Parents...

glj104

Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2019
Messages
109
I agree to an extent. Applying to multiple SAs/Colleges, ROTC Scholarships, finishing senior year in high school is a daunting task. My DS would not have been able to manage all the moving pieces without involvement from us in the process. I agree that the DS/DD should be at the front of the process, but this board is littered with threads about candidates either not getting medically cleared (self diagnose), missing an important step and eventually not getting into a SA or ROTC Scholarship. It was a team effort - just like everything that got him to this point.
There is no way my DS could have applied to 3 service academies, 3 ROTC scholarships and 3 regular colleges on his own. Also add in getting a waiver approved through DODMERB. Not to mention go to school and have a job. Simply not possible. That is what parents are for, to help their kids.

Oh and have nomination interviews. I estimated he wrote close to 30 essays over the last year.
 

TexasAggie204

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
418
25/29 June, 2020 - leave your "anger/impulse issues", your accolades, your accomplishments, your SAT's & ACT's, your varsity letters, your newspaper clippings, and your attitude at the gate.

Welcome to THE US ______________ ACADEMY!
 
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
57
My parents have never attended a sporting event
You were the kid for whom we cheered the loudest over the course of 15 years of soccer...the one whose parents were just...absent. There was always one, sometimes 2 on every team. I took extra care to take lots of pictures and crop/photoshop to make sure I had some really great ones of you to share. We had extra gloves/water/sunscreen/snacks for you at tournaments. We pulled you in for the high fives and my soccer referee husband took extra time to tell you just why that tackle you made was purely EPIC. I was relentless in chasing down childhood photos of you from friends so that your "senior page" wouldn't look so bare in the banquet PowerPoint . I wanted the caring and affection from the team "village" to warm your heart in your parents' absence. I've always hoped that you would be OK, that having parents who had better things to do would not leave too deep a scar. One last hug, and heartfelt prayers that you are well loved.
 

TexasAggie204

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
418
You were the kid for whom we cheered the loudest over the course of 15 years of soccer...the one whose parents were just...absent. There was always one, sometimes 2 on every team. I took extra care to take lots of pictures and crop/photoshop to make sure I had some really great ones of you to share. We had extra gloves/water/sunscreen/snacks for you at tournaments. We pulled you in for the high fives and my soccer referee husband took extra time to tell you just why that tackle you made was purely EPIC. I was relentless in chasing down childhood photos of you from friends so that your "senior page" wouldn't look so bare in the banquet PowerPoint . I wanted the caring and affection from the team "village" to warm your heart in your parents' absence. I've always hoped that you would be OK, that having parents who had better things to do would not leave too deep a scar. One last hug, and heartfelt prayers that you are well loved.
You're a nice person.
 

StPaulDad

Member
Joined
Feb 24, 2017
Messages
196
Heh.

Everyone has opinions on how to raise kids, and like the first shot in battle those ideas vanish the moment they hand you your first one. There's no manual, just a stack of diapers and some bills. My wife was always certain her daughter would never be the one hauling around a naked Barbie at Target, and let's just say there were times that didn't work out.

Just a heads up that every kid is different, and what works for one might not work for the next even in the same family. A lot of boys are not ready for that level of remote parenting you described until much later in life than you might expect. (And I am having a bit of trouble reconciling the No Attendance thing with getting a 15 year old non-driver to games and practices far from home. Another heads up that such a thing is not easy/possible in many places.) As you continue through life you'll find that leaving room for grays, not painting everything in back and white, and generally letting things unfold at their own pace will frequently save you from being surrounded by a lot of riled up folks. Congrats on the appointment, good luck next year.
 

Aristobolus

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
57
In the 90s my little brother was accepted to the AFRTOC with a lot of help from our dad. He went through AFROTC and was having a hard time with some classes his sophomore year. While I was home visiting from my college, I wrote two of his English papers to help him out (not saying that's ethical). He later was given a bonus to serve in the army. He was deployed to Iraq twice, served in Korea and Guam and just retired as a Lt. Colonel without anyone holding his hand. He now has an amazing career working for the army/federal government.
I think sometimes, especially when young the family support is needed to help push us over some hurdles. I work at a school that is 87% economically disadvantaged and I see every day how hard it is for the kids that don't have family support helping give them the extra push and coaching them alone. I have a number of students that I have in the past and currently given a lot of coaching and pushing and at times micromanaged.
My own child came to me on her own saying she wanted to graduate a year early, gave me a paper from the school to sign to agree to it. Since she was taking a full load of class and an online class, working, playing sports and involved in so many clubs in blows my mind..I helped push her with deadlines for her AROTC application. I checked these sites to see how she could gain the most points, I don't see how she would've had time to read through all of this stuff. I've woken up at 1:00 am to see her sitting on her bed on her laptop doing work after getting home from work. There are only so many hours in the day to be reading on these things.
I also want to add, that I was convinced after reading on these sites, that there is no way she would get the scholarship with an ACT score of 21. She is 20/540 in her class, varsity tennis fall and spring (#1 or 2 spot since freshman yr) NHS, NHS Art, HOSA, student council officer, 8:05 mile, 55 pushups. 45 sit ups (apparently she had bad form and got docked) school mascot, certified this year as a phlebotomist and grading one year early after taking a full load of classes this summer and an extra online class this year. Oh yes, she has also been working 15 hours a week for the last year. She has always done really well on high school state tests so I was surprised she struggled so much with the ACT. I don't know if the fact she is only 16 they gave her some leeway with that score. Her interview went really well and she put a lot of work into her essay and had at least 5 eyes on it before she submitted.
Encouraging, informative stories...
 

