Plebe regrets

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Sailfish

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As parent’s weekend approaches, does anyone else have a plebe seriously considering leaving ? Mine is miserable. We have encouraged him to push on to parent’s weekend, so that we are able to talk to him.
 
DD2 is in the Coast Guard Academy so not exactly apples to apples compared to Merchant Marine, but during Swab Summer she was consistently miserable. Every other letter asked if she could come home. That trend continued into the academic year, although the frequency of her asking if she could quit diminished. I just told her that I would support her leaving if she had an actual plan about what she was going to do as her alternative. It was the classic tell me what you were running to, not what you're running away from.

Fast forward to now and she is a 3C and has a much better outlook. She is taking her experience as a swab and focused on trying to help her swabs because she can empathize with what they're going through. Swab year was very rough, because she was used to being the best of everything during high school, just like almost everybody else who attends an Academy. At the academy, she was just another cadet. But I knew, and she knew herself, that if she quit she would have huge regrets downstream. She has taken the adversity that she suffered through as a swab, applied it, and has grown as a result of the experience.

Many midshipmen and cadets have the same doubts and same regrets while they're going through what is arguably the toughest period that they've experienced in their lives. However, if they suck it up and push through they find that it was worth it. Just support your midshipman in working through the adversity. If it is what they truly want, they will find their second wind and make it.

Best wishes to you and your Midshipman.
 
I have zero knowledge of the USMMA or Coast Guard experience, but I would think they have many similarities. Daughter completed USNA Plebe Summer recently and is in a much better place already. Seeing the look on her face at the end of Induction Day, I would have bet she was going to quit. I should have known better. Her letters were filled with fantasies of escaping and how she would do it. Then a flip switched in the last several weeks of PS.

Now as she is her academic schedule, she is absolutely loving it. I guess my only piece of advice is to try to stick out a full semester to see how he's feeling. I'm pretty confident ours made the right decision, he may recognize that as well. Good luck to you and your family.
 
Sailfish said:
As parent’s weekend approaches, does anyone else have a plebe seriously considering leaving ? Mine is miserable. We have encouraged him to push on to parent’s weekend, so that we are able to talk to him.
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Has he said why he wants to leave?
 
I believe most Plebes feel that way at some point. Indoc was a huge shock to me, from the heat and humidity of the (then) non-air conditioned barracks to the demeaning tasks. . . . yeah, I even remember one night while polishing my brass belt buckle and shoes, wondering why I just didn't go home and go to the local college like everyone else back home. . . like everyone else. . . Once I got my head around what was going on (about a month after Indoc), it was still very challenging, but I stuck it out and glad did. Back then, we also had very little communication with home, so the decision was mine to make. It was also pretty daunting thinking about the four years ahead. To an 18 year old, 4 years is nearly an eternity. Now, it is like a fortnight. . . .
 
Although it seems like an eternity right now, recognition will be here before he knows it an that is the first step towards the finish line. Like CMakin said, what seems like an eternity in front of you is a blink behind you.

Plebe year by definition sucks. It's 90% a mental exercise and 100% worth the payoff. I have NEVER heard ANY alumni say they regretted sticking it out.
 
The old saying goes Plebe summer is the first third or the journey, the first academic year is the second third, and the last three years just rush past. Have him hang on through the year, because even if it doesn't get much better it'll be more familiar and he'll have developed coping skills to get to the end.
 
If you want some advice some hard earned advice based on being where you are, and more than once.

just tell them they do not have your approval to leave until they have finished their first semester. You don’t want to see them at home until they have finished that first semester,

And don’t give in on this, Just stand firm , unless of course you are truly worried about a significant mental health issue. And if that’s the case they need to be talking to a professional.

And after telling them that you then say——if you were to leave you will regret it for the rest of your life.

The kids who do quit often don’t make the final decision to leave until their parents say OK. Don’t say OK.

Most who get thru that first summer that first semester go on to graduate.

Good Luck
 
KP is on a trimester schedule to accommodate sea year. First tri ends Halloween then finals, then a week off. It's a bit of an advantage over other SAs for plebes to get a break. Suck it up until Halloween, there are already Halloween decorations in the stores. I would imagine some have left already. Last year we got updates on the Class of 26 parents' Facebook page.
 
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When DS was considering his appointment to the USMMA , one of the considerations was the academic schedule, rigor, sea year, and majors.

The academic rigor at USMMA is no joke and should be considered as one of the most intense and challenging from among the service academies.

No surprise your kiddo might be hating life and disillusioned. I agree with seeing it through the academic year. Gains to be made re college credits for potential transfer to plan d. And perspective gained from surviving the summer and the initial rudeness of the academic year.

Run to something. Not away from.
Pmaclax said:
KP is on a trimester schedule to accommodate sea year. First tri ends Halloween then finals, then a week off. It's a bit of an advantage over other SAs for plebes to get a break. Suck it up until Halloween, there are already Halloween decorations in the stores. I would imagine some have left already. Last year we got updates on the Class of 26 parents' Facebook page.
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Heatherg21 said:
When DS was considering his appointment to the USMMA , one of the considerations was the academic schedule, rigor, sea year, and majors.

The academic rigor at USMMA is no joke and should be considered as one of the most intense and challenging from among the service academies.

