Leave school after freshman year?

jrwork

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DS is struggling at his university. Not academically, and he claims not socially, he just says he doesn't want to be there. He is a 4-yr AROTC scholarship holder. I've told him he has to finish his freshman year and then we will discuss it again. I think he's just homesick, but he claims he just doesn't think he's cut out for college life and he wants to "get to real life and do something meaningful". Ah, 18-year-old grow up quick syndrome!

So my question is what are his options if he decides to leave school after this first year (which I am discouraging!)? Can he transfer his scholarship to the local university that also has ARTOC? If he chooses to leave school all together, his freshman year is not obligatory to pay back, correct? Any advice to help me help him navigate this (besides telling him to talk someone at school...I've told him this, over and over and over....)
 
If he leaves before the start of his sophomore yr., he is not obliged to payback the scholarship.
~ IE school starts Aug. 1st. July 15th he decides not to return. He is not on the hook for his freshmen yr.

As a parent of 3 kids, I will say this was always the marker where they did get homesick. By the time they came home for Thanksgiving they changed. They were happy to be home and re-energize with their HS friends. By the end of winter break they were biting at the bit to get back to school as soon as the dorms opened up.

If he is serious about transferring, remind him to get on the ball now and apply for that school as a transfer.

If he wants to start life, and let's say enlist. Download the DFAS (military pay chart) Have a real heart to heart and show him the hard facts from a financial aspect.
~ An E3 pay, minus car pmt., car insurance, cell phone, gas, spending money for movies, etc. Reality is there won't be a lot left for investing or a yrly vacation. Sometimes that does the trick.
 
Enlisting is something I told him he would need to look at if he leaves school early. I plan to do exactly what you said (show him the hard facts of finances with and without a degree) if at Christmas he still is spouting this stuff. I really think he wants to be closer to home right now, even though he's just over an hour away. I hope and pray this is a passing, situational thing, and that he will realize soon that he has a SWEET deal that he needs not walk away from!!!! But what do I know...I'm just his stupid mom.
 
I know as far as the schools he can transfer, but can the scholarship be transferred as well? Does Cadet Command allow that??
 
If "he wants to get to real life and do something meaningful", then one way to address this is to get involved in something off campus such as a part-time job or an internship. This can give him a respite from the college fishbowl and allow him to recharge a bit.
 
If he leaves before the start of his sophomore yr., he is not obliged to payback the scholarship.
~ IE school starts Aug. 1st. July 15th he decides not to return. He is not on the hook for his freshmen yr.

As a parent of 3 kids, I will say this was always the marker where they did get homesick. By the time they came home for Thanksgiving they changed. They were happy to be home and re-energize with their HS friends. By the end of winter break they were biting at the bit to get back to school as soon as the dorms opened up.

If he is serious about transferring, remind him to get on the ball now and apply for that school as a transfer.

If he wants to start life, and let's say enlist. Download the DFAS (military pay chart) Have a real heart to heart and show him the hard facts from a financial aspect.
~ An E3 pay, minus car pmt., car insurance, cell phone, gas, spending money for movies, etc. Reality is there won't be a lot left for investing or a yrly vacation. Sometimes that does the trick.
My brother attended and successfully graduated from USMA West Point and they had a parent's club where the older cadets' parents mentored the Plebe parents. One of the topics they discussed right off the bat was not to allow your child to come home or quit. My brother was ALL everything and very confident and a true leader. We never thought he would call crying claiming to be a "Sub-Par" cadet and stating he didn't belong there. The parent's club luckily had pre-empted his call and advised my parents to tell him he couldn't come home and to hang up without further discussion. Needless to say, they were correct and we never heard from my brother again on the topic of quitting. Now my good friend's son is in ROTC and jut started his freshman year 9/2/19 at a very prestigious university - He has a "Girlfriend" 3,000 miles away and is doing fantastic academically and is at the top of his ROTC class in PT etc. He told his parents he was quitting ROTC and was going to move to the State his girlfriend is in and go to a far inferior college. I know the beginning of West Point was a lot of "Breaking down" the cadets to rebuild them and I am sure ROTC is similar. Do you have any suggestions of where my friend can get ideas or support on "tough Love" to assist his son through this challenge?
 