Heatherg21

Member
Joined
Jun 26, 2019
Messages
649
Our daughter's softball teammates inevitably always forgot sunscreen, which in Arizona when competing in a 3 day tournament is an epic oversight. A fond memory is lining them all up, arms stretched out, ponytails up and out of the way, and spraying them all down, directing them to rotate the upper arm to the down position, then 'TURN' and they would all pivot 180 to spray the backs of their necks, ears and calves. I burned through cases of Target brand 30spf. Ah, memory lane, my eyes are a bit misty, must be the dust in the air. ☀
 

A1Janitor

Member
Joined
Dec 22, 2018
Messages
1,313
You were the kid for whom we cheered the loudest over the course of 15 years of soccer...the one whose parents were just...absent. There was always one, sometimes 2 on every team. I took extra care to take lots of pictures and crop/photoshop to make sure I had some really great ones of you to share. We had extra gloves/water/sunscreen/snacks for you at tournaments. We pulled you in for the high fives and my soccer referee husband took extra time to tell you just why that tackle you made was purely EPIC. I was relentless in chasing down childhood photos of you from friends so that your "senior page" wouldn't look so bare in the banquet PowerPoint . I wanted the caring and affection from the team "village" to warm your heart in your parents' absence. I've always hoped that you would be OK, that having parents who had better things to do would not leave too deep a scar. One last hug, and heartfelt prayers that you are well loved.
Fantastic post.

This is absolutely what happened in my school. I wasn’t the picture taker ... but some mothers did a great job with that. I gave rides home, to AAU tournaments, meals, snacks, etc.

You do that for teammates.

Both types of kids can offer the military different perspectives and leadership.
 

AROTC-dad

Moderator
5-Year Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2014
Messages
5,541
You were the kid for whom we cheered the loudest over the course of 15 years of soccer...the one whose parents were just...absent. There was always one, sometimes 2 on every team. I took extra care to take lots of pictures and crop/photoshop to make sure I had some really great ones of you to share. We had extra gloves/water/sunscreen/snacks for you at tournaments. We pulled you in for the high fives and my soccer referee husband took extra time to tell you just why that tackle you made was purely EPIC. I was relentless in chasing down childhood photos of you from friends so that your "senior page" wouldn't look so bare in the banquet PowerPoint . I wanted the caring and affection from the team "village" to warm your heart in your parents' absence. I've always hoped that you would be OK, that having parents who had better things to do would not leave too deep a scar. One last hug, and heartfelt prayers that you are well loved.
This is one of my favorite posts so far this year.

As a former Club Soccer Administrator, this brings tears to my eyes.
 

Dckc88

Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2015
Messages
991
The boomer comment was deleted by me. I want to be a little more respectful and uphold decorum. Everyone took that super personal. My original post was a hot take. And boy it was hot! I am not saying that being involved and supportive is a bad thing. I'm saying if your child is trying to make decisions for his future, make sure he/she makes that decision. My father served in the army and retired due to a service connected disability. He never once encouraged me to join the Army. If I asked about his experience, he would share his time.
Parents, be involved, but let your child make the decision to serve. Be honest with them. I am so grateful for my support structure and my upbringing. Being able to be self reliant is a trait that I'm so thankful for.
I know it's annoying for some kid to have an opinion on parenting, but it's my opinion, not fact. So don't take it personally.
Also whoever said I have not been appointed, I'm confused on what you know that I don't.

LOL - it was little hot, I am glad you have self awareness. I am happy that it sounds like you are satisfied with how your parents raised you, and that it has obviously worked for you and that you come across articulate and capable, and someone who has a lot of grit. Where I got confused was combining “helicopter parenting“ with attending sporting events? That actually gave me a belly laugh no lie. Not judging your parents or your opinions but that was funny, because it would just have never occurred to me not to go and cheer them on and their team, did not realize that made me a helicopter parent, but that is fine if it does, I will own that!