No surprise your kiddo might be hating life and disillusioned. I agree with seeing it through the academic year. Gains to be made re college credits for potential transfer to plan d. And perspective gained from surviving the summer and the initial rudeness of the academic year.

Run to something. Not away from.
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And while we were on the quarter/semester system in my day, I can say that while Plebe year classes are a grind, especially when compared to high school, second and third class years are REALLY intense. At least for an engineer, lots of difficult classes crammed into the schedule, and shoe horned between Sea Year sessions. . . But, as stated above, no regrets about toughing it out. . .
 
Kids finances and families are all different, but this worked for us.

Back in 2015 we got a call from our plebe; she was clearly upset, sad and angry. She just said “I really need to see you out here”. We jumped a Flt. from the West coast. By the time we got there DD was “all-good," (to this day I don’t know what prompted that visit request) . We were out there for a long weekend, DW and I took her into DC. She slept in a “real bed," went out to dinner, fell asleep watching PPV movies, shopped at Whole Foods. DD had fun, we had fun.

Started a pattern for us. DW and I traded off making solo trips to keep costs down and make logistics easier, but we got out there for visits in Oct, Feb, April every year DD was at USNA (made a science of it). Between visits to USNA and Holiday trips home DD got a break from the USNA Grind about every 8 weeks. Fast forward to DD’s 1C year, she was sitting at a desk at my favorite hotel in Nap Town... ;). DD looks up from her work and says: “Dad you have no Idea how much your visits helped me succeed here. About the time the grind of this place was getting to me and things felt dark, I’d look up at the calendar and I could start counting down the days until you or mom would be out here. Thank you”.

IMO the USNA is the best undergraduate school in the country, and an opportunity worth protecting for a DD/DS. In the OP's spot, unless my plebe is dead set on leaving, I tell him I want to help. I ask my him to make it just to Oct, and I will be out for the 3day weekend to take him into DC and unwind/do-the-town. As long as he hangs in, (and needs it), I’m giving him another “close target” to hit. People, families and finances differ but this really worked for our DD and I’d don’t regret the $$, vacation days, and other stuff we passed on to make those trips happen.



Note: They never call home when things are going great.
 
Sailfish said:
As parent’s weekend approaches, does anyone else have a plebe seriously considering leaving ? Mine is miserable. We have encouraged him to push on to parent’s weekend, so that we are able to talk to him.
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Any updates now that your plebe has been able to get off campus and spend the day with you and sleep in real bed?
 
Sailfish said:
Just dropped him off. It was a really good weekend. Had some honest conversations. Pushing on to complete first trimester. Concerns with a couple of classes, Looking at additional resources to teach himself.
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That’s great. There are other kids that can help tutor and don’t be afraid to ask professors. Getting help before they are in a hole is important.
 
Sadly, there is a stigma to “getting help.”

My son went to office hours to advance his understanding in classes he had top grades in. Getting to know the professors and seeking help to develop understanding - no matter how well you are doing in a class - is a good thing, imo.
 
A1Janitor said:
Sadly, there is a stigma to “getting help.”

My son went to office hours to advance his understanding in classes he had top grades in. Getting to know the professors and seeking help to develop understanding - no matter how well you are doing in a class - is a good thing, imo.
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I graduated from USAFA...was given a second chance after failing a calculus class with a grade of...well, as they said at my disenrollment "hearing" it was probably closer to a "K" than the "F" I received.

However, since I had 142 extra hours of one-on-one tutoring with my instructor...the board decided I'd done all I could; THEY had not taught me. So I was given a second chance.

I didn't care that some folks teased me for being the cadet on the small bus, etc...

On graduation day we all were called lieutenants.

"Office hours" or "EI/Extra Instruction" or "tutoring" who cares what it's called...it is a lifeline!!
 
I don’t know what tutoring options look like at the USMMA, but they sure had a ton of tutoring help at USNA.

Its a shame to have kids digging a deeper hole for themselves because they aren’t used to needing/asking-for help. He should know that help is ALL AROUND HIM and that the USMMA picked him to invest in they want him to succeed. He just needs to send up a flare and he’ll have more help than he knows what to do with.

DD has been in the fleet about 2years now and I am starting to understand that she is smarter than I ever thought she was….. (in her area ..maybe brilliant). I say that because one of the best things I ever did as father to this high preforming kid was to push her HARD to get some tutoring in AP Chem. I Drove her angry ungrateful asp into Seattle for every session. She got her A... (Meh)… the real “win” was her learning to ask for help early when things weren’t clicking. She learned Its about getting the job done in class, in the fiield, at sea; not.
;)“how smart you think other people think you are";)

Glad to hear things are better. I’m betting he pulls through and will stay tuned

Best
 
I made my DD go in for help a few times in high school, both to get to know her math teacher better (for the evaluation letter) and to learn how to go in for help. It paid off right away during those late night IM sessions with her math study buddies when she'd just announce "It's 1 AM, I'm just going to bed and I'll talk to Rudy before school." People need to learn when and how to give up while setting up for a constructive help session.
 
Sailfish said:
Just dropped him off. It was a really good weekend. Had some honest conversations. Pushing on to complete first trimester. Concerns with a couple of classes, Looking at additional resources to teach himself.
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Professor office hours are a must. My son is currently tutoring Calc, Chem, and Physics (Deck). His very good friend (Engine) is also tutoring. Is he deck or engine? We can private message after a few more posts and maybe I can give you more advice.
 
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