So my question is what are his options if he decides to leave school after this first year (which I am discouraging!)? Can he transfer his scholarship to the local university that also has ARTOC? If he chooses to leave school all together, his freshman year is not obligatory to pay back, correct? Any advice to help me help him navigate this (besides telling him to talk someone at school...I've told him this, over and over and over....)

Finishing the year is a good thing. It is only October and he may change his mind as the semester goes on.

The DA 597-3 scholarship contract is clear.* So long as he notifies the cadre before the sophomore year (MS-II) year begins, he can walk away with zero obligations. * However, if he begins the sophomore semester and then withdraws, he will have to honor the full contract or be responsible for payback.

A transfer is possible if the cadre of both the giving and receiving battalion are in agreement of the transfer. However, If he does not have a good reason for withdrawing, another battalion might be reluctant to accept a cadet who is "on the fence." As Pima said, he had better start early and get his reasons clear for requesting a transfer. The BEST person to speak with about transferring is his Battalion ROO.

My son's AROTC battalion began the MS-I year with 40 cadets. 18 ended up commissioning. It is not for everyone.

Copy of DA 597-3 contract:
https://armypubs.army.mil/pub/eforms/DR_a/pdf/A597_3.pdf
 
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Having screwed up my own life due to a college girlfriend who is no longer in my life, I suggest they do the same thing... Tell him they're not allowing it and hang up the phone. They might want to add the question "How are your paying for your college education?". If it's really "love" they'l both be around after college.
 
Agree with all posts above. I'll just add - Your son sounds a lot like me, when I was 17- skipping college sounded really appealing. College and it's theoretical widgets sounded like a bunch of crap to me. I too wanted the real world and a job, money, responsibilities and to DO SOMETHING. Then I got a bagel baker summer job before my senior year of HS, and learned how hard some people work, how little upward potential you can have without a degree, how few choices you can have to grow without a degree,. I worked with a lot of guys 20 years older than me, who had nowhere to go, and were paid literally about what I made as a teen. Whoa, that was eye opening and motivating. then, I WANTED college. Point is - connecting a purpose is key - try to keep talking to your son to understand what his motivation might be. Explain as noted above how common it is to not yet feel a strong connection. Encourage him to get involved - maybe a committee position where they drive change at the school? For me it was understanding I could be capped without a degree and pigeon-holed. For him maybe his dream job needs a degree - maybe actually it doesn't. Show him the payscale if he serves as an officer or enlists. Show him the payscale averages if he gets ANY degree vs if not. Explain there are definitely exceptions to folks making a mint without a degree. Explain above all HAPPINESS and satisfaction can be gained with or without one, but be sure he knows the pitfalls of not having a gegree. See if he CAN do what he wants without a degree- just so he knows options and connects what this can do for him. Help him see the costs you face with insurance, mortgage, car payments, etc. See if he could be comfortable without a degree. or happy., Maybe he can, and most importantly help him get the data/ understanding of the optons. Hope this helps and good luck.
 
Tom Wolfe (i think) wrote ‘Organization is the sign of an intelligent mind’ in The Right Stuff. I’d argue it’s Doubt.

Find out what’s causing the second-guessing. Feelings of overwhelm? Looking at peers? The particular school’s atmosphere? Someone at home making it sound better there? Roommate not the idealized one?

First year students are handling a lot, ROTC or no. I’d advise him to talk to his cadre/mentors/profs or whomever. More talk, not less, and with his new peeps. Mom & Dad get to be Mom & Dad, and kids growing independent need to establish their new professional support network.
 
I know as far as the schools he can transfer, but can the scholarship be transferred as well? Does Cadet Command allow that??

