My Plebe Has Thoughts of Leaving USNA

One thing that I didn't read in this thread is the mantra that most USNA Graduates I've talked to preach. "USNA....It's a great place to be from, but not a great place to be" (or something like that). I will also say that those USNA Graduates that I've talked to are some of the most successful people I know (not all of them are still in the Navy) and they will tell you that they owe their success to their time at the Academy.
 
Our candidate DS and I were discussing this thread last night. He said that for himself, he of course is still hoping to earn an appointment, but that he knows it will be tough and has no illusions about it being fun or shiny until graduation day. I think long conversations with my alumnus dad left no illusions for him.
As a mom, I love reading all of the support, excellent counsel and advice provided here. It makes me feel good knowing that there is this level of support and team out there for these young men and women. And their parents! My mom heart is thinking of you and your son. Keep us posted.
 
USNA is tough and each generation has its unique challenges. It's very different to observe "tough," think you know what it means and then actually live it. Good example: watching a parade is a whole lot different than marching in one. No one can explain it . . . you just have to experience it. That's really a microcosm of USNA. You can read about it, do NASS, do CVW, have a friend or even sibling who's there (or went there) . . . but nothing totally prepares you for what it's really about.

The above said, there are three things to keep in mind.

1. LOTS of people who are no tougher than you (and probably not as tough) got through it. It's not insurmountable. It's not THAT hard. Graduating just requires some effort. And graduating today is a lot easier (based on the numbers) than it was 40 years ago. Just sayin' . . .:p

2. USNA is not the fleet. It's a means to an end. The "real" Navy and Marine Corps have their own challenges, but they're not like USNA. Thus, your entire life/career in the military will NOT be just like USNA.

3. Graduating is a worthwhile goal. Very, very few grads wish they hadn't graduated from USNA -- who, years later, say, "You know, I really wish I'd gone to [pick another school] instead of USNA." Even those who really, really struggled don't regret it.

Most things in life that are worth having take work and USNA is no exception.
 
I graduated USMA 31 years ago...I had plenty of thoughts of resigning and going to a “regular” college during my first two years. In fact, I actually tendered my resignation at the end of my second year. I was fortunate enough to have a sponsor (a colonel who was head of the social sciences dept.) sit me down for 30 mins in his office and talk me out of it. I consider those 30 minutes to be the most consequential ones of my life. As a young man or woman at a SA it can be very difficult to see the big picture, because the suck factor is so great. This is done purposefully as each respective service academy wants to attract and retain the best talent. Trying to get an 18-19 year-old to see the big picture as a parent is tough. I was also fortunate that I had parents, who while supportive and understanding of my feelings, were also very encouraging and able to explain the bigger picture for me. I am extremely grateful for the support I received during those very trying times.
 
I was in the counseling chain for mids wanting to leave voluntarily, when I was on USNA staff.

When a mid sat in front of me and told me they liked their friends, liked the Navy, liked their profs, but had realized military life was not for them, and they had already started school applications, were being thoughtful about their timing so they could have transferable credits, had made plans for a part-time job while awaiting a new semester to start elsewhere, and had had grown-up talks with family about their plan and how they would contribute at home, I knew they had left USNA behind in their heart and head, and were focused on their next goal. I particularly remember one mid, who was doing very well, the daughter of restaurant professionals, who realized she was baking and cooking complicated dishes at her sponsor’s home every weekend, and that she really wanted a career in “the family business.” She had already explored scholarships and financial aid at Cornell - she had a solid plan, with one foot out the door. Others, not so much. It is truly a shock for many to find themselves at the bottom of the class, and they can’t seem to find their footing to fight and grit their way out of it, so they think about leaving this tough new world behind, no matter that in their essays and interviews they talked about taking the harder road, wanting to be pushed to the limit, or being held to higher standards.

The OP has gotten excellent advice from a good cross-section of posters.

@Midmom2023

If you are connected with a USNA Parents Club, the parents of upperclass could doubtless tell you of many occasions when their mid was ready to bail.
Driving the sponsor plebes and youngsters back to the Yard on cold, icy Saturday nights in Jan-Mar, with a raw wind blowing off the Chesapeake and the prospect of frozen bumpy brick walks to navigate, the car would be VERY quiet.

