not sure where it is coming from. I thought sharing with this group might help elicit feedback on how other parents who have experienced sadness and or anxiety with these farewells have dealt with it. I truly appreciate your insight.
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WolfPackGrunt said:
Three days and a wake up until my DS heads back to The Yard (DS is a plebe). Over the last few days, I have had a lot more anxiety about this sendoff than I anticipated. As a crusty old Papa, I generally shoulder through most emotional challenges, but this one has been a doozy. I feel blessed and am grateful for the last two weeks, but nonetheless I am not looking forward to saying goodbye (which I realize is normal, but...). We are fortunate, and will see him again fairly soon in February or March, COVID19 permitting. I feel like DS is doing great overall at USNA, his outlook for the next semester is fine and as expected (nervous but excited). My anxiety is my own and I am not sure where it is coming from. I thought sharing with this group might help elicit feedback on how other parents who have experienced sadness and or anxiety with these farewells have dealt with it. I truly appreciate your insight.
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Thanks for sharing and starting this thread. I have found these emotions and feelings, of our kids going away to school, are one of those life lessons no one shares. The emotions you describe are normal and common place. Whether your kid is headed back to a state school or an SA. We have many friends that their child is less than 2 miles from their home. They have the same feelings you describe.

I had these feelings especially after I Day. Grief is the only word which does the emotions justice. I had lost my DD forever and I wasn't sure if I had prepared her for what the world would bring her. I felt as if I would never get to share my abundant wisdom with her again 😁. As a family we were off kilter. We didn't have the same dynamic. The author and Mid Dad, Karl Smith, said it best. I paraphrase. 'Our family had 4 wheels for 18 years and now we were missing a wheel. We were off balance.' I don't care if you have 1 kid or 6, when part of your family leaves, you are off balance. When my DD walked through those doors of Alumni Hall, we were missing a tire and our alignment was off. I was in a tailspin. The good news is we were able to find traction as a family as she navigated through plebe year, and so will you. As a family of 3, missing our 4th, we were able to focus on DD 2 and find our own new rhythm.

I sit here tonight with my 2C DD watching Netflix, while she preps for post grad exams, and I work and lurk on SAF. I have to ask her daily when she is leaving. Does she need a ride to airport? We discuss summer trainings and the exciting opportunities which await. We talk about family, and the challenges that time passing brings a family. We don't think about being apart, because we are not. Even though she will be across the country and soon the globe, we are still our unit. Our family. That does not change.

When more 'tenured" parents would say "the 4 years flies by," "plebe year will soon be in the rearview mirror," etc. I would get a little resentful. When you are in the midst of your emotions it is difficult to see what is ahead. Those folks that make those statements are true. But, you are also entitled to your emotions. Enjoy your emotions Dad. Even if they don't seem to be positive now. You will miss those feelings. Know they will soon be replaced with other emotions. Pride, Comfort and Peace. Best!
 
THParent said:
From the perspective of a Firstie parent, I have witnessed a calm unlike ever before from my son. He's not stressed at all about school. He is right where he wants to be and doesn't dread going back at all. He's looking forward to moving on with the next chapter.

I have to say that's a first since I-Day, and it was wonderful to experience. It made for a great visit while he was home.
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I have to LOL (and snort in my coffee) a little at this. Also an added eye roll 🙄

BC discussion has been about how this next semester ‘doesn’t matter’. About how they made it to the LAST semester. About how, for many, their rankings and such ‘don’t matter’ for their selections. I know this is a huge generalization. And a huge overstatement. And not necessarily true. But it IS true that they made it to their LAST sememeter. And ‘senioritis’ and celebrating for 4 months with their best homies is a thing.

