kpmom2013 said:
And like it or not, the case would drag on for at least a year and probably two.
During this time, the alleged victim's reputation would be dragged through the mud along with the alleged perpetrator. Because of the publicity, the ROTC unit would have to take strong action. My prediction would be that everyone at the party would have to be disciplined in a major way and would lose
scholarships or even be removed from the program entirely. It would take
years for the program to recover from the scandal. The lives of both the victim and perpetrator would be ruined, sides will be taken, and no one will
want to date either one.
I agree with you here, but also the reality is ROTC is filled with college kids. College kids "talk", and to try to hide this from the command will be close to impossible.
I would assume that at a large unit it would be easier, but if it is a small unit, where when one person sneezes they all say Bless you, it would be difficult.
I am just saying that to hide it out of fear of issues that may occur, may not be possible, especially if this was a ROTC cadet party.
I am also taking an assumption it was not a small house party of 10-15 kids, but a large party, where people disappearing would go noticed. Which brings it back to your comment:
"the alleged victim's reputation would be dragged through the mud along..."
Hate to say it, her name is being dragged through mud already. Again, kids talk, and they form their opinions on gossip, not facts. That small party somebody probably saw something, that big party of 30+ and it less likely. This will play into the equation regarding reputation.
"My prediction would be that everyone at the party would have to be disciplined in a major way and would lose
scholarships or even be removed from the program entirely. It would take
years for the program to recover from the scandal. The lives of both the victim and perpetrator would be ruined, sides will be taken, and no one will
want to date either one."
I agree. Not only will the cadets be disciplined, believe it or not so will be the AD officers by HQ. They may land up getting passed over for promotion or HQ may PCS them all because to remove the illusion that this is acceptable. Which also ruins their careers.
I am not saying pity the leadership, or don't report it because it may hurt the program. I am saying that cadets do have an impact on more than just their lives, they can impact so much deeper than they ever thought, which includes the ROTC unit, but might also include the school too.
We do not know the school, nor am I asking for it, but I want to give an example of how it can impact the school too.
VT will now graduate the last of the freshman (5 yr engineering program) that were there when the shooting occurred. It is hard for a parent to send your child to school, because safety always is an issue, probably more so for parents of girls. Now imagine, if this happened at VT. A school that also dorms for all 4 yrs the ROTC cadets. This making news would damage all 3 ROTC programs, even though it was just 1 ROTC program. Parents would most likely say, NOPE, any school but that one.
It also makes everyone not only in the ROTC unit take sides, but because they live together the dorm will too.
I in no way am saying hide it. I would hate to see her do that. I am saying because of the fall out, she needs to get professional help to deal with the trauma that will occur.
Even if she doesn't report it, and nobody says squat, she needs the help of therapy. If she doesn't get it, everytime she looks at someone of either sex she will wonder do they think "I slept with this person, and I am easy?" She may take an innocent comment to mean something it never meant, just out of fear.
Her parents need to believe her, and I am sure they do. They need to say, you are not mentally unstable, but you need to reach out to a counselor and talk this out.
That is where we should all be at. She is in for a rough road ahead regardless of how it plays with ROTC.
We all see how no matter what you advise to press forward, she is forever changed. ROTC and loss of scholarship is really nothing. ROTC cadets getting nailed for underage drinking is still nothing when it comes to her health. ROTC image, oh well. The girl is a freshman, the parents have an 18 yo that they believe was date raped. I don't think they give a rats arse about the scholarship, I think they give it about their DD, but the DD cares about ROTC which makes it harder on them regarding how to fix it for her.
If this incident happened to my daughter, I would strongly advise her not to report it. You
may disagree with me, but please understand that the consequences of reporting (especially delayed reporting) are far reaching.
Honestly, I would not advise her at first. I would have gone and picked her up from the college and had her meet with a counselor on Monday....pretty sure profs will give her pass on missing classes due to the circumstances. If she refuese to come home, or I couldn't get to her than I would ask this:
Do you want to be at that college or do you want to be in ROTC?
If she said ROTC, I would be honest and say what KPMom and I have stated. Impressing upon her that ROTC at that college will be hell for the next 4 yrs. She will always be that "girl" to some who ruined that "boy's" career.
I would say transfer out to another school and their ROTC program.
If she said the University, I would say, get out of ROTC for the exact same reason. She can always try for OCS/OTS upon graduation. Colleges are big, and nobody outside of ROTC would know.
However, this is where the Mom turns into a woman. I would tell her that by doing so, you just taught him he can keep doing it. Do you want him to do it again. I would say I am your Mom, and will support your decision either way, but you have to make that decision....which is also why I say get her to a counselor now! That is a heavy burden for an 18 yo to carry. Do I turn a blind eye for my own serenity, or do I take the toll so others are safe?
I don't believe any parent at their age when faced with those 2 choices would be able to make that decision without days of contemplation.
I don't care if the further time it takes to report it causes issues. I care about her mental stability, and to say to any woman, don't come into the light is far more reaching than a delay in reporting.
I am not saying that these posts are not caring about her mental health, I am saying that how would you feel if your Mom said not to report it? Would you be able emotionally to not resent their guidance or feel that they were saying "suck it up"?
I would not be opposed to my DD not reporting it, but I would not advise her that at all, I would allow her with a counselor's help to come to her own decision, knowing we will support whatever it is.