When the weather broke, the air softened, the daffodils and tulips pushed their heads up, the prospect of spring break beckoned, and after that, with increasing confidence on the downhill run to semester end and Comm Week, the car chatter sparkled and fizzed. They had figured the place out, and while it still sucked, they had developed basic suck-management skills. They were going to make it.
I was in the counseling chain for mids wanting to leave voluntarily, when I was on USNA staff.

When a mid sat in front of me and told me they liked their friends, liked the Navy, liked their profs, but had realized military life was not for them, and they had already started school applications, were being thoughtful about their timing so they could have transferable credits, had made plans for a part-time job while awaiting a new semester to start elsewhere, and had had grown-up talks with family about their plan and how they would contribute at home, I knew they had left USNA behind in their heart and head, and were focused on their next goal. I particularly remember one mid, who was doing very well, the daughter of restaurant professionals, who realized she was baking and cooking complicated dishes at her sponsor’s home every weekend, and that she really wanted a career in “the family business.” She had already explored scholarships and financial aid at Cornell - she had a solid plan, with one foot out the door. Others, not so much. It is truly a shock for many to find themselves at the bottom of the class, and they can’t seem to find their footing to fight and grit their way out of it, so they think about leaving this tough new world behind, no matter that in their essays and interviews they talked about taking the harder road, wanting to be pushed to the limit, or being held to higher standards.

The OP has gotten excellent advice from a good cross-section of posters.

@Midmom2[QUOTE="justdoit19, post: 698175, member: 37529"]
Interestingly enough, just took my MIDN back to the airport. Guess what came up in discussion? A mid that separated presently. Figured out the military way isn’t for them. It’s been a long time coming. And didn’t happen quickly or without counsel as CaptMJ pointed out. IOW, it will not be a spur of the moment decision, won’t happen lightly. They will do a good job of working through it with your DS.

Do you follow the Academy Insider at all? Grant is a great resource from a midshipmen’s perspective, and he has an episode about how HE wanted to quit! You can find him online, on Facebook. Another blog also comes to mind that’s good to read: My Kid The Mid. He has one from a parent of a Mid that ultimately separated.

You are not alone! My mom heart hurts for you. And your Mid. Praying he finds his peace, whatever that is, and you too!
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE="Capt MJ, post: 698276, member: 1722"]
Driving the sponsor plebes and youngsters back to the Yard on cold, icy Saturday nights in Jan-Mar, with a raw wind blowing off the Chesapeake and the prospect of frozen bumpy brick walks to navigate, the car would be VERY quiet.

When the weather broke, the air softened, the daffodils and tulips pushed their heads up, the prospect of spring break beckoned, and after that, with increasing confidence on the downhill run to semester end and Comm Week, the car chatter sparkled and fizzed. They had figured the place out, and while it still sucked, they had developed basic suck-management skills. They were going to make it.
[/QUOTE]
Interestingly enough, my DS was home for Thanksgiving and he said that "There's no such thing as the Dark Ages". He told me that is the best time to catch up or get ahead, during the AC year. It's just go to class, work out, eat, study, sleep, repeat. There are no distractions, because it's crappy outside. He says it's the best time of year. I guess it's all perspective.
True. Perspective is everything.
 
Let us know how this turns out for you/ds! Hopefully in an anecdotal, funny memory of "remember that times when..." kind of story.
I will let you all know how things turn out. I'd love to have this as a "remember when" story in 2024.
 
I graduated USMA 31 years ago...I had plenty of thoughts of resigning and going to a “regular” college during my first two years. In fact, I actually tendered my resignation at the end of my second year. I was fortunate enough to have a sponsor (a colonel who was head of the social sciences dept.) sit me down for 30 mins in his office and talk me out of it. I consider those 30 minutes to be the most consequential ones of my life. As a young man or woman at a SA it can be very difficult to see the big picture, because the suck factor is so great. This is done purposefully as each respective service academy wants to attract and retain the best talent. Trying to get an 18-19 year-old to see the big picture as a parent is tough. I was also fortunate that I had parents, who while supportive and understanding of my feelings, were also very encouraging and able to explain the bigger picture for me. I am extremely grateful for the support I received during those very trying times.
I'm so glad you stuck it out. The bigger picture talks worked and I'm alternating with encouragement or if he doesn't say anything I just act normally. Thank you for sharing your experience.
 