My firstie is also super excited and stoked to go back. To enjoy this last semester. SO EXCITED. Smiles. No dread. I’m praying more for them to be free to enjoy their last, lasts with their friends and classmates, freely. Without stuff cancelled. Stuff shut down. Thats my wish for this next semester as he heads back. Not the usual ‘study hard, do well, blah blah blah’.
 
aa-ttention said:
Reading this thread is satisfying that I am not alone feeling the anxiety and emptiness...DS is my 2nd. When the 1st son was leaving home for college, it was all about the excitement and freshness of new starting for him, I did not even go to drop him off to college, but he was well travelled and we all sort of know what will happen (he was with NROTC unit), all good. However, the 2nd, going to USMA, it was hard. Part of it was the DS wants to have the grow-up treatment but we the parents are not ready for it yet and still thinks him as the younger kids in the house esp when his brother left home. So there was a bit of tension going on between us. R-day dropping off was very quiet in the car, hugging at the Buffalo Soldier Field was tough for me, eyes wetted. The BCT was a black hole, receiving his letter made my day that I memorized what he wrote. A-day and family weekend was very satisfying and pleasant with all of us together at WP including his old brother. Coming home for holiday break was great, but he still does not talk too much to us which makes me very sad. Family vacation at Hawaii was nice with golfing, surfing etc. But wished he was that little boy that I could grab and go to things without hesitation. Now I sensed his mind is more with friends from high school, sports teams, buddies at USMA...talking about not having spring break with us, but going skiing or surfing with friends from USMA. I am happy he is growing and building his own circle, but sad that the good old time is gone, I will not have that jump hug anymore. Feel like I have a lot to say to him, to ask him, but time is too short, or he does not talk much, which makes me very sad.
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Just wait until you become a grandparent. Not kidding. That void is filled right back up.

This all is the circle of life! My youngest actually was concerned about ME, so it was imperative that he realize I am OK. I didn’t want him having my well being on his mind at all.

Leaving the nest is normal. And it’s different for each member of the nest (the youngest, for me, really was the toughest…but it’s all good now).

Then your nest expands again with grandchildren who are those little kids you miss. Hopefully you are blessed to be close enough to see them often.

Life rolls on…changes. Evolves. Morphs into new adventures. It’s odd, but inevitable! I try to embrace to new adventures. Create new memories and traditions (we vacationed for Xmas for the first time everrrr and what a weirdly different and amazing change that was, but we embraced it!!).

*sigh*
 
LT360 said:
DS just got emails about ROM extending to 18th with classes being remote from room in Mother B. He is a little stressed about being ready for PRT if ROM results in PT being curtailed for several weeks.

I told him to not stress about things out of his control. Use this a practice in flexibility and resiliency.
Click to expand...
DS was in a much lighter mood after reading that he gets to hang out in his room and wear the more comfortable uniform.
They still should be able to run, but inside gym time is likely limited or non-existent. From stories, they did lots of in-room pushups, etc last year to stay (or get) in shape.
 
A1Janitor said:
Mine as well. And mine talks like a drunken sailor now. Or thinks he is my commanding officer. ;)
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I remember my son using salty language when he first returned his plebe year. He used the "I'm a sailor now" excuse. I looked him right in the eye and said, "You may be in the Navy and allowed use salty language in Bancroft, but right now consider this house the Vatican. And as far as you're concerned, I'm the Pope."
 
brewmeist said:
I remember my son using salty language when he first returned his plebe year. He used the "I'm a sailor now" excuse. I looked him right in the eye and said, "You may be in the Navy and allowed use salty language in Bancroft, but right now consider this house the Vatican. And as far as you're concerned, I'm the Pope."
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LOL I told mine I would knock him on his ***.

Over the last few years I sense a growing confidence (misplaced!) by him that I can’t.

Though he realizes it is a tall task with my 75 pound fierce warrior best friend at my side.
 
brewmeist said:
I remember my son using salty language when he first returned his plebe year. He used the "I'm a sailor now" excuse. I looked him right in the eye and said, "You may be in the Navy and allowed use salty language in Bancroft, but right now consider this house the Vatican. And as far as you're concerned, I'm the Pope."
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"and I have met sailors and you ain't no sailor, pal"

*fixed*

;)
 
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