Do I need to talk more about what I have to bring to the table in my nomination esssay?

Discussion in 'Nominations' started by cajunrouge2021, Aug 27, 2016.

  1. cajunrouge2021

    cajunrouge2021 Member

    Jun 16, 2016
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    Currently this is what I have. I think I need to work on my closing but do I also need to talk more about what I have to bring to the table?


    Using a separate sheet of paper, please explain why you want to attend the United States Service Academy of your choice in 500 words or less.

    [Start] Since the days of marching around the living room in my plastic army helmet I’d marveled at the life and achievements of my grandfather, MSG Xxxxxxx X. Xxxxxxxx, who was for me “The Army Man.” He served bravely during the Vietnam Era as an airborne ranger and one of the first Special Forces qualified soldiers in the infancy of the famous “Green Berets.” Though, I didn’t know him for very long, it didn’t take much for me to realize the magnitude of the sacrifices he made and become inspired by the dedication he had for serving both his country and his community. The motivating memory of my grandfather has constantly stuck with me, pushing me to do my very best in service of others and be a leader in my own community.

    Attending a Service Academy offers me the ability to fulfill three broad goals that I have for my life: to serve my country in the highest capacity, to perform as a leader in service, and to continue to constantly improve myself in pursuit of excellence. The strong desire I have to serve others naturally leads me to the armed forces as the duties of any soldier, sailor, airman, or Marine are all connected with performing the best for the United States of America and fellow service members. My longstanding inclination towards leadership amongst my peers as well as the ambition that I have for becoming a better leader make me believe that the career of an officer in the military is certainly well suited and superb for me. Throughout my life I have consistently strove to better myself and achieve greatness in both character and accomplishments. The United States Service Academies and their respective military branches offer the perfect environment for me to succeed in this endeavor as they all prominently have cultures of excellence and various opportunities for educational advancement. The Academies are without a doubt the elements that I seek to accomplish my goals and become the person that I want to be in the future.

    I aim to serve the country in any manner and institution available to me, though, specifically becoming a member of the Military Intelligence community appeals to me due to my passion for languages, research, and critical thinking. In a related branch, the job of a Foreign Area Officer, working as a military liaison in both cultural and diplomatic realms, captivates me as the perfect career and manner for me to serve the country. While these positions exist in the Army, Air Force, and Navy, USMA’s process of joining these communities and the Army’s strong tradition in intelligence and burgeoning FAO program make them my principal choice. [End]
  2. tommyboy44

    tommyboy44 Member

    Apr 12, 2016
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    This is pretty awsome. I'd say that you did fine, you answered the prompt perfectly. I feel that focusing what you bring to the table would disrupt the tempo of the essay and take away from you answering "why you want to serve."
    cajunrouge2021 likes this.

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