Not sure if this has been answered yet.
If your son leaves the program and gives up his AROTC Scholarship and does not transfer immediately to a different school with a ROTC program then the scholarship will not be transferable. In other words he could apply for a transfer (not guaranteed) to a different program and possibly have the scholarship transferred. If he simply leaves school and takes some time off and starts school again down the road, the scholarship will have been lost.
 
Honestly, without ROTC my daughter would not be graduating from college in May. She would probably be living at home and working at Jamba Juice (no offense to those that work there, we love Jamba Juice!) She started with a nursing AROTC scholarship and chose a school close to home. She is a Senior and this is the first fall she has not called saying she hates it there and wants to quit. The obligation to ROTC has always held her to the spring Semester because we told her she had to finish the year. Then the sun comes out late March and the birds sing and she has a year under her belt by May and doesn’t bring it up again...until the next October. She has found that she just feels like she is in a funk in the PNW from October t March, nothing serious, just a little off.

Serious question, is he in a rainy dreary region? Seasonal blues can be real, and take people by surprise, especially if they are not from that originally. Since there doesn’t seem to be an obvious reason like failing school or failing ROTC, maybe he is just homesick and blue? And freshman year Is just simply a hard transition. If you want to talk parent to parent PM me, I would be happy to. But having him finish out the year is the best thing for him, no matter what he decides he will definitely have more information to work with. And we had another kid that did transfer schools and before we even entertained her leaving a school, and and scholarship, she had to do her research and have her next plan, this is a great opportunity to help them make adult decisions with a great safety net: you!
 
More advice, please...and I know that no one can tell us for sure, DS will need to talk to cadre, I know. But...he definitely wants to leave current school. Can’t stand it, hates the culture, wants out. I have him convinced to research transferring instead of walking away altogether. Two questions...1) should he talk to current cadre first or the school he wants to transfer to? 2) is it even possible to hope for a transfer for next semester or shoot for next year? He’s not officially contracted yet, supposed to sign the paperwork next week. Ideally he gets this semester covered and is able to move next semester but my hunch is that next year is more likely. Thoughts? Not worried about him not being accepted to the other school, his grades are fine (maybe 3.0 right now), and his high school transcript/test scores are top notch.
 
Getting it done for spring semester, with or without the scholarship, will depend on the school he's transferring to and their deadlines.
He might be wiser to finish out the year and discuss with the cadre in the minimum. He will not be forced to repay and scholarship money if he is forced to drop NROTC prior to sophomore year. He will need to work with the cadre and probably the cadre at the new school in any effort to transfer a scholarship. Transferring the scholarship sometimes happens and sometimes does not happen.
 
Thanks. I had a feeling next fall would be more reasonable. Any idea what factors prevent or allow the scholarship to be transferred?
 
If the receiving school is not receptive to the transfer it would be a problem. Both sides must be supportive of the move.
 
To be aware, there is something called an administrative suspension. Even if the scholarship is transferred it is possible that one semester or term will be the cadets responsibility. Not guaranteed but possible.

Also, my daughter transferred her scholarship type (nursing to line), but same school and started the
process In spring. It was given to the brigade with Her LTC recommendation in late April and she didn’t get approval until after school started in the fall. So he should start early and communicate clearly and often with his cadre.
 
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Have you pinned him down to specifics about what he hates. If there's a general unhappiness or homesickness it's easy to just generalize and say you "hate the culture", or the atmosphere or whatever, but getting down to specifics about what he hates may help you (and him) understand why he is unhappy and develop a plan for moving forward. Maybe this college really isn't for him and he'll be happier elsewhere. Or maybe he has to change his expectations, habits, etc. One thing that has been mentioned often in other threads is to be sure he has something he is moving to, not just something he is moving from. It sounds like he wants to transfer to another university, so that is a positive. Also, while it is true that commissioning and serving as an officer is much more financially lucrative than enlisting, it is also true that this country has a serious shortage of a skilled labor force, welders, electricians, auto mechanics and the like. So is he enjoys that type of work, there is a market for him. Pros and cons to this route for sure.
 
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