There Is a great book to read called Grit By Angela Duckworth, she developed something called the GRIT scale, the Army uses it to determine who will be successful at West Point and who will not, because they have known for decades that OML, or talent, is not a good predictor of long term success. Yes you have to be talented enough, but it is grit that tips the scale. She says that grit is the difference in predicting teenagers future success. She also writes a lot about how to parent grit, and talks about wise parenting. It seems to me that you have a lot of grit, and that is a testament to your parents wise parenting. My kids have a lot of grit, and that is a testament my husband and my wise parenting. Not a perfect parent, but a parent who raised successful independent adults who have grit. Her book is really clear that from the outside looking in, wise parenting can look like too demanding parenting or can look like too permissive parenting, and it can look like lots of other type of parenting too, what matters is how the child see it and learns from it. But all that matters is that kids are taught to stick with things, to rise to expectations, and to feel like it is okay to make mistakes, so that they have the courage to try. I am paraphrasing, but it is worth the read. It is not a parenting book, but a book how grit is a key factor in those who achieves a lot compared to those that don‘t.

My parenting would look like a helicopter parent to you, and that is okay, I had one shot at parenting and did the best I could, and I enjoyed the journey! I would do some things differently, both directions, with less guidance In some things and more guidance in others. Here is the amazing thing, at 21, 21, (twins) and 22; two juniors and one senior, they are all the same level of independent, which is awesome as a parent to see that. They all have very different dreams they are working on, none of them mine or their father’s. But all hard long roads, and they are doing the work. I love cheering them on even now, but what they choose has always been 100 percent up to them, and definitely up to them to do the work. My job was to assist when it felt appropriate to do so. I am really proud of them for following through with their dreams, even when it is hard, I am most proud of their grit, even more than their results. You obviously also have a lot of grit. I am confident, when you commission 4 years down the road, your parents will be equally as happy for you for following through with your dreams, and proud of the grit you exhibit. Nothing you said is wrong, honestly not criticizing you, just suggesting that you keep an open mind that there is more than one way to get to the same place, and that is the beauty of it. Outside looking in at what you see us doing on the forum is one small slice of a very big parenting pie.

Parent or not, Grit is a great read, lots of military examples, art examples, science examples, but really talks about what is grit, how to get grit, and even a little bit how to parent grit. And if it gives you some perspective on being a better leader to foster grit in some of the ungritty enslisted, you will be able to help parent them to be the best they can be also.

One thing I will add, one of my three was as independent as you as a senior, actually probably at 15, the other two took a little longer and needed more guidance. What was important was they all got there, and what was crucial is that I met them where they were at, not compared to each other or anyone else, and made sure they knew the expectation was to learn to do it on their own the next time.
 
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iprefer2024

Cadet Candidate c/o 2024
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
12
I dont think I ever said that going to a sporting event was helicopter parenting. I never really defined what the term meant to me.
I view helicopter parenting as a way of child rearing that involves a parent handling every conflict, challenge, and decision as their own and disregarding the child's own thoughts, conflict-resolution, and decisionmaking capabilities.
What I was showing in my original post was a near extreme to the opposite of the Aviation style parental guidance.
I'm sure most people aren't like this, but the ones I do see, i feel sorry for them. Joining the military is a big deal. I get that. Your family must be involved in the decision. I will say it again, the parents should not be the main decision maker in that matter. My opinion. Go to sporting event, it helps your or other local high schools lol
 

parentalunit2

5-Year Member
Joined
Apr 18, 2010
Messages
489
A lovely post, up until this point.

that having parents who had better things to do would not leave too deep a scar.
May I present the flip side?

Hey there kid who has never had a parent attend any type of school or sporting event. I see you, acknowledge you, and understand and respect your home situation. Your parent or guardian is working two jobs just to keep a roof over your head and food on the table for you and your siblings. I know that you spent last month living in a motel because the heat in your trailer went out and your scumbag landlord refused to fix it. You are now in a Section 8 apartment and your whole family is so happy for this! With the new location though it is a daily struggle just for you to get to and from school because you now have to switch city bus lines twice and it takes 1.5 hours. And it was so kind of the athletic department to waive your athletic participation fee by scholarship and let you borrow a uniform and equipment so that you can participate in athletics this season. That’s what the lending locker is for! I know that your parent or guardian has to pull a double shift quite often at their minimum wage job so there is no way they can be at an event that starts at 4:30. You are thriving despite your situation and I am so proud of you! But I would never dare to judge your parent or guardian for not being present because I know how hard they need to work just for the basics. Above all, I know that there is no less love for you in your home than I provide to my own children. Only different circumstances.

It may be different where some of you live, but this is a reality for many that attend public school in our district. This is reality for more than one of my son’s teammates.
 
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