I'm so glad you stuck it out. The bigger picture talks worked and I'm alternating with encouragement or if he doesn't say anything I just act normally. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Not telling you anything you don’t already know, but sometimes people just need to vent. And you as their safe place, trusted person comes the burden of allllll that venting. I have a feeling it’s going to work out and he is going to stay. Are you friends with his roommates parents? Something that can also help you is connecting with one of his buddies parents. To help keep a “eye” on things. Not to dishonor or go behind his back certainly, that’s not what I mean. But with permission, make that connection. It takes some time but other parents are a VALUABLE resource....plus it gets you more pictures [emoji51]. My DS’s roomies stick their heads in and say ‘hi’ when we FaceTime. They also enjoy more “family”. I reached out on social media to a few moms and we have become good friends and a great support for each other. And fun for our boys bc we send them stuff too (for example).

12 more days!! 11 if you don’t count today!!
 
For the OP, there is a thread on the USNA forum entitled, "I'm a Firstie, ask me anything." I posed the dilemma of a plebe considering leaving to the firstie, who is a LOT closer to being a plebe than most of us . . . yet someone who got through plebe year. His/her comments are at the (current) end to that thread and are well stated. The firstie also offered to talk via PM. Please check out the post.
 
I was appointed to USAFA on my second attempt. It was my desire since I was seven years old: USAFA and then flying jet fighters!!

I resigned during my "doolie" (think Plebe) year...three times. For all the same reasons you'll see here and on other forum topics here.

I was VERY fortunate...my AOC (Air Officer Commanding: a USAF officer assigned as dad/mom/commander of a cadet squadron) called me in each time, told me to relax, sit, let's talk about this. And we would...and in the end, he stood me up, at attention and asked: "Cadet...is it your intention to resign?" I'd say "Yes sir."

He would then look at me and then tear up my paperwork in front of me and say something like: "Uh huh, my answer is no...I will endorse your resignation when you come to me with a reason to resign, with a plan in mind, a goal, and not some whiny little answers like those you gave me..."

To this day I owe a BIG debt of gratitude to Colonel Benjamin C. Pittman, USAF, Retired.

Steve
USAFA ALO
USAFA '83
Great Story! God places people in your life for a reason.
 
I was in the counseling chain for mids wanting to leave voluntarily, when I was on USNA staff.

When a mid sat in front of me and told me they liked their friends, liked the Navy, liked their profs, but had realized military life was not for them, and they had already started school applications, were being thoughtful about their timing so they could have transferable credits, had made plans for a part-time job while awaiting a new semester to start elsewhere, and had had grown-up talks with family about their plan and how they would contribute at home, I knew they had left USNA behind in their heart and head, and were focused on their next goal. I particularly remember one mid, who was doing very well, the daughter of restaurant professionals, who realized she was baking and cooking complicated dishes at her sponsor’s home every weekend, and that she really wanted a career in “the family business.” She had already explored scholarships and financial aid at Cornell - she had a solid plan, with one foot out the door. Others, not so much. It is truly a shock for many to find themselves at the bottom of the class, and they can’t seem to find their footing to fight and grit their way out of it, so they think about leaving this tough new world behind, no matter that in their essays and interviews they talked about taking the harder road, wanting to be pushed to the limit, or being held to higher standards.

The OP has gotten excellent advice from a good cross-section of posters.

@Midmom2023

If you are connected with a USNA Parents Club, the parents of upperclass could doubtless tell you of many occasions when their mid was ready to bail.
I heard a few stories, but none about the mids wanting to bail. In retrospect, I picked up on the non-verbal communication between upperclass mids, during our USNA Parents Club's Q&A session. DS also connected with a 2019 USNA grad before plebe summer and asked a few questions about life as a plebe. It reminds me of having children: No one tells you how difficult it will be. If they did, you'll probably think that it won't be that way for you because you're more intelligent and have more grit. That's what I thought, because I know everything.
 
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