- Joined
- Mar 2, 2015
- Messages
- 792
What recourse does my kid have if he/she is mistreated, etc. etc. etc.? Will he/she be too intimidated by the fear of retribution to stand up and say something? Is there anything in place to protect my kid from retribution if he/she speaks up?
Momba, I can certainly understand your questions and can speak to them directly as I experienced such a situation personally. As a 20 year old, I enlisted in the Navy and the day before my swearing in my recruiter invited me to his apartment for a going away dinner. I thought nothing of it and went because I thought it would look bad if I declined. I will spare you details, but he supplied wine which I only sipped to be polite (as I didn't drink, not to mention it was illegal) and I stayed for dinner. After dinner he was very inappropriate and when I tried to leave he was forceful and threatened to make things bad for me at boot camp. I immediately pushed him away and left. I told my mother as it made me extremely uncomfortable and she was going to call the "Navy" and report the guy. I begged her not to because I was very afraid it would ruin things for me. I really believed that he could make my life and perhaps my career miserable and was afraid I would be prevented from going to the school I was promised. In hindsight, I wish I had let my mom call as I am sure I was not the first nor the last to fall prey to his advances. So, even as a 20 year old, I was not as wise. His behavior should have been reported, but fear of retaliation is real. That was over 30 years ago and times have changed. I do believe that the military is more aware of such things and there are mechanisms for the cadets and anyone in the military to speak out about any true mistreatment/inappropriate behavior. But I can guarantee, there is always that fear of retaliation in the back of ones mind, especially one who is new to the military and does not know all the ropes. About 5 years later, I ran into that same recruiter and I was much wiser and confident. He recognized me and had some smart remark and I was able to tell him that if I knew then what I know now, I would have reported him because I learned that I really had all the power and he had none. His career would have been toast and he knew it.
With that said, the best advice we can give DS/DD if they are confronted with inappropriate or illegal behavior is to be confident in themselves and always speak the truth. They can seek counsel with the Chaplain and if necessary, use their chain of command to bring the issue to light. Notice I say inappropriate or illegal; that does not mean that every time they get a little annoyed they should make it an issue. They need to be tough and learn to use good judgement. I am certain that life in the AFA will shape that confidence and as they grow and mature they will be able to discern when they need to act and when they just need to suck it up. Lastly, as parents, WE NEED to have confidence that they can learn to handle it and then LET THEM.