NAPS help and advice

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Mcace5899

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Sep 18, 2023
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A good friends son is at NAPS. Let me first say he has never been in rotc or anything military related. He is there on football scholarship and is so depressed and miserable it breaks my heart. He is second guessing his decision everyday. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone else been through this if so did they stay or leave?
 
Mcace5899 said:
A good friends son is at NAPS. Let me first say he has never been in rotc or anything military related. He is there on football scholarship and is so depressed and miserable it breaks my heart. He is second guessing his decision everyday. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone else been through this if so did they stay or leave?
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I always recommend, that ‘kids’ who are struggling, seek out a chaplain to talk things through with. They are a great resource! And won’t try and ‘recruit them to religion’. They are well versed in SA and PREP programs. And can help them work through their struggles. And are also ‘off the record’.

One of the biggest things these young adults need to learn is how to seek help when it’s needed. And as soon as possible, before the hole is too deep to get out of.

NAPS/plebe year is a challenging one. But also the most rewarding, once it’s in the rear view mirror.
 
Mcace5899 said:
A good friends son is at NAPS. Let me first say he has never been in rotc or anything military related. He is there on football scholarship and is so depressed and miserable it breaks my heart. He is second guessing his decision everyday. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone else been through this if so did they stay or leave?
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He doesn’t belong academically or mentally. If he is a good at sports he probably has offers on the table that he can consider.
 
My son attended NAPS last year and is currently a 4c at the Coast Guard Academy and though it was a tough 10 months he says it was worth it. He says NAPS prepared him for Academy life by teaching him study habits, military living, and persistance. It's not fun being there but it really helps you realize that going to the Academy is a life choice not just attending a school. He focused on the great friends he made there and the tight bonds his teammates developed (wrestling). The begining of the year is tough but by thanksgiving things seem to get easier and then its christmas break and you are halfway done and the end is in sight. The one thing I would say is you have to be there because you want to serve and attend the Academy not just because it's free and you want to play your sport. There were a few wrestlers who in Sept were thinking that NAPS and the Academy were not the right choice but they all stuck it out and at least on the Coast Guard side all are currently 4c cadets and still tight friends with each other. It's a hard road but almost everyone who graduates says it was worth it and in both Navy and Coast Guard there is a special bond if you were a Napster even after you leave.
 
NAPS based on 2 kids and lots of friends of theirs over the years is about as miserable as can be. It’s tough it’s demanding it’s isolated and it’s going to get worse because it’s going to get cold and dark,

Both of mine decided to quit naps. Then both graduated. One now claims that despite graduating USNA and getting two graduate degrees that naps was the most important academic year of his life.

Most are going thru something exactly like this or will be. Most of those will suffer, stay, be miserable and graduate.

The only advice I would give his parents is this

”we do not condone or approve you leaving until you finish your first semester” “fail,if you have to you can’t just quit”

If they just hang in there and don’t quit most will make it
 
Great advice about hanging in till end of semester! Your statement as for NAPS being a miserable especially in the winter made me laugh because one of my son's officers told us this summer that my son talked about NAPS like he served in Aphganistan during the war. It definitely is an experience that nobody forgets lol.
 
DS was so miserable in NAPS but he knew it was where he needed to be. He really struggled and now as a plebe he continues to say "I am so glad I went to NAPS". At the time of graduation he couldn't believe he made it and graduated.

As a parent, my advice is constant reminders of how good they are and how this was what they wanted to do. Even after getting their phones, I still sent letters and care packages, having the family support is so important. I regret not visiting the 1st semester but my DH went to visit for president's day and I went between spring break and graduation. Those visits really made a huge difference and helped him lift up his spirit.

Something else that helped was to keep the next big event in mind, It is only so many weeks before you go to USNA and get off base. Then it is so many weeks before thanksgiving; when he was leaving and very sad to go back, remind him it is just so many weeks before you go to the NAVY-ARMY game. The longest period is after winter break and spring break, highly suggest make a visit, send some brownies, cookies, something that makes them feel better.

He is not alone, most of them are going through the same and if they say different they are lying. It is not easy but so worth it and he will be ok.
 
mike1979 said:
He doesn’t belong academically or mentally...
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There is nothing in the OP's post that leads to this conclusion. The statement is unfounded, mean-spirited, and totally unnecessary.

My father had a small hanging sign in our garage when I was a kid that said, "Be sure brain is engaged before putting mouth in gear."

