Convincing my Mom

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Max S.

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Jun 17, 2018
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This might be a strange question to some or maybe even an question that you guys can't solve since you don't personally know my mom. This current school year I'm going to be a Freshman in HS and plan to meet up with a blue & gold Officer. I've wanted to be a Marine for a while but every time I bring it up she shoots it down saying stuff like "No Way" or "Marines are Crazy" any advice on how I could convince my mom that being a Marine is not a bad thing?
 
Yup.

Try selling her on what a great opportunity the USNA is, and re-frame your conversations with her around an interest in becoming a Naval Officer. Seems like a much much easier sell to me. By the time you make an election to become a Marine at USNA it will be your call, and your mom will be accustom to you making your own calls.

You have a way to go yet before the issue "ripens". Follow this forum, and when the time comes, you will find plenty of discussion on the merits of attending the USNA and plenty of Mid parents and Alumni ready to testify re: what a special place the USNA is.

Good luck to you
 
Max S. said:
This might be a strange question to some or maybe even an question that you guys can't solve since you don't personally know my mom. This current school year I'm going to be a Freshman in HS and plan to meet up with a blue & gold Officer. I've wanted to be a Marine for a while but every time I bring it up she shoots it down saying stuff like "No Way" or "Marines are Crazy" any advice on how I could convince my mom that being a Marine is not a bad thing?
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She might be on to something there. Seriously though, the advice from Just Dad above is great. You have time to work on all things that will be required to attend.
 
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When is your meeting with the Blue and Gold officer scheduled? If it is not already scheduled then it might be wise to wait a while. I can understand why you would be excited to talk to a Blue and Gold officer as soon as possible but I can also understand why your mom is struggling with the idea. My DD is going to be a plebe as West Point this year and we went through a similar process with my wife/DD's mom early on. My wife was not supportive of the idea and in the beginning she actively tried to talk DD out of it. It took my wife time and a visit to West Point to start coming around. Now she proudly wears her "West Point Mom" shirt. There is hope.

In the meantime, there is so much you can be doing to make yourself an excellent candidate. Take hard classes and do well. Participate in sports. Get in great shape and stay in shape. Read all you can here and on the USNA website about what it takes to get in. Take advantage of any leadership opportunity that you can. Talk to your guidance counselor or another trusted adult about USNA and what you hope to accomplish. That person may be able to advocate on your behalf in the future. Good luck.
 
Lots of older threads about parents having a concern of their son/daughter joining the military or attending an SA. You can search on those to see what was discussed. Advice tends to be basically the same each time this is asked.
 
Doing all the preparation now will make all the difference, later.
By the time your Junior year is over, those six (6) semesters of high school will be the standard upon which you are judged to be academically qualified or not.
Coincidentally, if you knock those grades and classes (as many AP classes as you can handle) out of the park, you will have many options available to you.
Having options is a good thing. By the time that you have to decide if you want to go the standard college path, the NROTC path or the USNA path, convincing your Mom might be easier.
 
As a mom, I can tell you that watching your child do something that might put them in harm’s way is very difficult. In addition, when a young person leaves for military service, they are basically “gone from the nest”. There are no long summer breaks when the kid will once again be hanging around the house. It will feel to her as if you do not need her anymore, and after all of these years of having her life pretty much revolve around being a mom, that is very difficult. That part of her life and your time with your parents will be over. This will never be an easy thing for most moms.

That being said, it is the most natural thing in the world for you to want to be independent and become the adult she has raised you to be. Continue showing her that you are responsible and remain driven in your goals and she will over time see that you are serious about this.

Again, she may never utter words that seem supportive (because she will miss you like her right arm is missing) but she will be proud of you at the same time.

Best of luck.
 
Also be kind to your mom. She loves you, and this could be her reaction out of fear. You will be a different person when it comes time to apply. You are young! Just out of middle school. So that’s her perspective at the moment. But as she watches you plan and prepare through these next few years, I would guess her confidence will change.

My DS saying “I want to be a marine” as a 15yr old gangly freshman emotes a different reaction from me than my 18 yr old strong, confident young man who has been a leader to others for 3 years.

As an incoming freshman I dont visualize it.

As a senior? I saw it as his destiny.

So be patient with mom. You have several years to get her used to the idea. She could just be scared. Or not. But as stated above, lots of threads and advice. And also stated, ultimately it will be YOUR decision. Not anyone else’s.
 
One other thought . . . your desires might change. When I was your age, I had no desire to be in the military. That changed two years later. Thus, you might start floating the idea with your mother, but also be open to other things, including those she suggests. In the end, if the military is your dream, you absolutely should pursue it.
 
Maybe try to isolate her objections if you can, so you can address each one. Does she realize you want to become an officer as opposed to enlisted? Does she know anything at all about the academies? Does she know about Toys for Tots? How Marines, and the Navy, help other nations through natural disasters. I guess what I'm getting at is to make sure she understands your goal to be an officer (it made a difference with my wife), that college comes first, and expose her to things the Marines do that she would be proud to see you do. As others have said, you have lots of time for this. Talk to her about NROTC too. Perhaps her objection is to the academy as opposed to a "normal" college.
 
Parents tend not to stand in the way of something their kids have worked very hard for. So start working very hard now — academics, athletics, extracurricular, leadership impact — not just for the sake of the application, but to show your mom how much you want it. Without being defiant or difficult, occasionally remind her why your hard work is so important, why it’s so critical to making you a strong candidate. The accomplishments that make the academies want you also make parents quite proud.

Also, start formulating a mature, sober, well-reasoned rationale for why you want to serve your country. I’m guessing it’s more than a rah-rah, gung-ho reason. The ability to explain your motivations in an authentic, genuine way will be necessary for your application (both academies and nominations, both interviews and essays) and will go a long way to winning your mom over. Do all this — with patience, love and respect — and I have no doubt she’ll come around. All the best to you.
 
Oh, and get a visit to the academy in for her. Where she can ask questions, get first hand info.
 
redwhitebluemom said:
As a mom, I can tell you that watching your child do something that might put them in harm’s way is very difficult. In addition, when a young person leaves for military service, they are basically “gone from the nest”. There are no long summer breaks when the kid will once again be hanging around the house. It will feel to her as if you do not need her anymore, and after all of these years of having her life pretty much revolve around being a mom, that is very difficult. That part of her life and your time with your parents will be over. This will never be an easy thing for most moms.

That being said, it is the most natural thing in the world for you to want to be independent and become the adult she has raised you to be. Continue showing her that you are responsible and remain driven in your goals and she will over time see that you are serious about this.

Again, she may never utter words that seem supportive (because she will miss you like her right arm is missing) but she will be proud of you at the same time.

Best of luck.
Click to expand...

Really well said
 
Other than maybe needing her to drive you to the Blue and Gold officer, you don't need her permission to prepare yourself for the possibility of a Service Academy.
You can take the hard classes, study hard, join teams, exhibit leadership, get in shape.
As you get closer to graduation, you can start the process of applying to a service academy.
 
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