I really love this discussion. Several reasons, but one big one is that in addition to being a parent desperately hoping for DS to be appointed to his choice of SA, I have been a Scoutmaster for a couple of decades. My goal is to teach these young men to be of good character, self-reliant, have moral worth, and hopefully to assist them to become Eagle Scouts. Another thing that these very young leaders have to learn is how to recognize and use their resources. I've been pretty successful with that.
What is terribly irritating is when some of these Scouts get to the point where they are needing leadership positions, or to attain some of the more difficult merit badges, the parents want to step in and do it for them. I've had to counsel parents and have not allowed a "board of review" because the Scout did not do the requirement themselves as is required, the parents did. Those parents get pretty angry, but I will not allow one of MY Eagle Scouts to bring the reputation of ALL Eagle Scouts down because I allowed Mom or Dad to cut corners.
What I'm getting at, is I'm familiar with "Helicopter Parents," from a different perspective, but it's the same "malady." One of the best blessings we can give our children is to be a resource. Resources don't make decisions, they just are. Teaching our children to be self-reliant, and self-confident, is what I believe parents should do. Be heavily involved as we're helping them to recognize and use resources to make good decisions, assist in helping them to effectively and thoroughly research important choices. Then allow them to put their feet on their chosen path, and step away. If we've done our job in teaching over the past 18 years, they'll be great, and we'll be justifiably proud of their accomplishments, their decisions, and their life. Most of our job in raising our kids should stop at the front gate of the Academy. I know I'll get teary eyed. I'll think back of all the things I should have done, or said. I'll wish there was more time to teach and talk daily. But that time will be gone. I know DS will do well, he's an awesome young man, and so are the young men and women that are appointed to the academy.
Just one other point...When I was in the service there were two types of officers that I automatically assumed to be great officers. Those who had come up through the enlisted ranks (mustangs), and those who were academy grads. Not that other officers weren't good, I just didn't make that immediate assumption. Primarily because they knew how to recognize and use their resources creatively and effectively.