Please follow that guidance in the future.
 
mike1979 said:
He doesn’t belong academically or mentally. If he is a good at sports he probably has offers on the table that he can consider.
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Come on, man. You have no idea whether he belongs "academically or mentally". If he was accepted to NAPS, he belongs. It is as simple as that. Your assertion is baseless and you are way out of line.
 
Mcace5899 said:
A good friends son is at NAPS. Let me first say he has never been in rotc or anything military related. He is there on football scholarship and is so depressed and miserable it breaks my heart. He is second guessing his decision everyday. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone else been through this if so did they stay or leave?
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The Navy football brotherhood is a very real thing, and for those at NAPS, the bond is strong and it starts early. I'd encourage him to lean on his brothers. Many may be the same boat and he does not need to fight the battle alone. Coach Shev will have seen this before and can be a great resource. I'd also think that the coaches assigned there on TAD could be great resources as they are all former NAPSters who just graduated from the Academy. Their perspective would likely have value for your friend's son. As with all things of this nature, focus forward, one small step at a time.
 
It's still quite early in the year for NAPsters, who don't usually report until early August.

MOST people struggle in the early part of their first Ac Year at a SA or prep school. So many things are new and foreign. MOST push through it.

SOME realize they aren't meant to be in a military environment. Those people should pursue a different path, where they are much more likely to be happy and successful.

The challenge is figuring which bucket you're in. Chaplains are a great resource -- even for those who have zero interest in religion. Also agree with the above poster that coaches might help.

It's generally a good idea to stick it out for a semester if possible. However, I had a plebe year roommate who left not long after PS. She went on to a very successful life as a CPA and as a wife / mother. USNA just wasn't for her; she recognized it early and got on with her life. Others wanted to quit but stuck it out and were glad they did. Each person has to navigate his / her path. Getting help along the way is part of that journey.
 
Ghostjwm said:
Great advice about hanging in till end of semester! Your statement as for NAPS being a miserable especially in the winter made me laugh because one of my son's officers told us this summer that my son talked about NAPS like he served in Aphganistan during the war. It definitely is an experience that nobody forgets lol.
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Worst winter I've ever spent anywhere in my life - and I'm from upstate NY.
 
@Mcace5899, first, I'm sorry your friend's son is going through a tough time, and as moms and dads know, when our kid's are miserable or suffering, we carry some of that, too. It's a parent thing.

Now, that doesn't mean we can't play hardball and while empathizing, suggest that they seek out a chaplain, seek out support from their leadership and professors, talk to their coaches and teammates, and in general, suck it up. Now, obviously if there is a mental health component, seeking help is critical, and 'sucking it up' is not appropriate guidance.

I can't speak to NAPS, but I know many times my kid didn't love his life at USNA. SAs and prep schools are hard places to be with demanding schedules and expectations. All the more difficult for those who are true civilians with no prior military experience or ROTC etc.

You've been given some good counsel overall, I hope your friend's son can find resources to aid in his challenges and mindset and dig deep for the fortitude that is required.
 
TheNimble1 said:
Come on, man. You have no idea whether he belongs "academically or mentally". If he was accepted to NAPS, he belongs. It is as simple as that. Your assertion is baseless and you are way out of line.
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If he "belongs" then why he feels "depressed and miserable" ?
 
Wow so you have never felt "depressed and miserable" but got over it? Also it seems that your comments all over these forums show a "depressed and miserable" attitude so do you "belong" here?
 
DTT!FSA! said:
There is nothing in the OP's post that leads to this conclusion. The statement is unfounded, mean-spirited, and totally unnecessary.

My father had a small hanging sign in our garage when I was a kid that said, "Be sure brain is engaged before putting mouth in gear."

Please follow that guidance in the future.
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There is absolutely nothing mean spirited in my response. It is down-to-earth and practical. The kid is on sports scholarship. Not doing great academically and mentally (which is worse) why keep trying something that might not be a good fit for him and waste the most precious asset that he has - his time. Wouldn’t it be better to cut the losses and consider other options that he might have? If he is on sports scholarship, he probably has other offers as well
 
Ghostjwm said:
Wow so you have never felt "depressed and miserable" but got over it? Also it seems that your comments all over these forums show a "depressed and miserable" attitude so do you "belong" here?
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We are not talking about me
 
DTT!FSA! said:
There is nothing in the OP's post that leads to this conclusion. The statement is unfounded, mean-spirited, and totally unnecessary.

My father had a small hanging sign in our garage when I was a kid that said, "Be sure brain is engaged before putting mouth in gear."

Please follow that guidance in the future.
Click to expand...
It seems like these types of comments are all he has to offer to any thread, unfortunately. At what point does banning come into play?
 
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