Dad Joke thread (everybody welcome)

One my grandpa told me: (he always has the best jokes)

Three sons take a loan from their father. Their father gives them each 1k, on the condition that they have to pay it back NO matter what. "Even if I die," he says "you have to pay me back. It's all I ask."

The sons take the loan, and years later, before any of them have begun to pay it off, the father passes away.

At his funeral, the sons arrive with enough cash to pay off the loan they took, according to their father's wishes.

The first son takes a stack of hundred dollar bills, and throws it into the casket. The second brother does the same, and throws a stack of bills (totaling 1k) into the casket.

The third son walks up to the casket, pauses, and pulls out a checkbook. He writes a check for $3,000, takes the two stacks of money, and throws the check into the casket.
 
Jarhead713 said:
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey! We don't serve your kind here."

The string steps outside, unties the top of his head a little bit, and pulls out some of the individual and tinier strings that make up his string-body.

He walks back into a bar, and again orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey... didn't I just kick you out? We don't serve strings here, aren't you a string?"

The string simply replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Click to expand...
Can you hang someone with old rope? 'Frayed not. That stuff is bad noose.
 
Wish we had some military chaplain jokes. Reliably clean, refreshingly funny, offensive to no one.
 
Capt MJ said:
Wish we had some military chaplain jokes. Reliably clean, refreshingly funny, offensive to no one.
Click to expand...
Father Mc…, a Navy Chaplain, was a Jesuit. He wove this into the annual Archdiocese Military Appeal for funds during mass.

Saint Peter is at the Pearly gates ready to welcome a middle-aged man. The man proceeds to tell Saint Peter that when he was on earth, he gave four million dollars to the church. Saint Peter replied, “your altruism was commendable, undoubtedly many people benefitted from your largesse.” The man sighed and said, “well…I’d like my money back.” Saint Peter, perplexed, explained “this is heaven and there is no need for money here.” The man insisted.

Saint Peter goes to see Jesus. Before Saint Peter starts, Jesus says, I already know. That middle-aged man you were talking with at the gate wants his four million dollars back. Jesus reflects on the request and then instructs Saint Peter to go to the vault where there are two large suit cases containing two million dollars each. Jesus then commanded, “take the two suit cases and give them to the lost soul.” An incredulous Saint Peter then asks, what should I tell him, my Lord? Jesus replies, tell him to take his money and go to hell.
 
WT Door said:
Father Mc…, a Navy Chaplain, was a Jesuit. He wove this into the annual Archdiocese Military Appeal for funds during mass.

Saint Peter is at the Pearly gates ready to welcome a middle-aged man. The man proceeds to tell Saint Peter that when he was on earth, he gave four million dollars to the church. Saint Peter replied, “your altruism was commendable, undoubtedly many people benefitted from your largesse.” The man sighed and said, “well…I’d like my money back.” Saint Peter, perplexed, explained “this is heaven and there is no need for money here.” The man insisted.

Saint Peter goes to see Jesus. Before Saint Peter starts, Jesus says, I already know. That middle-aged man you were talking with at the gate wants his four million dollars back. Jesus reflects on the request and then instructs Saint Peter to go to the vault where there are two large suit cases containing two million dollars each. Jesus then commanded, “take the two suit cases and give them to the lost soul.” An incredulous Saint Peter then asks, what should I tell him, my Lord? Jesus replies, tell him to take his money and go to hell.
Click to expand...
Exactly! 🤣🤣🤣
 
We had an older priest up at the parish near my parents' lake place. I think he was put out there to keep him away from civilization until he retired for good, and the reason I say that is his weekly joke selections that he delivered from the altar just before the final benediction. Here's one I remember:

A parish priest notices that Alice, a recently widowed member of his flock, is having some real difficulty dealing with the loss of her husband. He runs into her later that week, so he takes the opportunity to discuss it with her.
"Alice, it really looks like you're struggling with Bob's death. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Oh Father I'm not sure that'll help."
"Well let's try anyway. You never know what could make a difference. Let's see, do you remember the night he died?"
"Oh yes."
"Do you remember the last thing Bob said to you?"
"Oh yes, Father."
"What was that?"
"He said 'Alice, what are you doing with that gun?'"
Click to expand...

I'm pretty sure the bishop wasn't approving all of these. At any rate that's a Father joke, not a Dad joke, so we should seek the topic.
 
True Story: Watching a TV comedy in a enlisted lounge and we are all laughing. Chaplain walks in and asks me what are you laughing at? My unthinking answer Father this is funny as Hell. Chaplain: Hell is not funny. Me: It is if you don't expect to wind up there. He laughed. I guess I will find out someday. Before we were married we were interviewed by the parish priest and he asked me if their was anything special I requested for the ceremony. Yes Father can we have it in Latin? We both laughed :angel:
 
Last edited:
Speaking of Father's joke...

A pastor arrives in his new town and delivers an inspired sermon. An older lady shakes his hand as she leaves and says with a smile, "You are something else".
The next week, he gives another fiery sermon and the same praises along with the same woman smiling and saying "You're something else.".

This continues each week, as she shakes his hand saying the same thing. After years of service he is leaving for another church. After she shakes his hand for the last time, still saying "You are something else", he finally asks her. "Thank you. Its always kept me inspired to do my best sermon every week hearing you say those words. But if you don't mind me asking, why do you think so?"

She looks him in the eye and calmly responds, "Well, you certainly ain't no preacher, so you must be something else."
 
A scientist is conducting an expiriment on a frog.
He lines a frog up on a line and says, "Jump, froggy, jump!" He then writes down "Frog with 4 legs jumps 5 feet."

Now he cuts the front legs off and does the same. He writes down, "Frog with 2 legs jumps 2 feet."

He cuts the other legs and says, "Jump, froggy, jump!" Nothing happens. He tries 2 more times and nothing. He writes, "Frog with no legs is def."
 
Bought one of our twins a sign for his room while in COS for parents weekend. It said, "Frog parking, all others will be toad." He cringed.

On another note, I told my doolie a dad joke walking back from the A-day parade. He cringed but his squadmates all laughed. They said that they haven't heard a dad joke in 6 weeks. lol
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top